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Thread: Coming Out To My Spouse

  1. #1
    Member Karyn Marie's Avatar
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    Coming Out To My Spouse

    So how many of you were nervous about coming out to your spouse about your dressing in women’s clothing for fear she would not like you doing it, or worse, divorce? I was very fearful of coming out to my spouse. I was very concerned she would not be ver accepting and would want a divorce. I have loved wearing female clothing all of my life, from the time I was a little kid wearing my mothers dresses she had given to my sister to play with, to wearing my mothers clothing when I was in high school, and all the way through adulthood.

    Well, my fears were all for not. A week ago today she and I were lying together on our bed, cuddling, talking and just enjoying one another. Both of us were feeling good. I don’t remember how we even got onto the subject, or what we were talking about, when I told her It would be fun to be wearing some panties. She just looked and me and said, “If you wish.” I could not believe my ears. I decided to get braver and said maybe I might even wear a bra too, and asked her if she would be okay with that. Without hesitation she replied that would be fine. I asked if she was kidding and she replied she was not, and that I could wear what ever I wanted. I replied, “How about a dress?” She replied I could. Of course I was shocked. I have always thought she might suspect I liked to wear women's clothing, but I had just confirmed it to her and she was telling me I could. We spent the next couple of hours just talking about it. She repeatedly said she was okay with me wearing dresses and stuff. She said she would pick out some dresses, skirts, tops, bras, panties, pantyhose, a wig, and a pair of shoes for me. She suggested I not wear heals, but flats, which agreed to. I really want a pair of heels though, however, I am a tall guy so if I do, they will have to have short heels. She did ask that until she could get used to the idea of me dressing as a female, to only dress when she is not home to start, but eventually, with time, I could dress anytime I wanted, even when she was home.

    I told her I wanted to get several things to include a couple of dress, skirts, tops, a wig, and breast forms. She continued to tell me it was okay, and was even kind of excited about helping me dress and sharing this together. I ordered a pair of breast the very next day, and on the day they were to arrive, I stopped on my way home and bought a new bra. When I got home, the box with my breasts were on the counter, and she immediately asked me to show them to her. I started to open the box to show her and she replied, “No, put them on.” So we went into the bedroom and I started putting my bra on, but she did not like it. She gave me two of her bras to keep, then helped me put one of them on. I did not need any help, but let her because it was something I wanted to do with her. I slipped my breasts into the cups, and put on a t-shirt. OMG, they felt so good, and it felt even better with her standing there looking at them and being so accepting. She started to rub them, and adjust them so they looked just right. Then she said they really look good. I wore them for a good part of the evening, until we went to bed.

    I have always wanted to shave my legs, and other parts of my body and have since done so. When she saw that, she was not to sure about it, but said if I liked it, she was okay with it too. I shaved all the hair off, and I love how silky smooth I feel, especially my legs. Can’t wait till I can put on a pair of pantyhose.

    We have talked a lot about this since I told her. She continues to like me wearing women's clothing. We are planning a three to four month trip in our motor home in the next couple years. She wants me to wear a dress, a wig, and my forms…everything, while driving. She also asked me to wear it all once in a while when we take short trips in the car. Se said we can be sisters.

    I am so excited and happy. I cant wait to see where this goes, and what the future holds.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    It all sounds good to me! You need to hold on to her and love her as the accepting woman she is! Hugs to both Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  3. #3
    ronniegirl ronniegirl's Avatar
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    Couldn't have said it any better....enjoy..

  4. #4
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    One in a million plus...

  5. #5
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    Wow, lucky you!
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  6. #6
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
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    Sounds like you picked a keeper!


    Why do you think she's really cool with it the way she is?

    I've got a theory (in general) why some might: Because it simply "spices" up their marriage, adding this whole fresh new element to it.


    Then again, I've never been married, so what the heck do I know.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    Nervous? I was petrified! I was looking at testing a marriage of over 20 years, something that one doesn't throw away on a whim. I had no clue about my own place on the TG spectrum and barely knew what it was. I was lucky, my wife was supportive, and our relationship is actually better now than it was then.

    Karyn, treat your spouse well, she's a treasure. Make sure that her needs are being met just as your needs are being met.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

  8. #8
    Member nikinylons's Avatar
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    That's awesome Karyn!
    I'm half the man I used to be, and twice the person that I once was...and Nothing beats a great pair of L'eggs. Be all you can be ladies! WARNING:Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies, projects, or any other purpose - YOU DO NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION To Use Any Of My Profile Or Pictures In Any Form Or Forum Both Current And Future.

  9. #9
    I am me! TrishaTX's Avatar
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    wow that is great...good for you! enjoy it not everyone gets to do that.
    No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.

  10. #10
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    It seems all good. Make sure you know what delights her too and ensure she gets her rewards for being so understanding.

  11. #11
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    You are a very lucky person; But try to go slow as to not over burden her.
    Make sure you give her lots of love, and some flowers, a scented candle,
    some special token of love out of the ordinary. You both will enjoy the moment.
    Rader

  12. #12
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Assuming that this is not a dream that you suddenly found yourself awakening from all giddy and googly-eyed, then I say "Good on you, and enjoy". Clearly, you are the exception, and the time-worn mantra of "baby steps, baby steps" typically espoused here when someone makes that same breakthrough with their wife or SO doesn't apply to you.

    But the cynic in me also believes that if something sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Just keep your eyes and ears open for that second shoe to drop in due course, as it might not be so positive...

  13. #13
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    I feel like I just read a fantasy story, but it sounds nice happy it all worked out

  14. #14
    Senior Member Diversity's Avatar
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    How lucky you are!!!! Have fun and enjoy your journey together. I wish you all the best!
    Di

  15. #15
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Either A. You have the rarest of women who do not consider gender to be of any importance. B. Your wife is living out her bi curious / bi sexual nature with you, or C. The alarm clock just went off.... good for you if it's either of the 1st two.....

  16. #16
    Lost in Heels AnnaMarie's Avatar
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    Well good on you. I was petrified to tell my wife after a ten year marriage. I did, we are still together, we love each other, but she's not accepting at all. She understands my need to do it and is ok with me going out (although she'd sooner I don't) but she wants to know nothing about it. I took a risk and whilst it could have turned out better I thankful it didn't turn out much worse! I'd always say to anyone that you know your relationship better than anyone else and only you can make the decision to tell or not. Sometimes holding back the truth can be the better alternative.

  17. #17
    Member Karyn Marie's Avatar
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    "But the cynic in me also believes that if something sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Just keep your eyes and ears open for that second shoe to drop in due course, as it might not be so positive..."

    Yes, I completely agree with you Leslie. Everything is going well so far, but I am taking it slow and answering all her questions. She repeatedly tells me it is okay, and is even going out to buy me a pair of pantyhose and panties today. She has made comments how she wants to buy me some outfits, put makeup on me, and completely shave me...I am already completely shaved though. She definitely is one of a kind, and I love her dearly.

  18. #18
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    Karyn, I came out to my wife about six years ago. She handled it with aplomb then and still does. No shoe has ever dropped. There have been no roller coasters. Our relationship has grown but what our relationship is NOT about is cross dressing. I think that is the key to juggling this part of any relationship. Cross dressing is just a thing. Just one of the million facets of any relationship. Keep it that way and you will be fine.

  19. #19
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
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    Very cool Karyn!
    As you already know, my wife knows.
    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

    -Home Movies
    (cartoon series)

    Shoe size: 9 US women's.
    Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
    Height: 5' 6".

  20. #20
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    You have a great wife - go slow and sounds like she will adapt

  21. #21
    Reality Check
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    That's great for you and you should be sure to tell and show your wife how much you love her and appreciate her understanding. As Jennifer posted, don't let everything be about your crossdressing. Keep it under control.

    If you've been around a while and read the posts, you know it doesn't work out this well for everyone. Some of us have lost wives and families, some have had our "little hobby" reported to employers and other family members and other bad things have come of it. Some of us have been put in DADT relationships and have to keep our dressing and clothing out of sight. Some of us can dress in front of our wives but have to endure insults for doing it.

    I suppose I am lucky, my wife accepts or tolerates my dressing. I can dress around the house and she shops with me and sometimes buys me stuff when she shops alone.

    You seem to be one of the luck ones. Just don't blow it by ignoring the things she likes to do.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member
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    That's wonderful. Just don't get carried away and go too fast. It might be hard to keep it down, but you don't want to scare her away by going faster than she wants to. I would try and make it so it seemed she was making the suggestion for something new, (to her). Maybe by saying things like, "Do you think I would look good it that?" This gives her a chance to say no and to have some control. You are lucky, have fun! Sherrii

  23. #23
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    ..... don't let everything be about your crossdressing. Keep it under control.
    Could not agree more with Jennifer and Krisi.
    I'm recently "out" a few months ago with a wife of 39 yrs; a very conservative and traditional woman. We have a fantastic relationship
    Looking back on what led up to The Talk and coming out, I went from my old under-dressing & sometimes-dressing habits to full ensemble in about a year. My time, interest and urge to do more fueled an enthusiasm. Add to that the S.O's 'acceptance' to the point she bought some clothes for me. [She's not entirely cool with it, but accepts and we're learning.] I had the fever for a while. It''s easy to get carried away.


    During the course of the many Talks we've had about cross-dressing, I've learned to calm down and not MAKE IT ALL ABOUT ME. This isn't just a hobby like oil painting. Let's face it. If you've lived long enough you have interpersonal relationships with many people. Sudden news like a CD-Life is understandably de-stabilizing. Not everyone will receive the news the same way. Your Wife/S.O. will process the complex information differently than your children or grandchildren, and different from your boss or co-workers.

    We do not live in a vacuum. You must take THEIR feelings and sensitivities into account; especially since I'm the one bringing such radical change to the relationship. MAKE NO MISTAKE about it. The terms of your relationship WILL change (hopefully for the better).

    I have a smart and loving wife who is gradually warming to the news. I make extra time and effort to present her "the man she always knew". I want to keep that promise that 'the Old Me is still here and always will be; this is but an addition to Me'. Maintain priorities and I agree, don't make CD the center of your relationship with a wife or S.O.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  24. #24
    Member Karyn Marie's Avatar
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    I am so happy to have you all in my life. The comments and advice have been so wonderful, and has brought me to tears with joy and love for you all. I plan to take everything slow and not overwhelm my beautiful and accepting SO. I know I am a very lucky girl to have her in my life. I know this was a shocking thing to hear coming from me. At night, when we go to bed, we talk to each other about this. As several of you have said, not to make this about cross dressing, however, I want to be as open as I possibly can. I have told her she can ask me anything she wants about this, and I will answer it for her. I told her I have felt this way since I was a little kid, around 4 or 5 I guess, where I used to wear dresses my mother never wore any more, and had given to my younger sister along with some of her old heels. I think I wore them more than my sister did. I told her how I used to wear my mothers clothing as I became a teenager, and how I used to wear my ex-wife's dresses and stuff when I could. My wife has offered to let me wear her dresses, and even insisted I try them on, which I did. I was moving faster than I should, and she let me know that in no uncertain terms, so have slowed down. She has even insisted and encouraged me to come here and be a part of this group. That made me so happy, because I really need to have other "ladies" to talk to about all of this. She knows how much I enjoy wearing dresses, and being a girl, and has expressed how much she wants to be a part of it, but needs some time to process it all. One thing she said, as have many of you, is she already knew and wondered why it took me twenty two years to tell her.

    She has said she wants the manly man she married, and I have assured her I still am, with one little secret. I really don't think I have changed much since we had the talk, although time will tell. Our relationship might very well change, but I feel in my heart, it will be for the better. I have encouraged her to become a member of this group and look through it. I even told her there is a section for the spouses and families of cross-dressers. She said she plans to come on in the near future, but right now she is not quite ready. I am being more loving than I have ever been before, and let her know just how I feel about her, and just how in love I am with her. I also let her know just how special she is to me, and I treat her like the special lady she is.

    Anyway, I can't thank you enough for all you have shared with me and advice. You are all very special to me, and hope to have you all on my friends list before too long. I will update everyone and let you all know how good everything is going.
    Last edited by Karyn Marie; 10-26-2016 at 07:45 PM.

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