Confused about who I am

[heatherhose1973]

Hi everyone. I'm new here. I've been wanting to get some good feedback for a while now, and figured this is the best place for that. I'd like to know what my sexuallity really is. I don't know if I call myself gay or bi. When I'm in my normal male mode and dressed as a man I do not want to be with another man. I enjoy sex with my wife once in a while but to tell you the truth I'd rather put on girl clothes and pleasure myself. The desire to pleasure a man while dressed as a woman is getting stronger every day. So what do you guys think? Am I gay, bi or what? Thanks for any feedback everyone.

[Sister Rachel]

Easy there, steady now! It doesn't really matter what us guys /girls think, does it? Ultimately only you can answer these questions. This is a very safe and friendly place but maybe it's best to introduce yourself gently

"The answer lies within" as someone once said !

[DIANEF]

A lot of people try to put labels on others but really its your decision how you define yourself. Anyway, straight, gay or bi you still desire to sleep with other men, if that's what you want fine, but what would your SO think of it?

[CONSUELO]

First, welcome to this site and I hope you find a lot of inspiration and help here. Far from it for me to tell you if you are bi- or gay-. Placing oneself in a pigeon hole is pointless. Many of us here have strong fantasies about being submissive and with a man but for many it is just that, a sexual fantasy. I would suggest that you just search this site for the many threads that have this issue as their subject. You may be able to understand yourself a little more after reading the responses of others.
In the meanwhile, relax and reflect on your life some more. Cross dressing can be a very sensuous thing and once dressed and feeling aroused is not unusual. Good luck and keep visiting.

[Teresa]

Heather ,
Have you read the thread ," Never go with a stranger !" It does make some good points about the feelings of thinking you want to go with a man until the opportunity arises, then the reality hits home.

It's something that goes through many CDers minds, I found the thought passed very quickly, maybe it was just seeing too many other types of CDing sites for a while, I know I'm not interested in men but counselling did help sort some of my gender issues out.

To be fair to your wife it might be advisable to get some professional help before you do too much damage with your wife. My wife knows now she has been substituted by my CDing, she isn't interested in intimacy anymore but also knows I'm bi-gender but not bi-sexual, I still have a need to share with a woman but have stayed faithful to her.

[Lana Mae]

First Hi and welcome! Your sexual preference is for you to decide. Again as someone said, what about your wife? There is a lot of help and suggestions(opinions?) here. There is also tlc and correction when there needs to be. Most things are your decision we are here for support. Hugs Lana Mae

[Vickie_CDTV]

It isn't so much what we think, but what your wife thinks (and will do if you do something outside the marriage and she finds out.) Remember, sometimes a fantasy is best kept a fantasy.

[Tracii G]

First off welcome.
Woah slow down don't go off the deep end !!
You may not know just because you like to crossdress doesn't mean you are gay or bi and 90 % of male to female crossdressers are married straight men with kids and they are not gay.
Sexual preference is not dictated by the clothes you wear.
You seem to be feeding off a fantasy you have about dressing and playing the part of a woman.
If men do not do it for you normally then you aren't gay or bi sexual.
Remember just because you like to dress like a woman does not mean anything more than you like to dress as a woman.
Just because you do X does not mean you are Y so get that train of thought out of your head.

[ReineD]

When I'm in my normal male mode and dressed as a man I do not want to be with another man. I enjoy sex with my wife once in a while but to tell you the truth I'd rather put on girl clothes and pleasure myself.The desire to pleasure a man while dressed as a woman is getting stronger every day.

I can't tell you how many times I've read this sentiment here, over the years. You are most definitely not alone.

So what do you guys think? Am I gay, bi or what?

You won't know unless you have sex with a man. Fantasy is one thing and the actual deed is another. If it turns you off in real life (if the fantasy bubble bursts in the reality of being two male-bodied people together), then you know you're hetero. If not, then you know you're bi.

But, there is another possibility: the most satisfying sexual experience for you might well be while you're alone with your fantasies (just as you've said in your first quote), even more than being with a woman OR a man ... and if so, you might primarily be something other than hetero, gay or bi. There's a very wide spectrum of sexual attraction that also includes primary attractions to situations other than pure human experiences.

[ShelbyDawn]

Rene is spot on.

When I was in college, I used to get approached by other men all the time. Who knows why. Anyway, the more it happened the more I thought about it to the point that I experimented a little. And as Rene said, if it turns you off in real life, then you know. I could only ever go so far and ultimately knew that it just wasn't my thing. My gender may be in question but my sexuality is not.

Please don't rush into anything. There is no hurry to get where ever it is you are going. Take your time and do your research and do think about your choices..

Hang in there and good luck..

[Tracii G]

Shelby is right take your time and don't rush into anything.
Think of your wife here too she is half of the marriage.
Think if you reversed the situation how would you feel if she started wearing guy clothes and started chasing women?

[redtea]

The reality of it will certainly be a bitter tasting flavor rather than the sweet sweet flavor of submission and femininity we think it will be. The fantasy leaves out all the details that would make you cringe since you really are straight.

It's a weird boat to be on, all we can do is continue to fantasize about being her and living with a yearning for something that won't ever happen. I don't think it would be right to call ourselves bi when the thought of being with a man is only arousing in the heat of a moment in our rooms while CDing.

[Lorileah]

Bitter more likely than sweet. Most fantasies are that way.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Welcome Heather, glad you found us.

You could spend some time thinking about a bigger picture. There's a difference between wanting to pleasure another guy and wanting to try a male-male relationship. It isn't the same thing. If you look at gay porn and all you focus on is the genitalia, that says one thing. But if you look at faces, lingering on some more than others, and find yourself thinking about meeting that person and talking to them, I'd say that's a stronger indication of a gay tendency.

Another thing to consider is that if you want to dress as a woman and pleasure a faceless man, you may be acting out a fantasy that has roots in a need for male approval, or even control over a male. We're entering Freudian realms here, but I leave it to you to decide on your motivations.

I speak from personal experience by the way. My own fantasies are much like your own, except that I've acted on them a number of times, though not crossdressed. It's certainly led to some amazing sex. If I weren't for my lovely wife, I'd be open to a relationship with a man, but then the other man's grass is always greener.

[Tracii G]

If you are gay you would know it.

[prettytoes]

Only you can answer your question. I am in a similar situation as Teresa. My wife no longer has any interest in intimacy. I have largely filled that void with cross dressing. Get dolled up, self satisfy, back to drab. While dressed, I have fantisized about sex with a man, but that fantasy includes my being a woman with the proper parts. I really have no interest in being intimate with a man. I have never looked at any man and thought "wow, he's hot!" Now, same scenario, except add a hot, sexy woman in a tight outfit, and my eyes damn near pop out. The girl that does my pedi's is high on my list of fantasy girls. When she's done, and my toes are nicely colored, I have to wait a bit to stand due to some major arrousal. She kept pesting me about letting her do color...I finally "gave in" and now she gets to pick color.
If you're on a crowded beach, who are you looking at, the cute girl in a tiny bikini, the muscular guy in board shorts, or both?

[Jessica86]

I think every person goes through that stage. I thought I was gay when I was in high school because "trans" or "crossdresser" was not even a word there. We had guys that dressed as girls even at school. They all were called "gay" and laughed at sometimes. It made me feel like ok, this is who I am. I'm gay. Now that I have done my research, married a woman, had two kids, I see that I am obviously not gay.

When I am dressed, I do not think about men. At all. Sweat, hairy body parts and manly groans are definitely a turn off. What confused me is how I am attracted to trans girls. The thought of something extra does not bother me. If there is not something extra, that doesn't bother me either. So what am I? Am I bi because I am attracted to trans women? The point is it is just a label. What you like in the bedroom should not matter to anyone except you and your SO. When I told my wife about Jessica, and everything I liked to do, she asked me why I married her if I like all "those other things." There are many things that I am attracted to, but nothing more than her. There is a difference between infatuation and love.

[Majella St Gerard]

wanting to have sex with a man does not make you gay, being gay makes you gay, it's who you are. Sex is just sex, why the hang up about it. If you were gay you would have known it by now.

[LilSissyStevie]

Just remember, it's not gay if you wear a dress!

Seriously, whenever I've had a similar fantasy, it isn't because I was genuinely attracted to some man. It was because I was turned on by the idea of assuming a "feminine" role sexually. So it's really a kind of auto-sexuality that competes somewhat with my heterosexuality. It's not really bisexuality, it's a kind of pseudo-bisexuality.

[heatherhose1973]

Thanks everyone for the great feedback. I guess I should of included more detail in my first post. Before I was married 10 years ago I did have sex with one man several times. I was ALWAYS dressed as a female. I had absolutely no interest in having sex with him while not dressed. He tried a couple times and I turned him down. But while dressed I really enjoyed pleasing him and then relieving myself afterwords. After the sex was over though the clothes came off as quickly as I put them on and I was ready to watch football and talk about cars. My Best friend says I'm "mildly transgendered." Not sure if I am or not. But the desire to dress as a woman, act as a woman, and please men is very strong. Thanks again for the feedback ya'll.