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Thread: Do you grow out your beard before you dress shop?

  1. #26
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    No, I'm fairly clean shaven most days. My facial hair is not so dark as to give me a quick five o'clock shadow. I can understand why a man shopping for himself may grow out his facial hair. If it makes him feel more comfortable, so be it. In my younger days I use to stock up on shoes at various Payless stores at Halloween time, and, lingerie at Christmas and Valentine's Day. Those holiday made it easier for me to buy unmentionables for a young wife. Now with eBay and e-commerce I just order on-line.

  2. #27
    Fashionista VeronicaMoonlit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing View Post
    Do you grow out your beard before you dress shop?
    Why would you ask that?

    Dose it fool anyone or make it more obvious?
    I find it easer to buy girly stuff after I let my beard grow for at least a week.
    Why does it make it easier? You need to start some serious self examination and ask yourself why you think that way. Have you ever heard of the term "internalized transphobia"? Basically it is when a transpeople don't accept themselves.

    To put it generally. Many crossdressers worst enemy are...themselves.

    Veronica
    If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
    We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
    Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.

  3. #28
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    I have found that 99% of shop assistants don't care, i don't think that growing a beard will fool them anyway. But if it somehow makes it easier for you, then do whatever you gotta do I say.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  4. #29
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    Wow now that is an odd question and like Veronica said you need to ask yourself why you asked it.
    Homophobia/transphobia is so rampant here its astounding.
    So if I am to understand your line of thinking a few days of beard growth will make the SA think you aren't gay? Is that it?
    Oh FYI 70% of my gay male friends either have beards or let several days beard growth happen before they shave.
    The 5o'clock shadow is considered hot buy some guys I know.
    So your beard theory has no validity.

  5. #30
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    I shop (and have for over 40 years) in everything full male, full fem, and everything in between. I get "May I help you?" or some variation of that all the time. But, I'd say in all that time there have been less than 10 times I've been challenged in a "Is this for you?" way, and every single time it was a remarkably positive experience (at least as far as I can remember).

    Contrary to your fears, I wish it happened more! I have loved every one of those exchanges. Even the most awkward of them. I'll admit there were times I was tempted to laugh it off as "I'm just shopping for my wife", but glad every time that I didn't. Hiding it is depriving yourself of one of the little joys of this lifestyle. You'll never know how great that feels until you do it. Chances are, though, you'll be waiting a while for it to happen.

    BTW, the strangest one of all is when I was round cotton pads! The clerk asked, "Are these for you!?!" as if buying/using cotton pads was the height of femininity. I just said, "Yes. And you wouldn't believe what else I buy!" I wish I had remembered what she looked like so I could go through her line with a bra and panties or makeup. I could have been epic!

  6. #31
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    Rhonda Jean that is so true its the little off the cuff comments out shopping that are so much fun.
    The SA's seem to enjoy asking if they can help or is that for you?
    Think of it as a way the SA is opening a more accepting dialog with you.
    My advice is go with it and have some fun. Be open and let them have some fun too.

  7. #32
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    Rhonda Jean,
    That's why I prefer to shop alone you can have fun with SAs or chat to them about clothes.

    I had a funny little thing happen in a charity shop in drab and saw a blue handbag, I'd been searching for some time so grabbed it off the sales rack, a young guy who worked in the shop looked and said, " that won't go with what you're wearing ", I replied, " no but it will go exactly with what I'll be wearing tomorrow night !"

    Sometimes I feel I should write all these down I really have had some fun !

  8. #33
    Member barbara gordon's Avatar
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    I get the idea that you might want to disguise your motivewith a more macho or butchlook withthe beard . If it gives you confidence , its probablu ok ,but you really are welcome to shop as much as you want and whereever you want! No matter how you shaveor not .
    For me, ilike to be clean shavenof i am going to look for womens clothes . Ihave gotten to the point that i will try clothes on at the stores wether i am drag or drab .
    I feel like being clean shaven actually makes other shoppers and store staff more comfortable. Which makes me more comfortable too.

    This made me think of the growing out the beard thing:
    I will sometimes grow mine out a little. Bit on days following any days i have been out dressed and wearing full make up , for me that gives me a little less worry. Because i think it can detract from any leftover traces of mascara or lipstick ..


    Ps sorry for terrible spelling as i peck away on a tiny phone screen
    Last edited by barbara gordon; 11-07-2016 at 11:54 PM. Reason: Sorry for terrible spelling

  9. #34
    Addicted To Lipstick donnatracey's Avatar
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    I usually like to be clean shaven when shopping. On a related note, I always shave my legs before I get a pedi; I like the girls to have a smooth surface to work with when they work on my lower legs plus it makes the color on my nails stand out more....

  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    ................... I will posit that if one were an obvious size 12, but buying a size 00, you'd likely get the nod of buying for a wife/GF. Anything close to your actual size and it's for you.
    My wife and I wear the same size in blouses, skirts and dresses. We shop together so most folks would assume whatever we are buying is for her.

  11. #36
    Fashionista VeronicaMoonlit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    How many other men were shopping for dresses the last time you went?
    How many men do you really think shop for dresses for their GF or wife?

    I will posit that if one were an obvious size 12, but buying a size 00, you'd likely get the nod of buying for a wife/GF. Anything close to your actual size and it's for you.
    As an aside to the topic here's a funny anecdote. I got tripped up by that fact when buying a birthday gift for my sister. I was shopping at a store that I had bought things for myself at...but I hadn't directly said they were for me. (It was some time between 97 and 2001 I think) Now if I had been asked directly, I would have said yes. So there I was buying a gift, think it was a dress. And my sister and I have similar builds. I'm slightly taller, with bigger shoulders, she's more apple-y but we're pretty close in size.

    The SA takes the item I'd found, and says "And who might this be for?" In a very knowing voice with a very knowing look in her eye. And like an idiot...I told the truth: "it's for my sister".

    The moment I said that, I internally facepalmed. I KNEW what I had done. Given one of the standard flimsy crossdresser excuses: "It is for wife/sister/etc." Yes it was true in this circumstance, but the SA didn't know that.

    The SA smirked and then gave me a look that said. "I know you're buying this for you, you crossdresser you." I was so flummoxed and embarassed that I didn't say anything else.

    What I should have said after that was: "Not shopping for me, this time, this really is a birthday gift. Wasn't really looking out for anything for myself...maybe next time."

    Of course now if someone asked me that: "Yes, it's for me." But I probably wouldn't have to do that, I get spotted as trans fairly quickly even in guy mode. Some years back I Asked one Lane Bryant SA how she spotted me when I was shopping in guy mode after she asked "Find anything, can I start you a dressing room?" She laughed and said it was how I looked at, touched and interacted with the clothing, like a woman and not a "clueless" man....and also the hair. She said a non-trans man buying a gift wouldn't have touched the things, pulled them off the rack and looked at them like I did. And she said she was happy that I was forthright and honest about it, and she mentioned all the obvious CD's who came in who were too scared to admit it. She was a great SA, found a nice pair of trousers for me, similar to ones my sister had that I liked. (but the ones my sister had were discontinued and were more flattering)


    Veronica
    Last edited by VeronicaMoonlit; 11-08-2016 at 08:29 PM.
    If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
    We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
    Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.

  12. #37
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    It would look terrible with my makeup, so no.
    I just put on something cute and grab my purse...it has my credit cards....lol
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  13. #38
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    Nope. I always shop in drab but I go clean shaven and dressed in "business casual" being as inconspicuous as possible. Clean and well groomed - just an average guy who happens to enjoy wearing women's clothing.

  14. #39
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    thats cool you found a way to make it easier for you to buy womens clothes. I used to convince myself I was a buyer for a fashion boutique when I shopped the thrift store LOL....

    thru time when i got more comfortable and confident...i diddnt need an excuse , the same will prob happen to you too, after time it wont even matter anymore and you will shop clean faced or not.

    in the end nobody cares anyway what your buying its pretty much in our heads xoxo

  15. #40
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    Adriana,

    Don't forget I'm 58 and if I still feel uncomfortable now I most likely will never be. But one I'm out of the store I'm glad I did it.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  16. #41
    Member Kiwi Primrose's Avatar
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    In my experience you won't full a SA no matter what you are wearing. They always seem to know when I am buying for myself and are very attentive.

  17. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adriana Moretti View Post
    thats cool you found a way to make it easier for you to buy womens clothes. I used to convince myself I was a buyer for a fashion boutique when I shopped the thrift store LOL....

    thru time when i got more comfortable and confident...i diddnt need an excuse , the same will prob happen to you too, after time it wont even matter anymore and you will shop clean faced or not.

    in the end nobody cares anyway what your buying its pretty much in our heads xoxo
    This exactly.
    You are the one that needs to get over the fear of shopping for female items or clothes because nobody really cares what you buy and who its for.
    Don't feel the need to have to explain yourself to anyone.
    Feeling you need to explain is showing others the guilt you have by trying to hide it.

  18. #43
    Fashionista VeronicaMoonlit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing View Post
    Adriana,

    Don't forget I'm 58 and if I still feel uncomfortable now I most likely will never be.
    Why do you say that? The one constant thing is change. Age doesn't matter, I'm 49 myself. You don't think I had issues with internalized transphobia? I did.
    There is nothing wrong with crossdressing or being trans. It is what it is. Why doesn't matter, what matters is how you deal with it. You've been doing this a long time, right, since your were 8? Don't you think it's long past time you accepted that this is a thing that is going to be with you forever, and that it is best to accept that and deal with it in an Adult way. No excuses, no bullshit, no purges, no DADT. You're a crossdresser.
    If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
    We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
    Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.

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