I just wanted to say thanks to all you wonderful guys and dolls on here and for the plethora of information/advice on this site, cause without you I would be a very lost, sad soul.
I had been dressing sporadically from a young age (usual story of borrowing clothes/make up and experimenting while no one else was home) but there was a whole bunch of shame, guilt and confusion surrounding it. So much so that I was in a massive amount of denial about the whole thing, to the point I had repressed memories about my dressing and sexuality throughout my teen years (my sexuality isn't tied to my gender expression, entirely separate).
Anyway fast forward to about 6 months ago and I found myself standing in front of the mirror, wearing some collected garments, makeup and cheap wig (some clothes borrowed from my SO while she was out for the day). There was something so damn self affirming about the person I was looking at, like my subconscious slapped me in the face and said "idiot, this is a part of you and you LOVE it!".
I was overjoyed and terrified at the same time. Who the hell am I? Why do I want to do this? What does it all mean? Its was all so conflicting, but what I feared the most was what my SO would think/do when she found out. I had to tell her, we have been best friends for over a decade and madly in love for the past 4 years. We talk about everything and I have never hidden anything from her nor would I, and I couldn't keep something this big in. We're both open minded, accepting children of the 21st century and I knew she had no problem with the lbgtqi crowd, but I didn't know how she would handle her boyfriend being a cd/tv.
I ended up on the internet and after googling something along the lines of 'how the hell do I break this to the love of my life?" I found myself on here and I'm every so thankful I did. With all the info/advice on here I had the tools and courage to come out and tell her.
It came as a shock to her (understandingly) and although I was prepared for the worst she has stuck by me and given me her support and acceptance There are some ground rules we worked out which I have no problem with, but basically I'm free to dress whenever I please and continue to express this side of myself
Over the next few months I started to build my collection of attire (whoever thought of the capsule wardrobe is a genius!) makeup, wigs and assorted bits and bobs. But anytime I went shopping for anything I was almost paralyzed with fear and usually chickened out. This went on for a while and I started to get annoyed with myself until one day everything changed.
Life is short, painful and unfair most of the time and for too long in my life had I put things off that I wanted to do, always thinking there would be time. But I'm tired of waiting, so I just stopped (Caring) what other people thought and threw myself out there. I went shopping for what I wanted, got help for SA's when needed and didn't feel bad or nervous. This is who I am and I'm done being ashamed of it. In fact I'm proud of who I am, and I have all of you to thank for it
So thank you all, you wonderful people. You have helped me more than you can imagine (actually maybe you can lol) in discovering who I am and I am eternally grateful for it. I'm happy to be a part of the community and hopefully I can now help some people here find their way too.
Much love ;3
Stacey J Rochester
P.s. whoever coined the term 'pink fog' +10 points for accuracy