Lately I have been going overboard. I told my girl about my dressing a long time ago . She hasn't initiated any sort of helping me with it . When we make love , I talk about being dressed up. It's been a few years now of this . When she leaves I binge dress. I also get extremely drunk while I do it. Now I get drunk and wait for her to go to bed so I can do it . It's really bad. I don't know what to do actually...
Go to AA or rehab if you think your drinking is a problem.
Drinking does not bring out any of my positive attributes. If I drank heavy my wife would not like it at all. I never liked myself as a drinker/drunk but do like myself as a crossdresser. It was easy for me to find reasons to drink and when rational easy to find reasons to stop drinking. After a couple of days of not drinking the urge subsided. Now if I think about drinking I just remind myself of how it is when I do drink and that I don't want to make myself susceptible to that vice.
To many addictions is not good. Isn't the crossdressing addition enough, I seen drinking put a lot of ends to my friends marriages. I would consider the controlling of the drinking first, unless you like crossdressing alone. Keep us in the loop.
For many of us cross-dressing is something we control, for varying reasons. Add drinking to that and the risks go up that you will lose control and end up hurting someone. Most of my biggest mistakes in life were when I was drunk.
Melanie, as someone who is in a long term relationship with an alcoholic, I can tell you its not fun being on the other side of the drinking.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
As a recovered alcoholic I can give you only one piece of advice.
Stop drinking.
As Cynthia posted, stop drinking. Get rid of all the booze in your house. Don't buy any, don't pour any and don't put a glass with alcohol in it to your lips.
It's called "willpower".
You really need to get control of yourself.
Its also terribly bad for your skin, one of the main reasons I cut my alcohol intake drastically, and as a CDer you want good skin.
Here today, gone tomorrow....
What is it that keeps your relationship together? It doesn't sound very healthy for either of you Melanie.
Yes you have a problem with your drinking, but perhaps the relationship is one of the main causes? If she won't support your dressing, and the dressing is so important to you... time to look for a new girlfriend?
No sense in banging your head against the same wall every day- it just makes a mess.
I used to have a short attention spa
I am a recovering alcoholic. I am not going to diagnose you with a "drinking problem" or being an alcoholic. maybe you are, maybe not, but the excessive/binge drinking will eventually lead to a problem if one currently does not exist. So I would highly advise you to slow way down on the drinking if it is a choice you can easily make, and if you find it is a choice not easily made, please seek help. Its out there and it can change your life for the better in so many ways.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
I quit drinking 4 months ago. I'm not sure if I was/am an alcoholic. I quit when going through 3 bottles of wine a week was not enough. I have lost 10 pounds and sleep better. I still dress or underdress whenever I get the chance. My advice would be for you to see a therapist and AA. Billy, is right nothing good comes from drinking.
Melanie,
Many social drinkers especially the younger ones, do so as the alcohol helps them loose their inhibitions and have a good time, interact more with those around them. Young males will get up and dance, something you couldn't get the to do while totally sober if you used a cattle prod.
From reading your post it seems you need to have a drink in order to dress; When she leaves I binge dress. I also get extremely drunk while I do it. Now I get drunk and wait for her to go to bed so I can do it . Your dressing seems more like an act of self destruction than a positive enjoyable past time. I wondered if the social stigma that still pervades society in regard to CD'ing weighs heavily on you and you feel uneasy with yourself. Do you ever dress without drinking? How do you feel at that time if you do?
Also you wrote; She hasn't initiated any sort of helping me with it . When we make love , I talk about being dressed up Does she respond to you dressing in any way that could be considered positive, an indication of acceptance or would you describe your relationship more as a DADT?
The one time I dressed after have consumed 4-5 beers I did something I would not do sober namely dress and go for a walk straight out of my own front door (home alone). As someone in the closet it had the potential to out me to the neighbours and possibly then to my family. I now always stay clear of mixing dressing and drinking alcohol apart from say a glass of wine as part of my "Wind down" sat on the settee after a day out dressed while far away from home. Never more than one, it's just my little reward for a job well done, positive re-enforcement.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
yep , I used to drink to get the courage to go out . I got pulled over a couple of times ( not unusual when you leave a bar late at night ) . I was never over the limit but it is no fun to have to walk a line in a mini skirt with the police car lights on you. my recommendation < do not dress and drink >
You are 53 and have a live in GF or are you married?
I used to be a very heavy drinker, beer and whisky everyday until I passed out. Got in trouble with the law on a regular basis because everyone around me was the same.
Nothing good comes from excessive drinking.
Your relationship sounds strained and I'll bet its not her totally but your drinking thats causing it.
Track what you drink over time. The cost in terms of money and empty calories is what dialed down my drinking. Among other reasons
Drinking and dressing can be a bad combination ya might do way more than you should and regret it .Just be careful !
I have a hubcap diamond star halo
I'm not going to preach the evils of alcohol(I'm recovering for many years now) but I know them first hand. What is binge dressing? and why do you have to get "extremely" drunk while dressing? is it the "shame"? Maybe at your age you need to reassess your life and clean-up your act before it's to late, sorry to be so harsh but that's what I needed to do, I was near rock bottom. You might get dressed and out yourself and never remember and be the fool in every ones eyes. Remember you asked.
"you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.
Don't wait for her to initiate. She knows about the CDing, and now you must tell her that it would mean a lot to you if she could be involved. I don't know if you want how-to's from her, but if she is not all that interested in helping with your femme look, you might use youtube videos to try different things until you are satisfied with the results. And then you could ask your gf if she could watch a movie with you, or help prepare a meal together, while you are dressed.
I also would not expect her to react to you differently when you are dressed than when you are in guy mode. I suspect that some CDers have in their mind's eye, fun evenings with their SO's doing girly things like looking at clothes online, or painting nails, or somehow bonding as girls. But the truth is that women don't do those things among themselves ... when they're past their teenage years. When I'm with my female friends, I behave just the same as when I spend time with a male friend. We discuss what's going on in our lives or topics of general interest like current events, local politics, news about people we know in common, our kids, etc.
My SO and I do and talk about exactly the same things, whether he is dressed femme or not.
Reine
Excessive drinking is evil. Crossdressing is not. Which to control? For me the answer is easy.
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