Are you ashamed or proud of who you are?

[irene9999]

I've never been ashamed of it, just confused as to why I enjoy it so much. I do find that it's helped me become a better person as I feel I can empathize and understand females and see them more as equals and experience things that most men never get a chance to

[Territx]

Ashamed -- No; confused -- Yes; conscious/considerate of others and their attitudes -- yes.

I do this for me, not anyone else. I do not have an explanation of why I like to dress or the feelings it engenders in me. So, since I cannot explain it to myself, I will never be able to explain it to others. It is just part of me that I accept, but I cannot and will not force others to accept it just as there are parts of their lives and beliefs that I would not accept. But since I do this for me, it does not make a difference.

I know this is all very confusing -- that is what happens when there are two very separate and distinct parts to one person.

Bless any of you that can figure all of this out; you are way ahead of me and likely always will be when it comes to this aspect of our personalities.

[Kiersten]

Before I found this site, There was a time when guilt, shame and embarrassment was all I felt. I spent a lifetime where I went through a lot confusion and denial about who I was and what I wanted. Looking back on it I always viewed as a burden.

Now:
I no longer feel that way(I’m still a work in progress).
By embracing and accepting who I am, I love the journey that it has taken me on so far and I am truly looking forward to where ever else it takes me to in the future.
I believe I’m in a good place where both my male and female sides can peacefully co-exist. I no longer look at it as a burden, but a wonderful gift.

I really love being Kiersten sometimes and I feel that has made me a better person overall.

[Pat]

It's a complex question. I would say, yes, I am proud, yes, I am ashamed. Intellectually I'm clear on myself; emotionally I'm still carrying that kid living in 1950's Boston ruled over by nuns and given a moral compass designed by Rudyard Kipling. It's a complex question. But I'm really, really sure of one thing: I would not go back and change to being a cisgendered anything. Yes, the journey is tiring. But the same Kipling morality that whispers I should be ashamed also demands that I live my truth no matter what others think. It's a very complex question. Good one to ask -- thanks.

[HelenR2]

Proud, ashamed???
I yams what I yams.

[Rachael Leigh]

Wow what a question and well for many years I'm pretty sure I felt ashamed but in the last few years I've decided it's only
clothes what should I be ashamed of, I enjoy looking pretty and if that's how I am then ok and yes I'm proud of myself
and not arrogant just proud.

[Kandi Robbins]

November 16, 2016: I am DAMN proud of who I am! Now, does that mean I am going to run around telling everyone in my life about Kandi? No, I am not. Life is too complicated to simply say yes, do so and go about my business.

But I hold my head up high, especially on days like today. I spent the day with one of our sisters here on CD.com. We had a delightful day. I spent two hours with two drop dead gorgeous SAs dressing me like a doll at a consignment store and walked away with 2 dresses that look remarkable on me! I interviewed and was accepted by The Cleveland Museum of Art as a volunteer, now one of the hostesses for a monthly party they have and a number of other events.

Damn proud of myself for overcoming almost 50 years of denial, fostering a more loving relationship with the angel I have for a wife, being what I hope is a better father and becoming a truly happy person, inside and out. Two years ago I would have answered that I am ashamed, miserable, but now I am damn proud! I opened my mind to what was possible and while life isn't always a bed of roses, it certainly is a much better place than I could have ever imagined.

[Oria]

Both. I am ashamed because this love of dressing up interferes with my marriage. I am ashamed because despite of a ton of makeup I am still an ugly woman and will never pass. Proud because I shared with my wife even though I was terrified to be open and honest with her.

[AllieBellema]

I'm pretty proud of what I do. Plus, my cross dressing has branched out into crossplay so I have something I can proudly show off publicly without having to go into full details that I do also cross dress on the side as well!

[Sarah Louise]

I don't feel ashamed. I'm quite comfortable with who I am, but proud of wanting to dress, I don't think so. It's just part of me, that's all.

[Lana Mae]

I recently got to see Lana Mae. There is no shame and there is no pride. Harry and Lana Mae are one! I am happy and I am who I am and will continue to grow!! Look out world, I am out!! Hugs Lana Mae

[Natalie cupcake]

I am proud of who I am!! I love every part of being a gurl. The dresses, makeup, heels, the list could go forever. I wish I could tell more people in my life about me but I don't think they would except me. Maybe someday.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Happy to be me!!!!

[Karyn Marie]

No, I am not ashamed at all, however, that was not always the case. You see, I am a retired police officer. I hated myself, because I liked to wear dresses and wished I had been born a girl. That just did not fit with the manly, macho image we tried to project. Inside, I was a flower girl, but on the outside, I was rough and tough. I tried to surpress the feelings I had, but just could not do it. I dressed every chance I got, which really was not that often. I always stared longingly at my wife's dresses and wished they were mine. I was not happy and took it out on my wife. I retired six year ago after a 30 year career. I was still unhappy, and after five years in retirement, we almost divorced. I did not want that to happen and decided it was time to seek therapy. Long story short, it was the best thing I could have done. I had never told anyone about my feelings, until I started seeing my therapist. She was so easy to talk to and I sang like a bird, telling her everything. She went on to say there is nothing wrong with wearing women's clothing, and wishing I was a girl. I also let her know I was bi-sexual, and enjoyed having sex with men. She asked if my wife knew and I told her she did not and I explained she would not take it well. With my therapist's help and encouragement, I finally gathered the courage about a month ago and told my wife everything, keeping nothing secret, including my attraction to men. To my surprise, my wife was very accepting, although she was not very happy I had been with a couple of me. We worked through that and has been very encouraging to my dressing. She has told me I could wear anything she had and I told her I planned to start my own wardrobe, and she could wear my clothes anytime she wanted to. I feel as though a ton of weight has been lifted, and we talk about this quite often. She has many questions, and I answer them all to the best of my ability. Am I ashamed now? Not at all. I have never been as happy as I am now, and our marriage has become so strong. I love who I am, and what I have become. I love being a girl.

[suzanne]

It took me a long time to come to terms with my feminine side, but I can now say I love her and wouldn't want to be forced to suppress her. I am not a complete, healthy person without her and I am at my best when both sides are participating in my daily life.

As for your "Whats the point?" standard. It's one I apply to many things, including crossdresssing. To me the point is that no one should be forced into either of the two gender boxes against their will. If someone has, to quote a well known young TG activist, a "girl brain in a boy body" they should be able to be who they are without facing ill will.

Those of us that can get out in public should do so, for two reasons. To show the world that we are normally functioning people worthy of respect, and to show the still closeted that nothing bad happens when we go out. Well, three reasons, actually. The most important is that this is me and how I want to be in the world.

[Krisi]

I am both proud and ashamed. I am proud of what I have accomplished in life but ashamed of some of the things I have done in life. In the end though, I am what I am just as everyone else is what they are.

I am neither proud nor ashamed of my crossdressing but I do keep it a secret to make life easier and to protect my wife.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Becky, I have been in this program for over 69yrs. and I enjoy having the best of both worlds......

[Karmen]

I'm not embarrassed about my crossdressing (I don't think I'm doing anything wrong), but still can't tell anyone about that because of the society prejudices. It could badly affected my life... and not in good way.

[Kathie Pantyhose]

Depends on the day really. Some days I wish I was society's version of normal and other days I don't care. When it creeps in to the happiness of my immediate family though, it can be difficult to cope because in the end we all want to be accepted

[Ressie]

Pride should be in accomplishments and I haven't accomplished much as a crossdresser. I've felt shame, no doubt about that. But I was born (and/or nurtured) this way and I accept it.

[Bonnie Chan]

I'm neither proud nor ashamed. I'm just enjoying it and embrace the good thing about CDing such as understanding my girlfriend better. But in the past, I did feel guilty because I cared too much about what other people think. Now, not so much, especially that I have a supporting (and awesome) girlfriend to support me. But I have to admit I am still not ready to tell my family or any other of my friends yet. I guess I'm still embarrassed if my close friends find out this side of me and maybe I'm afraid they might not look at me the same way. But then so be it if that happens, that just means they're not really my true friends.
Now I don't feel guilty dressing or going out anymore. I feel life is too short and I better enjoy it while it lasted, as long as it's not causing troubles to others. I just don't care much what stranger people think of me anymore, it won't affect me because I don't know what they're thinking.

- Bonnie

[ImJessicaNow]

Im only ashamed of throwing out all my girls clothing, getting poor sizing but being to shy to return the items of clothing that didnt fit., and when I was buying I couldn't control my spending.

[Ally 2112]

I felt guilty and ashamed for years i purged more clothes than i can remember [well i always remember what i threw out] .Thankfully i am at the point where i really like what i am doing and accept myself

[njcddresser]

Hi. I'm very proud. Zero regret whatsoever. Accepting that this is who I am was one of the happiest days of my life.

My only regret is that Im unable to share it with more people that I care about. Perhaps some day.

[Teri Ray]

I like others am mostly confused by my desire to dress enfemme. I have given up trying to understand why I have this desire. Coming to grips with the "why" seems like a dead end question. After reaching this point I find I am neither proud nor ashamed of the desire. I just know that having the desire and opportunity to dress is part of who I am. I try to enjoy the opportunities I get to dress and try not to let my dressing define who I am. I am proud that being a crossdresser or not I believe that I am a good person overall. Well at least I try to be.