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Thread: Going out - an informal survey

  1. #51
    Member StefaniLara's Avatar
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    I've been slowly going out, first to drive around town, then to a gay bar. Finally, back in August, I took the plunge and took a roadtrip to OKC, a four hour drive, and spent the whole trip en femme. It was at once nerve wracking and exhilarating! I've gone to Dallas a couple of months ago, though I couldn't spend the whole time dressed, I went with a friend to the Arboretum and then went shopping. This past week I went to the movies here in town, not stressing that someone I know might see me. It gets easier every time I go out.
    stefanilara.wordpress.com
    A Girl in disguise

  2. #52
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    I would have to say that I believe general acceptance (or at least tolerance) of us is at an all time high right now.[/QUOTE]

    I agree with Phoebe, for the most part people just don't care. In the last three days Lauri K and I have been dozens of places with nothing but friendly acceptance. Yesterday I was a little nervous about one place I needed to go. We were Christmas shopping and I needed some gifts for my son in law. He is a hunter so we went to Academy Sports and Outdoors in the testosterone section. I had expressed my concern about it to Lauri so she made it a point to hold back and watch for any reactions from people. Zilch, nada, it was just as enjoyable as every other place else we went. Life is as good as you make it.
    Jeri
    By the way, there will be a post with pictures about our amazing experiences.
    Last edited by Jeri Ann; 12-04-2016 at 04:53 AM.

  3. #53
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Again, thank you all for your input. This is my attempt at reading the temperature out there and to see if my experiences are typical. I think they are.

    I'm currently in a 36 hour Kandi-thon, four different outfits in three days, first volunteering for the Cleveland Museum of Art and then selling raffle tickets in the Cleveland Playhouse Square district for the chorus I volunteer for. Yes, both are artsy places (generally more accepting) and yes, the chorus is a gay men's chorus, but you would think I was a mascot at a ballgame. But instead of kids hugging the mascot, the women coming to the show are just eating me alive and my alter ego's ego is growing by the minute! I'm getting hugged out and leaving my red lipstick prints on many a cheek. Pictures and stories will be posted soon. But I am experiencing my biggest issue, with three close shaves in three days my face looks like I went 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.

    Get out there ladies!!
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  4. #54
    Member April Showers's Avatar
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    I said in an earlier post to this thread that last night would be the second time that my wife and I would be going out.We were going to a GNO Christmas party and I told kandi I would tell her how things went.

    So yesterday started out with me being completely excited and terrified about the evening. Managed to get dressed and made up with lots of time to spare also got to swap out my stud earnings for some large Gold hoops for the first time (God I love pierced ears ) 20 minute drive to the hotel half way there realize I left my wallet at home in my jeans turn back and race home with the wife telling me to slow down, the last thing we need is you getting pulled over dressed like that with no ID. I said it's ok April can pay for her own speeding tickets. Made it back to hotel only 10 minutes late.

    We had arranged to meet Giselle and her wife for a drink and a chat before going down to the GNO Christmas party. (ever had that dream about being trapped in an elevator with a bunch of strangers that's what was going on in my head and the hope they were on the first floor.... no such luck they told us they were on the 9th floor ) This meant we would have to enter the hotel lobby and take the elevator up to their room. When we arrived at the hotel we had to park out in the open right in front of a Timmy's ( Canada.s favorite coffee shop) So we park the car and we stroll over to the hotel entrance past people coming in and out of the coffee shop, past parked taxi cab"s and a police cruiser( I think it's a law in Canada that there has to be at least one police car parked at a donut shop, don't know the reason for said law but the police seem to take that law pretty seriously ) and make our way into the lobby of the hotel, smile at the girl at reception and over to the elevators. Wow that was easy no one around so into the elevator press 9.....no 9th floor just PH, are they in a penthouse ? back out to reception just to make sure. Yes that's where they are.Back to the elevator, younger couple there waiting to go up. Smile, they smile back, into the elevator we go. On the way up the male said I like your shoes. I squeak out a thank you, they get off before us and we continued on up to the Penthouses.

    Spent an hour or so with Giselle and her wife having a couple of drinks and chatting. Everyone was getting hungry so we went down to the Restaurant and had dinner a couple of other girls came in and sat with us for a chat while we were eating.Needed to go to the little girls room so off i trot. There's a GG walking towards the Ladies so I decide discretion is the better part of valor and I'd use the men's washroom, peek into the men's there's a man at a urinal. I look back to the Ladies and the girl is looking at me and holding the door open so I ended up using the Ladies bathroom for the rest of the night, only ran into one other GG who just smiled at me fixing my hair at the mirror. The rest of the night went too fast we chatted with some of the girls in the bar at the party then went back up to Giselle's for a night cap before driving home.

    When we got home had a long talk about where we were headed with this, discussed where i thought i was on the gender scale and what that meant for the future. Still don't know the answer to that one but right now I'm just happy that I get to share and explore April's world with a wonderful lady by my side and to have friends like Giselle and her wife to make the journey fun and interesting. Now, got to go search for a new dress for the Valentines dance in February.
    Last edited by April Showers; 12-04-2016 at 01:48 PM.
    "The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed."- Einstein

  5. #55
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    "How many of you have ventured out for the first time within the past year or so?"

    Me in full pretty: 3 drive thru food windows (girl's laugh, my first time, as I drove away, one (a guy) a thank you, ma'am and one girl, "have fun, beautiful"), several walks in parking lots, one walk by store fronts at a strip center, a to-from drive to southern Nevada (met AMY at Glamour Boutique ..we did photos), morning outdoor coffee with a forum sister and to a supermarket afterwards. See my post, baby steps to a giant leap. All in full femme!!

    None of this would have ever happened had it not been for encouragements of doing so in our great forum, AND for the mentoring and "you can do it, girl" of a wonderful forum sister (we are going to have a girls night out dinner, soon!!).

    Nervous? Only at the first drive thru window. The other times it just felt so natural, though I did not have any real interaction with the normals. When that eventually happens, I'll just try to be my girl self, with chin up, boobs sorta out in front, and a big smile for those that need one.

  6. #56
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    I used to go out a lot about 30 years ago. I was very slim and had a very androgynous face at the time, so with makeup, I looked very convincing.
    Then my situation changed and I didn't go out for many years. I started going out occasionally again about 4 years ago, but not very often. There was another break of about a year, and then I started again about 2 years ago. However, I think I was as nervous as the first time I went out. It seems having an extended break just kills my confidence. Now I am much older and have gained weight, I look a lot less feminine, so it takes a lot more effort to get my makeup right before I go out.

  7. #57
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    My first time dressed, I went out. It was a Halloween event as a kid. I have been going out often since. These days it is usually a performance (theater, movie, etc.), tourist stuff, shopping, or dining. I avoid doing anything that I am not familiar with in drab.

  8. #58
    Member Staci Roberts's Avatar
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    Went out today. First to the mall, then to Lowes and a few other stops. Dressed in a black and white houndstooth skirt, black tights and a black cardigan with moderate heels. Honestly, had a few double takes (I am on the taller side...) but nothing unusual or odd!
    As long as you are confident, shoulders back, and smile...no worries!

  9. #59
    How did that happen ? Samantha2015's Avatar
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    As you know Kandi my first public outings were this year at SCC and I had a great time. I'm still very hesitant to
    go anywhere on my own however. That is the next hurdle for me.
    I like the whole safety in numbers idea, not sure I could have done what I have so far by myself.
    You continue to be an inspiration for me !!
    Hugs
    Samantha

  10. #60
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    I will admit, normally I am a happy go lucky, go anywhere kind of gal, I still am, however with the state of things in this country I am just a little bit more aware of my surroundings right now. In NYC alone this week, 3 Muslim women were attacked, all seperate occasions. Granted it is oil and water, but is it really ?

  11. #61
    Southern Belle Phoebe Reece's Avatar
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    To give you another idea about the level of acceptance in my area.... There's a shooting range that I have been going to for a number of years. The staff there know me fairly well. Thursdays are "ladies day" and they do not charge a range fee for any ladies there the entire day. If I show up there dressed as Phoebe on a Thursday I don't have to pay a range fee, even though they all know I am a crossdresser. I even offered to pay one Thursday when I was dressed as Phoebe and they wouldn't take the money. The manager told me that if I come there dressed as a woman, I will be treated as one. The same goes for my other crossdressing friends. If I show up there in "bubba mode", I am just another guy and pay the regular fees. It could be that this policy came about because the owners are a couple of genetic females. In any case it's a policy I like.
    Phoebe

  12. #62
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    Hello. I'm 62 and have been dressing since about 5. It is definitely more acceptable now thanks to the open mindedness of millenials. I've lived in England, Germany and currently San Antonio Tx. I walk around dressed in slacks, heels and blouse with my bald head and male features on display almost everyday. Never heard a bad word but have received plenty of compliments.

  13. #63
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by staci roberts View Post
    as long as you are confident, shoulders back, and smile...no worries!
    Bingo!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by Adriana Moretti View Post
    I will admit, normally I am a happy go lucky, go anywhere kind of gal, I still am, however with the state of things in this country I am just a little bit more aware of my surroundings right now. In NYC alone this week, 3 Muslim women were attacked, all seperate occasions. Granted it is oil and water, but is it really ?
    Never let "them" win! Obviously, we always need to be smart, but that goes for all of us. We have to live our lives.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  14. #64
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Yeah I go out with my sidekick many times. It is so nice to be out there female. But sometimes wonder if the stuff going on in this country does make me more aware of my surroundings.
    Part Time Girl

  15. #65
    Member Valery L's Avatar
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    Sorry for my late response to the thread, I think it is an interesting topic.

    I started to go out in April of this year, so I am one of those who can say yes to your first question.

    For the second question. I think I have realized that, even when I already had high expectations about it when I decided to go out, otherwise maybe I could not start to do it. However, I realized that during my first outings. I don't know what I was thinking in my first outing in which I went to a store walking a long way and from there I went to my apartment, I did it one day in which I was underdressed, I had a little of eyeliner and a little of foundation. My makeup skills were terrible and my appearance was completely masculine. After buying some clothes, basically a denim minidress and female sneakers I just changed clothes and did it (no wig and I had short hair). Nobody seemed to care, I was androgynous at most, clearly a guy in a dress and nothing happened, my second and third time were a little better but I did not have a wig, I went to the mall in the third one and I had a makeover, and again, nothing happened, so yeah, maybe the world is more accepting than I expected, or maybe it is just people here in Ames, I do not know.

    After buying my first wig, more clothes, more makeup, and learning more about how to apply it, everything become a lot easier. I really love going out, it is terribly addicting for me, I feel bad when I don't do it. In less than a year I think I have significantly improved in my presentation, I do not know if I can pass or not, I wish I can, but as long as people treat me well I am just fine. I have been in bars, the church, in the campus (computer labs, the library, food court, etc...), in the mall, in supermarkets, restaurants, almost every activity that I normally did as a guy. I have interacted with SA's, waitresses, random people, a couple of girl friends, and even a guy who wanted to take me to a motel, and at least in my experience, I have never received a bad comment or something like that. Today, going out is a very important part of my life.

  16. #66
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    Well said Valery.

  17. #67
    Member SharonDenise's Avatar
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    I'm in a crossdresser support group and a transgender support group. I drive to their meetings dressed enfemme without worry. We have dinners and activities at major hotels where I no longer have any nervousness about attending. I buy clothes at the local Dressbarn dressed endrab but use their dressing rooms with only minor anxiety. However, I would still like to dress enfemme and spend a day shopping and dining out as such. I have not had the courage yet to do so.

  18. #68
    Aspiring Member joanna4's Avatar
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    I've had really good experiences when I go out, whether to the mall or the club. I've been treated kindly by sales associates and other customers and sometimes I feel like flying under the radar. Yes, there will always be stares and looks but that's part of it and that only happens occasionally.
    I don't dress to impress, I dress to outdress

  19. #69
    Member Eva Bella's Avatar
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    I've been going out since May, and I can't believe how easy and pleasant it has become. I don't even give it a second thought.

    I've been to incredibly public places: Times Square, The Grove Mall in LA, the Apple Store, Nordstroms, etc. I have yet to get a negative reaction. A lot of people are really and honestly delighted. Some don't care. There's a smirk or a look of confusion here or there.

    Now.. I have to quality.. I don't go out alone. I'm always with at least one and often several other t-girls or crossedressers. And I wouldn't say that I'm passable. I don't have a femme voice and I've got a pretty muscular build. I also tend to overdress with heels and nylons when all of the GG's are wearing leggings and sneakers. But it's not about trying to be a girl.. it's about trying to be myself. And if I'm comfortable and confident, then people around me are relaxed. What I'm doing is unusual, but not alarming. It's been really great.

  20. #70
    New Member Charlotte1971's Avatar
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    The first time I went out when I went to philadelphia for training. I did'nt intend to, I was dressing in my hotel room with a dress and a wig I just bought and had a strong urge to walk out of my room. Next day i'm walking around walmart and several beauty stores as a woman. Looking back, that was a snapping point for me.

  21. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by IleneD View Post
    Kandi, dear:
    You have struck the perfect nerve. In sum, I've been taking my interest in women's clothing seriously for only about the last 6 months or so. The long journey to the point of buying my first dress is another story. But in this time I've "come out" to The Wife (of 39 yrs), expanded the wardrobe and become quite brazen in "living the dream"; with good and almost disastrous consequences.

    I love going out dressed. Maybe it's the old audacious pilot in me, but I've experienced a joyful exhilaration each time I dressed up and went out into The World. And mind you. This 6'3"/215 lb frame (taller in heels) will always attract attention if it's wearing a dress. Even if I was a natural GG, that tall would stand out. So I accept that. Make myself as pretty as I feel and GO.

    The first real time was my long fall bike adventure trip. I dressed at the various B&B's on the trail. I went out one evening to dinner (alone) fully dressed except for my wig (which I didn't wish to abuse backpacking). I wore a very nice silk headscarf. My waitress was fantastic. She was not completely at ease until I broke the silence over the obvious (yes dear, I'm a man in a dress). After that she took care of my like royalty. Bought my wine. Poured out heart heart over her LGBT friends, etc.

    I was also well received by the breakfast cook at another B&B I stayed. I was the only soul present. I believe I surprised the poor woman knocking along the hardwood floors in heels to the dining room, only to see a tall man in a dress and makeup. She, a retired teacher making extra $$ on the side as a cook, taking care of grandchildren. She whipped up a great soufflee and fruit cup, and we enjoyed the morning showing photos of grandkids.

    The rest of that trip went great (except the night I locked myself out of my lodging while I was in a dress and heels).

    I ventured into The World last Oct to have a makeover at ULTA. A fantastic and encouraging experience. I'm dying to go back.

    I dressed up (in my favorite and "hottest" green dress) and strolled a mall and a dept store. The SA's in Macy's made me out relatively soon. As soon as one came over to check out the Very Tall Lady, I bet I was approached 4 more times. I made it around the jewelry counter and the make up counter with ease, and even engaged one of the artists (in my male voice, as I was obviously a cross dressed male IN GOOD MAKEUP, BTW) for a short discussion. She did indeed crack a smile, but a kind one.

    The best place "dressed" I went was to the local Colorado "dispensary" [if you know what I mean]. The women at the front counter know me in my "rugged" male athlete (but kind of weird guy) form, and they love me. What a hoot it was when I walked in dressed in my green skirt, lace top, heels ... the works. We had such a laugh and fun about it. Now she knows I'm crazy. They both thought I looked great AND mastered walking in my heels like a Jedi.

    The S.O. isn't too keen about the "going out" business. I've told her about a couple times. She wasn't with me and she's stated she has no interest in going out WITH me while I'm dressed in my Lady Clothes. Yet I am quite attracted to the notion of going out. Don't know why. Maybe it's the (safe) danger of it. The audacity alone is alluring. Maybe it's the "secret identity" part of trying to mingle in the Normal World. Or maybe it's just the damn pleasure of letting go of your psyche, feeling good and having to confidence to just go out into The World as YOU, and truly not give a ratzazz about what they think.
    I love reading positive experiences. This particular post is so inspiring.

    I've been out many times, malls, strip malls, Sephoria, Clubs, even checked in to hotels, all as Abbie. I've had a few stares, and looks, but nothing that made me uncomfortable. One time, I was at a Outlet Mall, walking from the car to a Dress Barn, when a lady with her young child (10ish) just asked if she could take my picture. This was one of the first times out as Abbie in a shopping environment, so I was a bit shocked, and politely responded that I would prefer that she did not, I then walked over to her, sat down beside he on the bench outside the store, and began talking to her. She told me she wanted to show her son that everyone should be their own person, and have the courage to be and act as they wanted. She was very complimentary of me. When I asked her what caught her eye, she said it was the Wig. Once back in the car, I called a Wig shop in a town close to where I lived, and made an appt to buy a more "custom" wig that evening.

    I still get extremely nervous, and for the last year or so I've been unable to go out much, but I am back to making an effort for Abbie. This post, and the overall thread, which is amazing, has just really inspired me.

  22. #72
    Member Helen Waite's Avatar
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    I'll have to be the pebble in the shoe and say that I have not (other than one short late night drive), and cannot go out dressed because my wife would blow a gasket. My situation is DADT, keep it hidden, and don't talk about it. And that's progress from how it was previously. I desperately want to step out and be free, but not without her acceptance.

  23. #73
    Member PattiL's Avatar
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    I've driven dressed but have never 'gone out' per se. Driving dressed is pretty straightforward - you put on a wig, sunglasses, forms, and the clothes. I've been amazed at how few people really look over.

    I've found a fantastic, encouraging makeup artist who has offered to go out for coffee with me or a bite to eat after she's done working her magic. She's made me up twice now and I've been very happy with the results. I think the next time she works on me I'm going to take her up on her offer.

  24. #74
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    I have been going out for about 5 years now. However, I began with gay and alternative places. It has only been about 2 years that I have been venturing out in the general public. I found this almost as scary as my first trips out. Certain things scared me: taking a taxi or Uber, public transportation, walking through a busy lobby, parking and then walking a block to the site... No morel. I have to say that my outings have been positive. Once, on the the street, I heard college guys say, "Hey, that's a guy!". Another time, in a bridge and tunnel bar I got strange looks from the bartender and was ignored by the people inside. Other than that, it has been wonderful. In general, the shop staff have been nice to me. The people inside the bars and clubs have treated me like any normal person.

  25. #75
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    I am looking forward to another four day outing experience the week after Christmas. This stint, like the one I did two weeks ago, is total emersion, full blown girl mode. I will be meeting Lauri K again and staying with her. Hopefully I can also meet another forum girl from north Texas toward the end of the week. When we go out, every place we go will be mainstream. It is so much more fun with a girl friend.

    Jeri

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