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Thread: A very big thank you to all the lovely people here! (and a little background)

  1. #1
    New Member Stacey-J's Avatar
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    A very big thank you to all the lovely people here! (and a little background)

    I just wanted to say thanks to all you wonderful guys and dolls on here and for the plethora of information/advice on this site, cause without you I would be a very lost, sad soul.

    I had been dressing sporadically from a young age (usual story of borrowing clothes/make up and experimenting while no one else was home) but there was a whole bunch of shame, guilt and confusion surrounding it. So much so that I was in a massive amount of denial about the whole thing, to the point I had repressed memories about my dressing and sexuality throughout my teen years (my sexuality isn't tied to my gender expression, entirely separate).
    Anyway fast forward to about 6 months ago and I found myself standing in front of the mirror, wearing some collected garments, makeup and cheap wig (some clothes borrowed from my SO while she was out for the day). There was something so damn self affirming about the person I was looking at, like my subconscious slapped me in the face and said "idiot, this is a part of you and you LOVE it!".
    I was overjoyed and terrified at the same time. Who the hell am I? Why do I want to do this? What does it all mean? Its was all so conflicting, but what I feared the most was what my SO would think/do when she found out. I had to tell her, we have been best friends for over a decade and madly in love for the past 4 years. We talk about everything and I have never hidden anything from her nor would I, and I couldn't keep something this big in. We're both open minded, accepting children of the 21st century and I knew she had no problem with the lbgtqi crowd, but I didn't know how she would handle her boyfriend being a cd/tv.
    I ended up on the internet and after googling something along the lines of 'how the hell do I break this to the love of my life?" I found myself on here and I'm every so thankful I did. With all the info/advice on here I had the tools and courage to come out and tell her.
    It came as a shock to her (understandingly) and although I was prepared for the worst she has stuck by me and given me her support and acceptance There are some ground rules we worked out which I have no problem with, but basically I'm free to dress whenever I please and continue to express this side of myself
    Over the next few months I started to build my collection of attire (whoever thought of the capsule wardrobe is a genius!) makeup, wigs and assorted bits and bobs. But anytime I went shopping for anything I was almost paralyzed with fear and usually chickened out. This went on for a while and I started to get annoyed with myself until one day everything changed.
    Life is short, painful and unfair most of the time and for too long in my life had I put things off that I wanted to do, always thinking there would be time. But I'm tired of waiting, so I just stopped (Caring) what other people thought and threw myself out there. I went shopping for what I wanted, got help for SA's when needed and didn't feel bad or nervous. This is who I am and I'm done being ashamed of it. In fact I'm proud of who I am, and I have all of you to thank for it

    So thank you all, you wonderful people. You have helped me more than you can imagine (actually maybe you can lol) in discovering who I am and I am eternally grateful for it. I'm happy to be a part of the community and hopefully I can now help some people here find their way too.

    Much love ;3
    Stacey J Rochester

    P.s. whoever coined the term 'pink fog' +10 points for accuracy
    Last edited by Lorileah; 01-11-2017 at 01:47 PM. Reason: fixed italics and removed part bypssing the word filter

  2. #2
    Irish Blood English Heart DIANEF's Avatar
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    Hi Stacey, sounds like things are working out for you, having a supportive SO is something many of us would give our right arm for. I joined this forum after a very long time in isolation, confined to my home and without any form of contact. Since joining a few months ago I have been out several times, had many contacts with other members, made some friends and found the courage to shop for myself. Most of this was thanks to the support and encouragement of members of this forum. I've found this place a great help.
    I'm not the man you think I am....(Pretty Girls Make Graves - The Smiths)
    You never understood me, you never really tried...(The Big Sky - Kate Bush)
    If only I could. I'd make a deal with God, and get him to swap our places...(Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush)

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
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    Hi Stacey, Crossdressing would be very lonely without all of the wonderful ladies on this forum......
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  4. #4
    Member phili's Avatar
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    I was thrilled to see this thread since yesterday I resolved to post a generic thank you as well- to the moderators or their tireless and disciplined work and support, and the sponsors, whoever they are!

    Thank you to the many who post a little sliver or a big chunk of your private thoughts, your dreams, your accumulated wisdom and conclusions. Having this many people in a city all of our own is really a lifesaver.

    I committed a year+ ago to be done unifying myself and coming out by now, and I think I am there. The conversations, challenges, and just the opportunity to speak frankly have been invaluable.

    It is bittersweet, since like Stacey and so many, I feel so harmonious, at last. - with the terrible result that for my wife, who I thought so long ago had accepted it, my happiness is not a persuasive and positive incentive to work as hard on herself accepting, as I have been to unify!

    I appreciate so much the fact of this board and how well it operates.
    We are all beautiful...!

  5. #5
    Silver Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Without this forum, I would still be trying to figure out who or what I am! Bless all of you, from the moderators to the administrators to the members! Hugs Lana Mae
    Let's play dress up!!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  6. #6
    Senior Member Karen RHT's Avatar
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    It's great we were able to help you along Stacey-J, but give yourself the bulk of the credit. You made the decisions you did, and took the actions you did. Glad to hear things have gone as well as they have. Keep going, keep growing, and keep enjoying.


    Karen

  7. #7
    Member Joyce P.'s Avatar
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    I agree, this Forum has been wonderful!

  8. #8
    Member JuliePtown's Avatar
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    I thanked the mods and admins and asked about how the forum generates necessary income. Answer was the owner wants to keep it ad free. Still would like to know how to chip in some financial contribution.
    Such is CD life

  9. #9
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Excellent post, Stacey, and you have encapsulated in a very articulate manner what many of us here have/are going through to try to understand this part of ourselves and finally come to terms with it, given that it will never go away entirely even if we manage to supress it briefly from time to time. Good on you to have reached this important milestone so early on in your life; for others here (myself included), it has taken decades to finally come to grips with this reality and be at peace with it, and some of us aren't there yet.

    Reading your post and it's overall tone of assertion, determination, self-acceptance - and dare I say it? - even including a hint of defiance, I am reminded of singer Helen Reddy's (and your fellow Aussie's) signature song "I am Woman, Hear Me Roar!", with perhaps the word "Transgender" to be substituted for "Woman" in the lyrics.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member
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    Hi, Stacey. I, and possibly others on this fantastic forum, would like to send you a private message (PM). Please add this capability to your profile. Welcome aboard!!

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Acastina's Avatar
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    Good on you, Stacey, and you're welcome. Now, jump in and pay it forward to someone else. You found that well of courage that dwells within all of us, if we only have the will to find it and use it. As Franklin Roosevelt famously said, we have nothing to fear but fear itself. You have forced yourself to take some chances, first with your loving partner, and then with the SAs at the shops, and in both cases you learned that the fear could be overcome with honesty and confidence. You're now in a much better and emotionally healthier place.

    We can spend unhappy lives cowering from such fears or negotiating with them, or we can gently ask them to step aside, or we can give 'em a freakin' stiff-arm and walk through doors that we always assumed were (and would remain) closed.

    Welcome to the other side of the door. And please give your wonderful SO a hug from us.

  12. #12
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    Hi Stacey! SO happy to read this post! good for you! enjoy life and be happy!!!!

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Hi, Stacey. Thanks for sharing your story. I swear, I will never tire of hearing of those SO's who are accepting and supportive. Do not every forget what a gem you have there. Let her know, regularly, how much you value all of your relationship.

    Hugs,


    Kelly

  14. #14
    Retired Member
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    Just another example of what the world really is like. Perfect? Of course not, but much more accepting that we ever let ourselves believe.

    This is in fact a great place and what we all have to do is support each other. Congratulations Stacey!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/

  15. #15
    Silver Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Very nice Stacey, and welcome to this site. I am glad that you were able to figure yourself out. It is really nice you wife is supporting you. I also have supporting GF and we are in love. Yep we are on this earth for a short time. So, coming to terms with ourselves was a big step. I think Robin coined the pink fog term a while back.
    Part Time Girl

  16. #16
    Silver Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leslie Langford View Post
    Excellent post, Stacey, and you have encapsulated in a very articulate manner what many of us here have/are going through to try to understand this part of ourselves and finally come to terms with it, given that it will never go away entirely even if we manage to supress it briefly from time to time. Good on you to have reached this important milestone so early on in your life; for others here (myself included), it has taken decades to finally come to grips with this reality and be at peace with it, and some of us aren't there yet.
    Quote Originally Posted by Acastina View Post
    Good on you, Stacey, and you're welcome. Now, jump in and pay it forward to someone else. You found that well of courage that dwells within all of us, if we only have the will to find it and use it. As Franklin Roosevelt famously said, we have nothing to fear but fear itself.

    We can spend unhappy lives cowering from such fears or negotiating with them, or we can gently ask them to step aside, or we can give 'em a freakin' stiff-arm and walk through doors that we always assumed were (and would remain) closed.
    Leslie's comments resonate with me regarding the time it has taken for many of us to reach an understanding of ourselves. Acastina quoting; "we have nothing to fear but fear itself" is perhaps the greatest truism we as cd'ers need to focus on albeit we still need to stay aware.

    Stacey, I agree with the others that you've articulated what many of us have been through on our own journeys. My realisation that "This is me" came late in life, well hopefully mid life! Like many of a certain age didn't have the resource of the internet during our formative years as CD'ers. This forum has for me been an eye opener to say the least. It has given me the confidence to develop my femme side to levels I wouldn't have even dreamed about 10 years earlier.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Stacey, I enjoyed reading your story and would also like to give props to the the originator of the "pink fog" term.

    pink fog.jpg

    I just love when it rolls in.
    "I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
    ― Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

  18. #18
    New Member Stacey-J's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the positive support guys, I'm not even 10 posts in and already feel at home in the community

    Karen: While I did push myself out there, I would never have done any of it without this site and you wonderful people. Reading all of the posts and stories helped me realise how much this was a part of me and I didn't want to waste anymore of my time.

    Leslie: Since reading your post I have been humming "I am trans, here me roar!" to myself all afternoon and giggling like a school girl

    Jenny: I wasn't aware I had this function disabled and I'll try to rectify it, however I'm still under the 10 post limit (not for long) restricting what I do on here. not sure if that's the reason or not

    Acastina: Less of a stiff arm and more of a shotgun blast on my end (that'll keep that fear down )

    Kelly: I make sure my SO knows just how much I love her and how friggen amazing she is every day, even before this but even more so now. I'm still blown away by how supportive she is. I know I'm one of a very lucky few on here, so i count my blessings and give back double the support she puts in.

    Kandi: Support, that was the key. You all here supported me and gave me the courage to become the person I am today and now I want to do the same As cliche' as it sounds, if i could help just one person out of a dark hole it would mean so much.

    Dana: Totally unrelated, but every time I see your name it makes me think of the differentials fitted to early dodges and plymouths

    Tracey: I love it too, but it can be blinding at times. Sometimes having a 'cool off' period is a good idea before making any big decisions (or don't and drain the bank account on 50 different pairs of shoes lol)

  19. #19
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    That's the turning point of self acceptance that you've finally arrived at.
    And may I add that this site has opened Carla up to the world.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  20. #20
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Another satisfied customer... heartwarming to read your story, thanks Stacey.

    And thanks again to whoever keeps this site afloat, mercifully ad-free. You're saving lives and spreading joy and serenity.

    I too would be willing to contribute to expenses if it were asked.
    I used to have a short attention spa

  21. #21
    Senior Member
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    Congratulations, Stacey! You killed it on the three biggest hurdles a CD faces: self acceptance, telling the SO and shopping in person. And you made it sound easy. And your SO is so wonderful! Enjoy your newly liberated life.

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