Question:- Out or In , what's your preference ?

[CONSUELO]

I think that an important dimension of this discussion is that most of us are both IN and OUT, in the sense that our OUT world is fairly limited and for much of our life we have to hide our cross dressing selves from substantial segments of friends and colleagues.

So we are leading a double life and I have read stories of people whose careers demand that they lead double lives and they have talked of the stress this imposes on them. Think of some classic espionage agents who had to completely compartmentalise their world and not allow anything cross from one part to another. What does this do to our mental health?

For example I have neighbors who have expressed a dislike of cross dressing and so I try to keep my cross dressing self away from them. In almost all other respects they are good neighbours and I value them. Or the time I was having dinner with some close friends who do not know that I am a cross dresser and the woman began to describe the problems she was having with one of her employees who is TG and is starting to "come out" at work. It was awkward for me as I wanted to be sympathetic to the person but I had to limit my sympathy to some rather anodyne phrases and comments. I suppose that I could have said that I was a cross dresser but I don't think it was the appropriate time for that. Was I being cowardly?

[Teresa]

Consuelo,
Yes I agree I posted a thread asking if members enjoyed their double life but it's the best I can do with my wife's acceptance level.
As for other people knowing, I don't have a problem with that, I think I might have found an opportunity to have a word with your dinner guest, I'm finding coming out actually helps other people, if they had a fear of dealing with CDers .

[Tracii G]

I will say once you do go out you will want to do it more.
Once you interact with regular people you find they are interested and curious about you.
That leads to making new friends such as SA's and dept stores that get a kick out of being around you and enjoy assisting you.
Going out seems like a harrowing experience at first but once you have done it its not a big deal.

[carhill2mn]

I am out in public to nearly any venue several times a week. My daughters and their husbands know that I dress as a woman but they have never seen me or any photos of me. Some of my neighbors have seen me go and come in my car but I do not know what they think. I am not officially out to them. I present as woman more than 90% of the time.

[GaleWarning]

The company for which I work appears to have a very strong pro-LGBT policy. But I am a teacher, and society in general has tended to expect higher standards of conformity from us, than others. Especially as I work with SEN students!

My SO and flatmates know. I am happy with my present situation.

[Tina_gm]

Currently in. Life would have many circumstances if that changed. Not saying that all would be bad. I would probably end up losing my marriage. Things would change quite a bit. Do I wish I hadn't put myself in such a bind where I have to make extreme choices? absolutely. However, the thought of being "out" and by that I am taking the meaning of it that some others know, and that I dress in public, perhaps in my local area, I am not really sure what I would even want to achieve other than the obvious of people knowing and it not being a shock.

I am still on the fence a bit though when it comes to how others would view me if I was a more public dresser. And I am not meaning this to be simply whether or not I would be treated rudely or with respect. Just the fact that I would be for the vast majority looked upon as "one of them." There may come a time where I truly do not care. I think already my attitude has changed considerably. This summer I let my legs be seen, really seen for the 1st time. So I guess in some cases I already am starting to get the I don't care attitude. While leg shaving may raise a few eyebrows here and there, fully dressed is still quite a bit different. Even though there may be a vast majority that will treat me respectfully, I am not quite over the part of being "one of them" It is my issue, I know this, but currently it is what it is.

[Cheryl James]

No doubts for me, it is "out". It has been a slow process for me, but testing my boundaries is the most fulfilling thing that I can do for myself. It has always been scary to get out there. However, I am doing my very best to lot my fears stop me. There are a lot of worst case scenarios running around in my head, but, I am determined to be me as much as possible.

[Taylor186]

I will say once you do go out you will want to do it more.

That is not my experience. Fifteen years ago I joined a social/support that met once a month. After attending for about six months I found the effort required for the once a month outing was too much for me. Too much pain for too little gain. I'm completely happy going out a couple times a year. We are all different.

[Micki_Finn]

I'd say I'm somwhere in between. I have no problem going out dressed, and some friends and family know. However there is a significant subsection of acquaintances who I do not tell. I'm not particularly concerned if they find out. I feel like this falls into the same category as what color underwear I have on: it's none of their business and it doesn't affect them. And I don't feel like answering a million questions which all boil down to "no this won't affect you or our relationship".

[Marcelo]

I very clearly remember a quote from a documentary on transvestites saying there was the "need to be seen." I think that sums it up for me and maybe secretly all of us. It's kind of like playing a musical instrument. You might enjoy playing for your own personal pleasure but it is a performing art and whether the musician has the courage to play for one person just overhearing him/her from another room or a packed arena or anything in between it's just one of those things that we all probably wish to do.

I have found my niche in volunteering/serving at running events and I've been fulfilling it quite a bit lately. I need to be doing something to be going out as Marcy besides just trying to blend in or go unnoticed. It's not to show off (as if I have anything to show off) but to entertain and make things more fun for everyone else while I'm having fun doing my thing. It's been working out quite well for me and I'm getting a bit popular in my area. I like to think of me going out as Marcy being the cherry on top of the sundae.

My mental capacity has just been drained or I would write more...

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Teresa,
Count me in as an out. Nearly from the day I joined the forum,
I wanted to get out and meet with others.
Little did I know that first meeting would have me walking around
in a shopping mall! (Thanks again for that one Ashley!) And a week later
strolling down a sidewalk (not many of those in my neck of the woods)
in the middle of SanFrancisco.
After that, the whole dressing and staying home thing has never been the same
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Kandi Robbins]

I am 100% out. Spent my life in the closet and was miserable and only by getting out and establishing an identity for my female alter ego, have I achieved true self acceptance and a real enjoyment of the person I have become. It is the interaction with those I have become friends with and those I meet for the first time that really gives me the greatest pleasure.

[Majella St Gerard]

Living in the closet was like being in jail. It too some time but now I'm out and this genie is not going back in the bottle. Today I dressed in ripped jeans over hot pink fishnets a hot pink bra and a white button shirt, blonde wig, hoop earrings, make up and clog wedges. Went to the bank, supermarket and dropped off my HOA fee check and spoke the the HOA rep, no problem. I am married but separated (crossdressing was not an issue) and I don't care what anyone thinks.

[DIANEF]

Definately in for now, but the compulsion to step outside is getting stronger and stronger. A few late night drives has whetted my appetite to venture out, though unfortunately a new job has halved my days for dressing. Doubt if I'll interact with anyone but escaping the confines of the house is really appealing.

[Karen RHT]

With out a doubt, my preference is out and about.

Not currently out near as much as I would like to be, but that's not due to fear or lack of effort on my part. As was stated earlier by others, having experienced being out of doors, I want more, much more.


Karen

[CynthiaD]

Out. I pretty much go anywhere I want fully dressed. I've made a point of going everywhere dressed that I go in male mode. The only place where anyone has made the connection is at the drug store, and that's only because I had to give my name.

[Fiona123]

I would much prefer to be out, without fear or shame or guilt.🌺

[GBJoker]

I am not happy being in the closet. But I'm not coming out again.

[Periwinkle]

Well, I'm in and out. My parents know I do it, but I don't let them see it anymore. My best friend knows I do it, and even helps me out from time to time. My SO also knows and is totally cool with it, but has never seen me fully dressed. I would prefer the people I work with or my more distant relatives to never find out. But if anyone else did, it'd be alright.

[Dee-anna]

I came out to my SO recently, i have a few times been to a remote location where i have dressed but have not been seen buy anybody.I love reading the stories of girls on the forum going out in public and aim to be able to do that my self .

[Ceera]

I get the most enjoyment from being out and about. In the town I just moved to, I am essentially fully out. I come and go as I please, regardless of my current gender presentation. In male mode I still wear pierced earrings and have my nails done, and at least part of my 'male' clothing is usually from the women's section - though not usually blatantly feminine. Most of my social time is en-femme.

Friends from my old town and job don't know, and neither do my sister and most of my relatives, who live a few hours drive away. I will surely tell them eventually, but there is no need to rush. I can happily appear male when visiting family.

At home, behind closed doors, it is a mixed bag. I might go only halfway at home, such as wearing a skirt or dress and my breast forms, but not bothering with my wig or makeup. I never step out the door that way.

[grace7777]

As a TS being closeted is not an option. When I saw myself as a CD, I was closeted, and would travel a good distance away from home so I could go out. Dressing just at home never appealed to me. As I started seeing myself as more than a CD, the closet door kept getting open wider and wider. Now that I am beginning to transition I only go out in male mode when I absolutely have to.

I don't want to be known as "the neighborhood tranny".

Actually, I am probably known as the apartment tyranny, and it does not bother me a bit.

[Panties4me]

In, but out to my SO. And happy enough with that. I have been crossdressing for about 57 years and married for 40. My wife knew that I liked to to wear panties from the get go. She even used to to buy them for me. About 15 years ago she found a bodysuit I had not returned to its hiding place and was pretty upset, stating she would have been happier if I was having an affair! So about ten years ago I threw out all my male underwear and she knows I wear panties 24/7. I have about eight drawers in my bedroom filled with panties and camis of many styles and types. Occasionally I will also have bras and pantyhose and other lingerie in there as well. Apparently my SO does not go through my drawers as a few months ago she found a shapping cami in the washing which I had not put away. Well, all hell broke out!!. I really assumed she knew of my collection but instead we had "the talk". The usual questions were asked and I answered truthfully. I like (love) wearing women's underwear, no I don't want to transition and Im not gay. I don't wear her clothes. She asked did I want to see a therapist and I replied that I didn't as I was comfortable in myself and put the question back on her. I stated that I have no desire to go out dressed as I know there is no way I could pass. That was about four months ago and it has been dadt since then. So, while I would like to be more out at home, I have no desire to be out away from home. I also have two close female friends who know but my SO would be furious if she knew they knew.

[Dana44]

I am out several times a month. My so and I generally go to a movie and dinner out. One theater I have only been there dressed and they know me as a woman.

[Shelly Preston]

Teresa, I did ask someone if they felt I was in or out. They said out but I was only out about 10% of the time then due to work family etc. Now I would say its more like 85% out as I have gained confidence. This was due to friends some of whom are members here. I owe them a debt which I will never be able to repay.

Not everyone knows and there is no reason why they should, but I am now a lot more relaxed and happier than I used to be.