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Thread: Maybe some acceptance??

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Traci H's Avatar
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    Maybe some acceptance??

    I am still processing two comments made by my wife yesterday. Of course you did not heard the tone of the comment, so your at a great disadvantage. Nonetheless, I felt compelled to write about them.

    The first was when I was leaving to go buy a couple of shirts (male) that I determined I needed for work. Just basic dress shirts and the store had a coupon, etc. As I was leaving she commented "And no more underwear" referring to my vast collection of panties that I wear every day and baffles her as to why I would need more than a few pairs or why I want women's in the first place. She did say underwear and not panties. I assured her I was not going for more during this trip, and that was the truth. I wondered afterward is she just sort of accepting this part of my life. I wear 24/7, but she never really sees me in them.

    Later as we cleaned up, she grabbed my manbag and said "I'm putting your purse upstairs" (We had company coming)There did not seem to be any negativity in the tone, but more just a statement of fact. Note this bag is hardly a purse, although she sees it that way. It is a brown canvas rough looking crossbody bag about 10 " x 10" and sold on ebay for guys. I would much rather carry a black leather bag that truly looked like a purse, but take what I can get. I really do dislike carrying my phone, wallet, etc in my jeans and like it all in one spot.

    I am hoping and praying that this is just a little indication that she sees these are just things in life and nothing to fret about. Actions and how I treat her are much more important. I do my best to treat her very well. I know she does not want to see her man erode away, and I must fight that notion in this process. It is a tough one.

    Traci

  2. #2
    Silver Member
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    You're right. Its impossible to divine her meaning from what you wrote. You are the only one who can figure that out. But don't make any assumptions. You know what happens. You need to talk with her directly, asking specific questions about what she means and how she feels about your underdressing and crossdresssing. She could be like anything from "No. No. A thousand times no." to "I love how you look in a dress" (rare, but it does happen). But only you can find this out. Good luck.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Traci I know exactly what you mean my wife and I have been on this journey a long time we have had fights over it and
    many many discussions and over time I think she is seeing this as a part of me but I do have to be careful to respect her
    and understand she needs her man as well. It really is a give an take thing and it takes a lot of communication and patients

  4. #4
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    From my personal experience I'd say don't read anything into her comments. I think those of us with less than fully supportive spouses, who live in constant hope that some day they'll come around, tend to see any little glimmer of hope and turn it into far more than what it really is. From what I read in your post, I think you're falling into that trap. With the caveat of "I wasn't there and don't know your wife", I just don't see anything to indicate more than just her maybe trying to make light of one situation and just stating fact in the other.

  5. #5
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    My wife as I'm sure many women are, is imposible to read. At the moment I am in the closet, but am closing in on the big talk. In conversation I look for any glimmer of hope that she may already be aware of 'something' about me and that the talk may be easier than expected. So, every comment, every throwaway line I sieze upon and hope it means more than it actually does. You obviously know your wife best and must interpret any comments in your own way. From me also, good luck!
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  6. #6
    Senior Member Adelaide's Avatar
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    My wife left me Friday after 35 years....She has never accepted my CDing over the years. She now believes our relationship was just a lie and blames me for wasting the best years of her life...

  7. #7
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    You make no attempt to describe her tone of voice, body language or facial expressions- so no, we have no clue about what her thought processes were at the time.

    But if you take the words at face value, she's clearly stating her boundaries.

    It all depends on her face and tone of voice- so what's your take on her feelings?
    I used to have a short attention spa

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adelaide View Post
    My wife left me Friday after 35 years....She has never accepted my CDing over the years. She now believes our relationship was just a lie and blames me for wasting the best years of her life...
    This was probably one of the most painful things I've read in weeks. I'm so sorry to hear that you guys have separated but more sorry to hear that she was so hurtful and judgmental about it. I hope things improve for you quickly and emotionally you're able to ultimately find yourself in a better place. I can't imagine it's been much of a picnic leading up to this point.

  9. #9
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    How many other men do you know that carry a "manbag"? Not many, I'll bet.

    Years ago I was eating lunch in a restaurant with three of my co-workers. Me, another male who carried what he called a "pantless pocket", and two women. As we were walking out the door, the waitress came running out calling "You forgot your purse!" Of course it was not one of the women's purses, it was the other guy's "pantless pocket" (or as you called it, his "manbag").

    Your wife calls it "your purse" because that's what it looks like to her and most other people.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    I don't know, I guess you got to be there. Doesn't sound like much to me, but then again, tone of voice and face gesture is very important to explain. My wife could be seriously commenting me and the tone of voice of face movement could alone tell the story.
    Well the good news is, it's not bad and that's great.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Traci H's Avatar
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    Well, thanks for your thoughts all. True, if I don't know what to make of it, how would you. Krisi, I don't any other guy that carries a manbag, but I do see them once in a great while. More so in large cities on the coasts, and in movies of course, like Indiana Jones.

    The journey continues and sometimes I just don't have anything super meaningful to contribute to this forum, but the daily dribble of life.

    Adelaide, I am truly sorry for your situation. Your post made my heart break.

  12. #12
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Adelaide, sorry to hear that! Very hurtful for her to say that! I feel your grief! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  13. #13
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    I think a man or a woman who views undergarments as just undergarments and does not ascribe any fetish, sexual, etc feeling to them just does not need all that many undergarments. I have enough male underpants, white and black, to make it for two weeks between wash days. The same with tee shirts. I do the whites many times for my wife and myself and she also makes it about two weeks between wash days. If she ever saw the number of Vanity Fair and other nylon panties I own, she'd just shake her head in disbelief. Why? Good question. There must be something else going on in his mind? Bras? Getting past why a guy would want to ever wear a bra when he has nothing to pack into it, as my wife once said, she'd shake her head again. OK, women will have a number of bras that are for alluring her man, but, still how many? Slips? I think my wife has less than half a dozen slips, full and half. Me? Over 400! Surely, he is out of his mind and needs to be committed.

    I think your wife is just giving a female perspective on the panty issue. As to the bag. Maybe she fears there is makeup also in the bag and does not want guests to unzip the bag and expose the feminine contents.

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