Don't want to be a man anymore, do you ?

[Connie D50]

If I were 20 again I would do it in a heartbeat Krisi but at 64 I know its not going to happen.
It drives me crazy sometimes that I am not in the right body but it is what it is.

Tracii I agree with you at 61 I'll have to just continue to love dressing up as I have done sense age 8.

Yes, but did you feel this way at age 20?
Krisi it would be very interesting if I could be 20 in 2016 what I would do? so many factors back in 1975 could have coursed me to take the path that I took. I don't know about anyone else but I felt I was the only one in the world that felt this way.

Happy as part time Connie in 2016

[mona lisa]

Most of the time I do not mind it.

[CarlaWestin]

With all due respect to those of us that want to become female, I personally have no problem being male. I do like the feel and aura of things considered feminine. Clean shaven completely below the eyes, toenails always fabulously red, panties only for underwear, etc... But, I celebrate being male. Wife says I'm definitely an alpha male because of my focus, ability to solve problems and take charge attitude. And then there's that whole wonderful experience of being a girl for a while.

If there were an irreversible process that would actually 100% transform you to a complete biological and cerebral female would you do it? Maybe you would and that's wonderful!
Me? No way!

[Sara Jessica]

It seems many of the responses are just circling the drain without getting to the heart of the matter, communication.

Yes Teresa, it was a missed opportunity but I'm not sure that I blame you for not going there. How can you have a heartfelt conversation with your wife about how you really feel and your future intentions when you don't even know these answers yourself? Sure, you may feel as if you no longer want to be a man, that you desire transition to female. But really, are you taking that path? If the answer is yes, then it seems that opening the floodgates of communication is the most merciful thing you can do for your wife.

Assuming you do not yet know your true path, put yourself in her shoes (oops, bad pun). She is not one of us and as such has limited knowledge of this thing of ours compared with what you know and feel in your heart. Assuming her intention of marrying a man was to be with a soulmate with whom she could build a life, raise a family and grow old with, this is in significant danger of imploding on her (or at least from her point of view). Imagine how crappy that feels, to wonder every day if this is the day her husband announces to the world an intention to transition.

There is no easy answer or solution. What I can share is that I have been there/done that in terms of putting my wife in that crappy place where she had to wonder daily if I would take the transition path. I emerged from that wilderness on a path less taken.

[Krisi]

Krisi your reply is spot on ! Well said x

Thank you.

[daphne_L]

What is, and what should be. Oh, how we wonder about that. Wanting something to happen, and actually having it happen, are two entirely different things. In our daydreams, we think of ideal situations and conditions, and everything always works out wonderfully. But when we come out of that dream, we face reality, and know that what we wished for is actually impossible. As a kid, I dreamed of growing up to become a beautiful woman. As I got older, occasionally I would wonder if maybe it could really happen, and when I first read all about Tula, the beautiful TS model/actress, the desires once again came to the forefront of my daydreams. But always the real world would pull me back. I know I can never be the woman that I dreamed of being; I'm not a female, not built anything like a beautiful female, and I don't think like a female. So trying to become something that I'm not, would be pointless. It doesn't stop the desires from occurring; I understand why I feel the way I do. It's not based on reality. I'm OK with living my life as a guy. It's what I am.

This sounds almost exactly like where I am at, Clearly stated. Though sometimes I'm not as OK with it as I would like to be.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

And by all the gods ever invented by humanity, I hate my body hair. I check for new methods of permanent removal regularly.

Amen!! And facial hair is just as bad!

[Acastina]

I don't think I ever really "wanted to be a man". The term as applied to me always makes me cringe a little. I knew I was different from a very early age, and the intensity and prominence of it has never really even gone back-burner, but rather has ebbed and surged over time. It's as strong now as ever, which I presume is a consciousness of nearing the end of life having the effect of throwing more fuel on the fire. But throw in more than six decades of involuntary male socialization and it gets complicated. I did live a full-time experiment for nearly eight years in the 1980s, and I'm not at all sure I made the right decision to reverse it.

I am blessed to be married for 13 years now to a woman who met my feminine persona first and fell in love with her (knowing I was male) before she got the boy as a sort of bonus. As our relationship has evolved, our sexuality has changed pretty dramatically (for emotional rather than physical reasons), and, when (for instance) a lonely woman friend of ours (about 50 and an author) talks and writes about sex being the focal point of a lasting relationship, my wife responds that compatibility in everyday life and affectionate companionship are the real long-distance runners.

My largest question mark would be our two grandchildren (by her son), who live 200 miles away and whom we see three or four times per year. Never having had children of my own (an act of conscious restraint) I actually kind of enjoy the role of Grandpa, but the eight-year-old boy did ask me a few years ago if I was "a boy". He had started to notice secondary sex characteristics, saw no hair on my legs or face but plenty on my head, and asked an honest question. Of course I said yes.

But "man"? Depends on what "man" means. Male, XY, good with tools, yes, but not a lot of the things that word connotes.

So I don't have the issue of how far to take an opening to a deeper conversation, and I can't offer counsel there. If my wife were to pose that question, I suppose my reply would be something like "What was your first clue?" and we'd laugh. It's who and what I am, and she knows it and loves it. If I feel compelled to express it a bit more publicly (as I do these days), she trusts that I'm a master of discretion and subtlety with decades of presentation experience and a nice wardrobe. So on I go with earrings and light makeup and androgynous clothing and...

I'm lucky.

[Ally 2112]

I have had this conversation many times with myself .In the end i will stay a man dress as a women which i seem to enjoy the most .Also do not like a hairy body i shave most of mine except my hair which is very long so thankful !

[Karen RHT]

I'm not the text book definition of an alpha male, but I am a man in the true sense of the word. Have always been a man, will remain a man, and am absolutely fine with that.

Now...ask me to present myself as a woman and watch me smile.


Karen

[Georgette_USA]

Krisi and others on, "if I knew back then" or "my size is a limiter" or "whatever one finds as a reason (excuse)", for not doing now. Yes not all do need to transition, but is that really living.

I know some that decided late in life, 50-70s, that they could not continue living the lie. Not all even do the full transition, HRT FFS SRS, anymore. They tried to live as a man, but nothing would stop it.

I don't know what year Krisi was age 20. When I was age 24/25 in 1975, I found others and read anything I could find on the TS subject. I don't know any TS that would not have loved to have done it earlier.

And yes ones previous life can be a challenge to explain, we learn to do it. Some are proud to declare their previous life. Talked with Kristin Beck recently, ex Navy seal and ran for congress in my district. She is proud of her past but she knew her way forward was different.

[MissVirginia-Mae]

I know I dont want to be a man anymore and that is why I am transitioning but I realize most people cant change that easily....

[Zooey]

I think many of us might think they don't want to be a man anymore (more specifically, they would rather be a woman), but they aren't thinking seriously and they know it's not going to happen. It's a fantasy.

For men, yes, absolutely. The vast majority of the people in this forum are men, so on that point we agree.

While it is possible to have the surgeries, get the body hair removed, etc., and it's not inexpensive. More importantly, the majority of us have families, jobs and other relationships and suddenly going from Bob to Suzie would create a lot of problems. And your past disappears. "Suzie" was never born. "Suzie" never went to school. "Suzie" never had a job.

This is a pretty complete summary of all the made up BS excuses that men here use to explain why they would totally transition, but won't because they're "too responsible", "have their priorities straight", or some other such nonsense. The reason you don't transition is because the vast majority of you are cisgender men who like to play dress up, and you don't need to. Pure and simple.

The parts about losing your past and your work history simply aren't true, unless an individual decides they want them to be. Most don't.

And if "Bob" is 6' 4" and 260 lb with big hands and feet, "Suzie" will be just as big. Suzie will have a hard time being accepted as a woman.

This is just plain offensive, and wholly unnecessary. I know a number of tall women who are gorgeous - both cis and trans - and you'd be amazed at what losing a tremendous amount of muscle mass on HRT can do. Stop projecting your fears and prejudices onto others.

True, there are a few males whose desire actual need to be female is so strong that they are willing have no choice but to go through all of this. Not crossdressers though.

Fixed it for you. I'm sick and tired of the narrative here, both explicitly stated and implied, that transsexual women want to be women so badly that we "went all the way". Transsexual women were always who and what we are; we are medically and legally aligning our exteriors with our interiors. Nothing more, nothing less.

[Angie G]

If I didn't have an awesome wife and kids with kid I'd love not being a man anymore.
Angie

[Sara Jessica]

This is a pretty complete summary of all the made up BS excuses that men here use to explain why they would totally transition, but won't because they're "too responsible", "have their priorities straight", or some other such nonsense. The reason you don't transition is because the vast majority of you are cisgender men who like to play dress up, and you don't need to. Pure and simple.

Serious offense taken on this one. I didn't realize that the litmus test of being transsexual was to go all the way.

Fixed it for you. I'm sick and tired of the narrative here, both explicitly stated and implied, that transsexual women want to be women so badly that we "went all the way". Transsexual women were always who and what we are; we are medically and legally aligning our exteriors with our interiors. Nothing more, nothing less.

I am what I have always been and have chosen not to medically and legally align my exterior with my interior.

So what is it that makes one a true transsexual? The act of transition or simply being (provided there is absolute honesty with one's own narrative, something which can never be proven or disproven)?

[docrobbysherry]

For men, yes, absolutely. The vast majority of the people in this forum are men, so on that point we agree.
This is a pretty complete summary of all the made up BS excuses that men here use to explain why they would totally transition, but won't because they're "too responsible", "have their priorities straight", or some other such nonsense. The reason you don't transition is because the vast majority of you are cisgender men who like to play dress up, and you don't need to. Pure and simple.
--------------------------------------

Zooey? I hope u didn't post this just for MY benefit? Because I had always assumed I was the only one here playing make believe!
But, if u did?

[Zooey]

So what is it that makes one a true transsexual? The act of transition or simply being (provided there is absolute honesty with one's own narrative, something which can never be proven or disproven)?

I'm not going to go down an endless rabbit hole with you on this one. I will simply say that, regardless of what you may in fact be, if you are capable of making the choice that you've made then you are (at least in some ways) somewhat fundamentally different from most of us who do transition.

[Joni Beauman]

I remember fantasizing about the magic wand long before I knew transitioning was an actual medical possibility. Still, there is wood to be chopped. Easier so far to go back and forth. Joni

[Teresa]

Zooey,
I'm sick of being told it's BS to want to retain a lifetime, something we have shed blood sweat and tears to build up, you have your opinion , but not what some of us have to consider when we may walk away from it all. It's a very inflexible attitude and at times insulting to me and my family, and I'm sure to many other members here.

We have been here before so I'm not going to get into a heated debate about it, life is about compromise you just don't want to see it for many of us.

[jentay1367]

So much fun to read the responses here that regard this as a choice. Trust me, this is not a choice. If you see it as a choice and make the "choice" to transition, you will quickly find yourself in a horrible mess. This has nothing to do with"choosing". This is who you are and who you've always been. What a true TS woman is actually doing is aligning her body to her mind so she can live her life without constantly being misgendered. Here's a quick reality check. No TS woman ponders if she wants to be a man anymore. She never was. If you're considering this quandary, you can relax, you aren't TS.

[Zooey]

I'm sick of being told it's BS to want to retain a lifetime, something we have shed blood sweat and tears to build up, you have your opinion , but not what some of us have to consider when we may walk away from it all. It's a very inflexible attitude and at times insulting to me and my family, and I'm sure to many other members here.

You can retain a lifetime. I have retained a lifetime of accomplishment and memories, and while I lost my partner, I gained them back as a real friend.

Loss is a part of any life actually lived. You do not necessarily have to walk away from anything or anybody. Other people may decide to walk away from you, but that's the price of living honestly. It's not exclusive to transition.

[Suzanne F]

Ok I couldn't resist since Krisi had to say "Suzie." probably has a family and a job. That drives me crazy. No problem if you say I am a cross dresser and I don't want to transition. I understand. But please know that the women here who transition all have families and careers that they care about. I am a real "Suzie" that kept her family in tact and risked my career to be me. It wasn't that I just went further than others. I was driven like nothing you have ever felt. I am glad for all those that aren't haunted but at least acknowledge that those who transition have all the things to lose that you do!

[Krisi]

Seriously Krisi? Do you just reply without putting any thought into it? Your past does not disappear, your employment and educational history does not suddenly vanish when you transition... what was once there, will always be there.... I'm not going to get into the logistics of it all but try thinking about it a little....

Megan, I do put thought into my replies, all of them. I don't understand what makes you think otherwise.

This actually came up on this forum a few years ago. Someone wanted to publish a book and because she had gotten a doctor's degree, she wanted to claim "Dr. Suzie Smith" (whatever her name was) as the author. The problem was, she went to school and got her degree as "Bob Smith". Suzie Smith never went to that school and never got a doctorate.

"Suzie" Smith was never born, never went to school and never had a job until she became "Suzie". Suzie has no family photos, school photos, etc. Suzie knows her past but nobody else does.

BTW: "Suzie" was just the first female name that came to mind. Nothing personal. And none of this is meant to insult transsexuals, even Megan or Zooey. It's just the cold, hard facts.

[Megan G]

It's really not rocket science Krisi... like everyone that transitions I have changed my name on my high school, and college degrees.. I also have letters of reference from old employers that "he" worked at that now know me as Megan. I did not go back my full work history, just the relevant stuff...

Your history is your history and will always be there unless you are purposely trying to hide it, and trust me as someone that hires many people per year and conducts many background checks it's easy to dig up everyone's history...

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Teresa, I enjoy being a part time lady, I have the best of both worlds......

[Beverley Sims]

Teresa,
I agree don't push it at any time, it usually sorts itself eventually.
I have some interesting exchanges with my wife but I rarely take the bait.