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Thread: Going out - an informal survey

  1. #1
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Going out - an informal survey

    So I am curious. Personally, I have been going out for only two years now and have found it so much easier than I ever imagined and have been well received wherever I have gone. I could never have imagined it would be such a wonderful and life-affirming experience each and every time I do so.

    How many of you have ventured out for the first time within the past year or so?

    How many of you have experienced and/or realized that the world is more accepting than our imaginations/anxieties would have us believe?

    I know there is still ugliness out there, I know and understand all the life issues, relationship issues, etc.. Nothing is easy in life, but I cannot tell you how wonderful I feel when I do get out. Wish I didn't take so long to accept who I am and understand how much fun this is!

    What about you?
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  2. #2
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    Kandi,
    I asked a related question a while ago and the majority of replies ( 57% ) were happily out, less would like to be out and only 6 replied saying they were happy in the closet.

    I have been going out since January , I admit it's to meet socially at a hotel rather than dressed to shop but we still meet other guests at the hotel . Next week at the Xmas party we will be mixing with other parties so that will be interesting, I don't feel nervous at all, it just feels natural . It hasn't been easy to achieve in a DADT situation even so I do enjoy it and I've told my wife that.

  3. #3
    Member CourtneyJamieson's Avatar
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    Hi Kandi, Like you I just started going out about 1 year ago. I was soooo afraid to take the first steps. I started slow and did the usual. Walked around parking lots, pumped gas, etc. Then I ventured into the mall and met people face-to-face. And I found that nobody seemed to notice or to care that I was CD. So, like you said, that was very affirming and a big boost to the confidence. In only a years time I went from being afraid to be spotted to now going out regularly to the mall and to restaurants and to clubs. I now shop and try-on clothes while en Fem. And the most fun I ever have is going to a club and dancing in 4"heels. And, like you, I have not had any negative experiences. (So Far). I am sure I will at some point but so-far-so-good. I still get anxious when I go out. But in a good way. But the pleasure I get from being out in public while dressed is better than I could have imagined and my acceptance, so far, has exceeded expectations.

  4. #4
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    I'm new to going out, after some late night then daytime drives took the plunge and left the safety zone of my car. Just a few quick walk arounds with few people about, but so far no real problems. No reactions off anyone, as far as I can tell so where next.... I know its second nature for some and I have a long way to go but I do gain a little extra confidence with each outing.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  5. #5
    Member April Showers's Avatar
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    My wife and I went out for the first time to a GNO Halloween party and we had a blast. Now that was fairly easy as all we had to do was park the car and go right into the bar and it was dark out and Halloween so I wasn't that nervous. We are going to the GNO Christmas party on Saturday and have been invited by one of the girls from this forum to come up to their room for a cocktail and chat before going down to the Christmas party. This will mean we have to walk across the hotel lobby and take the elevator up to their floor. I keep telling my wife I don't think I'm ready for that but she says I can do it. Guess we will find out on Saturday. I know one thing for sure I don't think I could ever go back to just dressing at home. It is such a wonderful feeling being able to go out and do things that you always wanted to do. I know that first step out the door is daunting but once you have both feet out the door you will amazed at how good it feels.
    "The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed."- Einstein

  6. #6
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
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    I first went out like 20 years ago. I'd say it was probably a bit tougher back then.


    There are some amazing supporters out there. Just as there are some real buttheads, LOL.

    And everything in-between.


    Despite some personal incidents, the positive stuff more than made up for that.

  7. #7
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Go to that party and turn their heads, girl. I mean get after it with that in mind. I know it's a big ask, but I'm pretty sure that if you can get your head into that place, where you're looking to make an impression instead of just blending in, you'll have a lot more fun. Impression, not spectacle, of course, but make sure they know that they were the ones lucky enough to be at the same party as you.

    Laurababe,
    You and me both, it was just about twenty years ago for me.

    The first time out in honest-to-gawd public, and the only time anyone has ever pointed and snickered, it was a couple of the performers at a drag show in Las Vegas. They clocked me from the stage, and me three rows beyond the footlights. The rest of the night was a picnic, by comparison. Spent an hour or so in the casino after the show playing slots and enjoying free drinks and the warm smiles from the cocktail waitresses. The combination was enough to relax me just enough to meet the occasional wide-eyed stare head on with a big smile. Flamboyant is not my thing, but I will never be mistaken for six foot tall GG, so the thing for me is to just own it and enjoy myself.

    Now, I must confess that age and the changes in shape that accompany it, and the cultural shock of moving to Houston a few years ago did put a damper on things. Not sure why, but it seems like Kelly Marie has had enough of being the homebody, so we're looking for places to go and things to do. Of course that means new clothes, and shoes, and a makeover. Hmmm... Maybe I should go through this cycle more often...

  8. #8
    Junior Member EffyJaspers's Avatar
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    I go to school three days a week and I wear leggings/yoga pants, panties, and sometimes a bra. No one cares as far as I know. But since I don't have boobs I try to hide the bra even when I wear it (I wear it to try and hide that I am wearing it, lol). You asked recently and I started wearing the leggings after Trump won the election, sort of as a bet against myself.
    I'd like to try tops, but I don't have any and as seen from above I ain't up to leaps and bounds.

  9. #9
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Kandi I too have experienced very positive outcomes over the last two years I've been out. Most people are quite friendly once I interact with them and seem mostly genuine. I usually get called the proper pronoun and I think most just feel if this
    how I am then they seem ok with me.

    I live in what most would consider a very conservative area of the US and so yes it has been a very pleasant surprise to me
    that it's been this way. I just enjoy it so much

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member jjjjohanne's Avatar
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    I have been going out for a few years now. Maybe I don't care any more and I am not looking, but in the last couple years, people seem to be less surprised to see me. I don't see people whispering to their companions to hurry up and take a look.
    I am a man who presents male and wears feminine clothes.
    I blog about my outings: https://joeypress.wordpress.com/

  11. #11
    I am me! TrishaTX's Avatar
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    I have ventured out more and more in the past two years and I totally agree, we have made great strides. I used to not want to be seen at all, not I don't care. I have never been worried about violence but never liked the crazy looks.
    No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.

  12. #12
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    About 10 years ago I went dressed to a TG party, but I got nervous after about 20 minutes and left.

    Over the next eight years I did the occasional out of town dress up and walk around where there were no people.

    Then two Halloweens ago I got dressed and walked around a popular area for about 45 minutes.

    Last year was my first real time out in San Francisco. I had a Sephora makeover and about a day and a half being out and about (mostly stores and lunch at the Cheesecake Factory). On Halloween I dressed, went to Dress Barn, a Shoe store, ULTA (bought a lipstick after trying it on), and then a walk around a different area for about an hour).

    This year in October I had four days out and about locally (I've written about it on here). Yesterday I went back to the same mall, and I'm planning to go tomorrow.

    So my outings for the most part have been within the last two years. My experiences have been positive; very positive in some cases.

    After roughly 50 years of dreaming about going out dressed, to actually do it is a bit of a tightrope walk but a fun one.

  13. #13
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
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    I've been out en femme about seven times solo (once was to do stand-up comedy, that was my first time interacting with strangers) and twice out with the wife. Second time out with her I actually interacted with SA's, that was Halloween, so it made the night rather easier than normal.

    People in general, depending upon the area, can be very accepting.

    Like many things, if it were real easy, everyone would be doing it.
    And at the same time, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

    All my outings have been within the last three years.

    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

    -Home Movies
    (cartoon series)

    Shoe size: 9 US women's.
    Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
    Height: 5' 6".

  14. #14
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Not sure if this is helping your survey. I have been out over 25 times in 5 cities in 2 countries. Twice in 2016. Its the most awesome experience, whether its: shopping, a quiet dinner out, a loud dinner out, clubbing, bar hopping, a tea party (not the political one, in a big group or just with one friend...
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  15. #15
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    My first time going to a public place en-femme was about a year and a half ago - July 2014. I was in my mid-50's, and recently widowed. I was both terrified and elated. Terrified to be taking that step, and elated with how well it went. I started with going out at night to a nearby gay nightclub, to dance and socialize. I had already developed a passable voice, and learned a lot that year about doing better makeup, and buying better wigs. As the year edged on into fall I was leaving for the nightclub while it was still daylight, and eventually making small stops on the way home, like dashing into a fast food place for some fries on the way home, or into a grocery store to get milk on the way home - all late at night. Slowly building my confidence.

    In Feb of 2015 I dared an early Saturday morning daylight visit to a wig shop in a quiet strip mall, and bought a fairly good wig. In July of 2015, I got female glasses - went in as a male, but in addition to my male frames I got a second pair with feminine frames, and admitted to the optician that they were for me, and why. Even showed her a picture of me en-femme, and she complemented me on how great I looked as a lady! In August of 2015, I took the plunge and went to a huge mall for half a day, fully en-femme, shopped, got a makeover, and dined in a restaurant with my daughter. It was so wonderful and self-affirming to be accepted by everyone I encountered!

    Later that month, I attended the Pride festival in that town, and held my head high as I walked past a group of 'religious ranters' who screamed bad things at everyone heading for the event. I managed to keep my composure and act decently as I passed them, despite their accusations and suppositions. I was happy to see that within the event, there were many more religious groups who all welcomed and accepted us.

    That night, I went to a completely straight bar and music venue for the first time, to attend a performance and dance featuring a lesbian band I had seen at the nightclub. I got to meet the band members and made friends with them. In the following months I started going out at night to all sorts of public music venues, to hear those musicians and friends of their perform, and I gained a much wider circle of friends. It was wonderful, and before long, I wasn't limiting my outings to night time at all.

    Of course there are still many who won't accept us, and who will judge us for how we look or what we do. But I have been pleasantly surprised by the overall level of acceptance.

    In January of this year, I got my ears pierced, and I've been wearing earrings 24x7 since then. I also got my nails done, and have had pretty nails even in male mode since then. So far, the ONLY person to make any comments that were at all negative about either my pierced ears or my painted nails was my sister, who looked questioningly and commented on how 'feminine' my nails were, and that she noticed I had pierced my ears. Circumstances prevented me from having 'the talk' with her then, but her reaction really hadn't been terribly adverse, and I think she will accept me once we do have that conversation. But every other person who has seen my painted nails has complemented me on how great they look! No bad reactions at all from them about a guy having red or blue or even glittery silver nails, in a feminine length and shape! And when I got new glasses this year, I did the exam and the full purchase process en-femme!

    Christmas with my sister and other relatives this year may be interesting, with my earrings and nails visible in male mode. But I won't let that stop me!
    Last edited by Ceera; 12-02-2016 at 12:15 AM.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Sarah Louise's Avatar
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    I've been out three times. The first time was about eight months ago. I went shopping and despite having no problems, I lost my nerve after 20 minutes.

    But in October I went to a cross dressing event and just last week ventured to the shops again. Both times, I had no issues of lack of acceptance. In fact, for the shopping trip, I think I blended in quite well and hardly anyone clocked me.
    Last edited by Sarah Louise; 12-03-2016 at 07:08 PM.
    A girl can never have too many dresses

  17. #17
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Kandi, dear:
    You have struck the perfect nerve. In sum, I've been taking my interest in women's clothing seriously for only about the last 6 months or so. The long journey to the point of buying my first dress is another story. But in this time I've "come out" to The Wife (of 39 yrs), expanded the wardrobe and become quite brazen in "living the dream"; with good and almost disastrous consequences.

    I love going out dressed. Maybe it's the old audacious pilot in me, but I've experienced a joyful exhilaration each time I dressed up and went out into The World. And mind you. This 6'3"/215 lb frame (taller in heels) will always attract attention if it's wearing a dress. Even if I was a natural GG, that tall would stand out. So I accept that. Make myself as pretty as I feel and GO.

    The first real time was my long fall bike adventure trip. I dressed at the various B&B's on the trail. I went out one evening to dinner (alone) fully dressed except for my wig (which I didn't wish to abuse backpacking). I wore a very nice silk headscarf. My waitress was fantastic. She was not completely at ease until I broke the silence over the obvious (yes dear, I'm a man in a dress). After that she took care of my like royalty. Bought my wine. Poured out heart heart over her LGBT friends, etc.

    I was also well received by the breakfast cook at another B&B I stayed. I was the only soul present. I believe I surprised the poor woman knocking along the hardwood floors in heels to the dining room, only to see a tall man in a dress and makeup. She, a retired teacher making extra $$ on the side as a cook, taking care of grandchildren. She whipped up a great soufflee and fruit cup, and we enjoyed the morning showing photos of grandkids.

    The rest of that trip went great (except the night I locked myself out of my lodging while I was in a dress and heels).

    I ventured into The World last Oct to have a makeover at ULTA. A fantastic and encouraging experience. I'm dying to go back.

    I dressed up (in my favorite and "hottest" green dress) and strolled a mall and a dept store. The SA's in Macy's made me out relatively soon. As soon as one came over to check out the Very Tall Lady, I bet I was approached 4 more times. I made it around the jewelry counter and the make up counter with ease, and even engaged one of the artists (in my male voice, as I was obviously a cross dressed male IN GOOD MAKEUP, BTW) for a short discussion. She did indeed crack a smile, but a kind one.

    The best place "dressed" I went was to the local Colorado "dispensary" [if you know what I mean]. The women at the front counter know me in my "rugged" male athlete (but kind of weird guy) form, and they love me. What a hoot it was when I walked in dressed in my green skirt, lace top, heels ... the works. We had such a laugh and fun about it. Now she knows I'm crazy. They both thought I looked great AND mastered walking in my heels like a Jedi.

    The S.O. isn't too keen about the "going out" business. I've told her about a couple times. She wasn't with me and she's stated she has no interest in going out WITH me while I'm dressed in my Lady Clothes. Yet I am quite attracted to the notion of going out. Don't know why. Maybe it's the (safe) danger of it. The audacity alone is alluring. Maybe it's the "secret identity" part of trying to mingle in the Normal World. Or maybe it's just the damn pleasure of letting go of your psyche, feeling good and having to confidence to just go out into The World as YOU, and truly not give a ratzazz about what they think.
    Last edited by IleneD; 12-02-2016 at 03:16 AM.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  18. #18
    Lost in Heels AnnaMarie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kandi Robbins View Post
    How many of you have ventured out for the first time within the past year or so?

    How many of you have experienced and/or realized that the world is more accepting than our imaginations/anxieties would have us believe?

    What about you?
    I think the first time as around this time last year. Stayed in a hotel and my first experience was getting in a lift with six other people, fully dressed and either no one noticed or they just didn't care. I've been out about nine or ten times since and no one really cares. You get the 'odd' comment, but I've done nights out, coffee shops, walks in the park, shopping centres, meals out. I'd love to do more but for personal reasons I can't. What I have done this year is make some amazing new friends!

  19. #19
    Member SarahSerene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kandi Robbins View Post

    How many of you have ventured out for the first time within the past year or so?

    How many of you have experienced and/or realized that the world is more accepting than our imaginations/anxieties would have us believe?

    What about you?
    Kandi I went out one time about 8 years ago. It went fine and felt great, but I did not feel that good about my presentation. So I consider my real actual going out start to have occurred about four years ago (not coincidentally, also when I joined the forums here!) Also, since my first time I think there are a lot more online resources (makeup videos, etc) so I feel I have refined my presentation.

    Since I started going out four years ago, I can only think of one, maybe two negative experiences? And they weren't so negative that they affected my desire to go out - by that time in my presentation I think I had developed the confidence to shrug them off. Fast forward to today, and all my public interactions have ranged from either non-issues to absolutely wonderful!

  20. #20
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    I went out for the first time in September. Not even a side glance. I went in to a couple of store and even a drive thru. The SAs didn't even flinch, they treated my like any other lady. The only person who seemed to even look twice was an older lady who came up to me and said "lookin good classy lady. I really don't think 99.99% even care or notice. After the first hour, I experienced a peacefulness & calm like I had never had before. I was so happy with that experience, i went out last Monday. Hoping there are more opportunities. Get out and have fun!!!
    Sara

  21. #21
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
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    I guess my answer will be more for comparing now and then. I first went out in public in 1980 in NYC. I got involved with the crossdressing community in NYC for the next 20 years enjoying clubbing in and around the city. During that time I perfected my look so that I could pass day or night and mix withe the general public. I can tell you that these are the best time for us. On the rare occasion that I raise a question with store or restaurant staff I have always been treated with respect and courtesy. Acting and presenting yourself in a stylish and mainstream manner that tries to honor women and their femininty goes a long way in getting the acceptance we all desire. Go for it. The time has never been better in most parts of the country.
    Last edited by Stephanie Julianna; 12-02-2016 at 07:49 AM.

  22. #22
    New Member nonameyet1234's Avatar
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    The only time I've been out was this past Halloween. I really liked it and would like to go out again, but I really don't have any interest in just doing day to day things. I'd much prefer to make it a night out, specifically in a friendly bar/club. Someday soon I will hopefully get an opportunity to do so.

  23. #23
    Reality Check
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    How many of you have experienced and/or realized that the world is more accepting than our imaginations/anxieties would have us believe?
    I have been out several times but not lately. I try to avoid testing the "more accepting" theory. The last time I went out I was in an outdoor mall that was closing. I was walking and a middle aged woman came walking towards me. I thought I was dressed pretty well and appropriately for the time and place. She looked at me and made a disgusting face. That hurt my feelings and I went back home.

    I don't think "the world is more accepting than our imaginations/anxieties would have us believe". Perhaps there is less chance of being openly hassled or assaulted but people still believe crossdressers are mentally ill and should stay in their own homes.

  24. #24
    Pooh Bear Judith96a's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    I people still believe crossdressers are mentally ill and should stay in their own homes.
    Some people probably, possibly even 'many people' believe this but... I recently attended a show in the Midlands of England en femme. The clientele was at least 90% male. In fact I suspect that the vast majority of the GGs in the hall were working on stands (booths for our US cousins) or serving food. The lady on the ticket desk took my money, chatted about the weather and gave me my ticket. She even smiled. She didn't give me the impression that she believed that I was mentally ill and needed to stay at home. Yes, I did get some looks but I also got into conversation admiring the work on some of the displays and the customary apologies when someone strays into your path while you're attempting to take a photo. I was probably the only person in the place who was wearing a skirt and yet I did not sense any hostility whatsoever, amusement or bemusement possibly but not hostility.
    I then went shopping and had nothing but positive interactions with the various SAs whom I encountered.

    Here's the point. We note, time and again, that it's very much in a SA's interest to remain at least civil - we're customer's like anyone else and our money will do as nicely as anyone else's. I think that we all understand this in theory at least. Experiencing it is a different matter. But, because our expectation is that SAs will be moderately accepting (or at least maintain the appearance of being so), citing the experience that they have been is tending to lose its impact.
    However, the 50+ male visitor to a model engineering show has no such vested interest. He gains nothing by refraining from laughing at / snarling at / openly ridiculing me (I don't pass close inspection) and yet that's precisely what several hundred such men did. They were much more interested in the various things that they had come to see than in my attire. They effectively ignored how I was dressed. That is not the behavior that I would expect if they all thought that I was "mentally ill and should stay at home".
    Last edited by Judith96a; 12-02-2016 at 12:37 PM.

  25. #25
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    I started going out to public spaces where I'd encounter muggles probably 5-6 years ago. It was only 3 years ago that I first walked into a store. Genie out of the bottle, no turning back now. My situation dictates I only get to get out and about for any length of time once or if lucky, twice a year.

    My last extended time enfemme was just a matter of weeks ago. I went out every day for a week, accumulating many many hours CD'ing in public. In all that time one of a group of 3 teenage girls sat in a cafe I was in say loud enough for me to hear, "That's a man". Well spotted I thought. Again sitting this time in a Subway sandwich shop a very young boy asked his mom, "Is that a man" and funnily enough as I was leaving a cafe a middle aged GG blurted out with utter surprise on her face "OOOH look" to her friends sat with her. I looked at her and just smiled, stayed calm and carried on.

    It goes with the turf. I know I don't pass close inspection. I feel however I blend in a crowd. As others have described I had many positive experiences with SA's. I engaged in conversation with individual muggles. Went to the cinema, traveled by train, bus and taxi. dined in a restaurant. Went to 2 group meetings and spent time drinking with others in a pub. Sat in a Boots the chemist store and had one of the beauticians give me a mini makeover spending 20 + minutes for all to see. Never felt threatened, 99% were, if they did clock me, respectful and went on about their business. In the time I spent enfemme I must have encountered literally 1000's of people. If out of that number 3 see fit to comment so be it. I'll take those odds.

    I'd known some years back going out to public places in daylight was something I'd have to do. I wasn't going to get to my last days on earth and wish, if only. I've experience much in my CD'ing journey and I hope to experience more. All I can say to those looking to find the courage to go out is your fear is real, I felt the same. The reality of the situation however is that the fear is hugely over imagined.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

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