Truth,power,and life

[jennifer0918]

Just a tought maybe not just a tought something that I experienced, do ts woman except cd's? Or did I just encounter someone ignorant? I was out en femme feeling deep in thE pink fog that shadows me in this up and coming winter solstice when I had a dilemma about how I'm still a man how I will never pass how blah blah blah ,so I finished my drink and left.Wore my nice sweater dress and on some advice from the forum was wearing a wide belt and scarf and feeling fierce until my bubble was burst until my carriage turned into a pumpkin, any toughts ?

[suzanne]

How was your bubble burst? Did some clod make a rude comment? It's too bad, especially if it's one of your first tentative outings.

Most people don't receive negative feedback when they go out, even if they don't pass (I don't pass, BTW). But I think you have to be careful about where you go. It sounds like you were having a drink at a bar. You have to be careful about which one you choose. I myself have never gone to a bar while dressed. Another bad place might be a mall at a time when the teenage girls are hanging out. I mainly go shopping, for clothes or groceries, etc, where there's a higher proportion of adults.

It might be helpful to start thinking more like a real woman in these situations. Ask yourself whether a woman would go to that place. Would she go alone or with a friend? Also start thinking about whether you are dressed appropriately for the situation. For example, would a woman wear something over the top for grocery shopping. By "appropriate" I just refer to how much you would stand out among the other women.

I hope this experience doesn't prevent you from trying again. It can be fun and rewarding once you get more comfortable with it, because the bad comments really are the exception, not the rule. Good luck

[Micki_Finn]

There are some TS folks who feel like CDs are a "pale immitation" or "wannabes" or whatever. Don't let it get to you, there are intolerant elitist people everywhere in every walk of life.

[jennifer0918]

Thanks for pick me up girls,the young ts gal is a young adult in her early 20ies, the one I had an issue with.I go.out a few times and never had an incident, not that I was being nieve bUT sooner or later I was expecting someone to say something negative to me while out en femme.I always tought it would be a man,or a teenage girl or even a cop never could I imagine a ts woman would give me a problem. I know I don't pass but I was flying high I would go shopping no problem with gg so I was happy.But by no means this one incident is going to stop me from being me.

[Meghan4now]

Gosh, what did this whelp say?

Remember a couple of things. First, this person may not have been TS, they could be a CD, or in drag. If they have worked hard to "perfect" their look, the may be conceited. A narcissistic CD? Never! Second, they were young. Many young people are still in a brash and cocky phase in their life. They may think they are better than everyone else. Also they lack life experience that helps them mature.

This person may be rude and immature, and that may settle in for a lifetime or not. Just think of her in terms of a Mean Girl.

Now how about posting a pic of how that belt worked out? That's what we really want to see! Bet it looked great and made you feel just a bit more complete.

[docrobbysherry]

The rudest comment I ever heard in my countless dressed outings was earlier this year from another T who was not passable! Loudly out in public amongst a large group, too!

[PaulaQ]

I was expecting someone to say something negative to me while out en femme.I always tought it would be a man,or a teenage girl or even a cop never could I imagine a ts woman would give me a problem. I know I don't pass but I was flying high I would go shopping no problem with gg so I was happy.But by no means this one incident is going to stop me from being me.

I'm really sorry this happened to you.

There are trans women who feel the need to "police" the appearance of others. I think this type of behavior is quite toxic. There a number of reasons she might have done that:
1) Insecurity - she isn't confident about her own passing, so she picks on yours
2) Internalized transphobia - she feels, on some level, like a freak, so she tries to build herself up by putting you down
3) Sexuality - some trans women feel there is something inherently creepy or illegitimate about the sexual feelings some CDs experience. As a woman, I understand being wary of men, but I think this is caving to society's very limited and negative view of sexuality. I do understand the fear - but ultimately, this is the same thing cisgender people say about trans women, so I think quite a lot of this boils down to #2 on my list for some trans women.

For what it's worth, I welcome CDs into the support group I run for trans people. It isn't terribly sexy stuff, so people looking for that kind of activity are apt to be disappointed, but I don't tolerate discrimination. The only reason I've ever barred anyone from my group has been consistent aggressive or abusive behavior towards others, or being highly disruptive to the group as a whole. I have had trans women take this same type of attitude with CDs in my group, one in particular. I called her out on it (you post comments like that on my wall, you get to deal with me - you won't win, btw), met with her and had lunch with her to talk this over. BTW, the woman suffered from #1 on my list - she was insecure. She doesn't pass- at all. She's been on hormones for a while. She'll need a bunch of surgical work to pass imho. I don't really care about that - I don't stress passing, and frankly, passing should NOT be an issue in our world. I acknowledge that it still is, but I refuse to shame people. And while I never pointed out to her that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, it certainly occurred to me. BTW, this particular woman used to identify as a CD, and I know for a fact that she attended lots of local CD events, and was involved in the kink community - so ANY of the three reasons she might've taken exception to CDs was super hypocritical, in my opinion. I *did* point that out to her. (I also invited her back - I bought her lunch and told her that her behavior was unacceptable. This is about the most polite way I could think of to do that.)

[ellbee]

I always thought it would be a man,or a teenage girl or even a cop...

I'm not sure where all this police stuff comes from sometimes, because honestly, odds are they wouldn't utter a peep about it -- especially these days.

And this is coming from someone who isn't exactly the biggest fan of cops.

But I do have to give credit where credit is due, and they appear to be pretty professional with this kind of stuff.


As for your TS "friend," obviously something like this can come from anyone, especially in a more social setting -- and if they've got a bit of "liquid courage" in 'em.

[Pat]

I'd say don't lay it at the door of the TS community, just write that individual off as a jerk. Chances are if she was a jerk about that, she'll be a jerk in other areas of her life and none of it because she's TS.

[Teresa]

Jennifer,
Sometimes you do wonder that question on the forum !

Now I'm meeting other members of the TG community socially I've found the answer to your question is no, TSs accept Cders and the reverse is true.

The dividing line at time is very thin, can any of us say 100% we won't want to transition to varying degrees ? The other point I've realised is when we meet others we don't know where they are on the gender road I also believe now that the public may be assuming that we are all TS. The media don't make an issue of crossdressing but they are making a big issue about TSs.

The person you spoke to just had a problem full stop , it may not have anything to do with CDing.

[Lorileah]

I can also say most TSs don't hang at gay bars. You don't say what kind of place this was or even why this person seemed to need to get into your space. Usually, TSs are glad to chat you up because we have been in your place before.

[sometimes_miss]

Just a tought maybe not just a tought something that I experienced, do ts woman except cd's?

Again, someone looking for a rule book that covers everyone. No such thing. Some will accept, others won't. No way to know until you ask the individual.

[phili]

Anyone who takes it on themselves to criticize another is hiding their own feelings from themselves. Policing others is their way of identifying with the aggression that controls them as well. Next time say, 'Thanks for taking an interest! How would you try to look better if you were me?" Chances are pretty good the conversation would become warm and friendly- as long as they are not mean drunk.

[PaulaQ]

Next time say, 'Thanks for taking an interest! How would you try to look better if you were me?" Chances are pretty good the conversation would become warm and friendly- as long as they are not mean drunk.

I gotta be honest - I don't recommend this. You will like as not spend the next 20 minutes being invalidated, given a laundry list of surgical procedures, and told you won't pass anyway. Especially you'll likely be invalidated as a person if you admit you are just a CD. Transition is hard. Some of us who transition become intensely bitter and toxic. I'm not trying to excuse their behavior, just explain it.

Look - guilty secret. I like nearly everyone. I get along with almost everyone. But out of the people I really intensely dislike, and there aren't that many of them, once you exclude the anti-trans cisgender folks, there are a surprising (to me) number of trans people on the list. Some few of us are just horrible human beings, and if you come across one of us who disrespects you because of "passing", or being a CD, chances are you've run across a human dumpster fire. Just avoid them, and hope they get some counseling at some point and become nicer people...

Oh I could tell you some stories!

[Acastina]

I'd say don't lay it at the door of the TS community, just write that individual off as a jerk. Chances are if she was a jerk about that, she'll be a jerk in other areas of her life and none of it because she's TS.

A good point that's often overlooked. People who for whatever reasons find themselves here (from terrified closeted newbie to completely persuasive and self-realized TS) will run the gamut of personality types just like the general population, which means most are polite and respectful but others tend to be abusive. Being trans in some way should cause enough introspection to make one more than a little humble and generous of spirit toward fellow travelers, but there will always be some who view it as a competition or hierarchy of merits, or a way to distinguish themselves from us to salve their insecurities and feel superior.

The well-balanced among us don't feel threatened by a sister who passes better, or feel superior to one who doesn't. Those with issues such as self-loathing, narcissism, or the remnants of strict religio-politico cultural conditioning, will tend to be judgmental as a kind of defense mechanism. They often soon find themselves without friends in a small circle of humanity that needs every friend we can get.

Which is a lot of words to say that trans people are pretty much like other people, except for, well, you know, and some people are just_unpleasant_jerks.

[Georgette_USA]

Yes, some TS can be prejudicial also. I know some that will be very critical on some CDs or even other TSs. Plus CDs that also criticize other CDs, if they are dressed like some street hooker. If the others don't meet their expectations of what is acceptable.

But the majority of TSs and CDs are very accepting of all that are harming no one, and feel for whatever they have to work thru.

True most TSs don't hang at GAY bars, but some do for hookups as not all GAY men are strictly gay, some are BI and/or also Trans attracted.

Not many GAY bars are strictly gay anymore. I and many of my friends (both TS and CD) hang in what are friendly LGBT places, and some non-LGBT places that are getting more accepting. For me not that many strictly Lesbian bars left, so that is where they hang out. Feel uncomfortable in non-LGBT places meeting and dancing with other women.

Everyone knows me as one of the most accepting for all of the LGBT community. And will chat about anything others have questions about. Some are really interested in my background and I don't mind answering any questions they have, especially the men. Education is good for all of us, plus I get to know them and their problems also.

[jennifer0918]

Paula you are right I posted some pictures on Facebook from a recent outing and asked TS vicky English for some advice and she gave me a laundry list of what was wrong with my look.Though I had a lot of compliments from a lot of guys on fb.Everything was wrong she stated mind you I paid a very good make up artist with 30 years of experience to do my make up.So I think it'd more of a compitition thing with these young ts .

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Thanks for your 2 cents Acastina, soooooooooo true I found out the hard way.My respect to all in our community this kid is a jerk and selfish I guess being young and stupid and maybe not a ts issue .I'm going to continue to be me which is be nice to everyone and if they choose to label me as a "tranny chaser "that's on them ..I'm not.

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Georgette I have found more acceptance at lesbian bars no.problems no worries,dance with girls a lot of ladies give me a lot of compliments even if there only being nice but they are not judging me.I talk to everyone so I'm not going to change because Camila is a jerk .

[Majella St Gerard]

I used to get the stink eye from T-girls and Drag Queens when I used to go out dressed sans wig. Now that I wear a wig all I get is compliments. Although one friend will comment on my makeup but I don't like the way she does her's anyway.

[Beverley Sims]

You do have to make an effort to pass, being so so does not work.

Is that your problem?

It does seem easy to pass in Chick Cargo in the winter, lots of cover and cold weather help a lot.

I have never had trouble in the windy city.

[jennifer0918]

Bev yout make a good point I'm not looking to transition, I just love dressing en femme and having fun.