Is it a gift or a curse?

[Becky Blue]

This is a very diverse community from very part time part dressers right through to Post op trans people. My question is aimed at everyone no matter what 'level' you are so to speak.

Whether you are a CD/TS/TV/TG/GQ/other do you see is as a gift or a curse? would you rather be a 'normal guy' or are you happy you have a feminine side no matter what that side is? Has 'she' enhanced your life or ruined it?

For me Becky is a gift, I have no regrets - I believe I am lucky to have a female side and to have experienced the things I have because I have her.

[Julie MA]

In my heart, a gift. In the world we live in, less so, but not a curse.

[Dorit]

My wife thinks it's a gift, but I at times have my doubts.

[Tracy Irving]

I have no interest in being cursed so I will take the gift and enjoy every minute.

[StephanieM]

It can be both. But everything for the most part can be a blessing or a curse. As long as it's balanced I think it is more of a blessing it's when it's extreme that it becomes a curse. It's like rain if you get too much or too little it causes damage, but in just the right amounts everything will thrive.

[mbmeen12]

For me it's a gift but my wife might think it's a curse. I cannot get her to tap into my femme side and take advantage of it. All that being said. I love the way I am

Steph it takes two to tango....If us gurls have to hide, it's added stress. But if your free to roam, then it's a blessing.

[lynn.crossdresser]

For me it is a curse but only when I can’t express my softer feminine side, due to visitors or for whatever other reason. I am lucky that with my understanding, supporting and encouraging wife I am free to express myself as often as I wish, my restrictions are my own and societies tolerance, especially living in a small town. I know it is my life, but my life and how I lead it affects my family’s lives.

I often wonder how open I would be if it was only myself to worry about, but I suppose we all do in a way.

That said I would choose the pink pill over the blue pill every time. It is such a big part of me, and more often than not I like me, both of me.

[marlacd]

Good question. Too bad I don't have a good answer. Guess it depends on what stage of life you wish to be in. Or, if outside influences make one think twice about how you live your life. Sometimes I think we pick which side of the fence to be on, only to climb back up on it for reasons presented to us.

[phili]

Lori,
We don't need to go all the way to 'dysphoria' whenever our feelings are out of sync with our opportunities, and life is getting so difficult to the point of feeling this is a curse of sorts.

My new theory goes like this- life progresses for most boys [and girls experience the same thing] from infancy this way:
1. Presentation [- blue sleeper],
2. Performance [boys don't cry],
3. Power and privilege [boys get their way, but can't wear those silky things],
4. Pairing [Find a girl who is [now] your complementary opposite; join the army and double down ],
5. Presumption/Pretending [You don't want to be soft, of course; I wish I didn't have to wear drab],
6. Poison or Peace [Corrosive effect of Presumption and Pretending- leading to often catastrophic escape attempts; or deep acceptance and understanding of oneself, feeling more whole and expanding wherever we can, with measured integration with those around us]

So far I can place all the common things we feel as the result of where we are on this progression, and it is clear why clothing/wigs etc[Presentation] are first on most of our lists- as they are the thing we were trained so deeply to regard as the gateway to a whole set of powers and privileges.

[Debra Russell]

A gift --- that not everyone appreciates ..............................Debra

[GretchenM]

I tend to agree with Lorileah in many ways. I am not sure that everyone who feels it is more curse than blessing are necessarily experiencing dysphoria, but perhaps it is a lack of self acceptance. I strongly recommend seeking help if you are in that boat. When I spilled the beans in 2012 and came out of my hiding place to my wife and a few others I went to the local gender identity center here in Denver and sought some professional help. It was low cost and very helpful and although therapy was rough at times, it helped immensely. But my wife went to a different therapist there who helped her deal with this new revelation about her husband of 44 years. It saved our marriage. Was she a bit different after going? Yes, but so was I. We found a compromise solution. Of course, we had a pretty solid marital foundation going into this crisis, but without the therapy I doubt we would be together and still happily married today. You can muddle through it and maybe patch things over yourself, but as some have pointed out the prospects of success are not good. And the older you are the worse the chances are that you will succeed with a do it yourself solution. Let a pro help you. You may have to make some adjustments, but the therapist, if they are any good, will help you with those as well. One of my daughters is a therapist - that is what they do.

Gretchen

[Samantha Sometimes]

So so hard to say. Obviously it causes lots of struggles and secrets, but I enjoy it so much I can't think of it as anything but a gift!

[DIANEF]

Dressing has become such an important part of my life I can't imagine how it would be without it. I'm not really sure if it's a gift or a curse, but I like the fact I can express my feminine self when I need to, circumstances permitting.

[MelanieAnne]

It's a gift. I'm straight. So I can enjoy dressing, and also enjoy normal guy stuff. The best of both worlds.

[Becky Blue]

Melanie, I too am straight as you call it. But I do not enjoy 'normal guy stuff' as you call it.

[Amanda Park]

I think I may be like many others who have felt both sides of the question you are asking. In my earlier years I felt ashamed of my attraction to women's clothes and wished I didn't have to struggle so hard to keep the truth from coming out.

Now that I am older and have access to a wealth of new information on cross dressing and the growing body of information that tells us that gender identity is already set at birth by factors including DNA, chromosomes, male and female hormone levels and others.

I now understand that living life this way can be both a hardship and a gift. I am very happy to have the time to be Amanda and I am slowly working my way to a place where I accept the entire me.

[Nikki.]

I completely accept myself. I have gender identity issues and crossdress as a expression of those issues. I went through all 5 states of the Kubler Ross model along the way. And I see it as a curse. It's a PITA. I would be happier being cis gendered. My relationship with my wife would be unencumbered by it. I wouldn't have been partially in hiding since I got caught many years ago, and had to/have to deal with the anxiety and depression that accompanies it. I'm a pretty positive person, fairly happy go lucky, but a really don't see an upside to it. It just is, and I would take the cis pill if I could, either team

[Becky Blue]

Well its been fascinating reading all the responses thanks girls..

So far we have 27 votes for gift which is over 50% of those who voted, 11 who said its both, 9 who said it is neither and only 6 who said it is a curse.

I am not certain i agree with Lorileah and Gretchen entirely, I have always seen Becky as a gift that has enabled me to experience things & meet people that I could never have done. It could be as much to do with being a positive personality as acceptance..

[Tracii G]

Its a gift as far as I'm concerned.
It has been a blessing by getting rid of the nasty male person I used to be.

[gownman]

I would say it is neither, it is just who we are. The only curse is the way it is viewed by others.
A little thought experiment though:
If it were totally accepted, would it still be fun? Those of you who have been following my posts (I'm new here) know that I do not fully dress: I wear only nightgowns and slips (and sometime panties, silky PJs and petti-pants). For me a strong component of the experience is what I call the naughtiness factor. Men don't wear silky, lacy nighties, so doing it in spite of that gives me a bit of a charge. I go out in the morning to get my newspaper while wearing a nightgown, a silky robe and pink slippers. It's mildly exciting. What if somebody sees me? Well, maybe the cute neighbor across the street would think it was sort of sexy.

[penny lace]

I think the desire or need to CD is a gift as we are free the experience our femininity in a way others cannot, the only curse is how society view men who do this.

[TrishaTX]

I am bi and a CD, and I don't think I would be who I am without dressing and the things I discovered. I love me for the first time in my life...so I would say it is a blessing, the more I accept it, the better I feel!

[Lily Catherine]

I don't know. I don't really care anymore. This side of me, whatever it is, has been a hindrance to me dating, although I wouldn't date right now at the questioning stage anyway, and much less while I'm in college. I'll be carrying it around with me for a damned long time, like it or not.

Like Georgette, I will never exactly acquire a "normal" experience. Ultimately, coming of age and maturing and milestones are all about conformity and fitting in, and there were and are many places I didn't fit.

I'm not sure, however, that any Tom / Rick / Harry would buy a pair of boobs and a dress and claim themselves to be a crossdresser (or anything beyond being a crossdresser for that matter).

[CarlaWestin]

I've already arrived at the conclusion many years ago that this is definitely a gift. I get to not only live a male life with all that comes with it but, I also get to enjoy a fabulous feminine existence and enjoy everything that comes with that. It's life to the power of two. Not too many people get a life that enriched and fulfilling.

[Allisa]

Oh a gift and a blessing, I am now who I should be, and still growing after all these years, there are too many positives to list.