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Thread: We always seem to reflect at New Years.

  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Jul 2010
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    Brisbane, QLD Australia
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    We always seem to reflect at New Years.

    Hello all,

    Firstly let me wish everyone a Happy and Safe New Years.

    This may sound like a bit of a rant but please be patient with me, there is something I need to get off my chest and hopefully will get there.

    Once again another year has passed, another year older, another year of pain and depression. You see while inside I'm a woman, genetics has given me a 6'5" tall bald 1000% male body. Think brickie in a dress here ok, with a voice to match. The result, clinical depression, self loathing, all the usual suspects that I'm sure we have all felt at some time. (I know I'm nothing special here).

    The point being that for my entire life, I've felt trapped, with no way out. Hormones and surgery can do wonders, but not miracles. Society would always see me as that "guy-in-a-dress". Even my family.... well let's say that this Christmas their bigotry was really on display. Zero acceptance there.

    Now before you all start to worry, I'm not suicidal per say. Have I thought about it? yep. Could I do it? yep. WOULD I do it? Nope. Confused?

    Personal history required to allow you to understand.
    In my extended family, over the past 30-40 years, there have been 7 family members who have committed suicide. Some were quick, some not so much. In every case the result of this act was always to transfer the pain and anguish to their close family members. I've personally seen the negative effect that has on those left behind for years and decades after the event.

    So while my close family are complete bigots, I still love them and would never put them through that pain. Better for me to shut up and deal than cause them hurt.

    Where does that leave me though.....the proverbial cleft stick comes to mind, which brings us back to New Years and resolutions.

    Some are easy, 1) I'm gonna lose weight and get back to a size 16 or maybe 14 (might be a bit small for my frame) rather than my current size 20-22.
    Some necessary, 2)I'm gonna talk to my doctor about where I am, maybe that will mean hormones, cautious hope, maybe just mental therapy to help with the depression and self esteem. Will take that one step at a time.

    I have finally realised that I need to be happy with myself, I can't live the next 40+ years feeling the way I do.

    Sorry about the rant girls, but I needed to start getting this off my chest.

    Cheers
    Peta
    WARNING:Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies , projects or any other reasons You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum posts both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal action.

  2. #2
    Member jentay1367's Avatar
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    Mar 2016
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    If you can't make the next 40 as you are....then be yourself. Lots of tall women. Some beautiful...some not, just like the rest of us. Good luck on your quest, Peta. I hope you find success, peace and happiness. The same thing I wish for all of us in fact. Happy New Year. See you down the rabbit hole when you're ready.
    "Everything you want is on the other side of fear" George Addair

  3. #3
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    Feb 2016
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    Good luck with your New Year's resolutions. Losing weight always seems to be on everyone's list.

  4. #4
    Country Gal.... Megan G's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
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    Southern Ontario
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    Peta,

    As someone that is also tall (6'4") I can honestly say that I can feel your pain in that category. My height held me back from truly accepting myself for a very long time. I kept telling myself for over a decade "I can't transition as I am too tall, I will stick out like a sore thumb"... and many other variations of the that...but those excuses did nothing but to add more pain and delayed the inevitable.... if your TS and a woman than at some point to you have to overcome this and do what is right for you.

    But truth be told height is nothing more than a number and only adds to our own personal uniqueness. My height does not define me and what I have found is you have to own it. After I went full time I realized my height was really a non issue..

    There are a few girls from this forum that are in the 6' plus group that have transitioned like I have and I am sure each and everyone of them will say something very similar..

    As for the rest of your post, those are all issues each and every one of us girls have dealt with (weight, unaccepting family and friends ext). Just remember we only have one life, there are no do overs and you cannot hit the reset button...

    I wish you the best...

    Megan
    Last edited by Megan G; 12-31-2016 at 02:04 PM.

  5. #5
    Gold Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
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    Peta,
    I guess we're back to this one again , big guys can't transition, family and society aren't helping you at all.

    I think you're suggestions are heading in the right direction, at least you will feel better about yourself.

    I know we can't go into ending our lives in the forum too much, but twenty years ago I came very close, I console myself by knowing it wasn't premeditated , but if putting on a dress and some makeup can avoid that, it's no brainer which route to take, that's how I see it, at least I'm still here for my family.

    As far as your family is concerned and their bigotry , sometimes that's a front to cover their own problems. A good friend of mine told me this after I talked to him about coming out to my son, " What makes you think he's not hiding something from you !" That has always stuck in my mind, we may think our CDing is every ones problem but they have their own problems to think about and you wearing a dress may not even figure with them .

    At least you have good weather to cheer you up , I always find this time of the year in the UK slightly depressing, I hope for a new year and a new start.

    If I were you I would shift those spare pounds , nothing you can do about your height, although being almost a foot taller than me you have to find ways to make it work. As for the voice, try not to worry about it, none my friends at my social group attempt to change their voice even the TSs

  6. #6
    Senior Member Bria's Avatar
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    Sep 2013
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    Kansas City
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    Peta, I hope that 2017 is a better year for you! Keep after the resolutions and move forward one little step at a time.

    Hugs from another tall girl, Bria

  7. #7
    Banned Read only
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    Dec 2016
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    10
    Hi Peta
    I share some of your concerns myself being the same height as you and living in an area that in many ways is quite backwards. I hope the replies that have been offered give you some encouragement - they certainly have done for me.
    I wish you all the very best for 2017 and I'd love to hear how the year progresses for you

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