Harassment?

[dolovewell]

Krisi is right

Last week on another CD community a user posted a pic of her wearing a really short, tight dress. She did not come close to passing in her pic. She said she was going to go out wearing it at a bar. I said, if you are going to an LGBT bar, that's fine, but if not, I would not wear that out. She said that she was just going to a regular college bar. I tried to talk her out of it, but no luck.

There are places I won't go dressed, and a regular bar is one of them. I have no interest putting myself out there infront of drunk meatheads/frat boy types.

In my early crossdressing stages(when I thought I passed) I went to a restaurant in the downtown area of the city I lived at in the time, Madison WI. College town. I was dressed up wearing a tank top, blue jeans, and heels. The restaurant was fine but when I left I had to walk by a bar to get to my car. A bunch of college age guys were standing outside on the sidewalk drinking their beer bottles and I could all tell they were trying not to laugh at me, and a couple of them were cracking huge grins. Then this butch lesbian looking lady stared at me like she wanted to kill me and started to lunge at me but withdrew. I kept walking and got in my car. I told myself to stay away from bars after that. I didn't even go inside of one and had a bad experience

People will say I am victim blaming here but I am just trying to say to be smart where you go dressed up. Some places are not worth the risk/reward to go to dressed. In this community we will be supportive of you, but unfortunately society doesn't play by the same rules.

[Karmen]

It happened to me this week for the first time. I don't go to public places fully dressed, because I don't pass, but since it was Halloween I took a chance and went to a Halloween party in a night club for the first time, wearing short white party dress, white glittering pantyhose, black jacket and black high heels, black long wig and lots of makeup and also partial facial mask. People noticed I'm a guy, but they didn't bother me, I even got occassional smile or a wink.
It was cool experience, I relaxed and I really enjoyed myself until some drunk guy hugged me from behind when I was standing next to a pillar facing the dance floor and leaning against the guardrail. He put his hand on my ass and said "let's dance". A moment later and before I could say or do anything, his hand already slipped under my skirt and stopped almost between my legs. I was so shocked I didn't know how to react and didn't even move, except instinctively squeezing my legs together and try not to pee myself from shock. When I got my breath back I said "no", but his hand was still there for a moment or two, exploring, then he just said "ok", let me go and got lost in the crowd. I was shocked, felt totally violated, but didn't want to make a scene and just quickly left the place. Definetly not a pleasant moment, but a night to remember. I just didn't expected something like that could happen in a club. I was always more affraid that might happen somewhere on the street at night if I cross path with wrong people by chance. I don't even know if he knew from the start I'm a man, since he came from behind.

[Valery L]

I have received mainly wolf whistles, and a couple of "compliments" from guys, I say "compliments" because they were direct sexual insinuations (I am not counting the true compliments by nice men that I have received too), the kind of comments that normally women hate.

However, the time that I was physically harassed, was like 3 weeks ago, when a guy who complimented me and wanted to talk to me offered himself to give me a ride to my apartment. I said yes, so it was my fault (at least partially since accepting that does not give him any justification to touch me). He wanted to take me to a motel, he was really insistent. Nothinga happened but at the time I was very scared, I mean, he could do many things with me if he decided that. The only thing that happened is that he touched my leg over my skirt and wanted to put his hand under it to touch my legs, when that happened, the car was parked and we were already near my neighbourhood so I simply got out of his car.

[ellbee]

I used to go clubbing & bar-hopping (en femme) all the time. Hetero, LGBT, didn't matter.

But here's the thing: I *never* went alone. It was typically with a group (3 or more others), oftentimes a mix of GG's, males & TG's.


There were a few instances I went with just one guy (guess you could call them dates ), but those times it would be a small, quiet place in the early evening on a weekday -- and I looked more like a chick who just spent the day at the office, and *not* wearing some sort of club-wear.


I know it's not easy for some to do so for whatever reason, but going with at least one other person is a lot easier & makes any issues that less likely and/or difficult to handle.

[dolovewell]

I am sure if I had a support group of friends to go out with I could handle going to bars and such. But, unfortunately no one I know, knows about my crossdressing. So I would have to come out to friends first, none of which live where I currently live.

I am sure if I were alone, I could go to a place like a hotel bar or restaurant bar on a slower night, like during the week. But definitely NOT on a Friday or Saturday night.

[MelanieAnne]

I do know TaeKwon Do however and it is possible instinct will kick in.

"Discretion is the better part of valor" Better to avoid any situations. If the cops are called for some bar brawl or other assault situation, they often arrest both parties, and sort things out at the jail.

[I Am Paula]

How to choose an appropriate place to have a drink enfemme.
Do not go to a place called 'The Stumbling Bigot', or any place the patrons carry pool cues, with no pool table in sight. If there is more than two fights, or the jukebox plays three Def Leopard songs in a row- Leave.

Good place to go- A place called 'Ciao enormously overpriced wine bar and tapas.' Here, the only real danger is being bitten by the bichon frise at the next stool. Order red wine by the glass, or a bellini.

The only proper place for a lady to drink beer is the 19th. hole after golf.