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[dolovewell]

Why is everyone dumping on Jennifer. She did nothing but post her opinion (and a valid one in my opinion). Is this becoming one of those "safe places" where everyone avoids the truth because it might hurt someone's feelings? What good is that?

Are we here to learn and help each other or just to hear compliments when they aren't sincere?

Valery looks very nice but not for shopping on Thanksgiving day when the sales are on and people are pushing and shoving to get the bargains. As much of a temptation as it is for some crossdressers to take it over the top with outfits, shoes and makeup, it's far better to dress like the other women if we want to be viewed as one of them.

Yes, there's no law against it but you have to be ready or the consequences. And if you post that you expected people to be dressed formally at the mall on Thanksgiving, you should expect to hear about that as well. I would consider that a "pink fog moment".

Each time I give constructive criticism, or make any comment that is not glowing praise, my inbox gets barraged with a flood of "how dare you" private messages scolding me for not being supportive and not lifting up the individual and being critical. So now I only give it when its asked for, which is rare.

The sad part is that, usually, the target of my constructive criticism thanks me for the advice, its the white knight users who I wasn't even directing my criticism toward who gets offended on their behalf. I think that's pretty sad, to be honest.

What if I told you, that being supportive and encouraging doesn't necessarily mean giving nothing but 100% glowing positive praise, and instead, giving constructive criticism where it is warranted? I actually think 100% hugboxxing positivity is NOT being supportive, and is deterimental and hurting the individual.

If it weren't for people giving me constructive criticism and harsh advice, I would never take any steps forward. I'd still be wearing crappy wigs, still be making goofy makeup mistakes, still be making fashion errors, and so on. I credit people having the courage to give me constructive criticism for the largest steps forward I have taken in my crossdressing journey and I couldn't be more grateful for it.

[Leslie Langford]

Why is everyone dumping on Jennifer. She did nothing but post her opinion (and a valid one in my opinion). Is this becoming one of those "safe places" where everyone avoids the truth because it might hurt someone's feelings? What good is that?

Are we here to learn and help each other or just to hear compliments when they aren't sincere?

Valery looks very nice but not for shopping on Thanksgiving day when the sales are on and people are pushing and shoving to get the bargains. As much of a temptation as it is for some crossdressers to take it over the top with outfits, shoes and makeup, it's far better to dress like the other women if we want to be viewed as one of them.

Yes, there's no law against it but you have to be ready or the consequences. And if you post that you expected people to be dressed formally at the mall on Thanksgiving, you should expect to hear about that as well. I would consider that a "pink fog moment".

Of course everyone's entitled to an opinon, and I've been known to call a spade a spade myself from time to time. It certainly isn't my thing to blow sunshine up a person's posterior when it is not deserved, nor do I expect it from others in return. On the other hand, I do appreciate constructive criticism - even if it is deflating at times - as long as it is sincere and offered in a respectful, well-meaning and helpful manner.

My issue with Jennifer is not what she said - it is how she said it, and the sarcastic, condescending tone of her response. Perhaps she needs to re-acquaint herself with the Forum Main Rules and Guidelines, which state - among other things:

- All members of the forum have the right to post and reply to posts and generally take advantage of the features of the forum without abuse from other members. If the board Administrators and/or Moderators believe that any abuse is taking place, the offender will be warned and their posts may be moderated. If the abuse continues, the offending member will be removed from the forum for a minimum of 7 days to 1 month. If on return, the abuse still continues, the offending member will be removed from the forum permanently,

and

- Ridiculing members/non-members, or the manner in which they express themselves. This includes any complaint about the way females, males, transgendered, or any other cross-section of the membership dress, the way they express themselves (such as spelling and language skills, and any mention of religious beliefs, political preferences and affiliations, sexual preference, etc.)

I stand by what I said in my original reply.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is a matter of degree. If she did something wantonly dangerous (like get into a car with a complete stranger) I could understand the harsh criticism, which would be for her own good. She went out "overdressed" to go shopping. Nothing bad happened, and worst thing is that someone could have laughed at her or something. Not worth getting bent out of shape about.

[Babbs]

Leslie, you are right on. We all want and give criticism but there is no need for wise - ass comments, simple as that in my opinion.

[ellbee]

Besides, she hails from outside the US as far as I recall, so maybe she is not as familiar with the cultural (?) norms prevalent there as you are, so cut her some slack.

This was my second Thanksgiving, but the last one I did not go anywhere, so I should say it was my first Thanksgiving, so yeah this experience was new for me.

And there you have it.


Besides, she mentioned that she went to a mall -- not Wal-Mart or Best Buy. Was it more of an upscale mall, where perhaps one would think you might see a bit more of that dressed-up look? Who knows, who cares. Did she blend? Doesn't particularly sound it. Did she like what she was wearing and knew she looked & felt pretty good? Yep.


Hey, if a GG or a hundred didn't change first & instead went to the mall in their Thanksgiving dinner outfit, who cares. Their business. They'd probably get a bit more attention, as well.

And honestly, some aren't necessarily looking to blend so they're completely "invisible." Some, whether subconsciously or not, actually *like* a bit of extra attention! As long as they're not doing something that's totally excessive or abnormal or anything, who cares.


Anyway, the question is: Will Valery go out shopping on Thanksgiving Day again? Will she wear heels? Will she tone it down a bit?

Find out next year!

[Amanda22]

Plenty of times I dress better than the average shopper. I know I'm not blending. Blending is not the end-all, be-all goal for me. If it were, I'd constantly be worrying if I passed. I don't pass (unlike the beautiful Valery), but I do look like I put thought and effort into my appearance and that goes a long way.

[Genny B]

I can wear the heels, but I'm jealous because I can't wear the miniskirt. Darn knee replacement scars...

Genny B

[paulaprimo]

OMG Valery, you are so gorgeous and natural looking!
if i looked half as good as you i would be out wearing heels
and mini's every place!! i would welcome the attention.
when you got it, flaunt it... and you got it!!

[Stephanie47]

Valery, you're a living doll. You look great. I can see why you had the attention of a lot of shoppers. This girl refuses to get out for Thanklessgiving shopping ever. I did venture forth on Saturday night. I think if women went out shopping in your attire and looked as sexy as you, I'd vacant my recliner in an instant. Hope you were able to find some bargains.

[NicoleScott]

Not everyone "dresses for battle" when they shop. I see a lot of people in stores while wearing their work clothes, whether a guy in his mechanic uniform or a woman in a dress and heels such as the OP is wearing, suitable for office wear. Many people just shop when they can, whatever they're wearing at the time.
Too bad that some people use "just being honest" or "expressing my opinion" as justification for mean-spirited trashing of others.

[deebra]

Valery you look great, exactly what every CD would like to look like. If every CD that went out looked like you no one would be outed and more of us would go out. You were noticed because you were hot!!! Maybe you were going to a formal event and just stopped in WalMart for an item on sale, how else would you dress? Really glad to hear that at 29 years old you are into CDing and present so well, look at how many more years you can enjoy this. As good as the clothes feel, the presentation and living it, I don't see how you can keep from dressing almost all of he time. This is a bias comment but beautiful female clothing shouldn't be limited to just women.

Jennifer I too have posted and then felt it was to strong and regretted it.

[Krisi]

................ Too bad that some people use "just being honest" or "expressing my opinion" as justification for mean-spirited trashing of others.

I don't see Jennifer's comment (or mine) as "mean-spirited trashing of others." Are we supposed to walk on eggshells around here. I see her comment as an honest opinion, nothing more, nothing less.

I know some folks have to have their "safe places" but in reality, we need to put on our big girl panties and move on with life.