Remarks from strangers

[Nikkilovesdresses]

In another thread a gg mentions strangers coming up to her and her CD partner and complimenting them both. In another recent thread a CDer mentions a woman and child knocking on the window of her car to offer similar compliments.

WTF is this? Why do these people feel it's appropriate to offer their opinions to total strangers? OK they're playing nice, but it's actually no more appropriate than the bigots who shout abuse at us.

In what other arena would strangers wander up and offer compliments or insults to total strangers? Do they think we're exhibits in a petting zoo?

[bridget thronton]

Any act of kindness makes me happy

[Majella St Gerard]

I was at the bank the other day and I got sir'd and mame'd from the teller and then she said I looked very nice, whatever I'll take the compliment.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Nikki,
If anyone wants to talk about ME! About me! My eears are ready!
Now if they want to start petting me??? Well...
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Nikki,

I certainly understand your point. However if a stranger paid me a compliment while I was out en femme I would probably feel thrilled and take it as I assume it was meant.

Beth

[Teresa]

Nikki,
I have no problems with someone giving me a compliment, I guess that's because my wife doesn't accept me so a compliment is always graciously received . I don't mind telling a GG she looks good if the situation is right .

[alwayshave]

Tuesday, on the Metro (i.e., subway), I was standing next to a sister and while there was a lot complimentary I wished to say. I acted if she was another women on the train.

[ronda]

I get compliments all the time from strangers about my hair men and women alike I have long silver wavy hair. I rep[y with a thank you

[dolovewell]

I take a lot of the stories on this board with a grain of salt, I am sure some of them are made up. Not saying that the user who gave the "knocked on my window and complimented me" story is making it up, but there are some clearly embellished, exaggerated or flat out made up stories here.

I would not be OK with someone knocking on my window, even if it were to compliment me. When I am in my car and the door is closed, I consider that to signal I am in my own private space right now and not open to communication. I drive a convertible and nothing ticks me off more when I have my top down and panhandlers think this gives them open permission to walk up to me at a red light and badger me for money.

The only compliments I have ever received are from those forced to interact with me, such as SAs and employees at stores I am shopping at. I usually get complimented each time I go to an ULTA or Sephora. But as far as complete strangers? Never.

[junetv]

I don't think we'll ever come to a consensus agreement on this.

On the one hand, it's comforting to feel accepted by people in society. While on the other, it's brought into light that they see you as a man in dress (to some degree or another).

Just like the trying to compliment a fellow sister in the wild, it's seen as an insult by some as we are blowing their cover.

Let's just say, it's a start of something positive. I personally don't mind when I receive compliments, but for most part, ladies compliment the shoes

[DIANEF]

Having not yet interacted with anyone I have no experience of this, but I think I would be slightly freaked out if complete strangers came up to me, nice or otherwise and started commenting on my look or anything else. You wouldn't normally do it to a GG, so why a CD. As for my car, definately off limits to anyone.

[Krisi]

If you are out in public "pretending" to be a woman and a stranger comes up to you and compliments you, this means that you failed to pass, plain and simple. People just don't walk up to strangers and do that.

The OP asked "In what other arena would strangers wander up and offer compliments or insults to total strangers? Do they think we're exhibits in a petting zoo?"

Perhaps they do. We are different and they don't know what to say or what to do. It's a bit like meeting a severely handicapped person in public. You don't know whether to ignore them or compliment them on how well they are getting by.

[Majella St Gerard]

Dolove, maybe you don't get compliments is because you walk around with that chip on your shoulder and that puss on your face.

[Sara Jessica]

If you are out in public "pretending" to be a woman and a stranger comes up to you and compliments you, this means that you failed to pass, plain and simple. People just don't walk up to strangers and do that.

Ummm, women do that quite often. Women tend to be more social when compared to men and are not averse to complimenting a total stranger. To be on the receiving end of such nicety either means we are being perceived as part of their tribe (whether we are read or not) or they recognize the care and effort taken to present as part of their tribe. Either way, why wouldn't we want to be on the receiving end of such compliments?

(Except when we're already in our car, totally agree with that one.)

Since when is being civilized to others...and actually being outwardly nice to others, something to be chastised? I just don't get it, seems to speak to what is wrong with people in these times.

[Krisi]

Sara, what does the "Ummm" part in your rebuttal mean?

[Lana Mae]

I think that it is not hey look at the guy in a dress I think they do not know what to do and feel that a compliment is showing their acceptance and it is OK that you are dressed that way! Maybe they want to counteract all the bigotry going on at this time! I think you are overreacting for the same reason they are reacting. Bigotry and hate cause even nice things to look bad. Look beyond the bigotry and hate! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[KimberlyJean]

I am working on saying thank you and complementing them on something they are wearing or a feature. I had a SA in Victoria's Secret tell me I had beautiful eyes. I didn't know what to say so I just barely managed to get out a thank you. I went out for halloween and the girl behind the counter at the coffee shop told me I looked awesome, her face was painted a sparkling blue so I said I like her face painting.

[sara66]

My first time out I was in a Lane Bryant and a lady saw me did a double take then came over a said " hey classy lady, you're lookin good". All I could do is squeak out a thank you. I was floating for days after that.
Sara

[Sara Jessica]

Sara, what does the "Ummm" part in your rebuttal mean?

It means why would this be a newsflash.

[~Joanne~]

I would not be OK with someone knocking on my window, even if it were to compliment me.

I agree with this. I know a lot of girls would see it differently but to me that means that someone was sitting there just watching me to even know I was in the car and what exactly are they complimenting on when very little can be seen. If i stepped out of the car and someone did as they were passing, well, ok but to knock on the window? yeah I think that is made up.

[Beverley Sims]

Sometimes when we may not be passing well others feel that we need a confidence boost.

If it happens, just accept it and move on.

Always leave with a smile. :0-)

[Tracii G]

Learn to take a compliment for what it is.
It just might be a compliment on your outfit and not you as a CD.
Why get pissed when people are trying to be nice?
The activist attitude that some trans people have just comes off rude to people so keep that in mind.
I realize some snowflakes need their safe space but come on try to be nice to the person giving the compliment.
Maybe they don't know the CD rules of engagement so think about that.Nobody likes to be around a screeching trans activist.
So you are out there and want to be perceived as a woman/pass well thats not easy and you passing as a an actual woman is most likely not going to happen because most of us will never pass.
Wouldn't the civil thing to do is say thank you and go on your way?
I'll take a compliment any time if it given with the right intention.

[AnnieMac]

I kind of know what you mean though it's a little unsettling like maybe good or bad they should just be about their own business and not into yours.
Maybe it's like going up to a short person and saying, "Gee, you really don't look like a midget up close"
( i know, I know, I mean little person, but it ruins the effect)

[Lorileah]

When I am out, I dress to impress. I DO receive compliments frequently. I also get disdainful looks on occasion. When I first went out and would get a compliment I would look for the worst reason that person said something, sort of like Krisi and Dolove. There HAD to be a reason they said something and it couldn't be a good reason. But I learned, women aren't like men. They do compliment for no other reason than to show they like how you look or what you wear. And they will get in your space to do it. They were taught differently than men. Total strangers have fixed my hair when it was in my collar. Total strangers have smiled and said I looked nice and several have talked to their children about telling me the same (or apologized for a child saying a compliment). Think about it. As a man (male) how many times have you been in a parking lot in your tricked out chopped and blown GTO and have another man tell yu how great it is? Maybe even a few came to your car and asked you to roll down the window so they could tell you and/or admire the tuck and roll upholstery. Did you feel violated? "Hey man quit looking at my car. Sheesh, it isn't your place to compliment how much effort I put into it."

I learned early to smile and just say "Thank you". That was what I was told was the ONLY correct answer to "You look nice today."

[Pat]

Wow. A thread complaining about compliments. Sometimes this place leaves me so confused... Look, if someone tells you that you look nice, and that offends you somehow you can always tell them to screw off.