Thanks Cuz!

[Heidi Stevens]

My wife and I spent a long weekend in N.E. Texas attending a wedding/family reunion. This was my first time to be in the presence of folks who have known me for over 30 years since going on HRT.

As many of you know, I have kept my public appearance male at my wife's request when I'm with her. She has been quite negative to my female persona, but has been accomedating in some areas. One area has been HRT. Over time, besides some bodily changes, she has noticed the mental and personality changes. Now that you have the background on us, here's what happened over the weekend.

My wife was a single child, but hung out with a lot of her cousins growing up. Several of them had come to see the wedding of a cousin's daughter. This wedding became a de facto reunion, with several get togethers and meals. One meal was lunch on Sunday. A lot of the cousins went for oriental, but two female cousins, my wife and I went to an Italian restaurant. While at the restaurant, one cousin who has been close to us, but lives in Florida, said something that shocked my wife as much as me.

Towards the end of the meal, cousin Sharon told us us how great it was to see us again. (It had been 4 years). She then went on to say how I seemed more relaxed and happier than the last few times we had gotten together. I told her that I was feeling great and felt more happy than I had been in a while. She then said I seemed more open and empathetic, especially to my wife. I thanked her and said I've been working on improving myself since we last got together. I gave my wife a hug and we both had an internal laugh. I thought that comment was better than any desert in the restaurant.

Later that night at the motel, my wife brought up the comments of her cousin. She then said to me "Ok, I guess the HRT is doing its job". I walked over and gave her a kiss and hug and said thanks.
And thanks to you Cuz Sharon! You've made me happy and reassured my wife that HRT has improved my life!

[Meghan4now]

Heidi,

I am happy for you. I know how difficult your road is, and how strained your relationship with your wife can get. Your story confirms something that had weighed heavy on my mind.

It is very hard for us to express this important facet of our lives with our spouses and have them accept the reality and truth of the matter. Our spouses do not want to believe. And they will deny it, and excuse it as a lie from us because they don't want to accept it. It hurts too much. It is only when they can see it from a third party that they recognize it. Plus the fact that a LOT of their angst comes from worrying about what others think. Now when the cousin recognized and in fact validated a real positive change, since it did not come from you, she had to reconcile that with her own thinking. And Glory Be! She GOT it.

I pray that all of our loved ones get an opportunity for such an epiphany.

With love,

-Meghan

[Leanne2]

Meghan, what you described is my situation exactly. Maybe this situation is more common than I thought..................Leanne

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Heidi, my wife and I have the exact same relationship as you two. Well, not exactly; HRT would be a deal breaker for us. Thankfully my E is naturally high so I wouldn't take that anyway. I am so happy that your HRT is helping you feel better.................Leanne

[barbaraclothes]

What a great story...

[Kandi Robbins]

Great story Heidi! I could not be happier for you.

[Dana44]

Heidi, it is nice that your wife accepted that and loves you. Hope all the best for you in the future.

[Acastina]

Good on you, Heidi. It must have been a tingle to hear an objective observation from someone who's known you a long time, validating what you're doing without knowing all, and to reinforce your wife's trust and faith in your path. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to see the glances between you two when Sharon was telling you this.

I think that's one of the most important parts of maintaining existing relationships, the patient demonstration that whatever you're changing is for the better, with positive effects that can't be denied. It also can't hurt at all that your wife got such a positive take from one of the "others" whose opinions she fears might be hostile.

My wife has also noticed that, in this last month when I seem to have pointed my skis down the slippery slope, I seem to be doing more housework and getting around to things I'd procrastinated about (I used to be an amateur crastinator, but I've turned pro...) and a lot of little things that get better when we really embrace who we are and stop fighting it.

Just last night, at one of our open mics, a semi-regular performer asked my wife if I was OK, if we had some kind of issue going on. I've started wearing light makeup and earrings, and tying my hair back with barrettes instead of scrunchies and dressing more androgynously, is all. He said he asked because I seemed "calm".

That was OUR little marital tingle of the night.

[Heidi Stevens]

Thanks for your support! I wanted to reach across the table and give cousin Sharon a big kiss for "validating" my condition to my wife. It really was a stunner, out of the blue complement. Cousin Sharon has no idea what it took to get me to where I am. But that will be another hurdle when it comes. Meanwhile, my wife likes the "new me" enough to tolerate the other baggage that comes with being transgender. And our love for each other doesn't hurt either!

[Bria]

I'm glad that weekend went well for you, Heidi. Time also helps our spouses to become more comfortable with us. My wife now says that she "accepts" that I want to wear women's clothes. That seems simple, but, believe me, that means that she has come along way. HRT is probably still a deal breaker, but we haven't mentioned that recently(ignoring the elephant?)

Have fun at Keystone!

Hugs, Bria

[Janelle_C]

Heidi I'm so happy for you! For me and my wife it has been a big transition for both of us. But one day I told my therapist that we are doing better than we were before, and that was something I didn't think I could ever say. So when I got home I told my wife what I had told the therapist, she just looked at me and said it's because your so much happier now.
I hope things keep moving forward with you and your wife. I can only imagine how hard this is for them.
Hugs Janelle