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Thread: So Apparently I Was Outed

  1. #26
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Wow that was some read and I feel for you being in that situation.
    I'm waiting for the out hammer to fall on me with a few friends that I haven't talked to in a few years.
    I have reached out thru out last year but no replies so I guess they must know but are too scared to call or email back.
    Its all part of life I guess.
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  2. #27
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
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    Hell-o Adriana,

    Who the does something like that? Hacking into a "friends" e-mail.
    That is some real BS!
    But as you said, now the pressure is off, and you don't have to worry
    about being caught off guard.
    Enjoy your new friends, and remember the good times you had with the old.
    Much Love,
    Kristyn
    I smile because you are my friend, and
    I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!

  3. #28
    stone free mykell's Avatar
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    hey adrianna,
    sounds like they had a clue about you if they went and hacked your e-mails, i had rumor and supposition follow my footsteps after high school and it always seams to catch up, so you said your piece to this individual and it is what it is, if others reach out with kind intentions would you take them up on them, maybe now that its all out in the open they wont feel weird getting in touch.

    im happy that you have the new friends and feel you had nothing to lose but in a way you have,

    so everyone has known for years now ? "Yup"....and nobody cares, as long as you are happy.
    was this person a dick for how they handled it and for prying into your privacy, damn right, "BUT" nobody cared , as long as you are happy.

    decided to reach out to one of my old gal pals, she was one girl I always felt bad about leaving out of my new life, she was the exception to the majority of my friends, at least SHE reached out via text to say happy birthday, or wish me a happy holiday, and I knew when I was ready to come "out" , she was the first person I was going to tell.
    you admittedly left them out of your life and were going to reconnect when you were ready to come out, guess what your out, your a party girl, you got your act together....see if any want to hang with you, whats the worst thing that can happen they find out your TG, oh, wait, what....its done, in a BS way and by your best friend telling them they were kinda in a different closet, they felt weird knowing why you were so distant ?

    thanks for sharing this story with us, it is a reminder of how what we share about ourselves on the internet can cause us unintended consequences of our candid disclosures of ourselves.

    so was this was a total invasion of privacy, dame straight it was, you have new friends, but you have old friends, you chose to distance yourself from them until you were ready to come out to them....well your out to them now.....would be a shame if you could not reignite a friendship or two with those who were really good friends who felt it was too awkward to deal with until the still less than truthful disclosure came from the horses mouth, whats the worst thing that can happen if you give it a go.....did you reach out to them, wish them happy birthdays and happy holidays ? throw a party and see who shows, then the truth will be told, and if you were to ever forgive your once best friend you would truly be the better person for doing so.... but none could fault you if you could not....
    Last edited by mykell; 10-08-2016 at 12:49 PM. Reason: timed out and lost my original thoughts so im taking another crack at it.
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that those who deny freedom deserve it not for themselves
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  4. #29
    Aspiring Member natalie_cheryl's Avatar
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    wow I cant even believe the level of betrayal in this story, I'm so happy you got away from those people an have a new supporting group.

  5. #30
    Super Moderator GretchenJ's Avatar
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    Hi Adriana,

    Havent talked images, I wish it was a reply to a post that was somewhat more comforting than this. I am truly sorry for what happened to you, and your personal breach of privacy.

    But from reading ding your story, I believe that you have some acquaintances from your past, that I think you can still consider friends, your gal aqaintence knew the truth, but did no ill will .

    However, since you have decided to embrace Adriana , look at all the new friends you have made, I can tell you from the the handful,of times that we actually talked ( yes face to face ), I can tell you that you are well admired, well respected, and funny as hell , I can tell you that I made a new friend !

  6. #31
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you're on the outs with your old friends.


    I'm curious, though ... do you think your ex-friend is in the habit of hacking into his friends' mailboxes or did he target you specifically. And if you think he did, do you have an opinion as to why he would want to do this?
    Reine

  7. #32
    Aspiring Member Brandy Mathews's Avatar
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    Adriana,
    You are a beautiful girl. And I know the feeling. Years ago, people hacked into my computer, and I am pretty sure who it was, would pay anyone to prove it too. Sorry babe, know the feeling. Once you are outted, you hear the snickering, the people talking under their breath because they don't have the guts to say it to your face, that is the way that today"s society is these days. These lazy ass people think that they are are better then everyone else with their fake friends on their social media sites. And everybody knows that is so plastic and fake!!!! Don't you people? lol Keep believing people. Sorry, facebook and twitter make this girl want to heave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    You are an awesome lady, thank you very much for your comments and everything that you do.
    Bree
    Brandy Mathews

  8. #33
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    That gross invasion of privacy was totally unacceptable and then to go and tell everyone about it. I am a very forgiving person but this unforgivable. You did the right thing.

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member Brandy Mathews's Avatar
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    ReineD,
    I have always loved your comments. People are very hateful these days. And I think that it is social media that has caused it. I LOVE DRESSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Always will. And I thank you for being there to help us. But I was outted too, and my sisters husband did it. And his brother, works for ITT, I really believe, has hacked into my computer, just can't prove it, and that stinks! Hate people like that. I am pretty sure t hat it was them, just can't prove it. But you know what ReineD? If they want to hack into my computer they don't have much of a life. Just my opinion.
    I'll shut up. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR OPINIONS! We all appreciate it
    Just wanted to let you know. Wish there were more GG's like you.
    Hugs,
    Bree
    Brandy Mathews

  10. #35
    Bunny Bordello rachel_rachel's Avatar
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    I had a very similar situation a few years ago..
    I was forced with no other option than to walk away from my local cricket club after being outed by photos I shared in a secrect group on Facebook.
    i am what I am, I do what I do..
    i do not seek approval from others.

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member AnnieMac's Avatar
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    Hi Adriana!! I have always considered you a bit of a gal-pal of mine on this forum, and a bit of mentor, as you have given me advice from time to time. I enjoyed reading your story, although I feel sad about any personal pain you might have experienced. Quite honestly you were probably really out the day you started your blog, internet being what it is, and those types of "friends" being what they are. I was curious if now your entire family knows and what that is like, being primarily a closet dressser myself. You join some pretty awesome and high company, having had you emails hacked as well, just don't start wearing pants suits now. I don't think you will. The look doesn't suit you. I really do hope I get to meet you someday dressed my self at some CD event somewhere, once I get enough gumption and courage to do it. I want to experience ar least a small amount of the freedom you experience, with like minded people. Keep the faith sister!

  12. #37
    I am me! TrishaTX's Avatar
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    I am not sure why you didn't call the police that is illegal and more importantly immoral. It was none of his business and he should have butted out. I would have turned him in
    No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.

  13. #38
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    yea, I would have liked it to come "out' with my old friends on my terms, not theirs. There IS some more good news in this story, I left out cause I felt it was ALREADY too long of a story.

    Remember the first girl I reached out to who I told was trans ? The one who already knew ? Well, we have been messaging each other for about a year before I was outed, I would tell her we needed to link up I have some very important news ( I was planning on coming out to her ). We just were unable to make our schedules link. So when I found out I was outed I just told her on the phone rather than in person , yes she knew, and told me she was waiting for me to approach her on it because she already knew I was going to come forward with it.

    But thats not the best part, we met up, and she met Adriana . This was interesting because it was a whole new world for her. She was impressed that we could go out together and nobody even batted an eye, how nobody cared, or for the most part noticed. She had a million and 1 questions, and was impressed with all the knowledge I had on the subject. She also commented" you used to be so miserable, now I can see you are beaming with happiness".


    So at the end of the day...the one person from my past I actually wanted to keep and felt bad about leaving behind is now part of my NEW group of friends,

    Quote Originally Posted by TrishaTX View Post
    I am not sure why you didn't call the police that is illegal and more importantly immoral. It was none of his business and he should have butted out. I would have turned him in
    not to be a drama queen, but I thought about this too, THIS is the only thing that really upset me, what really makes me mad is the fact I couldnt control the situation. It is one thing to find me online, or in social media ( its all out there waiting for you to find )...its another to sneak into my email and violate my privacy.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I'm sorry you're on the outs with your old friends.


    I'm curious, though ... do you think your ex-friend is in the habit of hacking into his friends' mailboxes or did he target you specifically. And if you think he did, do you have an opinion as to why he would want to do this?
    This is a good question, and I'm still wondering why. My only guess is I know him pretty well, and my guess is after going a few years without remotely reaching out to me, and ignoring any effort I had made to reach out, after time, it dawned on him I was gone, and instead of confronting the situation, just picking up the phone and saying hi, he felt the better choice was to snoop into my email to see if he could figure out what I was up to, this is a pattern of behavior I can see now, because he also avoided confronting ME on the transgender issue too, maybe he was just nosey, and wanted to find out what I was up to without actually having to reach out. These are some of the thoughts that go through my head. I really dont know why.

  14. #39
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    Despite any "hurt" your friends may have felt after you ceased communicating, to hack into your mail and then tell everyone what they saw there was totally unacceptable.

  15. #40
    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
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    Adriana
    Sad to hear of this forced outing.

    You did not reveal how this person hacked into your eMails. Anyone hacking ones eMails and/or computer is a serious breach of personal security. Were these eMails on your computer or were they web eMails. I would think that others here may want to know how this was done. So they can protect themselves.

    I realize you may not want to draw more attention to yourself, but I would look into reporting this person.

  16. #41
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    No one should be 'outed' on any aspect of their personality or behaviour if they do not wish to be.

    You've had a terrible experience. I hope things get better for you.

    Best wishes.

  17. #42
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    You have reacted correctly and chose wisely. Real friend(s) would NEVER have done what they did to you, a real friend would have supported you. Hacked your e-mail, that's called a crime. You have moved on, moved forward and are better for it. Best of Luck and Best Wishes for a Happy Life.

    Mollyanne
    "To thine own self be true"

  18. #43
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    A bitter and sweet story that also suggests, as a corollary, that you should create extremely strong passwords on your gal accounts.

  19. #44
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hell on Heels View Post
    Who the does something like that? Hacking into a "friends" e-mail.
    That is some real BS!
    See below.

    Quote Originally Posted by Adriana Moretti View Post
    because he also avoided confronting ME on the transgender issue too, maybe he was just nosey, and wanted to find out what I was up to without actually having to reach out. These are some of the thoughts that go through my head. I really dont know why.
    Well, I've spied on people in my life and I can tell you why I did it.

    I went through my ex's things when I suspected him of having an affair. I did find evidence and I did confront him. I had decided on a course of action and I followed through. At one point I thought my then 12-year-old was smoking pot. I installed a keylogger on my computer (that he was using to chat to friends) and I caught him out. I then dealt with it. Someone who is dear to me suspected their alcoholic friend had relapsed, and looked for evidence of hidden alcohol and empties. When my SO and I were early into dating, sometimes she'd go out dressed without being open about it, and I did look in the parking lot of the local gay bar to see if her car was there. It was. I didn't ask her directly if she had been there because I was afraid of dealing with the answer. At the time, I thought that going to a gay bar without telling a GG partner, meant wanting to hide an attraction to men. I was afraid to deal with what I thought was the truth. I didn't want to lose my SO, but I wanted to know the truth ... if this makes sense. Relationships are complicated and it can take time before deciding on the best way to deal with situations.

    No matter how easy it is to be principled in online forums when discussing the topic of values abstractedly, I think that if everyone was honest, they would say they had, at one point or another, violated someone's privacy and looked at things they shouldn't have looked at. It's rather a matter of degree. I do think that most people tend to spy on people they care about and not people they are not invested in. Often, they spy because they feel they cannot get to the truth. My ex would not have admitted to the affair and my 12-year-old would not have admitted to smoking pot, but I needed to know. My SO would not have lied about being at the gay bar, but I didn't know how to handle this information at the time, had it been on the table. I needed to understand why my SO wasn't telling me he was going there, before attempting to talk to him about it.

    I don't know the nature of your relationship with your best friend, but is there a possibility he cared deeply about you and wanted to know why you had pulled away? Would you have been ready then to discuss it with him, or were you still exploring. Or, would he have known that you were ready to talk about it? I ask this question because maybe he was under the impression you were hiding this, if you pulled away from everyone in order to explore your feminine self.

    I agree with you though, it would have been much better if your friend had discussed his findings with you directly rather than asking another friend for advice. He lacked courage, in that respect, as I did with not immediately asking my SO if she had gone to the gay bar. I'm also not condoning having hacked your email, although I can understand if he was looking for your blog to find out why you had pulled away.
    Last edited by ReineD; 10-10-2016 at 02:13 PM.
    Reine

  20. #45
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Hey Ades... that is quite something to do to someone... more than a degree of mischief about that, but I won't moralise about your ex-acquaintance's behaviour... oh no, not me...

    What I will say is how much I do and have admired your courage, your honesty towards yourself and your real friends and how you have been such a great example to folk here and to myself in particular, through your posts here and your blog... You have been a sparkly sequin amongst a lot of drab and you deserve better from past friends... but you reveal a truism about the non-understanding of the muggles and how some of us could potentially suffer because of that.

    You're a star, babe... and I'm more than happy to hear you've come out of it OK and positive...

    And when the flip are you getting transatlantic..???? Hmmmmm..???? (Alright - I know you could ask the same of me.. )

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  21. #46
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Reine, you have made some excellent and valid points when dealing with someone who has a direct vested interested in the other person, direct and vested as in direct family member, lover or partner. That does not include a good friend. However, this, so far, appears not to be that case. If any of my best friends hacked into my email, I would call the police, because in reality we hardly ever truly know everything about our best friends. People change over time and may not share their personal lives as they used to, thus leaving us in the dark about certain aspects and maybe about their dark side. That should never happen and is illegal and, I think, some type of crime. These types of actions can not be condoned and brushed off as, "my friend was only concerned for me". Now, if someone wants to take legal action or not, that is their personal decision, and in general, I would never have an issue with that, as in this specific case. What is done is done, but hacking into her emails is real bad, in my opinion.

  22. #47
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AllieSF View Post
    That does not include a good friend.
    Actually it can, at least among women, re the friend who looked for empties when she suspected her friend had relapsed, that I mentioned above. She needed to know in order to decide on a course of action. Good friends are there when their friends are potentially in trouble. Maybe you're not as close to your friends, Allie, as these women are. It turned out her suspicions were correct, and she was able to help her friend through.

    Anyway, people you love just don't drop out of your life for no reason.

    So, maybe Adriana might have taken her best friend aside earlier on, and confided in him. Then he would have known. I'm still not excusing the email hacking, but I can certainly understand the concern. Also, we all assume this is a platonic friend, but maybe they did have a romantic relationship? Adriana, are you male or female attracted, or bi?
    Reine

  23. #48
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Sorry Reine, nobody has that right to hack into my private life if they are not family and without do cause. Now, if I only had a close friend and no close family, close in mental and emotional sense, hey would to me be family. It may work for some, but for most it is a very illegal improper invasion of personal privacy. Sex or gender does not make it an acceptable exception. It may not bother you, but most people I know would be highly upset over it, both male and female. The again, everyone has their own view as to what is right or wrong, and I respect your view, even if I disagree with it.

    The way the OP described this invasion, that friend was not "that" close, so to me it is definitely improper.

    PS: Especially close friends, which is the exception rather than the rule (what do they say, we may have one or two truly close friends in our lives), may try to intervene in our lives. Again, what the OP sad, it was not one of those special close friends.
    Last edited by AllieSF; 10-11-2016 at 02:32 AM.

  24. #49
    Silver Member Jodi's Avatar
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    Hacked into your e-mail? And you call that person a friend?

    Jodi

  25. #50
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    I'll second Georgette's response. I thought it was really hard to hack into somebody's email. This makes it sound like this guy just did it on a whim! How easy is it? And how can we keep it from happening?

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