Does my CD boyfriend really want to be with me?

[Meowmix]

He wants to try (among other things) having intercourse for the next six months. Could I challenge the dominant submissive role by doing things ? Being dressed or not does not change his preference for anal and oral sex, so now I don't think it's CD... It seems CD enhances his pleasure, but not his preference.

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I also posed this idea... (chances are if never do it either) He would never want to try a three way with a bisexual man. I know he is against sleeping around for fun. He wants there to be trust to touch his body.

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And he said if we did break up, he'd look for a relationship with another female again.

[Jesse Six]

You can certainly try - doesn't hurt to play around in the bedroom. Talk about it openly, discuss what you both want, and what you're willing to try to make the other person happy. Your needs are important too. After all, you're looking at a long term relationship, right?

Perhaps since his previous relationship was so awful, it tainted his sexual experience. Perhaps trying it with a partner he's comfortable with will be different? Just don't bet your future on it.

[Teresa]

Meomix,
After reading all your replies all I can see is you are going round in circles with him, he's not being fair with you, he really must stop telling you what he thinks might work to please you, please tell him straight to get some sexual counseling to get to the truth of his needs or be prepared to walk away.
You are young enough to find a balanced relationship and have a family, I just can't see it happening in your current situation and you deserve it, why should deprive yourself of those pleasures ?

[Exris]

Meow,

Every-time I have put my size 9 feet and planted them in someone else's relationship... Iv regretted it.

But you need to get out of this one. CD'ing is fine. It's FINE. Even in a hetro relationship. As strange as it sounds... also wanting to be a woman in a hetro relationship is FINE. Thats me right there. I adore women. Adore them so much I would happily cast off my maleness and be one. If not for the consequences... ones I cant face up to.

And Id still be utterly happy with a GG like you. A real wholesome girl. I would be happy. I would still have 1st prize and noone would prize from my hands.

But your BF doesnt seem to be. Im no physiologist... but he seems very confused. I cant place myself in his position... as thats not my position.

I can only offer weak advice. And that is to spend a month apart with no contact except (maybe) SMS.

If your back again after that month.. and your still sure this is worth progressing... then progress it.



I hope my poor attempt has helped.

[Meowmix]

Thanks everyone. I signed up for couples sex/marriage counseling... Though I'm going by myself for now... All I want is to understand who the person I love is... I have some faith he will come later with me... If not, I'm sure the therapist will tell me some of the same things voiced here. To leave, if his secret is more important to him. It's a very sensitive and personal examination of his life no doubt, but this is also my life right now.

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Hi everyone,

Thanks for your support. My boyfriend told me what's been going on with him. He became obsessed with the high he gets from using porn and started to do all sorts of stuff like researching ways to increase his pleasure when the old stuff stopped working for him. He even went towards finding hypnotic porn material. I think it took him a while to realize that I'm actually here. He wants love in a sexual relationship with me now. He told me that if I did not tell him to cut back on the porn, he'd keep using it. But in the interest of our relationship, he decided he would quit the porn videos and hypnotic porn, and eventually stop reading the stories. This definitely was beyond CD... He's not open to seeing a therapist to talk about this and does not want me to see one until he feels comfortable about me sharing this info about him. He apologized for doing something stupid. I feel pretty hurt he'd jeopardize our relationship this way, and I'll still push on the therapy. I'm afraid he could relapse into it. He's tired of us fighting the last 5 days over it and I am too. He didn't like all the questions I asked and felt persecuted. Again, thanks for all your support. I will call it quits if we never get to therapy. I'm thinking a month from now, I'll have a better feel for how things are changing. I wish it was something we could fix sooner rather than later...

[Tracii G]

Welcome meow.
I'll be honest with you and I'm sure some here will rag on me for it but this guy is one hot mess I would get out quickly.
Its obvious he is addicted to porn and lives in a fantasy vacuum.
Not wanting to talk to a therapist or getting mad that you want to shows he could care less what you want in the relationship.
Its just me talking here but I think this guy is feeding you a load of crap and can't admit he has trouble getting his male thing up.
If he always has an excuse then that causes red flags to go off in my head.
Take a long hard look why do you say you love him?
Are you just settling for any interested person because you think you need to be in a relationship?
Feel out of place because all your friends are married and you aren't?
This guy has way too many issues and they are the kind of issues that you can't do anything to change no matter how hard you try because its clear he isn't willing to change.
I wish you the best and all I'm saying is what I would do, you can do what you want.

[Elizabeth G]

Well I got one won't rag on Tracii. It is a blunt, but I feel accurate assessment. The lack of willingness to seek counseling seems remarkably self centered and goes back to the previously discussed narcissism. There are just too many red flags here.

[Meowmix]

Hi everyone,

He told me he's been live chatting in the three years together with men who likes crossdressers (he said there are few females who are on live chat who are into CD), prefers to read porn of male and crossdresser. ( He's read a variety of porn, first the vanilla stuff, then he found the d/s stuff, tried a couple other ones that didn't do it for him, and now only reads male to CD, instead of female to CD) I brought up watching gay porn, and he freaked out. I got him to see that he's addicted to porn/sex, and now he will go to counseling with me immediately. He said he has never felt the crush reaction to a man his entire life... But he also thought sending email pictures of himself crossdressed to guys and live chatting with them wasn't cheating or a violation in our relationship. He said he somehow tricked himself into thinking what he did was okay, until we talked about what a relationship means. I told him he needed to find out, and if his desire for men was not porn induced, then he should let go of the fantasy of a normal relationship with me. I agreed to see it through with couples/sex counseling. I care for him, and our relationship was not awful in general, so while my heart is sinking, I want to help him know who he is, and of course get him into counseling for sex/porn addiction. (F**k....)

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He said finding out if he likes men terrifies him because I would leave, and he truly deeply feels love for me. I told him that he would be free to find the best relationship that will make him feel whole, instead of keeping a really good one with me. Plus since there are more men into CDs, I don't think he will have a hard time finding the right partner.