Feels like I hit a dead end

[Maria 60]

I wrote a thread about once your out its hard to go back. Well ive been out more lately on night drives and it feels great. The last 2 nights the kids were out and I didn't dress, my wife didn't say anything until tonight. She asked what's going on, I'm always looking for time and the house has been empty for 2 nights and I didn't dress at all.
I told her I'm not sure what's going on, I made the mistake of walking out that door, I don't want to lock myself up as a prisoner, I only want to go out driving now.
I told her I feel like packing it up and leaving it at underdressing, and feel as if I reached a dead end.
I thought I would be happy in the closet, but now I tasted the juices and driving around and expressing myself as a women is all I want to do now. But everytime I walk out that door I'm taking a chance and I have no intention of getting seen or get into a accident and having to explain why I'm driving around dressed like a women.
My wife is an amazing women and she told me she has seen Maria evolve more and more and it was just a matter of time before she wanted more and wanted out.
I told her it's not what I want in my life and for the first time I really feel like packing up my things and just taking a break and just leave my panties and pantyhose out and just underdress.
My wife said she remembered a day when a skirt, slip and pantyhose was more then enough, but now it's almost all or nothing, maybe her giving me so much space lead me to this point of no return and maybe it was a mistake to walk out that door. She then asked me what I wanted to do, I told her it's like when you reached a position at work when you can't go any higher, it gets boring and you lose your motivation. The house is empty again tonight but don't feel like locking the doors and closing all the blinds and going into lock down. To make me happy my wife told me to go for a drive, I told her I want more, but not willing to take the chance. Dead end. Thanks for listening

[Tracy Irving]

From day to day you never know what your mood will bring. Sometimes I will wear panties only. That could last a week or two until the pink fog inevitably returns. Do what makes you happy.😄

[Tracii G]

I think you are reading too much into all this.
We all have times where we don't dress all the way.It might go for months you never know.
It doesn't mean anything so find something else to do for a while like build a hot rod or take up a hobby.
You are still you no matter what.
This whole idea of CDing will always lead to something more serious like living as a female 24/7 or even SRS isn't always the case.

Take some time off I have done it several times but I always come back.

[Rachelakld]

for me,
my inner girl brings me down if she doesn't get her share of "out" time (when she has control).
It's not what I want, but we seem to have reached a balanced situation where she gets to do what she wants for a few hours a week (some weeks she misses out but understands the reason why).
This weekend she only had 2 hours out, and 1 of those was spent getting my blood tested in a crowded local clinic, but it was enought for her at this time

[IleneD]

Maria:

Sometimes in my CD Life, the person I need to sit down with and have a heart to heart talk is not the Significant Other. Sometimes it's Ilene; my inner Femme.
Yes, sometimes it's Ilene who is demanding to the point of being out of control. She needs the be brought back to Earth.
And this makes sense, Maria.
I don't know your personal details but you appear to be kind of like me; mature (I'm 64), and a wife on many long loving years who is marginally supportive; tolerant but certainly not enthusiastic. I've recently come out with her (39 yrs marriage), and while it was no huge surprise, it was a shock. So far we're managing things well.

One of the valuable lessons I've learned from others on this site is how important it is to curb your enthusiasm at times. Right now, with the SO giving the red light to crossdressing (but keep it at home), I am stoked to wear my small wardrobe. I'm also careful to not flaunt it. I know the sight of me in a dress unsettles her a bit, and it's something to which she's not entirely accustomed. She's trying to get on board and understand. I proceed in small doses.

Frankly, I'm happy with that. Except for a few instances of full dressing long ago, underdressing in panties, etc. was my CD experience. I crossed the barrier and bought that first dress, now grown into a small wardrobe of 5 (plus other stuff).

I suppose my point is that it's good to strike a health balance with everything in life. Don't let any one aspect of your existence demand all the attention. We don't live in a vacuum, and you shouldn't feel ashamed or hurt if you can't let Maria out to play. I've learned these wise things about managing my relationship (always the most important) with my wife & best friend and my CD Life with Ilene from my friends on this forum. I've learned to keep Ilene in perspective and maintain my priorities..... or at least try.

Don't be sad, Maria. Take time off and be A Guy for a while; a happy guy. Go fishing. Start an exercise program (always great for beating depression). I assure you that the day is right around the corner of your local department store when you see another dress that screams your name.

[Teresa]

Maria,
I feel you need to find a group to justify your dressing needs, I commented recently that I dress less at home, once you've gone out and been accepted by other members of the TG community and their partners dressing at home doesn't have the same feelings.
In my case I'm in a DADT situation my wife doesn't want to see me but you don't have that problem , your wife may even enjoy going to meet other GGs, I have been pleasantly surprised how much they also enjoy the outings .

Confession time again I'm sitting here dressed enjoying a few minutes on the forum after doing some domestic jobs , my wife is at work and she rang to check something out, I feel so comfortable at the moment I nearly asked her if I could stay dressed when she arrives home.

[carolyn todd]

One day Teresa you might forget the time.

Carolyn

[Teresa]

Carolyn,
Either that or fall asleep ! Well she does know , maybe she might like what she sees ? OK so that was a pig flying by !

[Krisi]

Well, to answer your last sentence, go somewhere far from home where people you know won't recognize you. For that matter, if you do a good job with your makeup, wig, etc. people aren't likely to recognize you anyway.

We all have out ups and downs as far as dressing goes. That's one of the reasons I would not try to live as a woman. Sometimes it's too much trouble or you don't feel like it but if you're living as a woman, you have no choice.

I suggest just keeping your stuff to see if the feeling comes back. Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

[CONSUELO]

I believe that one of the hardest aspects of being a cross dresser is the swing in ones desire to cross dress. Sometimes it is so intense that you start to plan your life around it and then it wanes and those plans seem irrelevant.
Two aspects that i did not understand as a teenager were that my transvestic desires would strengthen over my life but paradoxically the periodic swings in enthusiasm or desire would deepen. These emotional trends and swings are hard to understand and deal with.

I would say relax and let time tell you what you feel

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Teresa,

One day your wife will have to see you fully dressed. It is just inevitable.

[Ally 2112]

Over the years i have also had many mood swings about my CDing .Everything from i thought i was a women in a mans body to just wanting to push the limits like you Maria.I do dress very regular now and sometimes i do get antsy about it because i am in the closet so to speak .When this happens i try to mix it up a bit and do something different with the same thing if that makes sense ? .In the end only you and your spouse can hopefully figure this out where to go next .All the best

[WandaRae2009]

Perhaps you could find a support group a couple of hours away, so the likely hood of you being seen would be much lower. Since you wife is supportive, maybe you could even make it a weekend get away for the two of you. Many support group welcome spouses. It also gives here someone to share the situation with. I have addressed that with my wife, but unfortunately, she is not supportive as your wife seems to be.

Good luck to you. I understand the frustration that you just can't walk out the door and fully explore that side of you from home without any worries.

[~Joanne~]

once you get out there and get little "taste" (for the lack of a better word) you never want to go back to "just" dressing around the house. You want to feel that wind around your legs and through your hair, I know, I suffer from the same feelings you are having right now. It's a hard decision, you know this isn't going away but the urge to dress just isn't there.

pack it up and put it away some where till it comes back. you don't HAVE to dress every free moment you get and when you do get the moment and the urge, you'll enjoy it alot more than forcing yourself to dress when you don't really want to.

Right now i am dressed after a very long day of work. I wanted to dress so i did. I do tend to dress a lot more during the cooler/cold months but during the spring and summer? I feel just the same as you do now. don't worry, no one is going to come to your house and revoke your CDing card

[Nikki A.]

I have the house to myself again and I find I don't have the urge to dress at home like I used to. However I'm very happy putting on a pair of leggings (I do find them comfortable and warm) and a tee shirt.
However, I have found that I need to get out every so often as Nikki as an outlet. Whether it is going to church, shopping or sometimes going out with friends, i need the interaction an the affirmation that this is a part of me and that I enjoy it.
I especially enjoy going out into the real world, some of the groups I am a member of have turned into more of a TG/TS wanting to live as women full time and as a CD I felt that my efforts were being poopooed. If you're not transitioning you're not really a part of us. Please don't get me wrong I met many girls who have transitioned and they were very nice and accepting and I still consider them friends. It was the ones who told me that within 2 years I would be transitioning also that really turned me off.

[AllieSF]

I understand where you are. I can almost assure you that one day driving around will not be enough either. Purging, or going back into the closet, so to speak, won't work either. It really sounds like you have a wonderful and open relationship with your wife and can honestly talk about this subject. Congratulations on that. My recommendation is to work closely with very mixed results. You have an ally where they did and do not have. Hiding and repressing needs can be a bad road to worse future problems. If you can explore along with your wife, and this is not sexually exploration but who you are and what you need exploration, then I think you will get the best long term results going that way, even if those results bring along other new issues that need to be dealt with. However you go forward I do wish you the best of luck.