Having a Eh day...

[Joan.Meredith]

I'm having a rough day, it started last night between my wife and I. I know the journey isn't going to be smooth.

I put together a Facebook page for Joan, well it got the wrong attention from some people that we know and they came after my wife. I took the Facebook page down thing is the damage is done. So I've learned a big lesson about main stream social media, it's not all roses. I've been burned before, but this time it's a big reminder that I've got to be careful. So even if I want Joan to have everything John has, it can't be that way out of the gate. When will I learn.

So my wife slept on the couch last night. That was after she went upstairs mad at me and said so. I fell asleep on the couch, woke up around midnight turned all the lights off, and went to bed. I guess she is still mad at me, cause I woke up to her on the couch this morning. Then she went back to bed once I kissed her to say it was morning. She mumbled a bunch of questions at me I did my best to answer them because I realized a long time ago that I'm talking with her subconscious. But one thing that cut deep was that she said "sometimes I wish I was dead." Now was this because of my wanting to be Joan, or was that the depression talking like in the past I don't know.

And now today is my first day going to see a new therapist. My brain is saying I should be happy, but my feelings are blah right now. I'm going through the motions this morning.

*sigh*

[Krisi]

We talk a lot about Facebook here and the dangers of putting anything about our hobby there. What you post on the Internet never goes away so the best advice is to not post in the first place. Even this site has its risks but if you don't post personal information (like your hometown and state) and don't post pictures where you might be recognized you're probably pretty safe.

I can't give you any advice on how to deal with what you did but I will advise you not to do it again and to think of all the possible consequences before you do anything like that again.

[Anne K]

Facebook? Ouch! Perhaps you should discuss with your therapist what you thought you had to gain and what you stood to loose. I think you should re-read your signature motto and really slow down!

I hope you can work through this with a positive outcome.

[Lana Mae]

Bad news! Hope everything gets worked out to the good! Hugs Lana Mae

[Aunt Kelly]

Right or wrong, justified or not, it appears that your actions have caused your wife no small amount of pain, probably more than you realize. Joyce P's advice is sage. Discuss your actions with your therapist, or at least ask those same questions of yourself. Answer honestly. Yes, getting honest answers from yourself might be tough, and take awhile. You and your wife deserve them. Keep in mind that your wife has experienced what, to her, is a betrayal, and that this betrayal has cost her no small amount of embarrassment, or worse. Let her know that you realize this and that your recognize that your actions were selfish. If that sounds harsh, I am sorry, but in the context of a relationship, actions that can affect our partners deserve consideration and caution. As accepting as my wonderful wife is, she worries about "the wrong people" finding out about Kelly. I owe it to her to consider how my actions might affect her, us and me, in that order. Yeah, that sometimes involves making decisions that Kelly might not like or wouldn't even worry about, if it were just her. As you said, this stuff isn't always easy.

Hugs

[Jaylyn]

Read and retread Kelly's statement. Always look before you jump as still waters usually are deep waters. Also Facebook is like just dressing and standing on a street corner and shouting to the world all of your business. I've almost quit using anything for face book except to say Happy Birthday's to all the friends and even at that I am scared sometimes. Lots of hackers and ways searches can be interlinked. I've heard lots of stories about identities getting stolen and such. I'm not vey computer wise anyway....

[Teresa]

Joan,
Some people get a lot out of social web sites but you have to take care as you've discovered . I steer well clear , I don't like their policies and I don't trust them .I know I'm taking a few chances on the forum but that's it , I still prefer my wife not to find me on it .

I guess it's easier to explain whyyou're on the forum rather than appearing femme as Joan on a social site, I have found genuine friends here but no guarantees on those site , I guess that's partly why your wife is unhappy.
That comment must have cut deep, CDing really isn't that bad it doesn't justify what she said, it sounds like she wants to hurt you as much as she's been hurt. The problem with that is in my case it nearly happened through my CDing, it's not a comment that should be made lightly when you're in a depressed state.

At the moment your brain is dealing with too many issues to be happy, where is all this going to lead if it can't be solved in a friendly manner ?

[IamWren]

I'm really sorry this happened Joan especially for your wife.

This, my friends (and especially you visitors who see this), is a really good example of how we do not live in a vacuum. I've seen so many times the careless and reckless advice offered here that amounts to a cheer leading squad yelling, "you go gurl! Get out there and show the world who you are!" *snap. snap*

There are many on this forum who have come out to their spouses and are extremely lucky in that she is supportive of her CDing spouse's proclivity. In rare cases the spouse might even go out in public with her spouse.

I'm inclined to think more often than not, that is not the case. Just because she is supportive, doesn't mean she wants to see it nor does she want family, friends or neighbors seeing her guy prancing around with a skirt, socks stuffed in a bra and a wig. Most who come out to a spouse are lucky if they achieve a don't-ask-don't-tell situation. Others lose their spouse and family all together.

We don't live in a vacuum friends.

[Kiersten]

Sorry to hear this, hope everything works out for the better.

[CONSUELO]

I'm sorry that you had it all blow back on you. Not sure what you did exactly but it seemed that whatever you posted was not really anonymous.

I found Facebook to be more and more intrusive. As my circle of friends increased, so did all sorts of strange things such as ads and messages seemingly from nowhere. Also I found that if you were looking at something on another site, such as a hotel, and you "liked" what you saw, it turned up on your Facebook page. Now I realize that I could have done a better job perhaps with privacy settings, but I decided that I was spending a significant amount of time every day just looking at trivia posted by my friends. More trivia than interesting content. I decided to just dump my account for both security reasons and for reasons of saving time and avoiding the daily assault of trivial rubbish. I don't Facebook and I don't Twitter and now I find I can concentrate on more important things. The family events that I saw there come to me via an alternative route, so no loss.
Given my experience with Facebook I decided that I would never post anything about Consuelo there.

[JocelynJames]

Ah Facebook, the anti-social. NEtwork( as I like to call it) I'd like to have a new skirt for every fight on there- and a closet to put them in. I find the older I get the less I feel like people need to know anything about my life. I try to take care of what matters to me I hope all ends well with you and your wife.

[Jenny22]

Any thing Facebook, for me as Jenny, scares the hell out of me!! Though I really want to find a meet up group in SoCal,OC, a forum sister tells me that the info I want is only available on Facebook, and I just can't go to either of the links she gave to me for fear of being outed. So, please PM me with any meet up info you can give.

[Judy-Somthing]

Well I hope things smooth out for you.
Lets face it a-lot of people think CD-ing is weird.

I had a FaceBook page in male mode for about four months. I closed it after a few old acquaintances/friends made digs at some of my comments.
I felt I joind for fun not more BS.

[Stephanie47]

It seems you decided to go it alone without discussing this with your wife. Wonders never cease a person can act so irresponsibly and then act perplexed at the outcome. I don't know what the phrase "they came after my wife" means other than questioning her judgement of putting up with your activities. In some prior posts you indicated some positive steps that was occurring in some degree of acceptance...maybe in private..in the home....and not plastered all over the neighborhood. Be prepared for a cold winter.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Joan, I stay as far away from FB as I can.~~~~~See line #4 in my signature......