im not sure if id see this more as an addiction ,altho i love it I'm sitting here like this I'm afraid to go out, not so much because of me but more to protect my so
but i can't stop being me
im not sure if id see this more as an addiction ,altho i love it I'm sitting here like this I'm afraid to go out, not so much because of me but more to protect my so
but i can't stop being me
A curse. Life is hard enough; why would anyone wish to make it harder? It made my life a mess. Divorce, lost family, lost friends. Continued broken relationships. The cost of two wardrobes. It must be great to be delusional and think this is somehow a good idea. I understand the whole, 'love thyself' concept, but at some point, we have to realize what this had done to millions of us; left us with a slim to no chance of finding a female mate. For those of you who have, remember that it's akin to winning the lottery. The chances are that low. And treat your accepting, loving SO like the queen she is. Because there are a few million crossdressers who are chompinig at the bit to take your place if and when you screw it up.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I tend to agree with Lorileah in many ways. I am not sure that everyone who feels it is more curse than blessing are necessarily experiencing dysphoria, but perhaps it is a lack of self acceptance. I strongly recommend seeking help if you are in that boat. When I spilled the beans in 2012 and came out of my hiding place to my wife and a few others I went to the local gender identity center here in Denver and sought some professional help. It was low cost and very helpful and although therapy was rough at times, it helped immensely. But my wife went to a different therapist there who helped her deal with this new revelation about her husband of 44 years. It saved our marriage. Was she a bit different after going? Yes, but so was I. We found a compromise solution. Of course, we had a pretty solid marital foundation going into this crisis, but without the therapy I doubt we would be together and still happily married today. You can muddle through it and maybe patch things over yourself, but as some have pointed out the prospects of success are not good. And the older you are the worse the chances are that you will succeed with a do it yourself solution. Let a pro help you. You may have to make some adjustments, but the therapist, if they are any good, will help you with those as well. One of my daughters is a therapist - that is what they do.
Gretchen
Lori,
We don't need to go all the way to 'dysphoria' whenever our feelings are out of sync with our opportunities, and life is getting so difficult to the point of feeling this is a curse of sorts.
My new theory goes like this- life progresses for most boys [and girls experience the same thing] from infancy this way:
1. Presentation [- blue sleeper],
2. Performance [boys don't cry],
3. Power and privilege [boys get their way, but can't wear those silky things],
4. Pairing [Find a girl who is [now] your complementary opposite; join the army and double down ],
5. Presumption/Pretending [You don't want to be soft, of course; I wish I didn't have to wear drab],
6. Poison or Peace [Corrosive effect of Presumption and Pretending- leading to often catastrophic escape attempts; or deep acceptance and understanding of oneself, feeling more whole and expanding wherever we can, with measured integration with those around us]
So far I can place all the common things we feel as the result of where we are on this progression, and it is clear why clothing/wigs etc[Presentation] are first on most of our lists- as they are the thing we were trained so deeply to regard as the gateway to a whole set of powers and privileges.
We are all beautiful...!
A gift --- that not everyone appreciates..............................Debra
I think I may be like many others who have felt both sides of the question you are asking. In my earlier years I felt ashamed of my attraction to women's clothes and wished I didn't have to struggle so hard to keep the truth from coming out.
Now that I am older and have access to a wealth of new information on cross dressing and the growing body of information that tells us that gender identity is already set at birth by factors including DNA, chromosomes, male and female hormone levels and others.
I now understand that living life this way can be both a hardship and a gift. I am very happy to have the time to be Amanda and I am slowly working my way to a place where I accept the entire me.
I completely accept myself. I have gender identity issues and crossdress as a expression of those issues. I went through all 5 states of the Kubler Ross model along the way. And I see it as a curse. It's a PITA. I would be happier being cis gendered. My relationship with my wife would be unencumbered by it. I wouldn't have been partially in hiding since I got caught many years ago, and had to/have to deal with the anxiety and depression that accompanies it. I'm a pretty positive person, fairly happy go lucky, but a really don't see an upside to it. It just is, and I would take the cis pill if I could, either team
Well its been fascinating reading all the responses thanks girls..
So far we have 27 votes for gift which is over 50% of those who voted, 11 who said its both, 9 who said it is neither and only 6 who said it is a curse.
I am not certain i agree with Lorileah and Gretchen entirely, I have always seen Becky as a gift that has enabled me to experience things & meet people that I could never have done. It could be as much to do with being a positive personality as acceptance..
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
Its a gift as far as I'm concerned.
It has been a blessing by getting rid of the nasty male person I used to be.
Kristi, I am very intrigued by your post, I would have to disagree with your views too, you seem to be ignoring the fact that a % of the population have desires/needs/urges to crossdress or more. Anyone can in theory buy boobs and a dress, but most guys would never want to do that. The gift or curse is the feelings we get that compel us to buy that dress and put it on.Originally Posted by Krisi
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
For me, a part time indoor crossdresser and straight guy, it is a gift.
With the help of websites such as this one, is has given me so much more of an understanding and respect for people who crossdress, whether it be for fun, relaxation, just being themselves, or part of a journey to a life of being the person who they really are.
Very interesting question. I believe it is up to each and every one of us to choose the answer to this question for ourselves. If we choose it to be a gift, it will be a gift. If we choose curse, it will become that. As several others have indicated, the key is realizing it is part of whom you are and the real task is to get comfortable with that and find out how it fits into your life comfortably.
I have chosen it to be a gift.
I am Me and Me is OK!
Shelby
Having read all these answers and thoughts. I think the idea of a gift or curse may be different on where one is on the TG spectrum, CD / NB / TS.
As a TS of 66 years, it may have been a curse, but the experiences I have had all these years has been interesting. Hopefully I will still have many good experiences to come.
As I said I have NO idea what my life would have been without it. As I look to my 3 brothers and 1 sisters lives and they have had various experiences also.
Looking at other TS I have known and see now, I am very grateful and lucky, if there is such a thing. I have not had the heart wrenching times that I see from others, my partner included.
3 more votes for gift... I agree in part with you Georgette, I think a person who at a very young age feels they have been born on the wrong body may feel it is a curse until they have sorted their gender issues out.
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
For me i think its a little bit of both because getting all dress up is one of the most fun and exciting thing in my life but then on the other worrying about keeping my secret and how people around me would view me if they found out does put a toll on me and sometime i do wish i was normal but other days i happy as who i am but that just me everyone is going to have there own opinions
Absolutely a gift. The end.
If I lived in a society (and/or had a family) that did not view crossdressing as 'unusual' at best or 'dangerously perverted' at worst, then it would be an unmitigated blessing. I love "getting my girl on" (to borrow Jennifer's phrase) - whether casual or glammed up the whole nine yards. However, the fact that that's not the society that I live in, or the family I've got, creates hassle. And that makes it a double edged sword!
C'est la vie!
Hi Becky Blue, I feel blessed to have the best of both worlds...
...
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~...
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
I'm not entirely sure. Being a cd is hard and mentally draining sometimes. But it's really made me happy over the past couple months.
So if I could live life without the urge to crossdress, would I take it? No chance.
Would I get rid of the urge to crossdress if I still get the fulfilled feeling? Maybe. I'll still feel like I'm losing a part of who I am but it would be so much easier
i dont know what normal is i have been this way since i was 6 cant say i want it any other way .i do feel like i didnt reach my potential i got into working on cars all male dominate field still under dressed .but i dint like talking like one of the guys i liked hanging with the girls
Curse, although without 'this' whatever this may end up being, is what makes me who I am and without it the self as I know it would cease to be. I don't know if I will ever feel that it is a gift, but maybe in time I will see it as less of a curse.
Jessie~☆
We are up to 32 Gifts, 13 Both, 10 Neither and 7 Curse. So we are still running at just over 50% gift.
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
Up to my 40 it was a definite curse
But I've come to love and embrace this part of my being and I truely love it now
For me it's a gift. If I had of acknowledged my feelings when I was younger I probably would have considered it a curse, but these days it gives peace and a sense of inner balance. I feel like a completed person for the first time in my life
To call it a curse is just plain wrong IMO. Is there anything about that is really that bad to define it so?
It is just how society perceives it and constraints placed upon society, some of which are unnecessary and self imposed.
Maybe it will eventually become more accepted once more people admit they are inclined this way to varying degrees.
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