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Thread: Wanting to come out at Church

  1. #1
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    Wanting to come out at Church

    I would like to come out at Church. We have a new Pastor. I'm going to wait till after New Years to come out to her about me being of the Transgender Community. Seeing that she's the head Pastor of my Church. She's the first one that I should mention it to at church.

    I figure to that maybe I could date a lady from Church. Yes into the relationship she needs to know about myself being of the Transgender Community. Also you never know i would like to have my friends from the Transgender community to my wedding.

    How does this all sound to you?

  2. #2
    Silver Member Meghan4now's Avatar
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    Well, I would be very careful about this. While a church should be welcoming, there is a very large bias in most churches against what they may perceive as being contrary to their mores.
    Put on a Happy Face.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    It is possible that, just after you tell your pastor you are a cross dresser, you date and, in front of the Transgender Community, marry a woman from your church. Stranger things have happened. I wish you well.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member OCCarly's Avatar
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    If it is a Methodist Church you should be fine. Any other denomination, proceed with caution.
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  5. #5
    Aspiring Member MelanieAnne's Avatar
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    You say you are from the transgender community. What does that mean. You want to date a lady, but you are from the transgender community. How does that work? We need more details.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    As a second generation UU..I hope you are with us !

  7. #7
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Sounds like the cart is getting put in front of the horse.
    Are you a CDer or transgender?
    Do you suffer from gender dysphoria? There are a lot of facets to the "community".
    Last edited by Tracii G; 11-07-2016 at 10:32 PM.
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  8. #8
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    I'm a part timer that's of the transgender community. I don't find it necessary to be full time like Caitlyn Jenner. I feel the need to be both a guy and a girl. I'm born the way that I am. I'm still the same person. My interest and hobbies are the same. I want to be taken seriously in the gender that I'm presenting as. To be lady like, treated like a lady. To look like a lady as best as I can. The same with being a guy. No I'm not gender dysphoric. I don't dress at all for a stress releiever nor a hobby. I dress because I feel the need to.

    Let me be more specific I would like to date a cisgender woman. One who is born genetically as a girl.

    Anyways, the church that I go to is a Presbyterian Church. To be more specific it's PC USA. Which is very liberal. Opening and welcoming of all. Free thinkers of the bible. We also have same sex marriage.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracy Irving View Post
    It is possible that, just after you tell your pastor you are a cross dresser, you date and, in front of the Transgender Community, marry a woman from your church. Stranger things have happened. I wish you well.
    If I don't end up marrying a lady that goes to my church. I'm still going to have the Pastor of my church to my wedding. It would be awesome to invite my friends from the Transgender Community to my wedding.

    Well thank you for wishing me the best of luck.
    Last edited by Julie 29; 11-07-2016 at 11:03 PM.

  9. #9
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    Either I'm from a very conservative church, or I wouldn't even dare to myself. The church I attend and serve doesn't really talk a lot about LGBT issues, but has spoken against homosexuality in passing.

    Do proceed with caution however; churches often take a united stand against anything they perceive contrary to their beliefs.

  10. #10
    Member josrphine's Avatar
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    Hi Julie, I am out at the church that my wife and I attend. As a matter of fact the women pastor has told me that she prefers me to come as a women. When my wife and I come into the door she waits to greet every one with a hug and a cheek kiss you know the brush on the cheek. With me she alway wants to kiss me on the lips, and being she has thin lips. I then have to wipe my lip stick off, she holds on to me until i do. Very interesting. I do have many of the women there that love huging me, my wife dose not even notice. I kind of like it. Jo

  11. #11
    Member Anne K's Avatar
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    You should know your congregation and pastor better than anyone else. Still, take a breath and think it out. Once out, you are out! I have had conversations about CD/TG issues (I am not out) with friends and family who I thought would be very accepting and what came out of their mouths was shocking! If you have ever done any woodworking, there is a saying: Measure twice, cut once.

  12. #12
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Why wait until after New Years?

    I'm confused as to why you are going to Church in the first place. Is it to hear the message? Or is it more of a social thing? Are you going to Church to meet a lady and potentially marry her?

    Churches are strange in a way. Even though they are all using the same Bible, some are accepting of transgender people while others believe it's a sin.

    I think if you want to come out as transgender and marry a woman you meet at Church, you should shop around for a Church that's transgender friendly.

  13. #13
    Addicted To Lipstick donnatracey's Avatar
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    Joyce and Krisi offer excellent advice......

  14. #14
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    If you can't come out at church maybe you are in the wrong church. As long as your not being flamboyant or trying to mock others and you are following the norms of society you should have no problem. I gues the norms of society could be the problem. But the church should be welcoming to all. Wasn't that how Jesus was
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    Why wait until after New Years?

    I'm confused as to why you are going to Church in the first place. Is it to hear the message? Or is it more of a social thing? Are you going to Church to meet a lady and potentially marry her?

    Churches are strange in a way. Even though they are all using the same Bible, some are accepting of transgender people while others believe it's a sin.

    I think if you want to come out as transgender and marry a woman you meet at Church, you should shop around for a Church that's transgender friendly.
    I go to church because it helps me out. I'm also active with my church as well. The reason I'm waiting till after New Years is that we got a brand new Pastor last month. She needs to settle into the church. Plus with the month of December which of course has Christmas. That's why I'm waiting till after New Years for things to settle down for our new Pastor.

    Sallee, I'm not at all the flamboyant type. When I'm going out en femme, I do the best to blend in. No I absolutley would not mock others. I do the best I can.
    Last edited by Julie 29; 11-08-2016 at 08:43 PM.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member MelanieAnne's Avatar
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    you should shop around for a Church that's transgender friendly.
    Is that sorta like judge shopping, where you just find someone who agrees with you?

  17. #17
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    Actually we do ordain the LGBT Community. They always mention that all are welcomed to church. As well as taking communion.

  18. #18
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MelanieAnne View Post
    Is that sorta like judge shopping, where you just find someone who agrees with you?
    Exactly. Read the third line in my previous post.

  19. #19
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MelanieAnne View Post
    Is that sorta like judge shopping, where you just find someone who agrees with you?
    Yes, as it should be, not just for transgender acceptance, but for all aspects of your church relationship. The alternative is attending a church where you are told what you should believe.
    Isn't it better to find one that aligns with your beliefs?

  20. #20
    Senior Member 2B Natasha's Avatar
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    Julie

    Personally I detest the church. I find little in the institution that resonates with me any longer. I was raised Lutheran and had little issue with them at the time.

    That said. It sounds as if the one you've chosen is open to your gender status and presentation as you indicate. You should be fine. Worst cascade scenerio is that they reject you and you have to find another church to go visit.

    Cheers
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  21. #21
    Southern Girl dolovewell's Avatar
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    The alternative is attending a church where you are told what you should believe.
    Isn't it better to find one that aligns with your beliefs?
    why even bother going to a Church at all....

    What I mean by this, is that if you truly believe the Bible is immutable and God's Word, why would you think its OK to pick and choose the elements of it you want to believe and which elements you want to toss to the side?
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    Moderator note

    Ok folks, this forum does not allow discussion on religion and some of the comments are treading a very thin line. This is a first AND last warning, we do have the button that prevents further comments and it will be used.

    Nigella
    Moderator

  23. #23
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    I went to "a" church for the first time as Kaley a few weeks ago. It was a Metropolitan Community Church, which is geared toward LGBTQ. It was great for the most part. I even went up and took communion. I could hardly sit in the pew when EVERYONE else was going. I only wish I hadn't over dressed. I would go far more casual next time.

  24. #24
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Ok, no religion. There are other aspects of church life that may or may align with your ..lets call them... preferences aside from doctrine. Finances, organization, etc., and here's a personal one:
    My preference is for services that are quietly reverent. I visited a church where there was obligatory applause after every musical performance (no matter how bad), random arm-waving and AMEN outbursts, and highly aminated preaching. I'm not saying those things are wrong, just not my cup of tea, so I looked for and found one more suited to me. Didn't want to wait until the snakes came out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kaleyg View Post
    I went to "a" church for the first time as Kaley a few weeks ago. It was a Metropolitan Community Church, which is geared toward LGBTQ. It was great for the most part. I even went up and took communion. I could hardly sit in the pew when EVERYONE else was going. I only wish I hadn't over dressed. I would go far more casual next time.
    This is so nice to hear and such a great reply.

    Iv read all the recent posts around here... but have avoided this topic as Im not a Church goer and never have been.

    #1 in mind is safety. And by that I mean safety from mocking and judgement as well as the more obvious physical safety. Mocking those of us brave enough to go out... oh my. Thats an appalling crime in my mind.

    I look at going out at all with a high level of fear. Waltzing into a Church is "Brexit x3 Trump effect". Id rather have a credit review with my bank manager dressed, than do that.

    So... Im wandering away. Need to pull it back on point. @OP. You are very very brave my dear to even contemplate this. And if you go through with it all the more props to you. But... is there a friendly LBGTQ church in reasonable driving distance to you to try it out in first? Just to go in and take the sermon? If you survive that then it will give you extra confidence, and maybe cement your mind a little, on that next step you are contemplating.


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