What triggered your Crossdressing need?

[Jacqueline1965]

I was between 4 and 5 years old when I was at my grandmother's house. My mother and my aunt are about the same age and they were trying on clothes in front of me and walking around in their bras and panties. Something triggered inside me and I wanted to wear what they were wearing. At some point in the near future I was caught wearing my mother's panties. Like I said I was 4-5 years old. There were no consequences that I can remember other than "take those off and those are not for you to wear". Something to that effect. I didn't wear them for several years after that but at some point around 8 years old I started in again wearing mom's panties and now other clothes in her closet. It was a compulsion to do it and I loved every minute of it. I would even do it when she was home in the back yard or doing housework. I was good at the deception. I never really stopped after that. In my early teens I got busted for "borrowing" my step mother's panties. She had the most incredible collection of panties...I would grab a pair and keep them under my bed at my Dad's house. Stupid me didn't think she would miss them...well she did and one day she caught me WEARING THEM. OMG I was so embarrassed. My Dad had a "little" talk with me and we all agreed that it was "puberty" phase thing and I promised never to do it again and I gave the stash back. A little later in High School I started buying my own through the Macy's catalog and had my own stash. I would even buy my own panties in-person. That was pretty bold for a 17 year old kid. I couldn't wait for the day when I would go away to college so I could wear whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Once I got to college I pretty much wore panties every day. When I met my future wife one of the first things I did was come out to her and she promptly went out the next day and bought me panties and a nighty. That was 1987 and I have been 24/7 in panties since then. I am now 51 and have started exploring other aspects of crossdressing and gender. I am in a gender support group and have been wearing mostly women's androgynous clothing everyday and out and about. It is a liberating and amazing feeling to finally start living an authentic life to be continued

[Petra1]

What started me on this road was my obsession with breasts. When I was probably 11 or 12, I wanted to know what it was like to have them; to walk with them; to do chores with them, etc. Then, piece by piece, I started trying different clothing. Eventually, it got to the point when I was about 13 or 14, when my family went camping for the weekend, I stayed home by myself just so I could dress all weekend long.

[wanda66]

Early in my youth i asked my mom why her things were soft and silky and mine were not. "Thats how female cloths are " . That didn't seem right ,that's when it began. No one said i shouldn't ,but then again no one knew i did. So it was ok. I was a mommy's boy with out a doub and i enjoyed silly things ,i was maybe 10yr old T the time
we all seem to have started more or less the same way ,there has to be something to that ,but the whys and the what fors are inconsequential.

[mdavis]

When I was about ten or twelve I would look through the Sears catalog at the lingerie section (my parents ran a pretty tight ship - it's not like my father had a stash of Playboy magazines around the house, so I took what I could get). After a while I realized I was just as fascinated with what the models were wearing as I was with the models themselves. It just grew from there.

That sounds pretty familiar. Also, I had a grade 7 teacher that use to dress really nice. Classic style for the time (it was the late 70's-she wore a lot of skirts, blazers, gorgeous tops). I also loved to hear the sound of her high heels as she walked down the hallway. Still LOVE that sound and have a thing for heels (not too high or thin-don't want to break an ankle haha

[Ally 2112]

I just started having these weird urges i needed to wear a dress or womens clothes .No matter how hard i tried to stop it just got worse .Now i just do it because i enjoy it !

[charlene#2]

i have to question someone later in life all of a sudden getting an urge to start wearing female clothes,i believe that i have always had the strong feelings to wear feminine clothes,i really started just before i joined the navy the last date i went on i snuck a pair of my stepmothers panties and i felt that i would be caught before the night was over,didnt happen tho

[SHINY-J]

When I was about ten or twelve I would look through the Sears catalog at the lingerie section (my parents ran a pretty tight ship - it's not like my father had a stash of Playboy magazines around the house, so I took what I could get). After a while I realized I was just as fascinated with what the models were wearing as I was with the models themselves. It just grew from there.

THIS^^^^

This is pretty much how my depressing desires came about... I can't count how many times I poured over the lingerie section in catalogs my mom would get in the mail... I obviously wanted to see naked women, but there was something about the way the shiny satin teddies, bras, garter belts, panties, bustiers, corsets, etc... all lifted and held everythimg up so well! I loved the high cut panties and the way the various cuts and styles of lingerie emphasized and accentuated various parts of the body making the female form look so much more impressive and attractive!

I would also say that, oddly enough, comic books actually played a huge role in my dressing desires! Being a young kid, I obviously couldn't get my hands on playboy or penthouse magazines, but I could buy all of the comics I desired! The superheroine characters and female super villains were all gorgeous women with huge teased hair that always looked perfect!,, and they all had impossible bodies and figures with breasts and asses that defied gravity! Then, toss in that they wore outrageous and sexy costumes and outfits that were skin tight, revealing, and SHINY!!!!

Looking back at my time reading comics as a kid and then seeing my wild, outrageous dressing style now, it's obvious that those comic book characters were a massive influence on me...

[audreyinalbany]

it's pretty much ancient history, but I remember going in mom's drawer when I was four or five (before kindergarten, so it must have been four) and trying on her stockings and girdles---late 1950's for you young 'uns who don't remember girdles--and clip on earrings. But...and this is pretty big but...I have a sister who is five years younger than I , and I remember my Mom being pregnant with her and my Dad saying he hoped she'd have a girl since there were already three boys in the family. So I'm sure on some level my crossdressing is looking for acceptance that I never really got from my Dad.

[RaquelAtwell]

I was dressing up as an adult around 5 or 6 years old. Wore my dads pants, too big of course. Saw my moms' skirt, wondered how it would look on me. Tried it and loved it. But I think it was seeing my sisters' undergarmets that really got me hooked.

[Emily Ann Brown]

As early as I have memory of...I looked in the Sears catalog and wondered how I would look in all this female clothes. As long as I have memory of ...I got mom's throw away stockings. When Mom died 16 years back. I had to go 5 hours from home on the weekend to start planning what to do with her estate. Wake the next morning dressed in an outfit I had got while out for supper. That rest is history. Em

[Lux]

Huge Marvel comic book fan here too. My mom would let me dress up in her tights, leotard and heeled boots. I just had to add the cape ..and viola, I was The Vision (old school). It just went from there...

[Joni Beauman]

By age 4 or 5 I was wearing my mother's slips, girdle and stockings somehow holding them up I imagine. By age 7 or 8 there was an incident where at swimming practice I evidently swam "like a girl", according to my mom, who then later that day dressed me in a girls Native American costume to attend a neighbors birthday party. There was the humiliation event that sometimes I wonder if it wasn't foudational - or perhaps simply coincidental. I have wondered over the years whether I have simply learned self humiliation as a form of self abuse that is as addictive as cutting. Perhaps if I found a social outlet for Joni my self acceptance would find another level of understanding. Its been a long, insular journey.

[Stephanie47]

I haven't read the other responses. I did notice the term "need" was used in the question. I'm a plain vanilla cross dresser. I've never had any desire to have been born a woman. I did not have any sisters or female cousins who dressed me up. My mother never dressed me in girl clothing as a form of punishment. I was a rough and tumble little boy. I did on occasion try on my mother's slips because the nylon fabric was so unlike any fabric I wore. There was no sexual motive involved. I had crushes on several girls in junior high school and church.

So, where did the 'need' arise. I've tried to figure out the why and how I evolved from trying on a nylon slip to wearing a bra, panty, slip, hosiery and the one dress I could squeeze into. Not a clue. However, it did arise during puberty. A counselor I see for reasons other than cross dressing/sexuality (combat related PTSD) expresses the opinion that each man and woman possesses some degree of the DNA associated with the opposite sex. I tend to agree with her analysis.

That leads to the bigger question for me. What do I get out of it? I may have a 'need' now, but, it took a lot of years to get to the 'need.' I did not start out needing anything. I suspect if my mother did not hang her nylon slips to dry in the hallway leading to the bedrooms in our apartment I would never have become a cross dresser.

[Beverley Sims]

Curiosity and excitement usually lets you play along with a joke...

I might suggest female cousins and aunties seem to like dressing up other relatives.

[Lorna]

This is an endlessly interesting topic (to me, anyway!) I notice that responses can be grouped into those who developed the "need" very young (under 10), those who developed it in teen years and those who did so later in life. I also notice the division between those who had lots of female company as children/teenagers and those who didn't. In my own case, I suppose I was around 12 or 13 when I began to take an interest in girls. I had no sisters or brothers or close female relatives so it was my young teenage fascination with girl neighbours and girls I saw on the way to school (my school was all-boys) that sparked my curiosity about their clothes. In particular, it was when girls started wearing nylon stockings that was the trigger. Suddenly they looked like young women and not children. I was aware - but only from washing lines and pictures in magazines and catalogues - that those girls must also be wearing other interesting things besides stockings: bras, suspender belts, slips, etc. That led dirctly to curiosity about what it must feel like to wear those things. My opportunities to find out were limited but I experimented with my mother's things and soon knew that I wanted even more to learn about girls/young women and their clothing. That curiosity - and enjoyment - has never left me.

[robbieatbest]

difficult to say - my sister's clothes, the roll on with suspenders had to be very careful with the stockings. I have had long periods of time when i was not able to dress and I came to no harm. Now I can dress at home all the time - and I do and I come to no harm however it does increasingly feel like a need.
Robbie

[pauldrexel]

For me I remember as a little boy my sister and her friend dressed me up in a dress and from then on I was interested in women's clothing- All thru my younger pre-adolescent day I would dress up in my sisters clothes especially her first communion dress which was very lacy and exciting- As I got older I never stopped and have had hundreds of wardrobes since- I am older now and married but the fascination has never left only stronger now because I can afford it and have my own office to be dressed all day if I choose

[sometimes_miss]

I was molested as a kid. At a young age I was told that god had made a mistake, and that I was really supposed to be a girl; he provided girls clothing for me to wear, and coerced me into behaving in sexual female behaviors. At that level of development, I did not have the knowledge or mental capacity to debate that concept; the reasons he presented seemed to make sense. Once that idea was in my mind, I looked for other signs that would either support or refute it. And, saw a few things that seemed to support what he had told me. It became a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts, that I would continue to believe it as the desire increased to be more girl-like to make god happy so he would 'fix' me. Believing that I was really a girl, I would privately dress as one as often as possible, trying to be look and feel as pretty as I could. All in the expectation that at some point, one day I would wake up as a girl, and just resume my life in that role. This went on through my childhood into adolescence, and apparently some degree of self identification becomes permanent during that stage of development. By the time I reached late teens, the damage was done; even when I finally figured out that it was all a delusion, because I didn't fit into what a female was at all, that didn't stop me from feeling like I was supposed to dress and behave like one. And that appears to have been permanent. No understanding of all the psychological mechanisms going on, changed how I feel.

There's simply an ever present underlying feeling that I'm supposed to be dressed, and behave, as a girl, waiting for some change to happen that would bring on the physical changes that girls go through when they physically mature sexually. Of course, that never happens, so I'm in a transgendered state of mind, 'stuck' at about age 14. That feeling has never gone away. If you want more info, feel free to read my bio, link is in the sig at the bottom of my post. It will explain everything.

[Beauty Parlor Bev]

I guess I am somewhat unique in the fact that my introduction to this wonderful world was not through clothes, but rather through hair and hairstyling. I was raised in a very rural area and was always taken to one of two local barbers for little boy haircuts. My hair was in a longish style for the times (1970's) and was a gorgeous, sun-bleached blonde color. My barber (the liberal one) retired and my Mother took me to the other one (the conservative clipper wielder) for a haircut. My, oh my, what a haircut it was! Suffice it to say that all of my gorgeous sun-bleached hair ended up on the cape and his shop's floor! He basically shaved me bald and the tears were flowing that day! Now it is somewhat amusing but at the time it was traumatic and I did not realize how much that day would affect the rest of my life! My mother swore that I would never be in a Barber's chair again after that day and it was almost 15 years before I was, but that is a story for another post! Her Beautician had been taking some unisex (what a word!) hair styling classes and offered to start cutting my hair for my mom. I didn't actually need a haircut for almost a year after that but when I did, off to the Beauty Shop I went! I was sooo nervous that first time, walking into such a feminine place as a Beauty Shop and I can still smell the perm solution, hairspray, and cigarette smoke (it was the 70's!) that was common to all Beauty Parlors at the time and that would come to be a real "trigger" for me over the years. None of the things that were done to me in that shop were ever done with the intent of "feminizing" me, but the perm rods and rollers that I eventually ended up in definitely brought out something in me that has grown to what it is today. I think it was always "there" with me because I have memories of "feelings" even before my Beauty Shop visit and I think being immersed in the culture of the Beauty Shop just brought it out.

[Adriana Moretti]

I had a really fun childhood. I was the only boy in a family of 7 girls and look at me now LOL. My grandmother had this wonderful walk in closet filled with the clothes of her 3 daughters ( my mother & aunts ) ...along the top shelf of this closet was all of my mothers wigs from beauty school. This was my playroom as a child.

My grandmother also had her own private bathroom that had a makeup vanity over 8 feet long ( to me it was like 100 feet LOL ) ...the vanity had a mirror that ran the whole length all the way to the ceiling with lights along the sides. It had pull out drawers filled with makeup, one of the drawers my grandmother kept all her free samples from avon , I would lock myself in this bathroom and play.

[valerie anne]

I just wanted to be a woman and to breast feed.

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Since I was a small boy, I have had the irresistible desire to wear woman's clothing and to breast feed.

I wore my mum's bra until she caught me in her bra and garter belt (which didn't fit).

Currently, I am wearing a black plunge bra, a garter belt, barely black stockings, 4" pumps, full makeup, a black baby doll negligee and dual electric breast pumps.

I am in agony from the suction, but I can't release my boobs until I take my heels off!

[Contessa]

It wasn't at birth or even as I was about 5 or 7 years old. I think it was just a inquisitive mind and a willing to act on it. I had two sisters a mom and a close cousin, a girl. I was around them most of the time and found it enjoyable. With the exception of all of them I was attracted to girls, women and ladies. Also every once in a while I was alone. So I did things, hoping I wouldn't get caught. In the beginning it was all sexual and I'm almost sure that played a part with all here. But I played with my sisters dolls the same as I played with my trucks like any other boy. But the trucks weren't always interesting and there were things that were available. Just trying on stuff felt good. This went on whenever the child(not necessarily a boy) was alone all the way up into middle school. And beyond into high school. Still I hadn't been caught with the clothes wearing, I did get caught with the dolls and was beaten for doing that.

I have always had a foot fetish and seeing girls and women in open toed shoes and heels was also a turn on for me. I loved and to this day still love shoes. I would not have out my future ex and I wore the same size shoe unless I had tried on hers. In the early seventies male handbags were available. My mother ask if I wanted she would buy me one If I wasn't to shy I should have said yes. But I didn't, though I did wait till I was a bit older and after I had a Heart Attack. And I bought myself what I really wanted was a purse. Then I wanted to carry that purse with everything I would ever need in it. When I did start carrying a simular bag it bought back all the feelings that I had always had of being seen in complete women's attire. The heart attack told me I may not get another chance to live my life like I wanted to so I slowly flipped the switch. I couldn't stop and still can't, I became me the real me. I'll stop there.

[valerie anne]

I had a crush on a male school friend. We got into my house with my mum out.

I got into my mum's bra, stockings and heels (which fitted).

He snogged me rotten, then I breast fed him. He came back every week, and really sucked me hard.

After that, I was hooked.

[~Joanne~]

I know what started my CDing, the uncontrollable desire to know what a pair of pantyhose felt like to wear, it just snow balled from there. I don't know if that was the sole thing that triggered CDing within me but it's a good place to start. As for "the need" I will never know the answer to that question or the "why do I CD" one either.

[ShelbyDawn]

I see this as a two part answer. I differentiate between having an affinity to dress, being drawn to it, and a need to dress, having to do it. I know it is a fine line but let me explain...

First, as many have said, I have always been a crossdresser. I was born this way and have actually , with the help of a professional, done some past life regression therapy that indicates I was female and a very happy female in a previous life.(we can start a whole new thread about past lives if you want but for now, just go with me.)
I started with my moms lingerie and graduated to borrowing panties and other stuff from my sisters just as a lot of you did. When I went off to college, I pretty much stopped.
For most of my adult life, any dressing was purely incidental and opportunistic, for example, once in a apartment complex where we had communal laundry, I found some really cute panties in my stuff, so I kept them. That kind of thing.

Second, I didn't develop a "need" to crossdress until my marriage became abusive. Dressing became my safe haven, so to speak. My ex is a big woman so I could borrow some of her stuff when I needed to. I eventually told her and she went off the deep end about it which actually escalated my dressing. I personally think it was a subconscious effort to push her farther away. My therapist agreed.

Fortunately, with therapy and time, I have come to realize that this is just part of me and now I dress because I want to not because I "need" to.

Again, I agree this is a fine line, but thanks for letting me play...