Question:- Out or In , what's your preference ?

[Teresa]

It's very easy to think everyone has the same needs as yourself with CDing, being in the closet to me was like solitary confinement , I knew I wouldn't achieve a balance until I could start to satisfy an inner need.

I accept now to some it's an enjoyable hobby that they may practice happily behind closed doors, that doesn't apply to me but I'm not knocking something another person gets a great deal of pleasure from.

OK some of you may say I'm not totally out, I may drive out of my drive dressed and travel the thirty miles to meet up with other members of the TG community in a hotel. Yes I have met the general public in those circumstances but this is not the same as going out dressed to shop and meet with others over a coffee or a meal, it's going to happen but I am taking it in stages, to keep the wife happy.

So to get to the question which I hope you will all take part in, It's a simple one of are you totally happy in the closet or are you happier being out and about.

I've always assumed it was the aim of every CDer to break out from the closet and be out in the open.

So what I'm looking for is the percentage of IN to OUT members . If you want to add that you prefer the other , that's fine give us your reasons.

Obviously TSs will have a different answer but it would be great to get some thoughts from them about being out.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Teresa,

I guess for me it depends on how you define "out". I'm firmly closeted at home (and losing hope that will ever change) and it does indeed feel like prison. But when I have the opportunity, I really enjoy going out shopping and just bring out and about in public. Those opportunities are rare for me but I just had one yesterday and I'm still not fullyback to earth from it (I'll be posting about it later)

Beth

[audreyinalbany]

Being in all the time gets a bit boring after awhile, so I'd have to vote for out.

[ClaudineD]

In many other threads, I Was lucky to be out at age 16. But that was circumstance, benefitted by the strength of two Strong Women in my life.....I help volunteer at a local church that has an outreach program for Teens with gender conflicts .....it is apparent the turmoil and fear these kids face, when trying to wrestle with the inner needs and confusion.....thank god today there is a multitude of resources for these kids to seek.....days past or even today, the TG/TS/CD .....in or out....creates conflict....not just within themselves, but the ripple effect with family, friends and workplace.....use resources .......ENJOY yourself in or out of the "closet"......

[dolovewell]

In. No one I know personally(except for 3 ex girlfriends whom I haven't talked to in 8-11 years) knows I crossdress.

However when I dress up I go out in public all the time. Life is too short.

[Allisa]

Happier being out and about. No more quick changes for a knock on the door, open curtains and blinds to let the sunshine in, quick trips to the store for little things without worry about being seen by neighbors. Of course no SO or children to consider but I think I would have dealt with that long ago so being out would not be a factor.

[josie_S]

I'm in...but I like to go out :P

Only my therapist knows I crossdress and I'm in a LTR and haven't told her yet (of course bc when we started dating, I thought it was all "behind me" and I could "move on" ) but I used to go out about 3x a year to Triangles parties (anyone from the northeast??) or other places. But never in my small town, always many many miles away from here, except for the occasional 3am drive...

I'm not ready to be "out" to others yet...I'm not sure I ever will be. But I doubt I'd ever be satisfied staying at home again...

[Krisi]

My wife knows and tolerates my dressing. I have been out in public a few times but left and returned to my neighborhood underdressed.

I would prefer to be "out" in that I could come and go as Krisi any time I wanted to and participate in my normal outside the home activities as Krisi.

The problem is, it would be too disruptive to my normal (male) life. I don't want to be known as "the neighborhood tranny". My wife isn't fond of the idea either.

We all have our own unique situations and we deal with them as best we can.

[Helen_Highwater]

Hi Teresa,

I guess for me it depends on how you define "out". I'm firmly closeted at home (and losing hope that will ever change) and it does indeed feel like prison. But when I have the opportunity, I really enjoy going out shopping and just bring out and about in public. Those opportunities are rare for me but I just had one yesterday and I'm still not fullyback to earth from it (I'll be posting about it later)

Beth

Beth,

It would seem we're kindred spirits. Closeted at home but so relish the rare opportunities I get to go out. Meeting others as Teresa does, shopping, dining out is still a rush due to it's infrequency but also just so very normal when walking from say shop to shop. I would have to say it's in part because it brings all the elements of dressing together. The clothes, makeup, mannerisms and also being able to walk more than a few yards in femme footwear which is what happens if you're just at home. Literally walking the mile in another's shoes does put a whole different perspective on things while experiencing the simple thing of the breeze and or sunshine on face or legs.

[Lana Mae]

I am in and want to be out. It would be a problem now. My daughter lives with me and does not want to see daddy in a dress. But I would love to be dressed and just go to the grocery store without changing clothes, etc. Hugs Lana Mae

[Kate Simmons]

I'm basically happy just being myself. I'm not in the "closet" per se but my current circumstances dictate I use discretion. That having been said, should those circumstances change, I would have no problem living openly as a woman 24/7. I can do either male or female really. That's one of the nice things about making dressing a total choice rather than leaving it as a compulsion. You can be who you want when you want.I'm good either way myself and there is no overriding need to be one or the other.

[Lily Catherine]

In with a few rare exceptions. Quite a few know to varying degrees; most are tolerant, none have embraced this side of me, andmy immediate family wants it gone although they acknowledge it and I won't push for too much.

I've crossdressed at almost every institution I've been in, running the gamut from themed dressing days, to performance acts. I didn't get much of a name for it, and it doesn't really do me any justice. The social context of these events meant that I didn't need to care about being recognised.

I have only driven out dressed once, at the risk of being caught at home (which was, in itself, the worst possibility at the time). My worst concern is still being recognised; until I confront that concern, I wouldn't consider myself out even though I'm in a glass closet where all is as good as known.

I'm less than satisfied in my current position, but I suppose it would have been much worse.

[Cheryl T]

I am most certainly much happier OUT than I ever was IN.
Once that door opened all the guilt, shame and fear I carried around for decades disappeared.

[mycdmichelle]

In. Although my wife found a picture of me dressed and I had to explain. She seemed open to it, and even said she would do my makeup. Haven't taken her up on it yet

[michelleddg]

I'm out and about.

These days I essentially never get dolled up unless I'm going out. This is "relatively" new for me, I started going out about 15 years ago. For the 30 years prior to that I was totally content to keep it in the house but also was petrified to go out. The relative importance of these two reasons for staying home has blurred over time.

Hugs, Michelle

[reb.femme]

I'm absolutely chuffed to bits at being an out and about. I couldn't imagine going back now. In fact I won't.

Becky

[Taylor186]

I'm not really in but I'm not out either.

My wife knows and accepts that I am a crossdresser and has some tolerance for me dressing around the house. And, my minister knows. But, I've never come out to anyone else in my circle of family, friends or acquaintances. I have been out many times and still go out one or two times a year but always to a largish city an hour away. So far I have not encountered anyone from my hometown while out dressed.

I'm really happy with my current balance. I don't have the hide dressing or purchases from my wife and I am steadily 100% guy to my family, friends and acquaintances.


[edit] I should add that my wife thinks more people know than I think know. I can accept that. But, I no one has approached me directly or even insinuated that they know.

[Tracii G]

I'm out and love it.
I am not regulated by an SO and can dress the way I want any time I want.
I do find balance by dressing in a more andro way with clothes designed for women but be in guy mode.I know some here have issues with that.

[Jenniferathome]

Teresa, wasn't there a time when you WERE happy behind closed doors?

I think one has to get out to realize that being inside is so limiting. I was that way. Now staying home is pure boredom.

[KarenSusan]

I am retired so there's no work issue. I don't have any relatives within a thousand miles. When I am at home I am constantly dressed yet I cannot make myself walk out the door. If I can ever overcome this, it will be a life changing event.

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe it depends on how u like to dress, Teresa? I dress to suit myself. Sexy, skimpy, ridiculous, kinky, and fetishy, over the top. I often spend hours on one dressing session.

Going out requires that I compromise my look. Dress to suit others. And, the dreaded, "Dress to blend".

If I didn't enjoy meeting with other T's, I'd never go out dressed in public again. Except at Halloween!

[Rhandi Spencer]

Teresa,
I am IN and the door is locked from the inside.
I have told a few close friends, but no one else in my life knows.
My family is very important to me and have made comments about trans gender, etc. So I stay in closet for now.
I am getting a little more adventurous with shopping but it is always in drab.

Randi

[Diane Smith]

I started out dressing entirely behind closed doors, like most, I suppose. But once I went out the first time to an organized CD event, in 1997, my interests quickly changed. Nowadays, the only reason I dress at home is to try on outfits and combinations to see what will work for my outings. The focus is entirely on being out and about in public. I try to average about one outing a week, although it can vary a bit, and those are the only times I will dress fully with makeup, jewelry, etc.

In addition to my full-femme outings, I do blend a bit all the time -- long nails, earrings, brows, eye makeup, sometimes heels.

- Diane

[Teresa]

It's great you've all taken part I hope we can get some more replies to get some idea what we really want from our CDing, please keep them coming.

Jen,
I was contented with dressing at home at one time because I would work in my darkroom for hours so it gave me plenty of time to dress even if the family were at home. When I came out to my wife my hope was she would be prepared to share it with me, it turned out to be wishful thinking and that's when the questions really started I had to find out about myself and in doing so discovered I was born like it and my needs were much deeper than realised. That's when it started to feel like solitary confinement , I needed to get out and express the female trait in me . I have to agree with Cheryl's point of losing the shame and guilt once you accept yourself and I found that didn't happen until I stepped out the door.
So for me there's no going back.

Sherry,
I dress for me or how a GG would dress going out in the same circumstances , I don't see it as a compromise I see it that I'm lucky to express my female side in this way.

OK watch out for the pictures from the Halloween meeting on the 21st of October, no dressing to blend in the outfit I've chosen, I think it hits all your needs !!

[ellbee]

Today I wore yoga pants to the post office & grocery store. Both places were pretty packed. Out & about among 100 strangers? 150?

And yet I'd never wear them around my parents, for example.


Weird how that works.