I went to a toy store today. I was wearing a black, knee length skirt, a gray and black blouse, off-black pantyhose, and short heels. I do not wear makeup, or have breasts. I present male while dressed pretty.
I shopped around the store for a few minutes. I asked the owner for help. She happily walked around the store with me and talked with me about her products. I was shopping for my daughter. I related a story about something thoughtful my daughter did. I "choked up" or (welled up with emotion). Sometimes, I get choked up with emotion when I talk about kind actions of people. It is annoying. I get choked up and I cannot get the words to come out of my mouth. Sometimes, my face flushes. It is embarrassing. I normally try to disguise it.
This is the first time I have ever welled up like this while dressed pretty.
I thought something like, "It's OK, I'm wearing a skirt." I smiled and put my hand to my chest. Then, I worked my through the moment and finished what I was saying. I did not try to hide it. The woman was gushing about how sweet my little girl is. She did not obviously react to my emotion.
I found my instinctual shift in this really interesting. Obviously, I have gotten past a lot of my macho hang-ups. But I have never ignored the "instinct" to be embarrassed about being overcome with tears before. It was kind of neat!
Joey
