Staying focused.

[Helen_Highwater]

Today I had the house to myself for a while so dressed, made myself lunch, did a bit of WWW'ing and after about 1 1/2 hrs went back to drab as I was uncertain as to when someone would return.

Packed all my stuff away and went back to doing a few jobs about the place. Just happened to go back upstairs, walked into the bedroom and there in full view was my dress hanging over the back of a chair! Aaarrh, this could have gone soo wrong. I'm usually very careful to make sure all is as it should be, nothing left out of place. I suppose it's a good reminder at the start of the year to stay vigilant.

Quick look around to see if I've forgotten anything else.

[phili]

Evidence that we feel sooo normal choosing our clothes. Now why doesn't every else see it!

Sometimes perhaps Freudian slip [I love that pun] - where we wouldn't mind being discovered so we can stop hiding. So seductive, yet fraught with real and imagined danger, complex calculations and itty bitty hints.

Full employment for Forum staff results!

[Meghan4now]

Helen,

I get that. But I thought you were out?

[Judith96a]

Yes quite, Helen! It's easier with a hotel room - simply make sure that it's as empty as it was when you started!

[Krisi]

It's almost impossible to hide your dressing from someone you share a house with. You are bound to forget something eventually or folks will pop in when you don't expect them to.

I remember having to vacuum the house to account for wig hairs or other evidence and then try to mess it up again so it wouldn't look like I vacuumed it.

Glad you found it in time.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Yet another example of a femme side playing dirty pool in hopes of forcing her emergence into daylight.

You gotta watch them veeery carefully.

[NicoleScott]

I remember having to vacuum the house to account for wig hairs or other evidence and then try to mess it up again so it wouldn't look like I vacuumed it.

And then there are wig hairs in the vacuum bag (fairly safe) or canister (less safe). Got that covered? Then vacuum goes on the fritz and while checking it out she discovers wig hairs wrapped around the roller brush. Where does it end?
I was really good at covering my tracks. One of my fears was not accounting for all ten fake nails AND all ten adhesive nail tab backings. So I always made sure.
All evidence (lipstick on tissues, etc.) made it safely to the garbage can outdoors on pick-up day. But one day a strong windstorm blew over the garbage can and when she went about picking up the spilled contents discovered a pantyhose wrapper not her size. Busted. And I had believed I thought of everything. Luck runs out eventually.

[Helen_Highwater]

Helen,

I get that. But I thought you were out?

Meghan,

I get out and about on occasions and always looking to expand my experiences but in the closet to all who know me inc immediate family and SO. Not ideal but you go with what's in front of you.

[Meghan4now]

Helen,

My apologies, I sometimes forget that prominence in the community does not correlate to how out you are. For what it's worth, I still don't like to leave obvious traces of a days activity behind. And I'm in a mostly DADT, but with occasional Need to Know tells. Don't want to leave too many reminders about.

[Jenny22]

Your luck can be better IF you do ALL of your CD stuff in one place! Spread your CD activity around, and you will eventually forget something that might bust you. Lipsticked and makeup removal tissues go into the toilet, not the waste basket. If you save plastic store bags that are NOT transparent, use one to secure your CD trash and tie it, before it goes into the trash can. Worked for me, long ago.

[Jaylyn]

My wife knows that I get the fever from time to time. She definitely knows about my lipstick passions and my panties, hose and heel desires. She helps me sometimes with my makeup and even ties fantasies to our love making of my dressing, only thing is she does not want me out and about dressed. She said its ok as long as it doesn't hurt the family, friends, or embarrasse our relationship or family. I have agreed to all this as I feel it's fair in marriage to give and take. I would love to find a place that I knew was 100% safe and go out at least one time with other CDs too Dee what it would be like in public. I'm sure though that this want will be forever hid and I'll probably die wishing I had per sued it at least once.... Afraid though that it could get habit forming if I ever did start that first time.

[Helen_Highwater]

Jaylyn,

I've written this before but it's worth saying again. The one thing I don't want is to be facing the grim reaper and to be wishing, " I wish I'd.....". This isn't solely limited to by femme existence. I've pushed the envelope in what you'd call extreme sports/activities, en drab things that some folks wouldn't remotely consider as being on their "to do" list but have enhanced my life and made me a more rounded person.

As for my femme existence, while I'm deeply in the closet, I decided many years ago that there were things I needed to achieve or face a life less lived. Yes there are risks associated with this. However life is always a balance, gain Vs loss. What I've gained from my time out and about has been worth every second. Ultimately it could cost me dear but this is something I'm prepared to risk. I clearly remember the first time I met up with other CD'ers and it was just wonderful. I'd come home. Found my kindred spirits.

So, do I wish I was out to an accepting SO? Oh you bet! Being able to spend more time as Helen, of course yes. Life however is a series of judgements and I've made mine and to date it's work out such that I can live with the outcomes.

There's a current post made by Michelle Cheli and I hope she doesn't mind me grabbing a quote; I finally hurdled the biggest obstacle for people like us. I went out into the world! It was probably the most freeing and exhilarating thing I've done in a long time. Every CD'er who would like to go out should experience that just once. If they never do it again it's something they carry with them forever.

As for me, I just need to be more careful.

[Janine cd]

I'm with you Helen. I, too, am closeted but have a spouse who knows and is not supportive. When an opportunity to experience my femme existence comes up, I relish it for all is's worth. Life is too short to pass anything rewarding up!

[docrobbysherry]

I remember those days, Helen, with dread! My unknowing adult daughter nearly caught me because of things I had forgotten to hide.

Being careful to dress after she left. Hoping she wouldn't come home from college early and surprise me. Packing away and hiding every single fem thing after every dressing session. And, I have A LOT!

I finally told her out of shear desperation. knowing I would eventually be caught and not enjoying dressing much any more with all the sneaking and hiding.

Since then, we r DADT. I tell her when and where I will dress and she avoids me accordingly. My bedroom continually looks like an explosion in the women's dept at Macy's with no issues. My daughter avoids my bedroom like the plague!

Life for Sherry is good now!

[DIANEF]

Like Helen I am closeted, but I do manage to get out every now and then. My partner doesn't know (I think) though that may change in the near future. I've had too many close shaves to now ever leave any stuff out and go over everything with a fine toothcombe after each bit of Diane time. My first time out in daylight was just a few months ago, and I now so regret that I didn't do it much earlier. As they say, life is too short for 'if onlys'

[Stephanie47]

I've been in a DADT marriage for the last three decades. My wife knows I enjoy wearing women's clothing, but, she does not know the extent of my wardrobe. That's part of DADT. She does not want to talk about it, so she does not know I have 148 dresses and a lot of undergarments, hosiery, heels and three wigs. So be it!

That being said, on occasion I have overlooked an article of clothing or two. A pair of panties or a bra on occasion, which she has found and gently folded them and told me she placed them out of sight on top of the washing machine or dryer. And, there was the time I forgot to discard my "falsies" which were in the kitchen sink...two white water balloons. Fortunately our mailbox is half way down the street at the community pedestal mailbox, so she rarely gets the mail. Frankly, I wish she would throw a fit sometimes so we can clear the air. And, before you suggest we have a sit down over a cup of tea (her) and coffee (me) believe me I tried.

[Krisi]

............... Luck runs out eventually.

That is the bottom line. It's not "if" they find out, it's "when" they find out.

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................... I would love to find a place that I knew was 100% safe and go out at least one time with other CDs too Dee what it would be like in public. I'm sure though that this want will be forever hid and I'll probably die wishing I had per sued it at least once.... .

Simple but it costs a few $$. Take all your stuff to a town or better yet, a big city at least a couple hour's drive from home. Get a hotel or motel room and do your thing. Most of us, even if we don't pass as women, will look enough different from our male selves that even if by chance someone who knows us casually, they wouldn't recognize us, especially outside of out normal surroundings.