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Thread: Is it a gift or a curse?

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member Joni T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    The OC
    To me it's more of a curse than a gift. If someone invented a pill that would make all of the cd'ing thoughts and actions disappear forever, I'd kill to be the first in line to get it.

  2. #27
    Aspiring Member Dorit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    My wife thinks it's a gift, but I at times have my doubts.

  3. #28
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    For me it's a gift but my wife might think it's a curse. I cannot get her to tap into my femme side and take advantage of it. All that being said. I love the way I am
    Steph it takes two to tango....If us gurls have to hide, it's added stress. But if your free to roam, then it's a blessing.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  4. #29
    Junior Member lynn.crossdresser's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Southwest UK
    For me it is a curse but only when I can’t express my softer feminine side, due to visitors or for whatever other reason. I am lucky that with my understanding, supporting and encouraging wife I am free to express myself as often as I wish, my restrictions are my own and societies tolerance, especially living in a small town. I know it is my life, but my life and how I lead it affects my family’s lives.

    I often wonder how open I would be if it was only myself to worry about, but I suppose we all do in a way.

    That said I would choose the pink pill over the blue pill every time. It is such a big part of me, and more often than not I like me, both of me.

  5. #30
    Member marlacd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Good question. Too bad I don't have a good answer. Guess it depends on what stage of life you wish to be in. Or, if outside influences make one think twice about how you live your life. Sometimes I think we pick which side of the fence to be on, only to climb back up on it for reasons presented to us.
    I don't dress up because I want to be a woman, I dress up to make me happy.

  6. #31
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    I consider my self a normal guy. I just dress better. I think it is both a gift and curse. We get to experience both sides of life (with out some of difficult parts of being a woman). But we also experience rejection and lack of understanding from the population as a whole.

  7. #32
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    North Carolina
    A blessing! Lana Mae is my feminine side and is still me. Being able to see and be both sides of me is truly a blessing most men will never experience. I am not able to be Lana Mae 24/7 due to other parts of my life and I am alright with that. Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  8. #33
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    I wouldn't say it's either. Anyone can buy a pair of boobs and a dress and be a crossdresser, that's not a gift. I suppose it might be a gift if you have the body and size to pull it off and it's a gift if your wife puts up with it, but otherwise, not a gift.

    A curse? Nope, you don't have to buy a pair of boobs and a dress so it's not a curse. A curse might be if your body resembles Hulk Hogan and you look like Hulk Hogan in drag when you dress. Otherwise, crossdressing is not a curse.

    Crossdressing is just something you like to do.

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    I don't know. I don't really care anymore. This side of me, whatever it is, has been a hindrance to me dating, although I wouldn't date right now at the questioning stage anyway, and much less while I'm in college. I'll be carrying it around with me for a damned long time, like it or not.

    Like Georgette, I will never exactly acquire a "normal" experience. Ultimately, coming of age and maturing and milestones are all about conformity and fitting in, and there were and are many places I didn't fit.

    I'm not sure, however, that any Tom / Rick / Harry would buy a pair of boobs and a dress and claim themselves to be a crossdresser (or anything beyond being a crossdresser for that matter).

  10. #35
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Area Zona
    I've already arrived at the conclusion many years ago that this is definitely a gift. I get to not only live a male life with all that comes with it but, I also get to enjoy a fabulous feminine existence and enjoy everything that comes with that. It's life to the power of two. Not too many people get a life that enriched and fulfilling.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  11. #36
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    Another fine and probing question, Bec. For me it used to be a curse, but it was that way because I made it that way. After 60 years of wrestling with my "other identity" I accepted her and the curse became a blessing and a gift. I now enjoy both my rather mild masculine identity as well as my growing and sometimes slightly tomboyish feminine identity. I have always been appreciative of women who are able to do things more typical of men and yet still be fully female and feminine. I believe I will always have both and together they will form the whole me. Now they complement each other and expand my range of both role and experience.


  12. #37
    Senior Member Abbey11's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Berkshire UK
    Having come to the fully femme me quite late, I can say for me it's a gift
    OMG!! Owning my femininity .... and I LOVE it!

  13. #38
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Yes, it's a gift. I wouldn't change for the world.

  14. #39
    Member Lucy23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Central Europe
    It would be a gift if I could go out dressed and enjoy the diversity of clothing options without any problems. If anything, this is what crossdressing brings to my life, albeit in closet. To enjoy so many clothes and fabrics is really nice.

    In the past, my first thought would be that it was a really bad curse though. Now that I've become comfortable with it, I must echo Jennifer's "it just is". I know that we don't choose the traits we are born with, but hypothetically speaking, I don't know if I would choose crossdressing given the chance. Most probably not.

    It doesn't bring forth in me any supposed feminine traits such as softness, gentleness, penchant for fashion, or empathy, etc. either, as other members point out; at least I don't think of them that way, any man can have them, or express them in his unique way in my opinion. Certainly I do. Nor it has brought any insight into feminine world. That would take transferring my consciousness into a mind of a woman and spend some time there as an observer (I'm a sci-fi nut).
    Last edited by Lucy23; 01-03-2017 at 12:53 PM.

  15. #40
    Member Shiny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    CURSE-curse, curse! Without a doubt. I am what I am and it is what it is but I never chose nor would I ever choose to have what I have always felt was my "affliction." I wrote a long post on the "blue pill or the red pill" years ago and stand by it. If I could take the blue pill and not have this "affliction" and then forget about ever having it it would be a relief. I have my own personality like everyone else but I can't help but think that because of this "hobby" my life is more solitary and has always been with others always kept at a distance for fear of discovery that for any man, such a "strange compulsion" would cost friends, jobs and lead to one being ostracized totally. Then there's the financial cost of a lifetime of having a secret wardrobe and the constant fear of discovery that follows that along in lock-step.

    I am sure my life would have been markedly different without my "hobby" but as I am older now and retired and not beholden to any friend or boss or social circle at my age, although I hope my little problem remains unknown what I do is not illegal but merely a quirk in character. So, in essence, at this stage of the game it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. My only last hope is that someday when it's time to relocate to a old-folks-home or while I still have the mental faculties and before I pass on is to anonymously donate my wardrobe to a thrift shop without anyone being the wiser. To be remembered as not being a crazy or a kook being preferable to the alternative.

  16. #41
    Woman in the making Mickitv's Avatar
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    May 2008
    Central Florida
    I would have to go along with some of the other responses. This is who I am and I feel I was born this way. Over time I have learned to accept it and not fight it. I embrace my femininity and try to make every day a beautiful and wonderful day.

  17. #42
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK
    Definitely a gift.

    As I've progressed along my dressing journey there have been some very stressful even frightening experiences. All part of the learning curve. That said I've experienced so much more that had I not CD'd I'd have missed out on. It has given me wonderful experiences and I believe made me a better person. At the end of my days I will look back with great fondness for every minute I spend expressing my femme side. It will be a life more lived, and hey, there's a lot more yet to come....... I hope!
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  18. #43
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    oshawa, ontario
    i must say a curse as the enjoyment and fulfillment i get is far outweighed by the way i told my wife after then 27 years of marriage.
    she has became tolerant and at times supportive but she is not the same person she was, as one girl said if there was a pill to
    take i would be the first in line for it

  19. #44
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    A gift- when I am dressed I feel at home in the world.

  20. #45
    Junior Member Heather J's Avatar
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    Nov 2009
    Depends on the day.

  21. #46
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    So those that say "curse" would be under the umbrella of "dysphoria" right? Those who are unhappy with with it may benefit from counseling instead of holding it back (IMO). Using this forum may be a help, physical meetings may help, discussion with the SO may help. But suppressing it seems like it would make your life harder.

    Those that find it a "gift" have worked through it and have found a positive side
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce

    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  22. #47
    Member Gabby6790's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Although there are a large number of negatives, I have to say gift for two specific reason:

    One, coming to terms with myself has allowed me to raise my child better. Coming from a not so accepting upbringing I could have easily continued the trend. I now raise my child to be tolerant and also to express themselves.

    Second, finding something that makes you happy in life can be rare for some people. So, to me anything that makes my day brighter (and isn't harmful to myself or others is a gift). I sometimes feel bad for "norms" who could care less about the fabric, color, fashion, or cut of their clothes.

  23. #48
    Member PamelaRI's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Northern RI
    My SO would say that it is a curse because it's not normal, it's embarrassing, it's unmanly (yuk - I hate manly)..... I don't know if I'd call my fluidity a gift, but that in and of itself is definitely not a curse - it is just who I am. The curse is on those who think that I and my life define their worth and their state of being and for them to feel good about themselves, I need to be shamed, embarrassed, belittled, ostracized and made to hide who I am. I still believe that if they found a treatment that would make my feelings line up with society's expectation of the gender on my birth certificate, that I'd pass without a second thought.
    Warmest regards,

  24. #49
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Kandi's Land!
    Gift, for sure. I have made friends, seen and done things I would not have otherwise.

    Knowing that life is so complicated, would things be easier if I were a "normal" guy? Probably so, but I don't have any wishes I can make come true. If I did, it would be to be a size 4.
    Visit Kandi's Land ( daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!

    Pictures and stories of every time out:

  25. #50
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Boston Area
    Gift. And a perfect one for me -- I've always enjoyed complex puzzles with non-obvious solutions.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

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