Ever since my wife found out about my dressing many years ago she's been adamant about a DADT basis. She's made it clear that I can do what I have to do, as long as she does not have to participate in any way, shape or form. And on that basis, it's never caused any strife or stress in the marriage. I was happy that at least she had never demanded that I cease and desist. But at the same time I've always been hopeful that she would soften her position. And for me my biggest cause of guilt has been needing to hide my clothes from her, as well as a nagging concern that if anything happened to me (or worse, both of us), our kids might find some women's clothes that obviously weren't hers.
Last week she was looking for some boxes to use for shipping, and she found my current stash in the back of a storage closet. When she approached me about it, I feared the worst. But instead she said that even though she's never understood why I do this, it was clear to her that I wasn't about to stop, and she reassured me that she wasn't going to ask me to. She then expressed the same concern that I've had about discovery, and she suggested the following solution: "I want you to move all of your things into my closet and simply store them among my clothes. You can use them whenever you need to. And if anything should happen to us, they'll simply assume that everything is mine". I thanked for her understanding, reminded her that I love her, and did as she suggested.
I know that this is not an earth-shattering event. But the guilt-relief it's brought me to know that she is accepting to the point of literally seeing, for example, my undergarments when she accesses her own is somehow extremely reassuring to me. I'm hopeful that it will lead to further softening of the rules of engagement.