Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 37

Thread: Crossdressing and submission

  1. #1
    Member adrienner99's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    438

    Crossdressing and submission

    It's probably a minority, but I am curious about "submissive" crossdressers. I see this theme in crossdressing literature all the time. Understanding why we crossdress is difficult enough, but to understand this "subset" of men who enjoy various levels of submission is even more elusive.

    And I am not trying to be judgmental or critical at all. I am simply trying to understand it. And yes, when dressed I do have a lot of submissive fantasies myself.

    So my questions are: If you are a submissive, what do you feel you get out of it? Why do you feel you are wired that way? And how is it connected to crossdressing?

    Perhaps also...would you call yourself submissive when in male mode? Or are you agressive, confrontational?

  2. #2
    AKA Lexi Read only sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    6,772
    So my questions are: If you are a submissive, what do you feel you get out of it?
    What I would get out of it (if I could find a somewhat dominant female who was interested in me, which I've never found), is the release from the responsibility for the success of the sex, and the responsibility for the performance required to bring the other person to orgasm. Think: if you have difficulties staying hard through a session often, it creates an enormous amount of stress. In order to 'perform' as a male usually does, it takes a lot of mental gymnastics to do that, while imagining that I'm doing something else entirely.
    Why do you feel you are wired that way?
    I was molested as a kid; essentially, an older boy turned me into his girlfriend. Having a seven year intimate relationship in the role of a girl, the feeling that role was what I was supposed to be 'stuck'. I only feel normal when behaving as a female during sex. Problem is, I'm not attracted to men, and very few women enjoy always being the 'top'.
    And how is it connected to crossdressing?
    As above, I was dressed as, (he supplied the outfits he wanted me to wear) and behaved as, (he told me what to do) and felt I was supposed to be a girl for all those years. Apparently when that happens during certain stages of personality development, it can become a permanent part of who we are. I'm not saying it happens to everyone; but it apparently happened to me.

    I can't tell you why other crossdressers might prefer being submissive, though it would of course possibly be related to the fact that females are usually the 'receptive', or submissive person in sex, while the male is usually the active person.
    It's the old story; a man has to know all the things to do for sex to happen. A woman doesn't have to be good; she just has to be there.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    2,895
    Can't really tell you as I'm not really that way but I've seen it run the gamut from a certain old fashioned "women's docility" to "FORCE ME TO DRESS UP AND FEMINIZE ME AGAINST MY WILL AND HUMILIATE ME" so unique snowflakes and all that. Ask those questions of 100 different people you'll get 100 different answers. Also, to address your last question: One can be "aggressive and confrontational" in male mode or in vanilla life or whatever you wanna call it, but still be sexually submissive in bed.

  4. #4
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,107
    SM so you say this older boy turned you into his girlfriend?
    You must have known the boy was gay but you say you aren't attracted to men but yet you did the deed with him? Why?
    You must have enjoyed it to some extent I would think.
    As far as being molested as a kid as you grew up it would have been normal to despise any part of submissive sex with whoever and be more geared to being the dominant one.
    As a boy I engaged in things sexual with other boys and really liked it so early on I knew I was attracted to guys but never got into a situation like you did.
    Having someone force themselves on me is not something I would put up with.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  5. #5
    Member Periwinkle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Washington State, USA
    Posts
    230
    I'm pretty submissive, but it has absolutely nothing to do with my crossdressing. I can't even think about doing something sexual while dressed without cringing a little. It makes me feel very uncomfortable for some reason.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    2,895
    Tracii, I don't think victim blaming is appropriate here. Questioning a sexual assault victim why it happened is absolutely uncalled for.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member OCCarly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    631
    I am not submissive myself but I have a few thoughts.

    I think Sometimes Miss has a point about being able to cast off the responsibility for the enjoyment of the sex and having to figure out how to give the other person an orgasm. Being totally taken care of is a pretty nice vacation from a high stress lifestyle.

    And there is undoubtedly some overlap into forced feminization. To me, forced feminization is kind of like a guy saying "Kings X, I'm not really a crossdresser, someone made me do this." Again it is a way of taking pleasure without having to deal with the responsibility.
    Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.

  8. #8
    Member nikinylons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    223
    For me, dressing instantly makes me submissive which provides a perfect balance to my dominant male life. According to my wife, that balance also makes me much easier to live with lol
    I'm half the man I used to be, and twice the person that I once was...and Nothing beats a great pair of L'eggs. Be all you can be ladies! WARNING:Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies, projects, or any other purpose - YOU DO NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION To Use Any Of My Profile Or Pictures In Any Form Or Forum Both Current And Future.

  9. #9
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    Central Texas
    Posts
    5,990
    I never thought of myself as submissive. Women have told me that I am easy. For me, I am comfortable with females. And while out and about I am with her. I am very social and easy to talk to. But all in safety. I do not like confrontational people and stay away from them in male or female mode. But for me it is not submissive but easy to be. .
    Part Time Girl

  10. #10
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Old Hampshire, UK
    Posts
    5,273
    So, Adrienner, if you have a lot of submissive fantasies what do you feel you get out of it...?

    I think your observation that you see this disproportionately in CD literature is correct - but what you see in literature does not necessarily make it representative of reality... I would suspect that this surfaces in literature simplistically to support the stereotype of: male=dominant, female=submissive and as we are expressing our feminine side then to really be entirely embracing femininity-ness (or at least the stereotype of that) then we would - or should - be expressing a more submissive persona. Simply, it's an over-compensation.

    As a group, I'd guess we probably do fit the stereotype (steps back amid howls and masculine grunts declaring machismo is possible while wearing 5" platforms... yeah - whatever... ) For me, I don't think I really change just through dressing, but I do admit to loving women who know what they want... and I have a lazy streak a mile wide...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  11. #11
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Puyallup, WA (USA)
    Posts
    4,464
    I sometimes wear a bondage collar when en femme.
    Granted that it's a universal symbol of submission, that's about as far as it goes.
    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

    -Home Movies
    (cartoon series)

    Shoe size: 9 US women's.
    Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
    Height: 5' 6".

  12. #12
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    7,597
    Not submissive at all! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  13. #13
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Midwest U.S.
    Posts
    7,095
    For a very long time, i have felt that i would be the rather passive submissive one in sex. I always felt most women were terrified and turned off by sex. My sister is one who never wanted a man or sex, and othersi knew were also "frigid". So, i felt that my maleness was predatory, and i have striven to be non aggressive about it. When dressed up, i feel like a rather submissive dolled up lady, with some limits and boundries, though, a little assertive, yet rather submissive. I think if i were married, the wife would have to be dominant mostly.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  14. #14
    I am me! TrishaTX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Keller texas
    Posts
    1,241
    Sm, I feel exactly where you are from because I have been in the same place. From what therapy and some weeks in arizona taught me, is once that is burned into as a child you tend to look for that(simple explanation I am sure). I am usually not submissive, enjoy life as a man who knows he also has a female side. My overall preference would be to be submissive in bed most of the time as well. I just find that is my space for sexual activity. I can be versatile to be please so done else but that is my preference. (Boy I had to choose my words carefully for this one).

    There is nothing to be ashamed of , that is what I learned later in life. Be you!
    No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.

  15. #15
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    US
    Posts
    1,683
    I suppose it depends on what kind of context?


    For example: Sex?

    A girl can always be on top, controlling things that way.

    And yeah, most also have at least some teeth.


    Who's the submissive one, again?

  16. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    The South
    Posts
    1,677
    I am submissive sexually, especially when dressed. i was this way with my BF and I have had sessions with DOMS that were extremely satisfying. Why am I this way? I have no idea any more than I understand why I am a fetishistic transvestite. It's all a mystery.

  17. #17
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,107
    Passive /submissive ?? How does that work Alice?
    MIcki I was not victim blaming it was an honest question and not asked with malicious intent.
    I am truly curious thats why I asked it.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  18. #18
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Midwest U.S.
    Posts
    7,095
    I have male penis shame, Tracii. Felt guilty about being predatory, as the women i have tried for, were terrified of sex, and i was taught as a kid that sex was bad. So, i am the more passive one, semi submissive if i ever get into a relationship, but assertive enough to set boundries. I am a mess!
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  19. #19
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,107
    Thank you Alice I understand now.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  20. #20
    AKA Lexi Read only sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    6,772
    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    SM so you say this older boy turned you into his girlfriend? You must have known the boy was gay but you say you aren't attracted to men but yet you did the deed with him? Why?
    The whole story is in my bio, link is in my sig. Feel free to read it and learn all the answers to your questions. In the early 60's, the most common use for the word gay, meant happy. The generally accepted use of the word to mean homosexual wasn't widespread at that point, though it might have been used in some areas.

    I was 7 years old. I knew nothing about sex, and had zero sexual feelings or desires. You make the typical mistake that many adults do; you have assigned adult knowledge and mental capability to children who have not, and will not develop that for many years. Remember, we're talking about kids of an age who still believed in santa claus and the easter bunny.

    You must have enjoyed it to some extent I would think.
    This is the most common statement you hear from child molesters; that the child would not have done it if they didn't like it. It's how they justify abusing those kids.

    As far as being molested as a kid as you grew up it would have been normal to despise any part of submissive sex with whoever and be more geared to being the dominant one.
    I have no idea where you get that idea. Perhaps some classes in psychology will help you.

    As a boy I engaged in things sexual with other boys and really liked it so early on I knew I was attracted to guys but never got into a situation like you did.
    How old were you? How old were the other boys? For me it was a six year age difference. He was older, smarter, and supposedly wiser. I did as I was told.

    Having someone force themselves on me is not something I would put up with.
    Typical macho response. They rarely have to force themselves on you. They convince you that it's something that you should do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    Tracii, I don't think victim blaming is appropriate here. Questioning a sexual assault victim why it happened is absolutely uncalled for.
    It's ok. I'm used to it. I worked though all this decades ago. Asking questions helps people learn. Even a lot of people with doctorate degrees are ignorant to all this; they simply never studied it. When I did my child psych rotation, even then it wasn't discussed to any length. That's a primary reason why it's still so common; people don't know it's going on under their noses. Mental health professionals know that in the recent past, anyway, one in four girls is subject to sexual abuse, and one in six boys. Look at any children's classroom. At least one of those kids is very likely currently having sex of some kind with an older person. And, they are almost always sworn to secrecy by that older person. It's very hard to get them to tell you what's going on, as far too many people assign the responsibility to the kid for what's happening, just like Tracii does. They have forgotten what it's like to be a child of that age, when you don't have the knowledge to challenge what someone tells you, or the nerve to do so because they are so much older, bigger, and smarter than you are. And if you have to rely on that person for physical protection? You're really stuck. You have no choice. So you do as you're told. And it goes on and on for sometimes many years. So watch the children. If you see something that looks fishy, investigate. You may be saving that kid's life.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 10-24-2016 at 09:34 PM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  21. #21
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,107
    I'm sorry I asked now but be assured I was not trying to be a smart ass or demean you in any way.
    I see my assumptions were not anywhere near correct but thats why I asked I wasn't trying to be mean so I'm so sorry.
    As far as my first boy encounters 7 or 8 years old basically pleasuring each other. I new nothing about sex at the time pretty sure the birds and bees story hadn't been told to me yet by my parents.
    I get in trouble when I ask questions on this site but I am a very curious person.I guess I need to stop being that way and leave.
    Thanks SM I feel like shit now so if I made you feel like shit I'm sorry.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 10-24-2016 at 09:43 PM.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  22. #22
    AKA Lexi Read only sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    6,772
    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    I'm sorry I asked now but be assured I was not trying to be a smart ass or demean you in any way.
    No offense taken. I realize that most people simply don't know.

    As far as my first boy encounters 7 or 8 years old basically pleasuring each other.
    Interesting. Shortly after I was taught to masturbate him, I tried the same thing on myself, but felt well, nothing. While I have read about boys who masturbated at early ages, I can't identify with it, as I didn't have any sexual feelings until much later. It was a different time, and no one was telling children ANYTHING about sex. No internet, no porn anywhere, nothing. TV was sterile, married folks slept in separate beds on TV back then. Sex wasn't ever talked about.
    I get in trouble when I ask questions on this site but I am a very curious person.I guess I need to stop being that way and leave.
    Thanks SM I feel like shit now so if I made you feel like shit I'm sorry.
    You have to remember that the site's owners are somewhat legally responsible for what gets mentioned on here. So they have to be careful about what winds up in a forum that anyone can read. If you cross the line, they'll let you know, the mods watch pretty closely.
    No reason to feel bad. We learn by asking questions. I remember well what it was like, having teachers and others make me feel stupid for not knowing stuff that there was no way for me to know. So I don't castigate others for it. 'Ask and yee shall learn'. One other thing; if you ask someone something and they make fun of you for not knowing, and then don't tell you either, it's often because THEY DON'T KNOW, THEMSELVES. So they just pretend that they do, and try to make it difficult for you to ask them again, to hide that.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  23. #23
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,107
    My boy experimentation time was in 1960 so yeah times were much different then.
    I'm all for asking questions no matter how crazy they may sound because that is how you learn. I try to answer questions when asked and not judge people for asking.
    These days people are super sensitive and take things the wrong way on here that I'm afraid to ask sometimes.
    I obviously upset you and I didn't mean to I just hope you can forgive me.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    955
    It's a disproportionately common trope in crossdressing literature, and I do see it manifest on this forum as well.

    I am not particularly confrontational as much as I try to be; I'd rather seek out a harmonious solution as much as possible. When I'm not being assertive, there will be times where I'm being admittedly apathetic.

    As regards sexuality, I'm genuinely unsure, with all due respect.

  25. #25
    Non-binary/Questioning Mayo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    381
    I tend toward being submissive/passive, in that I'd rather someone else take the initiative, but it's not a cause/effect thing with my CDing; it is, however, likely that in my case at least the two traits stem from the same root personality traits.
    4/5 male. 3/4 hetero. 2/3 confused.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State