We were shopping once and while in the checkout line a little boy in a cart a few feet behind us threw a ball. I retrieved it and gave it back to him. A few seconds later he did the same thing.
After about the 5th time his mom told him, "stop that now, that lady has other things to do besides play catch with you". I just smiled and felt all warm inside.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I was just out at the supermarket, I was loading my groceries into my car and the woman at the car next to me, out of nowhere said she loved my hair. She said she loved the color and that she wanted to dye her hair that color but was too old for it. I said if I'm not to old then you're not. I said what are you 35, she said I knew there was a reason I liked you, I'm 47. I said well I'm 54, she said well you're rocking it. I was wearing my wine colored bob, ripped jeans, white cami men's white gausey shirt and wedges.
It seems that most crossdressers find it perfectly acceptable for a stranger to comment on their appearance, (as long as the comment is flattering).
I don't think you're thinking it through. I think the compliment is distracting you from the basic fact that they are effectively saying, 'Aw gee honey, look at the cute trans person - say - maybe they'd let us take a selfie with them! Fred and Wilma will be so amused.'
I just don't see the difference between that and being a cute little poodle with a pink bow in its hair. We're being ranked with babies and cute poodles.
Is that really the sort of recognition and acceptance that you want from society?
I used to have a short attention spa
com·pli·ment
noun
plural noun: compliments
ˈkämpləmənt/
1.
a polite expression of praise or admiration.
"she paid me an enormous compliment"
synonyms: flattering remark, tribute, accolade, commendation, bouquet, pat on the back; More
A compliment is by definition flattering. Whatever the reason I'll take it.
Last edited by Majella St Gerard; 11-18-2016 at 05:41 PM.
Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses
You can't know their motivations. All you can do is accept their compliment at face value. Who wants to be butt hurt at every possible comment thinking there's some ulterior motive?
Last edited by jentay1367; 11-19-2016 at 12:55 PM.
It definitely wasn't argumentative, sorry you saw it that way. But snarky, yep. I'll own that one.
Some of the compliments and comments I've received from random women are stranger than fiction. I wouldn't necessarily doubt the veracity of any such tales in these pages...as long as a grain of salt was included.
Or not.
Last edited by Sara Jessica; 11-19-2016 at 12:07 AM.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
Well actually I think you can. Do you go up to people in wheelchairs and compliment them on their clothes and presentation? Don't you think they might find it a tiny bit patronising?
People see us as quaint, as curiosities. It's a bit like being a walking-talking Statue of Liberty.
I used to have a short attention spa
Most of the compliments I've received the last few decades were about a blouse or something I was wearing. My looks are long gone. When I was a young skinny thing (well back in the 50/60s most all girls were) I was told that I was pretty or that my dress was etc. Most of the older women I know or interact with the compliments are "you look nice today" I guess that means yesterday you looked nasty. LOL
Nikki,
I don't view *all* compliments like that. Just some.
A few might be obvious, while others could be questionable.
But I also think some are genuine, too. Please try to give those the benefit of the doubt.
And I'd much rather hear that than any kind of verbal abuse or whatever. Been on the receiving end of both, and I'll take a compliment, regardless of intent or motivation, every time.
I like giving and receiving compliments as much as you, Laura. People seem to think I object to compliments. I don't.
The point I'm clearly failing to make is that in our eagerness to accept compliments, we sometimes overlook the fact that others see crossdressers as legitimate targets for their views, both positive and negative.
It's as if we are part of some street carnival. Perhaps a drag queen is asking for it, but for most of us trying to blend in, isn't it simply further evidence that we do not?
I used to have a short attention spa
I admit that I would have been surprised had someone knocked on my car window to pay me a compliment, but my second reaction is that perhaps these are the first waves of what could be a flood of societal acceptance? I wonder if LGB folks experienced similar initial friendly interactions during their journey to greater acceptance?
I love receiving compliments while out - I cherish and acknowledge each one and I try use the resulting interaction to hopefully leave the person with a positive opinion of us. IMHO, it helps to let go of the illusion of passability (admittedly not easy at first). Once you are able to get over being read, then I think it is easier to accept a compliment at face value.
I'd have to disagree with the OP and others. I don't think it's that unusual for people to offer compliments to others, especially woman to woman. I do it fairly often, in either mode. And it doesn't necessarily mean you were clocked either. I take positive comments from anyone as a positive thing. I don't think that makes me weird!
Sally
I'm going with your posts. It's evidence that we are not passing or blending in.
I've never noticed anyone standing the center of the mall passing out compliments to everyone who walks by.
The fact of the matter is that I can see where Nikki and Krisi are coming from. Are the compliments genuine, or are they compliments given out of pity?
A pity compliment would be someone seeing a crossdresser and thinking "Oh, look at that crossdresser. Poor thing. Giving so much effort, I hope people treat her good. Maybe if I go over to her and give her a compliment, I will make her day, while boosting my own ego by showing that I am an open minded accepting person".
I don't know but to me, that doesn't sound like the type of compliment I would want to get, especially if they are using me to virtue signal boost their own ego.
Again, I have never, in all the times I have gone out in public, received a compliment from a stranger. With so many in this thread saying they get compliments from strangers frequently, it makes me wonder why I don't. The only compliments I get are from SAs for example when they are ringing me up at the register. But I have never had someone go out of their way to give me a compliment. Which makes me circle back to Krisi's point. If you are frequently getting complimented by strangers, I'd perhaps say its because you are not passing/blending in very well and therefore getting complimented out of pity. This isn't a subtle brag by me saying I do pass and that's why I get no compliments, but I feel like I do a good enough job with my presentation when I am out not to attract attention to where someone would feel pity on me.
28 years old, 6' tall, 155 pounds
Measurements: 33 bust-28 waist-37 hips
Dress Size: 6, Bra Band Size: 34
I view the compliment as acceptance. I know I don't pass but I dress nice and present well. I'm friendly and interact with strangers all the time regardless of how I'm dressed. I have given compliments to strangers on their clothes. I have also been complimented on my appearance in boy mode. Once while wearing cut off denim shorts a woman walked up to me and told me how nice my legs were. I think if you seem approachable people will ingage you. If you walk around with an attitude and look like a sour puss people tend to avoid you. Very few of us pass and honey you don't.
I've given flowers to random women who have looked pretty (so I was a romantic at one stage of my life)
I've complimented women
But before doing so, there is normally a lot of non-verbal communications (he looks, she looks, he smiles, she smiles, she flicks her eyelashes down, etc) so connections have been made and your not really stangers by the time the words are spoken (check out how the mobile phone sales man at the mall works his approach or the Greenpeace collector).
The thing with compliments or insults is it all relise on the receivers attitude, being human means we can be negative to everything, positive to everything or a bit of both depending on what is happening in our little circle. So a negative personality would take a compliment as an insult (why they do that? whats their MO?) and a positive person an insult as water off a ducks back.
I had a lovely interaction yesterday, she complimented me, helped my take photos for my blog, wished me a nice day - I love New Zealand, people are so relaxed.
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
I don't get this "Pity" compliment idea. How about "Support" compliments? I believe that most of compliments given to trans people are either well intentioned and non-trans related, or trans-related and given as support to us for being who we are out in the general public. I accept all compliments unless meant as derogative and sarcastically negative, which I have never received.
Dolo, why you never get compliments may be caused on how you present yourself while out in front of others. If you look and/or act unapproachable. many people will stay away. If you look happy and friendly then more strangers may feel naturally comfortable in actually talking with you. We give out all kinds of subtle signals as to who we are and what kind of person we may be. That old saying about half empty or half full, actually means a lot. Very few people want to be around negative people unless they really know the real person inside. For strangers to get to know that internal persona, they need to feel comfortable and safe approaching the initial perception of who they meet. Something to think about.
I have been out with Allie and have never had so many positive remarks and compliments in such a short time...she knows of what she speaks
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Allie,
That comment is so true ,also in general life , I was a self employed photographer for thirty years if I didn't treat people in a pleasant affable way I wouldn't have had a business, now I'm out and about as a CDer being pleasant and open with people usually gets the same response back.
Wow. I'm astonished by how many question the motives behind a simple compliment. I gladly accept all the praise I'm offered, and never ask why, or try to rate the sincerity of the statement. If people are inclined to say something negative, my experience is that they generally just do it, and virtually none are clever enough to phrase it as a backhanded compliment. At the very least, someone who offers a positive word has expressed some level of approval of your presentation and decided that you were safe and sane enough to approach and speak to. That's a good thing no matter what motivated it.
- Diane
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