Hostage to CD'ing

[joanne51]

When we set out on our first foray into CD'ing, usually when we are kids, it is an innocent act born out of curiosity.
I assume there are some who take it no further, but for most of us we are drawn in for all the reasons we are familiar with.
While we remain single we can freely indulge in without answering to anyone, going deeper and exploring the other side to our nature.
Once involved in a relationship, this all changes. Some of us are able to reveal are CD'ing before or just after making a commitment to
a permanent relationship. We might (if we are lucky) be accepted, others are forced to practice CD'ing out of sight of are partners.

We have no control of our feelings once we are hooked. I don't know whether anyone has chosen to go for therapy (and been successful in
being able to leave CD'ing behind). As I face the prospect of coming out to my SO after a long time of being together (my collection is too
large and cannot stay hidden for much longer). I cannot help feeling that what started out as something quite innocent can take over your life.
I am probably not the only one that feels this way.

[Annajose]

Hi Joanne,
I have feel the same sometimes, it can become an obsession, this site has helped quite a lot.
Try to keep your SO in your mind, crossdressing is part of our life, but is not our life. We still have to work, live, socialize and take care of our loved ones.
I have no magic solution and do not think there is one, what helps me is to try to keep thinking on how to make this easier to my wife, how to make her feel pretty, loved and important (which she is!). I fully accept my crossdressing but struggle all the time to keep it from becoming the center of my life.

All the best

[Stephanie47]

My first interest in women's clothing did start out as a simple interest in loving the feel of nylon. My mother use to hang her nylon slips and night gowns in the sole bathroom to dry. Or she strung a wash line down the hallway to the bedrooms. I found myself fondling the nylon. Then I tried them on. There was no sexual motivation. Sex it not seem to exist back in the 1950's. Now sexual stimuli is persuasive in society. The best a young boy could ever find was the ads for bras, panties and girdles and those lovely slips in magazines. Now? OMG, those Victoria Secret ads on television would have been classified as soft core porn in the 1950's.

I reflect back sometimes and wonder "How did I get hooked on wearing women's clothing?" Before my wife went deeply into DADT she tried her best to play to my love of nylon. She bought several yards of nylon lingerie fabric and tried caressing me in bed with it. It was not the same. It became more than the nylon fabric. Somewhere along the way the enticement of the fabric developed into the desire to wear women's clothing; adding a piece here and there until it became wig to heels and every garment in between. Why? I don't know. I have several theories that have been tossed my way. But, nothing scientific.

I do believe wearing women's clothing can become addictive in much the same way a person finds drugs, alcohol, chocolate, hobbies can become addictive. Wearing women's clothing can fill a void to the extent it gets out of control. Escapism? Maybe, when it does become all consuming professional help would be advisable. Maybe a wife will accept her husband's love of women's clothing or maybe tolerate it, but, when it busts the family budget maybe they need to talk about it.

[Lisa Roberts]

Well said Annajose. I find that sometimes the Pink Fog almost takes over my "regular" life. Yes... I do believe that we are hostages. I wish sometimes that it would just go away, but it will not. I'm addicted to the furthering of my feminine side.
In lace and a smile,
Lisa.

[Lily Catherine]

As important as it is for us to avoid making this part of us an indulgence lest it take us over, denying it isn't necessarily an option either. I choose not to see myself as a victim / hostage of my circumstances as much as I can, this outward manifestation of internal desires included.

All relationships, romantic or otherwise, are founded upon compromise. I don't think singlehood is a free license to indulgence, although it does give significantly more personal space to steward, one which I must all the more steward well. There is a fine line between self interests and selfishness, one that I for one have often crossed - and that must change.

[Rachael Leigh]

I'm not sure I would call it being held hostage but I understand the point.
I do have a large wardrobe of clothes and to that end it would be difficult if not impossible to get rid of them. Not to mention I've fully accepted this part of myself and also put myself under the trans umbrella. I think we tend to think we can't get out of this but if you understand your needs here or desire for what it means then hostage no not me

[NancySue]

You are totally correct about our compulsive needs from the beginning. You are definitely not the only one that fells that way.
These needs are here and will come and go for the duration. Accept it. Enjoy it.
However, telling your SO is another matter. The best and scariest thing I ever did was tell her once our relationship developed toward the altar. She wasn't totally surprised (female ESP ?). I thought she'd leave, but didn't. Yes, we had many "heart to heart" discussions and continue to. She respected my honesty, risk and courage to tell her. Women have difficulty with deception. Having a supportive SO is beyond description. Even with our extensive and continuous research and talking, neither of us understand my needs, so we accept it and enjoy it.

[CynthiaD]

... I cannot help feeling that what started out as something quite innocent can take over your life. ...

And this is a bad thing?

[Periwinkle]

I don't feel like a hostage at all. Crossdressing is an important part of my self-expression. I'm really into fashion, and I like looking cute in men's and women's clothing. I may be having problems with my SO in regards to this that have yet to be totally resolved, but I'm definitely willing to compromise.

[Lana Mae]

I am not a hostage. I am not addicted per say! This is just another part of me. I spend at least 80% of the time male! I can dress a lot but choose not to due to others needs or time constraints. I will be dressing more since I need to practice with my makeup! Hugs Lana Mae

[Dana44]

Joanne, A hostage, no but yep it is here for life. Ah, I told my GF and she was not that accepting at first but with a lot of communication, it got better, far better and she loves and accepts me for who I am although she still does not understands it and nether do I. Sometime we get into those discussions but only for clarity. She is fully supportive and to have an SO that is in so accepting is good for the soul and I hope that your discussion with your wife goes as well.

[Acastina]

I think it's problematic to use the language and concepts of addiction here. It is not at all the same as trying cigarettes as a youth because your friends do or you think it looks cool, then developing a chemical dependency on nicotine that can be brutally difficult to shake. Same with alcohol and other drugs; there are countless reasons to try them for the first time, and countless outcomes vis-a-vis becoming dependent or not.

I suppose there are CDs who consciously try it on a lark or out of mere curiosity, and simply return to it for gratification or whatever, but my experience of it runs vastly deeper than, say, trying to learn to play a musical instrument or cooking or art or any number of interests. For many of us, it was compulsive from very early years, long before experimentation in the more usual sense became a part of our conscious repertoire, and repeating the experience so as to become "addicted" just doesn't square with such habits as chemical dependency or other addictions (e.g., gambling). One can certainly attempt denial through distractions, purging, or therapy, but my experience is that it's burned into our brains, and most such efforts to snuff it out will fail sooner or later. They can amount to nothing more than trading the stress of practicing a cultural taboo for the stress of self-denial. The first can cause issues, but the latter can be deadly in the long run.

In my case, my long-term compromise of having a male identity in a marriage to a uniquely understanding woman gets me through the years, but at the price of a chronic low-grade melancholic depression that I've simply learned to live with and accept as my lot in life, a better outcome than many of the possibilities.

But an addiction to which I'm held hostage? Hardly. It is an integral, permanent part of who I am.

[Michal82]

I agree with Acastina. Referring to CDing as an addiction feels wrong to me. I always consider it as a mix of something genetic and social (the same way people nowadays refer to sexual preference).

My wife and children are a major anchor in my life, that keeps me grounded. CD is a DADT issue, so I don't get to dress much.
After I was married (before the kids), I use to fantasize sometimes about being single and CDing all the time. But then I would remember about the time I was living alone at the university and I didn't dress much. Nowadays I fantasize about being wealthier and buying a lot of clothes, but then I think I wouldn't have any chance to wear them...
So my point is to stay grounded.

I wonder sometimes if dressing en-femme full time would "fill the gap" but I really don't know. I am not so sure.

[Becky Blue]

Like others on here, I don't feel like a hostage. In fact I feel the opposite she is a gift that has enhanced my life in so many ways.

[joanne51]

The use of the word hostage has certainly caught your attention. What I was implying was that once we found CD'ing pleasurable and had provoked
a desire for more. It would result in a lifetime pursuing that desire.
The fact that CD'ing is not compatible with a relationship with a GG, some are driven to keeping it hidden.
While this leads to problems, I for one would not say that I regret taking that initial step all those years ago.
Whatever the future holds, Joanne is as much a part of me as every other experience I have had in my life up until now.

[Becky Blue]

The use of the word hostage has certainly caught your attention. What I was implying was that once we found CD'ing pleasurable and had provoked
a desire for more. It would result in a lifetime pursuing that desire.
The fact that CD'ing is not compatible with a relationship with a GG, some are driven to keeping it hidden.
While this leads to problems, I for one would not say that I regret taking that initial step all those years ago.
Whatever the future holds, Joanne is as much a part of me as every other experience I have had in my life up until now.

Possibly the reason we were driven to try CDing in the first place meant that it was inevitable we would not only like it, but continue. I doubt there are many guys out there who dressed once, thought hmmm nah this is not for me and then moved on.

[Acastina]

Possibly the reason we were driven to try CDing in the first place meant that it was inevitable we would not only like it, but continue. I doubt there are many guys out there who dressed once, thought hmmm nah this is not for me and then moved on.

Exactly. The closest thing to trying it on a lark would be something like a costume that is discarded as soon as its occasion passes, without any sort of soul-shaking epiphany or habituation. Think WWII GIs on a Pacific island donning a mop for a wig, a grass skirt, and coconut bra for an impromptu show...

I don't think they came home and went lingerie shopping after that experience.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Joanne,
In your OP you go back and forth between "I" and "we" to describe how you are feeling, maybe it is a British way of talking, so I apologize if I am taking this wrong.
It sounds like you are describing a personal fetish with your use of
"an innocent act born out of curiosity."
"drawn in"
"indulge in without answering to anyone"
", going deeper and exploring the other side"
"forced to practice CD'ing out of sight of are (our) partners."
"no control of our feelings once we are hooked"
".I don't know whether anyone has chosen to go for therapy (and been successful in
being able to leave CD'ing behind)."
"what started out as something quite innocent can take over your life."
"I am probably not the only one that feels this way."

All of these things you have posted are ways of describing an addiction,a fetish or debilitating habit. If you feel that it is something that you need to address in your life to have a successful relationship , then defiantly seek out a competent therapist to help with the issues you face.

even using the inclusive overall "we" is a common among addicts to try to assume a common link with others.

I'm not sure what percentage of people CD for pleasure,fetish purposes or
It seems a lot here it's more of a gender identity issue.
and for a large number CDing is just a progression towards transition.

Words have meaning, and as we have found out in the last few years those meanings change ALL of the time.

For me it's always been about identity.

A question for GG's is do women fetish dress or is that only a male thing ? I understand some women do fetish dress in rubber and laytex, but ordinary every day cloths ??? I'm not sure.

[Tracii G]

You are only a hostage to it if you let it consume you.
Some want to blame something in their past for their condition now.No one to blame but yourself.
I guess being from a different generation is my problem we didn't blame others for our own actions.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Joanne, I've been in this program for over 69yrs. now and I don't have any idea what not being a Crossdresser would be like......

[phili]

I'm weighing in on the hostage side- I feel my original self is being held hostage- until my wife can come to terms with it, which she vows she has no interest in doing.

I also feel like a hostage to my own demand- I really really want to wear feminine clothes and enjoy the emotions I feel, and a lot of it is kind of sexual so really needs to be in my primary relationship and isn't- but I won't give up - I'm holding a hostage no one wants- me [as I see myself]

I feel like a hostage to the addiction- and it does play in my life that way- the generalized arousal is like a powerful drug, and although I also have ordinary enjoyment and no arousal, and the core driver is identity, the arousal drug is very much occupying my attention and interfering with spending more time on other things.

I'll report in when I have a solution.