I'm surprised there isn't more compassion. I know for me, keeping a secret like this is really tough. I too confided in a mutual friend of my wife and I years before I told her. In this case he was more my friend than hers. It was while drinking as well. It's very lonely holding on to something like this for so many years, and sometimes you slip up. The friend I told was gay so I figured he'd offer a sympathetic ear. Looking back he would seem to be the worst person to tell because he was a bit out there. When I did finally come out to my wife (who has been nothing but suppprtive) I mentioned that I had told our friend years back when drinking. She was floored that he kept the secret. To the original poster; all I can say is that the cat is out of the bag whether you like it or not. I was pretty sure my wife would either divorce me or at the very least, never look at me the same way. In reality she brushed it off like it was nothing. I did get teased a bit by her for building it up in my head like I did. The friend is certain to show her the text of your wife says you denied it. Better to just rip off the bandaid.