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Thread: Does The Public Really Care???

  1. #1
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    Does The Public Really Care???

    Just go to the mall, watch T.V., the beach, anywhere people gather and you will see a lot of haircuts, clothing, piercing, tattoo's, etc. that one would think are unaccepting to society but these folks that have them have no shame about showing them in public, as a matter of fact they are proud of their appearance and have the confidence to present this way. It seems that the public has accepted these folks; that they respect their right to dress as they please and it's nobody else's business so show good manners, say nothing and don't stair; just show them the respect they show you.

    Would crossdressers be treated the same; or better??? Threads on this site have shown that a good number of women are O.K. with men wearing women's clothing; this could be one or two pieces or more. Lets go simple, if a man wears girl jeans and boots what's offensive about that? Looking at other CD sites some CD's look like female cover girls, much better than they do as males; why would anyone want to begrudge them?

    Is it time for us to get over being afraid? Start being seen and dressing as we want, just like so many others?

  2. #2
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    What are you expecting out of life? A wife and children? A good career? Friends?

    People at the mall tolerate "odd" people because most of them don't care enough about what strangers do to make a scene. They still notice and once you've passed by they turn to their partner and say "Did you notice that guy in the tight jeans with green hair? He must be gay." Or "That woman that just passed us was really a man in drag."

    Of course, if we don't know these people, it doesn't make a difference. If you are far from home or your presentation is good enough that your own mother wouldn't recognize you, you're fine.

    The problem comes when your dressing gets out and becomes public knowledge. You may embarrass your wife and/or children. You may embarrass your boss or company. If you are supposed to be in charge of others at work and they find that you commonly prance around the local mall in a miniskirt and fake boobs, they may not take you seriously when you tell them what to do. Of course if you are stocking shelves at Walmart and have no wife or children (or living parents), you are pretty much free to do anything you want as long as it's legal.

    My point is, anything we do in life has consequences. Think about what you are doing and how it could affect your future.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    There's a BIG difference between tattoos and wild haircuts and cross dressing. Yes I'm a perfect world everyone should be accepted no matter what but we are living in a FAR from perfect world.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 01-13-2017 at 01:07 PM. Reason: read FAQs on religion

  4. #4
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    For quite a few years I pushed the envelope HARD. I looked like a colour blind gay peacock, and freely mixed what is considered acceptable male/female attire and demeanor.
    Perhaps it is because I was in Toronto, one of the world's most liberal cities. Maybe people talked about me after the fact. When you look like Liberace on drugs, you tend to ignore things like that.
    Bottom line...nobody commented (to my face), nobody cared, and, contrary to what I was attempting, I really don't think anybody noticed.
    Caveat- I would not try this in some of the crazier states.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Abbey11's Avatar
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    I was out for a couple of hours shopping today, walking around a mall, other than some polite smiles I had no nothing notable from any other shopper, went into stores tried on dresses, was a great and wonderful experience, I may even post a new thread of my adenture at some point, so back to the original question, no I don't think the public care, even walked past a couple of groups of roundy teenagers, maybe slightly older than school age and didn't get a second glance
    OMG!! Owning my femininity .... and I LOVE it!

  6. #6
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    I live in a liberal area, and the public doesn't care. My hardware store guys don't even ask why- what's the point? Even where the general feel of a small town is antagonistic to LGBTQetc, many members find that people end up deciding what kind of neighbor they want to be, in favor of tolerance, and focus on what kind of person you are.

    This was evident to me when I worked in rural WY in 1965, a local woman on the ranch basically looked like Elvis, and surprised the gas truck delivery guy, who said 'OMG, a morphrodite [hermaphrodite]", but to all the other men around, Doris was the most honest, reliable, hardworking person they knew, and the core of small town value here was whether you could be depended on. She had a pair of nylons, but I have no idea when she actually wore them- perhaps to church.

    Yes- if you are not yet married, it is far better to be out before you get married, so your wife will come from one of the 15% of women who don't find it a problem. But there are enough reality shows now to demonstrate that for the average woman, including conservative ones, at some point the deepest cultural answer is still to support.

    Listen here -gossip circle over coffee-

    'Dang it, gals- my husband turned out to be one of them trans' folks, and some could shout fear and shame, but I love that man! I'm standing by him in his hour of need, just like any good wife. I offered him curlers, but he declined. He's still got some good sense! In fact, yesterday he found the place that raccoon was getting in under the house and trapped that critter in no time."
    Last edited by phili; 01-13-2017 at 10:19 AM.
    We are all beautiful...!

  7. #7
    Pooh Bear Judith96a's Avatar
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    In what context?

    It's one thing to crossdress for a trip to a shopping mall where you will, most likely, encounter only strangers. Something entirely different to say to your wife "Honey, the girls at work are all wearing summer dresses, I think I'll wear a dress and high heels to work today. Yes I know I've an important meeting but..."

    Some days, I'd love to come to work as Judith - I don't mean sneak something girly into my wardrobe but rather wig, makeup, dress, heels - the whole 9 yards, no half measures either - get a professional makeover so that I'd look as convincing as possible. No matter how comfortable I may be in a shopping mall 100 miles from home, no matter how CD-friendly policies at work may be (and they are) it's not happening, not unless I want to throw away every semblance of respect and informal authority that I've built up over the past X years.

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    Judith,
    How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?

  9. #9
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    "The Public" is not a homogeneous entity. Therefore reactions vary widely from person to person. The public doesn't care because the public is not a sentient being. As far as business being CD friendly, I image there are some, like beauty salons, etc., but most are not. They may be TG friendly, but that is totally different. Change or not, none of this I am a women today and a man tomorrow stuff. Too hard to keep up with. People like labels, it's safe, it's easy, and doesn't make you think too hard.

  10. #10
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    Sometimes I think it's what's really inside of us as to whether we feel accepted or not. It seems those on here that dress and go out, have fun and post about it usually do just fine. Very few of the post are about people not being accepting. I wake up in a different world every day it seems about if want to underdressed or not. Then I think hey all I'm doing is going out to the farm to check on things yep I'm underdressing to the tops. If I'm going to town and walking the mall wife the wife I'm more careful about the underdressing, maybe only panties with my long tailed men's shirt tuck in. Sometimes I might wear panty hose but only if my boots are worn. In my upbringing I was taught to be a tough man and provide for the family. In that time the men just wore the clothes of the trade they were in. Dad was a farmer and rancher on a very large spread. I had to sneak around to dress behind his back, mom let me play in her things way too long in my growing up. I was raised to be a tough old male by dad this is where I'm stuck in my mind, mom showed me the tender side of me. Thus I wake up every day on one side of the fence or the other. I woke up this morning thinking I would love to be out and be wearing heels and dressed over the top, but then I thought oh we have to run into town, so panties on and wranglers, boots and my hat. Our surroundings determine what we wear or at least for me.

  11. #11
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    The public, defined as people who only see a person from a distance, don't really care. From stories here, even those who would beat up a CDer, didn't cross a street or entire mall to confront a CDer. But get into the personal space of some (that distance varies by person) and they may care enough to stare, to comment to people with them, to comment to you, or to confront. And the uncanny valley theory, eg robots that look close to human, cause a more significant bad reaction to humans. So they add features to make the robots look more attractive, such as large eyes. So a man wearing girl jeans and boots may not set that off, but one dressed to the nines but a beard might in certain towns (Phili, Billy). Those lucky enough to be pretty like Valery may pass unnoticed.
    We who grew up with the large anti-gay prejudice and saw all the tranvestite killer movies, know the public was not accepting. It is probably better, and we should try to push the envelope, but feel safest in the closet. I thank all who push on our behalf, as it will make it better.
    Hugs, Ellen

  12. #12
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Judith,
    How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?
    Kristin Beck, with no announcement at all, showed up at her job at the pentagon fully female. I imagine that the pentagon is as 'old boys club' as anything can be, but they accepted. (Leaving out the fact that a Navy Seal can kill you with an eyelash curler.)

  13. #13
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    last January I went to a formal Burns Dinner hosted by the local masonic society - i was a guest of a mason - and after a brief silence when i entered, all continued as normal. The people on my table were friendly and interested, even supportive. Having said that, the absence of an invite this year might just be defeaning. So, you will win some and lose some. I don't think they care unless they are directly affected. There is a good reason to be concerned about gender bias in workplaces, because pay gaps are real, implying a strong (false) sense of unequal abilities there. There are consequences.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  14. #14
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Only a very few times out into The World. Almost all experiences have been quite positive.

    I went out yesterday to run errands. Went to ULTA, the Dress Barn, Maceys Dept Store and finally made a stop at JoAnn's fabrics to buy materials. In my stroll through the store, I had one GG shopper graciously smile and move her cart to allow me to pass the aisle. I stood in a fairly long line of mostly mature women. Of course, no one said a thing or stared. A few, I sensed, were trying as hard as possible to NOT look; but I never got a sense of ire or contempt. Quite the opposite. As I was standing in a line of half a dozen "other women", (for one of the first times ever) I actually felt normal and not out of place.

    As for sales assistants, store personnel, people in adjacent cars at stop lights, or mothers herding kids along a sidewalk....... they don't care. For the most part they don't even know you. And if someone is alerted to your presence as "a man in a dress", just think to yourself that you've "made their day" by giving them something to tell their friends.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

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    IreneD---- " And if someone is alerted to your presence as "a man in a dress", just think to yourself that you've "made their day" by giving them something to tell their friends."

    A friend who went to Las Vegas related the experience of being in Vegas dressed. Same thing.. Think of the stories they'll be telling about their Las Vegas experience... we met a swell person who turned out to be a crossdresser. ....

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Judith,
    How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?
    The director of my division at work used to go to the retirement dances and get drunk. Very drunk. He would get down on the floor and do the "worm" (a so called dance). People did not have a lot of respect for him.

    I suspect if he had shown up as a "lady", it would have been the same or worse.

  17. #17
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Many women say they have no problem with crossdressing men, just not MY man. It's the NIMBY thing.

  18. #18
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    Micki, I think your choice of "a great number of people" phrase, greatly over estimates the real world. While it is true that SOME people feel this way, I would characterize it as a tiny, tiny percentage of the population with whom we may interact. And then those that might actually say something or express outwardly their view that cross dressing is "wrong" cuts that percentage down even more. It's a fart in the wind.

    The world is certainly not rosy but it is not to be feared.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 01-13-2017 at 01:09 PM. Reason: removed quote that is no longer there

  19. #19
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Deebra, if u wear androgenous clothing out and that satisfies u? Great! But, I have no interest in presenting any way except dressing all the way or not at all. And, many other T's r like me.

    The result of that is, if u visit vanilla venues, u will be made. Unless you're that one in 100 that passes regularly. The result of being made is, whether good or bad, u receive attention from everyone who notices u. I know a number of T's who r social, outgoing, and revel in that attention. I do NOT, however. Which is why I do not visit pedestrian venues dressed if I can avoid them.

    Visiting clubs, bars, and at group T events, it's easy to blend in no matter how racy I'm dressed because so many there come to see and be seen. I never have worry about being the center of attention.

    Of course, Sherry is another matter all together!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  20. #20
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    The following content is NOT allowed ANYWHERE on the forum and will be deleted. Religion of any sort, no exceptions
    This thread will close quickly

    as far as acceptance I was told this quote years ago and it's still true
    People have an agenda. As long as you don't interfere with their agenda no one will care.
    Stay out of people's agenda...it's that simple. Do your thing without making a big deal of it

    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Judith,
    How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?
    Well if they want to keep their job, they would shut up and do their job. Simple?
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  21. #21
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    Fact is you can get different reactions on different days. One day, nothing, another, a gang of teenagers can spot you and if they are inclined can make things very uncomfortable. And just because someone ignores you doesn't mean they haven't clocked you and might have a chuckle at your expense. It would be great if we could all walk around freely without a care in the world, that day may yet me a long way off.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  22. #22
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    My wife and I do a lot of outings together. We observe a lot of people attired or presenting themselves in many different manners. We see some people with a lot of tattoos. We see some ill attired by any standards. Do we says anything to them? No, but we may make a comment about their perception between us. We were together once when we did see a cross dresser who was dressing for shock or to be noticed. I saw him twice in public. Nobody really stared at him. Nobody made any comments to him. I'd put him in with any other persons I encounter. If there is no reason to strike up a conversation, then why would I create on.

  23. #23
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    The public as a whole doesn't care, other than a passing glance which is quickly forgotten. Even if you are wear a purple hippo outfit. As long a something(or anything) doesn't directly affect most people just move on. However it is your SO, friend or family that becomes something different. I know there are exceptions, one jerk who takes to get all macho and too many who are always offended. But usually the worst is a snicker behind your back.
    Sara

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    The director of my division at work used to go to the retirement dances and get drunk. Very drunk. He would get down on the floor and do the "worm" (a so called dance). People did not have a lot of respect for him.

    I suspect if he had shown up as a "lady", it would have been the same or worse.
    I think a drunk squirming on the floor doing a worm dance would not probably be given as much respect as a reputable person that crossdresses. From what I have read here, a crossdresser will always be a crossdresser. From what I have learned in life a drunk will always be a drunk. I would rather be around respectable crossdressers than idiotic drunks.

  25. #25
    Junior Member justnikki's Avatar
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    I don't think the public really cares. If they do it's a moment in time that passes in seconds. I'm far more conscious and self critical then that moment in time.

    Having just come out to my wife in December and with full acceptance I have been getting a little adventurous and started buying my own clothing (in drab). Just yesterday I was at Nordstroms Rack and tried on a pair of knee high boots and got numerous second glances from men. With my heart racing I glanced up trying to be embarrassed and the guy gave me the thumbs up. This took the edge off my first experience in shopping for boots/shoes.

    However, this is all new to me having been in the closet for 30 years. 30 days out to my wife and loving the freedom.

    Honey.

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