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Thread: how to tell your parents u crossdress?

  1. #1
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    how to tell your parents u crossdress?

    I've tried so hard tell them but I never get enough courage I'm just scared that I won't be excepted and I crushes me when I think about it.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    I'm so so sorry the title is supost to say how do you tell your parents I'm so so sorry please forgive me

  2. #2
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    Well first ~ Do you Need to? Sorry if that sounds harsh, but sometimes we want to do what we feel is "Right" or feeling like we are living a "Lie" etc. when the truth is it really depends on your unique situation. Sometimes we can do more damage to both the other party and our self sharing something that is deeply personal than any good that can come out of it. If you think it will permanently damage your relationship with them then it might not be a good Idea to share, and if you think that only one parent will accept and you only tell them then it may be a burden to the one that you tell if they can't tell their significant other. Deep down you may already know the answers to these questions but it is a lot to consider. Now if you know that you are going to transition then you really don't have a choice but then timing is a big issue too. Also just remember that the only person who has to accept you really is You... and that your accepting yourself shouldn't hinge on anyone else accepting you. Just my opinion.

    I did tell my father after I had come out to myself for a while (my mother had already passed by then) and it was interesting to say the least. He accepted me and understood and then proceeded to tell me that he was a CD as well! (boy was I shocked) He had been for years and he and my Mom came to terms with it and had even gone to Tri S? meetings etc. Of course that is almost stranger than fiction but true none the less. (and because someone will read this and ask - No we have never seen each other dressed etc.), I am also out to the rest of my immediate family and a few close friends, my kids included which was harder than coming out to my Sister and Dad, and it was a non-issue, but then I have raised them not to be judgmental and I'm glad that they aren't and they view me no different because of it.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    Not knowing how old you are but regardless, I see no reason to ever tell your parents. Maybe you'd have those rare parents that would indulge your every wish. But, even if that were the case there are other ways to get around it besides just blurting out that you crossdress. If you're living at home, tell them you want to wear your hair long or get your ears pierced and see how that goes. If you have the freedom to choose your own clothes, choose things that are a little more feminine than you might have previously.

    If you're on your own, you can do as you please anyway. You don't need their permission to do those things.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhonda Jean View Post
    Not knowing how old you are but regardless
    I'm 18 but still live with my parents

  5. #5
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I agree with Rhonda! Test the waters first, grow your hair longer, possibly get your ears pierced! Listen to their opinions of these things and see where you stand before blurting it out!! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

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    Lana makes excellent sense. Longer hair or pierced ears are pretty common for both men and women these days. I would suggest you just go ahead and do it, rather than ask for opinions beforehand.

  7. #7
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    Why do they need to know?

  8. #8
    Southern Girl dolovewell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cd mark View Post
    I'm 18 but still live with my parents
    If you still live with your parents how will you be able to support your crossdressing? It's not a cheap lifestyle.
    28 years old, 6' tall, 155 pounds
    Measurements: 33 bust-28 waist-37 hips
    Dress Size: 6, Bra Band Size: 34

  9. #9
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    Certain parts of the world, including mine, it's very common to live with one's parents till marriage. In this kind of situation they're best off knowing - it's worse for them to catch you offguard.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    Why do they need to know?
    Perhaps it's Mark who needs them to know. Hiding secrets like this from the most important people in your life is very exhausting, can make us feel alone and depressed. Coming out to someone we love can afford us the opportunity to finally speak somewhat openly about a subject that's been unspeakable for a long time.

    Mark, am I getting close?

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by lisa-wb View Post
    mark, am I getting close?
    . Yeah accually

  12. #12
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    Mark your mum is your best friend, why not ask her about how you feel, not just blurt out "I want to wear woman's clothes" She will probably have answers, I now wish I hade been able to talk to my Mother. I can only guess what might have been the case, she did talk to my wife, but not to me.
    .

    Hazelxx

  13. #13
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    Lol listen cupcake your mom probably knows already my mom knew never said a word until years latter after years latter I hav marryed and had grown kids she asked me ... Do you still get dressed up as a girl ? Shocked she knew but was ok with it .. I said yes ... Yar your mom knows....

  14. #14
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    Sometimes that is true... but it also depends on how Sneaky you Are! Lot's of things my parent's never knew, and a few that they did.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Many times I have found women's clothing on the racks at thrift stores. If the clothing you find to wear is close to gender neutral you should have no problem. You just "found" it in the men's section, tried it on and liked it. If you would like to dress beyond that honesty is the best policy. You live in their house and by their rules but you are also an adult and should be able to wear what you want. If this is something you truly desire then a frank conversation is a good idea. Do you want to cross dress all the time or once in a while? Only you know how accepting your parents would be to a wardrobe modification.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Hi Mark, thanks for confiding in us, you are among friends.

    What you're experiencing can be just as threatening to a person in their 70s as to a teenager. I'm mid-50s, not out to my mom, nor do I ever expect to be- my dad's dead but there isn't a chance I'd have ever told him - I just don't need that kind of disapproval.

    I don't know if you have Netflix, but I watched a wonderful film on exactly this subject a few nights ago- it's called Viva.

    From your later posts in this thread, it seems that it's very important to you to include them in your world, so I won't try to argue with you, but perhaps you should consider talking with others before taking the plunge? It's great that you're here, but it's far more freeing to talk in person than to a screen, however FABULOUS the members here might be... ahem.

    Good luck to you and please let us know how it's going, whatever you decide.

    Hugs, Nikki
    Last edited by Nikkilovesdresses; 11-03-2016 at 09:20 AM. Reason: Saw Mark's responses to comments
    I used to have a short attention spa

  17. #17
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    Hi Mark,

    "Mother's Intuition" is real. I think your parents are likely to know, doubly so if you've worn your mum's clothes before. I don't think it's right to remain sneaky and deny them knowledge, even if DADT is the less-than-ideal alternative.

    It's extremely good that you've taken the initiative to speak to them; I chickened out of it for quite long because I knew it wouldn't be accepted, I would need to deny this part of myself. (For the record, I had a devout religious upbringing and am still religious). It's visible to me that this issue is something close to your heart, and thus you want those closest to you - your parents - to hear you out. They deserve to.

    I've learnt the hard way that it's best to talk to them about it, and it's best for you to initiate talking to them early. Be upfront and honest; it's not in the best interests of yourself or your parents for you to hide it. Regardless of what kind of answer they give, the important thing is them having answers, and you at least letting them know. It isn't right to hide. Even though my parents don't want to see me crossdressed in front of them, it was an utmost relief to me that they knew: I told my father (in tears), and was later outed by my mother (causing me to break down), leading to my first major purge. I'm still on good terms; my parents have forgiven me, and I still take care of them nonetheless.

    I suppose the best way would be to tell them in private that you enjoy crossdressing and perhaps whatever little you know of your motivations to crossdress. Let them know why this is an integral part of you - or at least something that you hold dearly. It doesn't have to be a definite answer, but tell them when you're ready. I advise you against procrastinating it, in fact.
    Last edited by Lily Catherine; 11-03-2016 at 09:23 AM.

  18. #18
    Member Periwinkle's Avatar
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    I didn't really tell my parents verbally. I've been crossdressing ever since I was a kid. It was totally normal for me and my mom never questioned it. My stepdad had some concerns, and for a while he didn't understand it. He thought that because I dressed and acted feminine, it meant I wanted to be a girl. Why would a boy ever want to wear a dress? It really confused him. A couple years and several explanations later, and he understands that it's just part of who I am.

  19. #19
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    hey mark,
    lots of good posts, i will give you another perspective.....my mom and dad have passed on....when mom died we had the duty to clean out her apartment....sucked....my wife found some paperwork and a guide book....A HANDBOOK FOR TRANSSEXUALS....it detailed the course one would need to begin theyre transition....relevance, Mom was a nurse, she was this persons caregiver, had her notes for care, directions to the home, she was in the state caring for this women while i was wrestling with the notion that this was my fate, all while living a few towns over, i was told she died when young.....divorce and adult conveniences were used on us.

    so its a personal decision for your reasons, why do they need to know, why dont they need to know, only you know for sure.....i go to pflag meetings, last spring we had a tough and tumble father show up with his "son" which he spoke of in a kind of un-accepting way, when i returned in the fall he was an ardent supporter of his "son" and when folks asked about his daughter his reply was "i have a son" complete 180, so maybe attend a meeting in your area and find some local resources and familiarize yourself with whats available for you should you persevere with the disclosure, you sound like your a youngster so take your time, do some research, formulate a backup plan, prepare for the worst case and hope for the best outcome, but the most important thing, do for you and do it your way.

    this is a link to the national p-flag group, my local chapter is wonderful, its mixed, trans, family, friends and its comfortable.....hope this helped....
    Last edited by mykell; 11-04-2016 at 04:02 PM.
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  20. #20
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    You must know your parents by now. Have they been uniformly supportive and accepting during your life to date? If so, why would you expect them to change? If not, why would you expect them to change? Work from there.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wendy me View Post
    Lol listen cupcake your mom probably knows already my mom knew never said a word until years latter after years latter I hav marryed and had grown kids she asked me ... Do you still get dressed up as a girl ? Shocked she knew but was ok with it .. I said yes ... Yar your mom knows....
    I don't think so ,if she did she would say my mother is quite she never goes round thing like this

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennie-cd View Post
    You must know your parents by now. Have they been uniformly supportive and accepting during your life to date? If so, why would you expect them to change? If not, why would you expect them to change? Work from there.
    Okay but theve been making references to that subject but most of the time its a joke.

  22. #22
    Sandra - New Dresser
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    I think Lisa is right on - something the current generation of young people is doing is searching for more authenticity in their lives - breaking down the walls our society and culture creates for us. This creates a need for honesty with ourselves and those that we care about.

    Mark, if you need to tell them, then make sure you express that need. That can be the most disarming thing you can do. If you know it will be uncomfortable for them, acknowledge that. If you are trying to be authentic with them out of a need for intimacy and love for them, tell them.

    Beating around the bush may or may not be less traumatic, and could take a very long time.

    Good luck Mark, I believe you'll make the right choice!

    - Sandra

  23. #23
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    I was in this exact same situation, albeit 20 years ago.

    First, I would think carefully before telling. You can't un-tell. Second, I would have to factor in your home situation. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Are they well adjusted people? Are you in a hostile living situation? If they are good, level headed people that love you, it might be ok to tell. It is hostile, I would probably not tell.

    I told my parents mostly because they were very nosy with no respect for my privacy and I assumed had discovered me already, or at least it would have been a preemptive strike in case they found out later. It was a hostile situation (with my father) and I would have never told my father otherwise. It was mostly a don't ask don't tell situation. I made the mistake of leaving one of my wigs out in plain view, which is took and destroyed. Had I openly dressed, I am sure I would have been homeless.

    If you decide to tell, have some good, quality information to give them pertaining to your situation. If you are a hetero crossdresser, you might have one of the books we recommended for wives of dressers; obviously that isn't your situation per se, but it would help try and assure them you are not TS and not gay etc.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by cd mark View Post
    Okay but theve been making references to that subject but most of the time its a joke.
    Thays what I thought my parents were doing for many years joking about me wearing a dress for this or that. Of course being deathly scared it might seam like I wanted to wear a dress I laughed it off. Trunes out thew knew and was waiting for me to make my move when I was ready.
    Long story short I didn't until mom had passed and although dad knows and dosen't really care for it or understand it. He says if it makes me happy and isn't illegal or harming others then do it.
    They may already know they may not I don't know, but if it something you feel you need to tell them then you should. As far as how I wrote my father a letter but I was living 3000 or so miles away at the time.

  25. #25
    Fashionista VeronicaMoonlit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    Why do they need to know?
    Personally, I think the people one lives with need to know, at least for logistics reasons.

    Quote Originally Posted by lisa-wb View Post
    Hiding secrets like this from the most important people in your life is very exhausting, can make us feel alone and depressed. Coming out to someone we love can afford us the opportunity to finally speak somewhat openly about a subject that's been unspeakable for a long time.

    am I getting close?
    That's exactly why I told my immediate family back in 93. It was one of the best and smartest things I've ever done.

    Quote Originally Posted by Curiouser&Curiouser View Post
    I think Lisa is right on - something the current generation of young people is doing is searching for more authenticity in their lives - breaking down the walls our society and culture creates for us. This creates a need for honesty with ourselves and those that we care about.
    Even some of us older folks feel that way, though I was relatively young (26) when I came out to my family. I identified as a "transgender identified" CD at that time, by the way.

    Mark, if you need to tell them, then make sure you express that need. That can be the most disarming thing you can do. If you know it will be uncomfortable for them, acknowledge that. If you are trying to be authentic with them out of a need for intimacy and love for them, tell them.
    Exactly this.

    One other thing, my Mother and sister stated their disappointment when I told them. Disappointment that I didn't trust in their love for me and told them sooner. They said they didn't know, I had a hard time believing that, thinking they'd noticed things, but they said no. All of that OCD/paranoia I had when I was young about putting things back in EXACTLY the same position/folds/buttons buttoned or unbuttoned. My sister has said she thought I was keeping "something" bottled up, but had no idea what.

    Veronica
    If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
    We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
    Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.

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