I was figuring it would happen, but didn't realize it would be my aunt and uncle that would draw the line. They seemed to be ok-ish with me being attracted to men, but mention Transgender and forget it. I got a mini-lecture in voicemail, about my family, safety, how people will react etc. etc.. I don't know if this means that the relationship is dead, or really hurt.. sigh..
Think this is in the correct forum if not I'm sorry. Seem to be saying that a lot lately.
Joan Meredith,
Slow to live the dream
I'll get there when I get there
I agree that they may be hurt and non accepting. My sis won't even talk to me.
Part Time Girl
All too often, the pink fog and wishful thinking makes us believe that everyone will happily accept us as we are. Especially here, where so many come forward with wonderful stories about how their wives, families, friends and coworkers joyfully applaud their coming out. Sadly, that's not the reality for a lot of us; then, it becomes damage control, trying to figure out who they will tell, and how it will affect the rest of the relatives. Good luck.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Yeah, it's pretty impossible to tell how people are going to react. Some of he most liberal people you know could be weirded out by dressing and conversely that person you thought would be all fire and brimstone sometimes turns out to not care.
Joan, Sorry to hear this. I think Miss Sometimes is right. We get lulled into thinking the world outside this forum is as accepting as we are. Perhaps it was just an initial overreaction. I hope for you, Julie
Just about everyone I know has lost somebody while coming out. Sometimes it's someone we can live without, but all too often it is someone close to us. I wish there was something any of us could say, except carry on, and some will come around.
Sorry to hear you are having issues with that. I hope when i finally spill the beans about my hobby to loved ones they wont ostracise me. I don't get what's woeful to everyone when we as individuals choose to be what deep inside we know we truly are. All these preconceived notions are not ones we accept or want to continue to live by. The ones who are giving you grief are the selfish ones. It's their emotions they cannot deal with, and refuse to ask more questions to maybe gain a better position on where you are coming from. It's not like other's do not have these issues, and you are not the only one nor the last. If Closed minded people would just open up their mind to history and the world, ours would be a lot better and so would there's. Till then C'est la vie
I hope someday your folks come around and see that having a close bond with you is more important than being judgemental and ignorant. I'm sure they have a list of things that they can be made to feel shameful for, not that your position is anything of Shame. Everyone's a Hypocrite and I wait for the day for the world to see these truths about their own insecurities. People love to dump and not deal, classic Modern Age.
As I see it, you have two choices: 1. wait and see what happens and 2. Confront them with honest answers to all their lecture points deflating their aggrievation! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae
Life is worth living!
"Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix
Joan
Time heels quick, let them think and all will be OK gorgeous. No need to worry we all love you.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxx
I agree to just wait and see.
Not to be a downer, but time does not always make things go away.
My partners mother and sister never would accept her for over many years.
Joan,
Your tale illustrates just how ingrained in society the notion of men will be men and women, women, that people who appear accepting in regard to sexuality, i.e. being gay, find it difficult to accept someone crossdressing. Being gay is largely invisible. Someone may be gay but it's not as if there's a big neon sign over their heads. Put on a dress and heels and step out into the world and well, unless you're one of those blessed with utterly femme traits, folks at some point will notice.
You can point out that the person you are is still the person you were before they found out. What they liked about you then is still there. Except sometimes that person dresses differently. Not an easy one to deal with but it does seems conversation is the way forward.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
I find it amazing that some people think it is up to them to decide what someone else should wear.
The important thing is don't you seal off the channel. If they need to stop communicating for a while, give them their space, but don't you write it off. Send birthday cards, holiday greetings, whatever just so they hear a ping from you once in a while. Give them the chance to come back into your life down the road.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
I think it's odd that anyone would use voice mail to communicate and a subject such as this. If they live nearby, person to person would be much more appropriate. If they live too far away for a person to person chat, at least an actual, two way phone conversation is appropriate.
We often think that people we are related to should have the same views and values that we do but this is not always the case. I recently saw a Facebook post from a cousin (who I haven't seen in years) that drove that point home to me. It was difficult for me not to respond but probably best in the long run.
So, in your situation, your aunt and uncle just found out that their nephew wants to be their niece. That's going to take a while to sink in. Give them time, but still send them the usual Christmas card. They may come around, they may not. It's your life, you should live it on your terms.
Thank you all.
My cousin, "who happens to be Gay" came out to my aunt after I talked to her. So I think there is A LOT of shock right now for my aunt and uncle. I agree, I'm still going to talk to them about the other stuff going on in life. Just see what happens over time, I've told them now I'm going to wait and see.
Side note: My cousin has been married to his husband for the last 5-7 years, just not out to his parents. He felt if I was able to come out to his parents, he should be able to.
Family, they're weird sometimes. (drama)
But there is so much relief that I've told them. I don't like being in the closet. Now I've just got to tell my parents the "full details" before my aunt or uncle does. It's going to be a interesting Christmas.
Joan Meredith,
Slow to live the dream
I'll get there when I get there
It's too late now, but I think you should have told your parents before you told your aunt and uncle. And I don't think Christmas time is a good time to bring this up. Don't take attention away from Christmas and family. Maybe after New Years.
People either accept or they don't you can't help that, just be yourself and do what makes you happy.
No, many people can accept eventually, it just takes time and the right exposure.
And, we can't always be "ourselves" and be happy. We live in a complicated society and what we do affects the way people think of us and treat us. Life is very different in the real world than it is on crossdressing forums.
Talk about drama in the family. You should tell your parents after Christmas. This sort of information does not make for a Merry Christmas. I suspect if you cousin has kept his marriage to another man secret for 5-7 years from his parents, I suspect they are not accepting of any alternative lifestyles, sexual identity issues, etc. That is a sad state of affairs. I read some of your prior posts. It appears your wife has some degree of acceptance. However, telling your aunt and uncle will have in all probability some degree of family fallout. I wish people will realize disclosures of this nature really have an impact on others; wife and kids.
I suggest telling your wife that your aunt and uncle and cousin know about your cross dressing before telling your parents. She needs not to be broadsided by something that will ultimately become general family knowledge. Of course once there is some disclosure it will get around to your wife's side of the family. There is some potential for family isolation to develop. Hope this all goes well for you.
I didn't realize that there was a wife involved. Being attracted to men and possibly transgender changes everything. It's a rare wife that will stick around while her husband goes out with men and becomes a transwoman. That makes the uncle and aunt part pretty insignificant.
All I can say is best of luck.
Kind of lame they did it in a voice mail.
My wife, and cousin know EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING. I've kept my wife on the same page as me the best I can. After the blow out with my aunt and uncle I told my wife right away. My wife was like WTH!
When it comes to wife's side of the family, my wife's mom know's I'm Trans. As for the rest of my wife's family again they just know about the attraction to men. So Yeah, it's going to get interesting soon.
Joan Meredith,
Slow to live the dream
I'll get there when I get there
Wow sorry to hear but at least you know.
No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.
How is your wife with this "attracted to men" thing? Have you acted on this attraction? Does she know and is she OK with it? Is this what some call an "open marriage"?
Posting Permissions
