Is it actually to do shopping or is it to read people's reaction to your presence? Reading lots of the experiences shared on the forum, it seems like the focus is on other people and not the actual shopping. Is the attraction of going to the mall is to test the waters of your blending abilities? Do you think once you become used to the same old, same old reactions that you will become tired of going to the mall?
You mentioned three and they are all right but a fourth and most important is dressing as a woman and getting out in public, like a bird being let out of a cage, you are out of the protection of the house and feeling equal and doing what other women and society does. It validates yourself and also that of being a CD. In other words just wanting to blend and accepted as any other person in the mall. Having done this it really feels good while dressed walking in the mall, going in stores, trying on female clothes, buying them, having a bite to eat and passing just as any other women. Not calling attention in any way, wanting to be a grain of sand on the beach and it feels so nice when you aren't even noticed. And doesn't it feel really good dressed and wearing female clothes; how you walk different wearing heels and the click on the mall floor, the protrusion of breasts, hose, panties, bra and a dress and the taste of lipstick and earrings. It feels very nice not to feel like a man.
I think that the mall is a good open public space that flows. As a CD, it's important to have situational awareness for safety and the mall environment just makes that easy. Practically everyone is involved with their own agenda and don't notice at all. When noticed, you're initially acknowledged as a female. You've put a lot more work in your appearance than most people there, right? And, the occasional SA that knows you are male is usually just complimentary.
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
I will have to have a purpose to go to the mall as it is 30+ miles away. Like going to a MAC counter or real shopping. Yes it is a test ground for whether you blend in or not. But I am not obsessed with it. Hugs Lana Mae
Life is worth living!
"Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix
You have to start somewhere, to gauge a reaction.
Down by the wharves does mot have much attraction for me.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
If you want to go out, you have to go someplace. Driving around aimlessly in a car doesn't accomplish much and walking around alone at night is not safe. In my case, I have a nearby city where I can go and pretend to be a tourist or a business person on an errand but a shopping mall is just a convenient place to go as a destination to shop or just walk around looking in the windows. It's a place to test your presentation.
If you are living full time as a woman, you have probably passed this stage. In that case, you are at the mall to buy something.
A mall is simply a place to go. For many of us who are part time in presentation, we may not have the luxury of getting together with friends at our own homes. Therefore, we go out to places such as malls and restaurants in order to be social. Once those get old, we might branch out to any other place a women would go (grocery stores, Home Depot, movie theaters, concerts and other events, etc).
I think that once one is at a mall, it becomes the equivalent of a gauntlet with respect to whether a person has the stomach to be out & about, given the number of people who are typically around at any given time. This is where we learn not to let what others might be thinking bother us.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
I know for me it's a lot of what you say and it's also that I'm not one that goes out to a bar or out to a show so for me
it's my outlet to get out as my female self. Now that I'm not afraid to interact it's even better so for me it did give me
confidence to be out and not worry much what people thought
To shop mainly, but like deebra pointed out, I spend all ths time shaving, putting on makeup, and putting together an outfit, why would I want to contain myself to my own home after expending all that effort?
It literally is like being let out of a cage. It would be like a good author writing a book and only keeping it to himself, or a good painter painting a nice piece of art and keeping it hidden in his closet.
To me I almost consider my crossdressing like art, I transform myself and therefore want others to see it.
When I go out in public its always with a purpose, but there are times when I accomplish my purpose yet still want to be out, so a mall is a good place to kind of stroll around.
28 years old, 6' tall, 155 pounds
Measurements: 33 bust-28 waist-37 hips
Dress Size: 6, Bra Band Size: 34
Because I love to shop and try on clothes. It is also a good place to meet friends after work as there are some nice places to eat or grab a drink there. This time of year it is fun to go Christmas shopping there . So basically , a girl loves to shop , meet friends and go out . Is not this what malls are for ?
I totally empathize with your attitude, DoLove.
There is something about getting dressed and GOING OUT SOMEWHERE that just makes sense.
And for me there's another element to goads me along. I overcame my shy nature long ago by developing a sense of sheer audacity; almost brazen behavior. Intuitive and impulsive, it effects a lot of my actions, and often got me in trouble (nearly killed) in my military flying career.
In the few times I've dressed and gone out in public, I've done it boldly, and with a kind of "Oh yes. Look at me. That's right. I'm a large man in a beautiful dress, darling." - kind of a CD chip on my shoulder (??). Do you ever get that way?
There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.
As I'm not 'out', and don't go out, I can't be sure. But I believe it has to do with the strong desire to be accepted as a female. While that might not really be happening, it's easy to pretend that being tolerated and not pointed out as a fraud, as passing. So go out, walk around, then come home and say to one's self, 'Gee, I must appear to be a woman to everyone. This is great! I pass! Wheeeeeee! So that fantasy feels good, which is why people do it.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Yeah it's really about the shopping for me.
I have not yet gone out, other than to Tiffany Club once. But consider the possibilities of being out in public. Dark areas where there are few people, so you may pass better, but also risky if confronted/attacked. A movie theater - once in, you have people around you, but their focus is not on people around them and dark during movie. A mall offers a better lit area, where people are moving and do some people watching, but rarely confront anyone who is different-they just observe and may comment to people they are with. If anyone did confront, there is mall security to prevent it getting out of hand. And plenty of shopping things to just window shop like others and be out. If no one does seem to notice (or you did not notice them noticing), it is ego boost that you passed. So a safe place to try out more than driving dressed or walking during day in an relatively isolated area.
IMHO
Hugs, Ellen
I tend to have a reason to go to a mall.............. buy something.
I guess we could ask you why to you do history based or old time train rides dressed in period dresses?
As many as you have done and posted pics here do they ever get old or boring ?
I find what makes me feel good is when sales people don't even flinch and treats you as they would any other shopper. I do try to keep a watchful eye on others for reaction but it's not a major focus. I've always been accompanied by my wife and I think this gives me some big help and gives me a confidence advantage as well as a distraction to my attentions. I'm not sure if I would go to the mall alone....but if I needed something and she couldn't go....I would probably chicken out.....unless we were out of town ...who knows. Maybe someday I will test that.
Chantal,
I feel it's testing the waters in several directions, some may do it just to see the reaction but it's part of that coming out process, I don't think we know how far we need to go until we try it . Very few would admit that it's to shock people, I don't think I've read a comment on the forum to that effect, I guess some have to keep pushing because they know deep down they may be TS and it will have to become an acceptable way of life. From most of the comments here most appear to pitch it at that level.
Members who wear OTT clothes usually do it privately in their own homes and usually buy their things on line, they have no intention of passing, I will add I don't have a problem with that but it's not what I'm about.
I go to the mall top0 shop. However, everyone else who have posted so far, including yourself, Chantal, have answered you questions about the "other" reasons why. I think that you already knew the answer before posting! Lol
Personally, I do not interact with people as a rule,
I just like to walk though town or the mall etc... almost always wearing a a dress or a skirt .
I love it when others simply assume that I am a female... who is wearing all the things that a female wears, even the under garments that they can not see.
Allie, you so know me! I did know the many answers and had intentionally left off the most important.... exactly what Deebra mentioned in the first post... the straight joy of the simplicities of crossdressing! Focusing on other's reactions seems to overwhelm many threads on here.
Nope, those still put a smile on my face and always look forward to them. Definitely not because of how people react, sure seeing their reactions was cool the first few times but ho hummm now days. Going out to the malls/stores are just as enjoyable to me as shown here http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ss!&highlight= Enjoying what I am wearing, spending time with friends, shopping..... very little to no stress on people reacting to what I am doing.Originally Posted by Tracii G
The first time I went to a mall en-femme, it was because I wanted to go to Sephora to treat myself to a makeover. I'd been going out to nightclubs on a regular basis, and occasionally making a late-night visit to a grocery store or a fast food place, and I knew I was passing well enough not to draw stares and negative comments. I'd even gone out wig shopping during the day, to a little shop in a strip mall, just at opening time. But I hadn't yet gone out in full daylight as a female to a busy place where there were a large cross-section of people.
I scheduled makeovers for myself and my daughter in the early afternoon, on my birthday. Went with my daughter to the mall as a guy earlier that day for mall walking exercise, and on the way out I got my eyebrows threaded for the first time. Then we went home and I got dolled up, then we returned for our makeovers, clothes and shoe shopping, and dinner at the Cheesecake Factory restaurant. I found it to be a wonderful and personally validating experience. As others said, it felt like letting myself out of a cage, and being free at last to be my girly self. The shopping itself was fun, but so was the experience of interacting with strangers and being accepted at face value as a genuine female. After that, I felt unchained. I felt free to go anywhere, at any time, and enjoy being my female self. Grocery store, gas station, home improvement store, parks, restaurants, bars... if it was someplace a woman could and would safely go, I went!
A year later, I still do. I love it. Oh, occasionally I'll get someone who refers to me with male pronouns, despite me being visibly female. But most people accept me as female.
I am gender fluid, and currently aiming for about a 50/50 balance between my male and female sides - although my female side is getting 90% or more of my social time right now. I don't know if I'll ever go full time as a woman. But it's pleasant to know I can be accepted socially as a woman in all sorts of situations, if I ever do go that far.
I go to the mall because that's where many of the best clothing and makeup stores are located. Nothing more or less.
- Diane
Tired of shopping ?? Never LOL...It is a place gals go to I guess for a place to "go" which I think is great, cause after that most start not caring anymore, and go anywhere, the buzz of first excursions gets old as confidence builds and thats a good thing...its also a good thing because in public we are our own ambassadors for our community, the more we are scene as part of the community the more acceptance as a whole we will gain.
Beats me. I get very little from it myself, not to mention I consider it a waste of my time.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Oh oh Kate, make sure you protect your crossdressing card.... some people here may revoke it LoL
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