The topic of whether or not one reason why some CDer's wives or SO's are so opposed to their partners' crossdressing is that they might be jealous of their unexpectedly convincing femme presentation, and because of that may in some ways feel that they do not measure up. Invariably, the GG's on this board chime in at that point and let these posters know in no uncertain terms that not only are they delusional and full of themselves (and full of something else, for that matter) to even think such a thing, and that their inherent femininity totally transcends this and is not defined by what they wear. Many of the CDers here have also drunken that Kool-Aid and will solemnly avow - possibly to avoid any further negative backlash - that No! - they will always fundamentally see themselves as a man-in-a-dress, and that they fully realize that no way can they ever be mistaken for a GG - or even realistically aspire to do so.
But what if the CDer can do things that his wife or SO cannot (or will not) do...walk confidently and comfortably in high heels, have a superior fashion sense or make up skills, wear a dress size several sizes smaller than hers, have clearer skin, longer lashes or nicer-looking legs etc.? Does that argument still hold, then?
The reason I bring this up is that many of the members here (myself included) fall into the "senior" category. And the unfortunate fact of life is that we all age at different rates. And in our case, my wife's genes have not been as kind to her as mine (so far) have been to me despite her being only 1 1/2 years older than myself. Unfortunately for her, she has considerably more medical issues to deal with at this point than I have...some arthritis developing in her hands and fingers, one knee replacement done this year; one to go, bunions on both feet, and vision problems that preclude her from wearing bifocals and annoyingly (to her) having to change glasses all the time. She also tires easily and doesn't have nearly the same energy that I have. She also has scars - particularly from the last knee replacement surgery - that are quite pronounced, and ones which she is very self-conscious about.
Although the subject has never really come up directly in our household, there is no doubt in my mind that although my wife loves me deeply and appreciates all the support that I provide to mitigate the impact of these medical issues on her quality of life, I can't help but believe that on some unspoken level she is also resentful of my good fortune in this regard. More to the point, I also believe that this is one reason why we will never move beyond our existing stressful DADT stand-off because she clearly realizes that "Leslie" can do many things that she can't anymore.
I also believe that this sense of "loss" or diminishment of their sexual attractiveness or currency may be more pronounced among women of the "Boomer" generation, and whose social conditioning and notions of femininity were (partially, at least) formed by the conventions and norms of the pre-feminism, pre- Betty Friedan/Gloria Steinem/Germaine Greer era where "men were men and women were women", and the aspirational gender/sexual attractiveness role models of both sexes were defined by the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Jackie Kennedy, 'stache-sporting Burt Reynolds and suave leading men actors such as Cary Grant and the James Bond-era Sean Connery.
My wife used to be quite amenable to wearing skirts, dresses, pantyhose and heels as means of "dressing up" when the occasion warranted it. Now, that style of dressing to the nines has literally defaulted to "Leslie". My wife can no longer wear heels; "Leslie" has no problem navigating any type of heel including stilettos up into the 3"-4" range. Because of her leg scars, skirts and dresses are rarely on my wife's radar screen these days, and if so, only when paired with opaque tights...nude pantyhose are no longer an option for her. "Leslie", on the other hand, still has the legs of a forty-year-old GG (thanks, Mom, for passing those on to me). "Leslie" continues to have boundless energy, walks everywhere in the city, loves to shop, and in fact - typically shops till she drops. My wife - not so much, and bedtime anywhere north of 10:00 P.M. most nights is typically a stretch for her.
Sorry if I come across as being something of a self-centered a-hole in verbalizing some of these thoughts, as that is not my intention. I truly feel for the challenges my wife faces and do what I can to ensure that her quality of life does not suffer unduly because of these. I signed up for the "For better or for worse" part 45 years ago, and plan to continue honoring that commitment. But at the same time, I also consider myself truly blessed to still being able to enjoy this good health of mine (for now), and that because of it, my ability to continue pursuing my crossdressing activities and being out and about as "Leslie" has not become diminished with time - at least from a physical perspective, anyway. Where it has become diminished, however, is in terms of the guilt I continuously feel vis-Ã*-vis my wife in being able to do the "girly" things that are no longer an option for her (how @ss-backwards is that!!), and how that, in turn, affects her already negative feelings towards my crossdressing...as if they needed any reinforcement...sigh!
"There, I said it!", as comedian Chris Rock would have put it. I now brace myself for the hordes of GG's and like-minded CDers here who are likely to come at me bearing pitchforks and torches, telling me in no uncertain terms just how full of sh*t I really am for even thinking this way...
Originally Posted by audreyinalbany
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) partner such as myself.
