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Thread: Do you "NEED" to dress or just "WANT" to dress?

  1. #1
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    Do you "NEED" to dress or just "WANT" to dress?

    Last year I told my wife I had an interest in wearing dresses and it didn't go well so I kept my desires to myself.
    A few weeks ago my wife found my sz.13 heels <http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?245913-I-got-caught!&highlight=>

    She seems to be getting over the initial shock. She hasn't asked me if I'll continue to dress or want to. She's probably afraid of what my answer might be.

    I noticed in the past that when the Pink Fog hits I'll get cranky/bitchie if I don't dress.

    Do I need to dress or just want to dress? Can I substitute something in it's place?

    It's just so much dam fun!
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  2. #2
    Junior Member jennigrace's Avatar
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    I NEED to dress. Every time I try to put it aside it comes back.. I started at about age 6 or 7 and it has never gone away.
    jennigrace

  3. #3
    Member Mark B's Avatar
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    I am just a "WANT" to dress. I only feel I need to dress is when I get something new.
    I was told I have balls for wearing skirts! My reply? "That's because balls this big won't fit in pants!"

  4. #4
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    Food, water, and shelter are needs. Semantics would need to be exercised to classify crossdressing as a need.

  5. #5
    Just being true to myself Jolene Robertson's Avatar
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    I'd like to say "just want" as others have said needs are Food, Water, Shelter and companionship. But strong desires are "needs" and sometimes it is a Need.. I can go for months sometimes and not think about it "too much" but then the "need" hits, been this way since I can remember at least since I was 10 or 11.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    I'll quote another member here from a similar thread not long ago "I wouldn't want to if I didn't need to".

  7. #7
    Silver Member SherriePall's Avatar
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    Semantics aside, I feel it is a need.
    I was married for nearly 25 years before I spilled the beans to my wife.
    A few days later, after she calmed down and stopped crying, she told me that it explained why I went through bouts of "crankiness" and depression (Nothing really serious, just didn't want to do anything because I really. really needed to put on a skirt or dress or whatever.)
    My demeanor is much better now because I have more opportunities to doll it up.
    Sherrie Lynn Pall

    Sometimes I make sense and that frightens me.

    Please don't let me be the last post on this thread

  8. #8
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    I need to dress. The feeling is always there.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  9. #9
    Member Lucy Lou's Avatar
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    I have always loved to dress. If I stop for a while the desire starts to build up in me and gets to a point where I can't stand it anymore, so I just do it. Then I feel so much better. It is almost like I feel real again. After years of fighting with myself, something many others have probably experienced too, I realised that I need to dress and I always will. Those times when it has been a while, and I get the chance, the feeling inside, the happiness, the exultation and the overwhelming sense of gladness that I am wearing what I want, makes it totally evident to me that it is something I have to do. I will never stop and over the last few years it has become so much more regular and that makes me feel good. I feel so comfortable being dressed and everything about it I absolutely love. The lingerie, the heels, the dress, the jewellery, the perfume, the wig and the makeup make me feel 100% right. A great feeling. I would do it every single day if I could, but I can't. I do get some weeks when I can dress four or five days in a row and those are good weeks and I wouldn't change that or stop for the world. So, to sum up. I need to dress and do. End of. Lucy Lou xx

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    With me too. Lucy Lou

  10. #10
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing View Post
    I noticed in the past that when the Pink Fog hits I'll get cranky/bitchie if I don't dress.

    Do I need to dress or just want to dress?
    Seems like you answered it yourself. You get cranky if you don't dress. So it's a need. Maybe not a capital-N need -- it's not like you'll die if you don't, but you won't be happy with yourself and you will be miserable to the people around you, so everyone benefits if you dress. Presumably after you dress you're no longer cranky? It's a need.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    "Need" isn't an independent state. Need is always accompanied by a goal. You NEED air water and food to survive. Some people might NEED to dress to maintain their sanity. So saying some things are needs and others are not would really be semantically incorrect without an objective goal.

  12. #12
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    I'm certainly in the 'want to dress' camp. For years I've carried the identifier (albeit internally) that I'm transgender and need to dress but, as I've discovered recently, I'm just a straight and not necessarily narrow male with a focus on getting things done. The crossdressing is an amazingly fulfilling pastime that is rewarding like nothing else. And, I hate to give anything the prominence of 'have to'. There's just too many unappealing things in life in the 'have to' category and, I give my feminine side a lot more respect than just servicing an addiction.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  13. #13
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    I just find it exhilirating to dress in womens clothes,in secrecy.I've used my mothers clothes for many years,since we are about the same size&I've had fun learning to walk in heels.
    "Love&Kisses"
    Michelle

  14. #14
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    I get to dress on a fairly regular basis, maybe once or twice a week, but any interruption to that routine leaves me feeling irritable and moody. I used to go into a bit of a sulk (stopped that now) after any major length of time without dressing and found myself counting the days, even hours when I could get into Diane mode. Could I live without it, probably not, so more of a need than a want for me.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  15. #15
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    Do I need to dress? Yes.

  16. #16
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    Wants and needs are closely related. When one or the other gets strong enough they become the same.

  17. #17
    Member Shiny's Avatar
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    This is such a basic question it's almost a brain-stem issue. Psychologically it's "ID" "EGO" and "SUPEREGO." Want is an impulsive issue, need is a base issue that goes much deeper. I have "wanted" to dress many times as in seeing a good looking girl with nice shoes or dress or nice hairdo or in seeing lingerie pictures in the quarterly Pennies-Sears-Wards catalogs growing up. But, want, didn't dictate my actions. If I was busy or distracted the dressing could wait. On the other hand, if I hadn't dressed in weeks or even months the "need" issue began to grow in my thoughts. That's where it gets you. Those thoughts build until you have no choice and then you find the clothes and find the privacy and then find the time to do what you do. And yeah, if you get this affliction? It ain't goin' away folks.

  18. #18
    Platinum Member
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    MY 7,000 th POST

    I believe this is my 7,000th comment to a thread. I was waiting for an opportunity to say something profound, but, it seemed a little strange to just post "Hey, look at me. I've been here for 7,000 comments. But, I did not want to watch that little posting number just slip by making any old comment. Thank you, Judy for giving me the opportunity.

    How did this all start? I do remember my first interests in women's clothing. I was probably still a "single digit" little boy in a household surrounded in life by manly men and boys. I had a father, a mother, a brother, four male cousins and their typical parents, many male friends. I was not dressed up by a sister or female cousins or an aunt. I was not punished for my numerous boyish transgressions. I played sports. I rolled around in the dirt with my little cars. So, what brought on this fascination with female attire?

    My mother use to dry her nylon slips on a wash line in our apartment and on a drying rack in the sole bathroom. I found I loved the feel of the nylon. The fabric was like nothing I wore. I caressed the fabric. Finally I decided to put one on. I loved the feel. But, there was no sexual motivation involved. In fact when I was in kintergarden my teacher commented on my cowboy shirt calling it a blouse. I was upset. I thought she said I was wearing a girl's blouse. I set her straight that it was a cowboy shirt. Gene Autrey was a big deal back then.

    My interest in women's clothing seemed to escalate when my male hormones started to click in. I started trying on all my mother's clothing and her makeup. I felt revulsion. I hated myself. I thought, as was the common thinking back then, I had to be a homosexual. It was really disturbing.

    I've come to the conclusion I had no control over the desire to wear women's clothing. I've also come to realize the desire can be suppressed. Again, hormones seem to have some controlling influence. When I was in the army I had absolutely no interest in women's clothing. I was totally preoccupied with staying alive as an infantryman in Nam. I have a PTSD counselor who has expressed her opinion that each of us have some DNA of the opposite sex, and, it is expressed by varying degrees. With life experiences I have to agree with her.

    Yes, when there is a need for me to seek relief or escape my past or the present it manifests itself in tapping into the female DNA within me. Yes, when it gets rough in the male world I escape to Stephanie. I've been able until recently to balance my male and female desires and needs. Yes, I am a much more tolerable and mellow person when I can be Stephanie.

    Recently my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. So after being off work for a number of months due to back surgery breast cancer reared its ugly head. So, if I total all the months up it will be the longest period of time in the last four decades I will not be Stephanie. There is some angst, but, it seems to be controlled by the arise of the male protector in me. Hormones again? Protecting my life long partner? Probably yes.

    So. I've been mellowing myself out by still buying female clothing. My PTSD counselor calls it "retail therapy." It is a coping mechanism. Yes, I'm the one with over 400 full slips. I added over 35 this year. And dresses, bras and panties. "Retail therapy" keeps me on a even keel.

    Do I need to do this? You bet your ass! I know Judy's wife and my wife really do not understand the why anymore than I understand the why. So, is it better to seek relief from daily stress by drinking to excess or using illegal drugs? Or is it better to let that female DNA strands flourish on occasion?

  19. #19
    Member Anne K's Avatar
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    I need to dress. I believe that "cranky/bitchie" describes me very well when I can't!

  20. #20
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    Judy,
    Ask yourself where the thoughts are coming from, to me it's a feeling to satisfy an inner need. Is it different for you ? You have so many nice clothes so you just want to wear them because you have them and have some fun ?

    I'm not saying dressing shouldn't be fun, I love that side of it, the fact it makes me happy and a better person is something I don't get from being in drab, not in the same way.

  21. #21
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Ah judy, yep when you feel that way there is nothing but letting your female DNA come out and have fun. Sorry you are on a DADT situation. Keep working on her. LOL
    Part Time Girl

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member
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    For me, it's beyond the OP's question. Asking whether it's actually need or merely want (those adverbs are implicit in the question) is a more superficial inquiry than how I feel. Simply put, it's a core part of who I am. Kind of like an "earworm", you know, a song that gets into your head and won't go away? The difference is that I can consciously change earworms if I really want to; just start thinking of another song until it takes over. As a musician, I always have some kind of music in my head; always. But I can make another selection in the jukebox if "now playing" starts to bug me.

    But this sense of self that involves feeling and presenting as female is the only track that plays in its part of my consciousness. I can't turn it off, and I can't change the tune.

    As someone else said in this regard in a different thread: I want to because I need to.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Life is complicated enough without throwing this all in, so of course, I need to on some level.

    The frequency and length to which I do are a choice, but there is an undeniable need or believe me, I would not do so.

    I've simply decided to make the best of it, embrace it and make it work on my terms. I got tired of the guilt, tired of wondering what if?
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  24. #24
    Member Lucy23's Avatar
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    Wow, so many definitions and opinions. But it actually helped me get this straight. For me, it is a want to dress too, or rather a really strong desire to do so. But a desire I can control and can go longer stretches of time without donning a single item of women's clothing. But that's not to say the thoughts aren't there. More often than not it only takes a picture of an attractive woman dressed in clothes I would want to wear to jumpstart the thoughts.

    The thoughts are stronger and lingering when I attend to activities that are more of a chore than actual fun. But when I do something I truly love, the thoughts about dressing are almost non-existent, or just come and go. But at the same time, I think it is a part of the proverbial anima archetype that expresses itself in this way (and as a female friend noted upon seeing the decor of my new apartment, it was as if a woman had decorated it).

    This is the way it has been up to now; next week I'm moving out and starting to live on my own. I'm curious as to how the new situation will affect my dressing since I will have the chance to wear women's clothes all day long.

  25. #25
    Member Taylor Dame's Avatar
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    I have been able to put off dressing for a time, and have purged a couple of times over the past 60-plus years. But there always has come a time when I NEED to dress. I feel that wanting to dress is more controllable. When I need to dress, I can't stop the desire. Either way, I certainly enjoy it!
    "When you come to a fork in the road, Take it!" - Yogi Berra
    I guess I did!

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