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Thread: Not wanting to be seen as a man !

  1. #1
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    Not wanting to be seen as a man !

    I was replying to a thread by Helen Highwater about being out. In my reply I was referring to the arrangements next week around my social group's Xmas party. I intend to drive dressed as usual but earlier in the day so I can check into the hotel . I will then change for the party which is a dinner dance, but this time will be with other members of the public, that's a first for me. The following Sunday morning intend to dress for breakfast and then dress in drab to pay my hotel account and finally drive home. The problem is I have only been seen as Teresa by other members of the group and I really don't want to be seen dressed as a man, I can't believe I feel like this ! For years fearing be seen dressed now I don't want to be seen not dressed . My wife is working on the Sunday so I'm going to take my chance and drive home dressed.

    I wonder if others have felt like this ? I admit it's something I didn't expect to feel like.

  2. #2
    Reality Check
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    Why not just stop on the way home and change? Your friends won't see you as a man and your wife won't see you as a woman.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Isn't this why they invented hoodies and sunglasses?

    Hope you have a fabulous time whatever you decide to do!
    I used to have a short attention spa

  4. #4
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Yes, it's happened to me, Teresa. Because I dislike dressing without my masks, early on I tried going to a couple of T events in male mode. I was much more comfortable at them than being dressed without a mask.

    However, I found many of the girls I knew dismissed or ignored me! And, I often felt left out.

    I prefer uncomfortably dressed and included than the other way around!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #5
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    Krisi,
    I know that's stating the obvious, but it's missing the point of what I'm saying.

    Sherry is a little closer but also misunderstands.
    I'm only known as Teresa and have only been seen as such, that's the World I prefer to be in with them , but not in my male mode. OK so maybe I don't want to burst my bubble possibly because I've been out and accepted looking like a female not only by CDers and their partners but also by members of the public . I also accept I don't want that to end because it feels so natural and I'm so comfortable with it. It's really what I wanted the future to hold , go full time and build my life round it. I also realise I'm not unique in feeling like this, it's not pink fog , somehow I was expecting this to happen, being that close to the TS line.
    Last edited by Teresa; 12-03-2016 at 07:43 PM.

  6. #6
    Member sami1952's Avatar
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    I really the same way. Once I see another person as sami Ithen I don't want to be seen as a man by that same person .
    janielatb: I'm in love with the person inside me.

  7. #7
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I believe that's exactly what I was talking about, Teresa. The T girls in our group only knew me as Sherry.(Me dressed. not "Sherry", per se).

    So, when I showed up in drab, those that recognized me treated me differently than when I was dressed. Some may not have recognized me at all. So, they ignored me!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  8. #8
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    Sherry,
    I feel the thoughts and feelings I have over this issue come down to GD . At some point in the future not going back to drab is going to happen ! It does feel scary because the life I'm trying to retain is possibly going to come crashing down. That gut feeling 24/7 just keeps tugging at me.

    The interaction with others in drab doesn't bother me it's going back to drab that concerns me . To the other members of my social group I'm Teresa and that's how I prefer it, the male part doesn't exist while I'm out to me or them .

    Like I said it's something I didn't expect to happen.

  9. #9
    Aussie girl enjoying life Michelle (Oz)'s Avatar
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    I don't identify with the GD bit but I do always want to extend my Michelle time to the max and beyond. For example, I travel interstate femme and when I arrive I just want to go to the business meetings as I am. Sadly in my compartmentalised world that's not a choice.

    There are touch points such as the hotels I stay that know me as both male and female. That complicates matters slightly but folk are very accepting and professional.

    In your situation Teresa, I'd have no hesitation and every desire to stay femme as long as possible including checking out and travelling femme. There's always a solution to changing back to male - isn't it getting dark early over there yet?

  10. #10
    Gold Member JenniferR771's Avatar
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    Yup! Same thing happens to me after I spend an en femme weekend at the Dunes of Saugatuck/Douglas, Michigan. As we are checking out I sometimes don't recognize my close girlfriends in drab with bald heads, wearing jeans. I feel uncomfortable being seen in male mode, too. I cope with it.

    Michelle makes a good point. Wear slacks and a wig and lipstick; carry a purse and a tissue. Change to a more masculine look in seconds in a parking lot somewhere. (Carpark if you are in the UK). Put your kit in the boot. (Trunk if you are in the US).

    A strapless bra under a sweatshirt and a pair of socks--possibly--would take care of the figure problem. Maybe.
    Last edited by JenniferR771; 12-04-2016 at 10:59 AM.

  11. #11
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    Michelle,
    I shall be traveling back late morning so it will still be light, it gets dark about 4.00 pm.

    I will probably go with your suggestion and travel home dressed, the only one who doesn't want to see me is my wife and she will be working till 4.00 pm, I don't have a problem with anyone else seeing me. I guess if she wasn't working I would have to leave the hotel in drab, stopping off isn't an easy option.

  12. #12
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    I can understand not wanting to be seen as a guy. Most people are probably in the same boat as you as far as getting dressed at the hotel, or being seen leaving etc. If anything, it actually brings you closer to people when they see both sides. I can only speak from my experience, cause I felt that way at one time too. I diddnt want people to see me as a guy when I was first heading out to events. Then , little by little, I started seeing people in drab, those coming into an event, and those leaving. At first I couldnt recognize anyone, and my gal pal could tell, then I started picking up on it myself. It was here I realized it diddnt really matter. What matters is the person.
    Sometimes gals would head to the bar for a drink after a long drive in drab, others we would go out to breakfast on sunday with before heading home while in drab, nails STILL painted. After a while it does not matter, but it is something you have to get comfortable with. Alot of my friends are comfortable in either mode, and sometimes if we are hanging out for a few days, or perhaps just a random night, some will show up in drab for the night. Which is actually great cause you have a "guY" there.

    It def brings you in closer, and another added perk, once you get used to that situation, you can start to share hotels rooms on your outings and save some money. Once I passed that stage of not worrying about being seen without my face on, I saved a TON of money and was able to attend alot more events. LOL.

  13. #13
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    Adriana,
    Thanks for your reply, I appreciate your comments, all this is fairly new to me, so I'm winging it some , there is a lot to take in !

    I will be sharing a room with Carole, that's not a problem I stayed over at her home recently so we could go to a local barbecue at one of the members homes.

  14. #14
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
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    Teresa,
    I have had that same feeling of not wanting others to see my male persona. I by far prefered that they only knew the Suzie side so I did not want to get "that other person" mixed into it. I have also had the experience of getting to know other dressers, and some non fulltime TS, and then suddenly been faced with their Other Side. That was a little strange too.

    But like Adriana said, in reality it really doesnt matter that much. It is still the same person, dressed one way or the other. What matters is to make friends and be comfortable around them.

    One thing to do though, if you dont want others to see the other side during a social event like your Christmas party, is to say your goodbyes in girl mode, go and change in your room, and then check out quickly and quietly in male mode without making contact at all with anyone you might know.
    Since there will be "civileans" at the hotel too, just pretend to be one of them.

    - Suzie

  15. #15
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    I don't know if you live on a farm or out in the woods somewhere, but if you live in a typical neighborhood and come home dressed, there's a good chance that one or more of your neighbors will see you. One of two things will happen; they will wonder why a woman is going into your house alone with her own key or they will figure out that it is you, dressed as a woman.

    If your wife doesn't want to see you dressed as a woman, she would certainly be uncomfortable with the neighbors knowing that you are a crossdresser.

  16. #16
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    Krisi,
    I live on the main road through my village, and only a few hundred yards from the major road I will be driving back on, stopping to allow traffic to pass before I can turn into my drive is the only problem . As far as the neighbours are concerned they may or may not have seen me in the garden anyway, besides I have come to terms with that fear, my wife knows I'm not concerned who know about me. It was part of out talk when we nearly separated and I've also written it all down where I am with my situation and she has also read that.

  17. #17
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
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    I'm with you. When I have attended affairs like First Event in Boston or other CD/TG events I usually attend alresdy dressed. Once I had to change to drab to check out and girls I had spent the previous night with had no clue who I was and I didn't tell them. I want to always be Stephanie in their eyes.

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