Getting Hit on--Affirming or Disturbing?

[JaytoJillian]

It was Saturday night, the weekend before Halloween, and all I wanted to do was to get inside the club (an LGBT establishment, so I was not fooling anyone), have a drink and dance. As I navigated through the parking lot, I was approached three times by different lurking guys who were very generous with the compliments, wanted to "talk," and tried to convince me to forgo the club and hang with them instead. While I never felt concerned about my safety--the area was well-lit and security was present--I felt a little annoyed that just because I was wearing a dress, I was somehow there for their entertainment. I guess I am okay with compliments from guys and pretty much anyone for that matter, as I find that they can be somewhat affirming if genuine and not attached to a proposition. I guess my most recent experience out en femme felt like I had to run a gauntlet of sexual advances just to get into a party. So, for me, the situation was more in the disturbing category, as it crossed the line a bit. Sucks being seen as "meat."

So, for those of you who go out, when men (and/or women) hit on you, is it affirming or disturbing?


Cheers,

Jill

[Rachelakld]

I tend to wear an engagement ring and wedding ring, hoping they get the hint.
If they don't notice, I thank them and mention I'm married and they move on.

[kimberley anne]

As a new girl this summer, I found it affirming to be acknowledged as attractive, even when the man was not attractive to me. So, be affirmed-- there are many GGs who wish they were attractive, but never feel such affirmation.

That said, it is also legitimate to feel disturbed even as you are affirmed if the circumstances suggest danger or hostility. An admiring man is not necessarily an admirable man. There are creeps out there, and they are willing to act on their attraction to you in horrible ways. Being complimented by a bad guy does not mean you owe him anything-- even acknowledgement.

So, take care of yourself first, but you wouldn't have dressed and gone out in public if you did not want to have the world witness your true self. So know that your efforts to become who you want to be have changed the world's perception of you. Congratulations. And please be careful.

[Jenniferathome]

I wanted to add this idea: if a gay man hit on me in guy mode, I'd not be offended but I would not feel affirmed either. If he kept hitting on me after I explained I was was not gay and not interested, I'd be offended.

Now, given I know I do not pass as a genetic woman, the only reason someone can be hitting on me is they are 1) they are gay which falls into the category I started with above 2) drunk and have a severe loss of vision and that is offensive or 3) they are not even looking at me and that is offensive and just stupid.

[lingerieLiz]

When in my teens and 20s I was hit on by guys. I didn't take any up on it. I'm sure that they thought I was a girl. I've been propositioned in drab mode too.

[deebra]

Jill, first off so glad to hear from you and you are still CDing. Consider it a whole lot more affirming and a little disturbing. Comes with the territory of being a beautiful woman which you are. When you dress and present so well the male radar definitely picks you up. If they ignored you what does that say? I know it would be better if they didn't but you are definitely classy eye candy. More posts and pic's please.

[Jenniferathome]

I have been hit on only a few times and each time it was a "compliment" about a body part or it as a drunk. None were an affirming experience. It is funny but while I want to look good, I don't want the advances from a guy. But as you noted, wearing a dress does not confir license to men to hit on you.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I'd take being hit on as a huge and very amusing compliment.

One thing I would say is that guys who try it outside the club are either cheapskates, or savvy because they are getting first pick, or both.

God, take it as a huge compliment, then get inside the club as fast as possible and dance your heart out.

[Tracii G]

I have been hit on several times and I took it as a compliment.
They weren't too forward and so it wasn't awkward at the time.

[deebra]

AFTER THOUGHT: After posting on your thread I began thinking why would three different groups of guys that one would think were gay since they were at a LGBT club hit on you. You present 100% a woman, they should not be interested in a female with a vagina, they want a man to look like a man and have man parts so why the interest? Maybe they saw you as a lesbian. Were they trying to ridicule you as a genetic female just as a group of straight guys would a gay guy. Or do guys hit on anything that moves and can be sexual just to boost their testosterone and be manly? And yes Jill, it doesn't feel good to be viewed as a piece of meat or sexual outlet for sperm. Chalk it up to you are classy and they have never heard of it.

[Meghan4now]

Eww!

Jillian, some flirtation does not bother me, and can be a little flattering, but when it gets suggestive or agressive, my spidy senses go off. And outside the club, seems dangerous. But I am sure that girls get this all the time, so handle it with grace if you can.

And be careful out there.

[Kate Simmons]

I usually find it more amusing than anything else Hon. I go to the club to socialize and dance not get picked up. The first thing I usually say to the hitter(usually a young guy) is "Do you know how old I am?" They usually get a puzzled look on their face.I say makeup works wonders and tell them I'm 69 and old enough to be your Grandmother. Then you see them slowly exit stage left.

[sara66]

I am not surprised, if you look half as good in person, guys would hit on you. If I ever get hit on, I'll send them off for an eye examine.
You should be flattered, all the hard work pays off.
Sara

[karla2016]

Well, I guess one should follow the same protocol that GG women do. If the hit is courteous and respectful would be welcome, if the hit is rude and vulgar the response would be the same one that one got from women in his earlier life when one was a man...

[dolovewell]

I hate it.

It really doesn't happen to me out in public because I think most guys are smart enough to see I am not a woman.

I hate getting hit on by men online though. It happens on this very message board - I get PMs from creepy guys. Other communities I participate on, guys PM me asking for hookups or sex or racy pictures.

I don't mind PMs complimenting me or saying I look good or they like my outfit. It's when the line is crossed into sexualized/fetishizing territory that irks me.

I am not interested in men. Period. I do not get why men would think I am interested in guys. I don't understand why they waste their time.

[CONSUELO]

There is such a fine line between poor and aggressive behavior and that which is charming and complimentary. The words, tone of voice and setting all contribute. Being approached that way in a parking lot does not sound charming or complimentary.

[I Am Paula]

I take it as a compliment. I've never met a guy who did not respect a simple 'no thanks'.
Of course, back when I was young and pretty, sometimes I said yes, but that would be a different thread.

[Micki_Finn]

Don't take this the wrong way but if they were hanging out in the parking lot like that they were probably looking for "working" girls.

[atxpantyboy]

I've had the exact same thing happen when going to a gay club dressed, and it was also 3 different guys who approached me in the parking lot as soon as I got out of my car. I found it to be very off-putting because they were acting more like we were in a porn theater than a public place. None of them were remotely attractive, and they all seemed like bottoms, which I am, so there was zero interest. I looked fairly passable and had my makeup professionally done that night, but they knew exactly what I was from the moment I got out of my car. From my experience, most gay guys aren't interested in CD'ers, but there are a lot of men who are, and they tend to be closeted bi/gay and often married.

[suzanne]

Your story sounds just like what most women go through, sorry to say. It may be affirming if you're young or your self esteem is low, but I hear over and over that it gets old FAST.

[Dana44]

First off, I don't go to LBGT clubs. Yeah everybody there wants you in the parking lot and not in the club. But when out at a dinner or something and somebody says something nice, I like that. But I wear an engagement ring that says I am taken and that helps a lot.

[docrobbysherry]

Inside a club, I'm always surprised when I get hit on. Because I'm old and not very attractive. I mostly find it flattering.

Outside a club? I would be worried. Especially if I am alone!

[Lorileah]

I have seen your photos. You are attractive and I am sure that goes into the real world. Thus guys will try and pick you up. Now, this was a LGBT club, so in this case they were likely "chasers" and the weekend before Halloween they knew the pickings would be better when the closeted or newbies were out and less likely to know what is going on. I would say in this case creepy.

Being seen as "meat"...welcome to the single women of the world out at bars club. I had an argument with a gay friend post op that I could not go to LGBT bars because I gay men don't want women (whereas before, there was that "part" they could want), lesbians don't want transwomen (they call me a wannabe). Yes, I know I could go just for music and drinking (lame). He suggested I go to a "Sports bar". Now being a woman alone in a bar (at the bar) sends out signals to men that you are looking...and not for conversation. So, you are seen as easy or desperate. Oh, and the old adage about the "wedding ring don't plug..." is true. It might as well be bait because if you are alone and wearing a ring, you are seen as safe/ In other words, you will go home to your spouse after the fling OR you are md at the hubby and willing to try anything.

[Pat]

First, I want the address of that club. Then I'd observe that the uneasiness you felt about being perceived as entertainment for them is what happens when you lose your male privilege. One of the perks of male privilege is being able to go anywhere you want and have nobody question you. Everyone should have that particular privilege but women don't. Another male privilege is the freedom to feel that any woman you see is there for you to talk to, to pester, to interact with -- she gets no input into it. It can be a shock the first time you realize that going out en femme means you're voluntarily giving up your male privilege and you are subjecting yourself to the men out there. You can ignore it or take the lesson; your choice.

[ellbee]

Yes, it can happen sometimes no matter what you look like, where you are, or who you're with. Just a fact of life. It's quite surreal when it does occur, and it typically catches you off-guard.


And while there's definitely some over-lap, IMO there is a bit of a difference between this happening to a GG versus a CD/TG/trans/whatever. One reason being, some of us in some situations have to deal with the issue of whether the guy "knows" -- or he doesn't. Sorry, but GG's don't go through that, LOL... And it's just another layer of complexity that compounds everything. Because if he's just being stupid/blind/drunk/horny -- and actually thought you were a GG? Yeah, things have the potential of snowballing from there in a much different way than a GG would experience.


And another: We can be specifically targeted by "admirers" or "chasers" or whatever. They are not going after GG's -- they intentionally want to get into our panties because of what we have in there, which is a wee bit different, fundamentally speaking, than what GG's have. It's not like a hetero guy chasing after only GG blondes or GG redheads or something, who all share, um, something in common, regardless. We are "special" to them for a particular reason. And as such, there's always the potential of them going about it a somewhat different way & with a different motivation/desire/aggressiveness/whatever.


To be fair, of course, I don't believe one side or the other can get a true sense of the differences. I suppose some TS's could come pretty close, though, through personal experiences before/during/after their journey. But even then.



Anyway, here's a portion of what I posted elsewhere here, regarding this kind of stuff...


- Remember Yahoo Chat? Back in the day, I had created a profile listing me as female & included a pic of me en femme. As an experiment, I'd simply enter a vanilla public chat room, maybe say "Hi" & that was it. During the next 5 minutes, I'd get bombarded with PM's from all these dudes, oftentimes complimenting my photo and/or obviously hitting on me. Move onto the next chat room? Same thing.

...

- I've been ogled by men at hetero clubs/bars. Sometimes it was obvious how they perceived me, and sometimes it's not. (Do they know?)

- I've been hit on by men at hetero clubs/bars. As above, I never came out & asked them, "Um, you know I'm a dude, right? Just making sure, here."

- I've been asked to dance by men at hetero clubs/bars. See above. Besides, I don't dance in public, regardless how I'm presenting, LOL.


Shocking, flattering, weird, creepy, scary, uncomfortable & pretty awesome, all at the same time. I liked it, and I hated it. I tended to make hasty retreats before stuff went any further in any kind of direction. But, comes with the territory sometimes, I suppose.