Originally Posted by
Suzie Petersen
Hi Helena and welcome here,
Oh how I wish I was your age and had access to the Internet information resources that you have now! When I was your age, the world was still black and white and the wheel had just been invented! To top it off, being 5ft8 with a size 9 shoe! Yes, you have it made!
You can get a lot of advise on this forum, some good, some bad. My first piece of advice: Be careful what advise you listen to from here!
You just joined, so I would suggest you spend some time reading back on all the stories about other peoples experience. You will get a better understanding of how diverse this group really is and how different everybody's situation can be, even though we find that we have something in common, and you might find some information that fits your own situation.
The world is changing, and being something other than Male or Female is becoming more tolerated. Probably not exactly fully accepted yet, then at least more tolerated. More than anything, it is up to you how easy it is going to be to be accepted! You will find that people are much more willing to accept you expressing some gender fluidity or gender variance, if you yourself accept it fully. In other words, if you were to dress as a girl and walk through town with your head held high, people would be much more accepting than if you were showing discomfort, fear or guilt, sneaking around in the darkness.
If you are transsexual, it is not a choice! If you are transsexual, you will sooner or later get to the realization that regardless of what friends, parents and girlfriend would think, you have to change to survive.
From what you have said so far, you are probably not transsexual. More likely, you just enjoy the thought and feeling of dressing, and maybe even fully presenting, as a girl/woman. Most here recognize that as being a crossdresser, someone who enjoys wearing the opposite genders clothing.
Some like one or more specific things, like pantyhose or high heels, others like to dress and present fully like the opposite gender. Either way is fine, there is nothing wrong with any of these variations, although some here will always argue that their way is the only way. Dont let that bother you.
I do find it curious that you have been playing with this for 8 years, but still have only tried on pantyhose, heels and some nailpolish. Growing up with a sister, and a mother, in the house, I think most would have tried on some of their clothing as well.
However, if you enjoy the hose and the heels, and you feel you would like to try getting completely dressed, then I can pretty much promise you that you are in for a fantastic moment when you for the first time see "the girl" looking back at you in the mirror!
As for keeping it a secret then I will tell you this: You will eventually be found out, and the deeper you are into this the more difficult that time will be.
If you have the guts to do so, and if you can accept that some people will find you to be weird and that they, because of their own limitations, may think less of you for a while, it would be a lot better to just openly admit that you enjoy this! I think most of us wish we would have had the nerve to just admit to it at your age.
Oh and as several others have already said .. stop throwing your things away! It is just a waste of money and it doesnt solve the problem.
Hugs
Suzie