Does The Public Really Care???

[deebra]

Just go to the mall, watch T.V., the beach, anywhere people gather and you will see a lot of haircuts, clothing, piercing, tattoo's, etc. that one would think are unaccepting to society but these folks that have them have no shame about showing them in public, as a matter of fact they are proud of their appearance and have the confidence to present this way. It seems that the public has accepted these folks; that they respect their right to dress as they please and it's nobody else's business so show good manners, say nothing and don't stair; just show them the respect they show you.

Would crossdressers be treated the same; or better??? Threads on this site have shown that a good number of women are O.K. with men wearing women's clothing; this could be one or two pieces or more. Lets go simple, if a man wears girl jeans and boots what's offensive about that? Looking at other CD sites some CD's look like female cover girls, much better than they do as males; why would anyone want to begrudge them?

Is it time for us to get over being afraid? Start being seen and dressing as we want, just like so many others?

[Krisi]

What are you expecting out of life? A wife and children? A good career? Friends?

People at the mall tolerate "odd" people because most of them don't care enough about what strangers do to make a scene. They still notice and once you've passed by they turn to their partner and say "Did you notice that guy in the tight jeans with green hair? He must be gay." Or "That woman that just passed us was really a man in drag."

Of course, if we don't know these people, it doesn't make a difference. If you are far from home or your presentation is good enough that your own mother wouldn't recognize you, you're fine.

The problem comes when your dressing gets out and becomes public knowledge. You may embarrass your wife and/or children. You may embarrass your boss or company. If you are supposed to be in charge of others at work and they find that you commonly prance around the local mall in a miniskirt and fake boobs, they may not take you seriously when you tell them what to do. Of course if you are stocking shelves at Walmart and have no wife or children (or living parents), you are pretty much free to do anything you want as long as it's legal.

My point is, anything we do in life has consequences. Think about what you are doing and how it could affect your future.

[Micki_Finn]

There's a BIG difference between tattoos and wild haircuts and cross dressing. Yes I'm a perfect world everyone should be accepted no matter what but we are living in a FAR from perfect world.

[Jenniferathome]

Micki, I think your choice of "a great number of people" phrase, greatly over estimates the real world. While it is true that SOME people feel this way, I would characterize it as a tiny, tiny percentage of the population with whom we may interact. And then those that might actually say something or express outwardly their view that cross dressing is "wrong" cuts that percentage down even more. It's a fart in the wind.

The world is certainly not rosy but it is not to be feared.

[docrobbysherry]

Deebra, if u wear androgenous clothing out and that satisfies u? Great! But, I have no interest in presenting any way except dressing all the way or not at all. And, many other T's r like me.

The result of that is, if u visit vanilla venues, u will be made. Unless you're that one in 100 that passes regularly. The result of being made is, whether good or bad, u receive attention from everyone who notices u. I know a number of T's who r social, outgoing, and revel in that attention. I do NOT, however. Which is why I do not visit pedestrian venues dressed if I can avoid them.

Visiting clubs, bars, and at group T events, it's easy to blend in no matter how racy I'm dressed because so many there come to see and be seen. I never have worry about being the center of attention.

Of course, Sherry is another matter all together!

[Majella St Gerard]

I understand how some here feel, I was there once. I feel that now I'm experienced enough to say the public doesn't care what you wear, the only one that cares is you, it's all in your head. You must be ashamed of who you are. Accepting who you are is key and not caring what others think. I am out and I don't let the world dictate to me how I should dress on my own time. I'm happy with myself and other people's opinions do not affect me. I go everywhere dressed and if I happen to run into someone that doesn't know I crossdress, then they will after that.

[Abbey11]

I was out for a couple of hours shopping today, walking around a mall, other than some polite smiles I had no nothing notable from any other shopper, went into stores tried on dresses, was a great and wonderful experience, I may even post a new thread of my adenture at some point, so back to the original question, no I don't think the public care, even walked past a couple of groups of roundy teenagers, maybe slightly older than school age and didn't get a second glance

[Judith96a]

It's one thing to crossdress for a trip to a shopping mall where you will, most likely, encounter only strangers. Something entirely different to say to your wife "Honey, the girls at work are all wearing summer dresses, I think I'll wear a dress and high heels to work today. Yes I know I've an important meeting but..."

Some days, I'd love to come to work as Judith - I don't mean sneak something girly into my wardrobe but rather wig, makeup, dress, heels - the whole 9 yards, no half measures either - get a professional makeover so that I'd look as convincing as possible. No matter how comfortable I may be in a shopping mall 100 miles from home, no matter how CD-friendly policies at work may be (and they are) it's not happening, not unless I want to throw away every semblance of respect and informal authority that I've built up over the past X years.

[Billy]

Judith,
How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?

[Meghan4now]

"The Public" is not a homogeneous entity. Therefore reactions vary widely from person to person. The public doesn't care because the public is not a sentient being. As far as business being CD friendly, I image there are some, like beauty salons, etc., but most are not. They may be TG friendly, but that is totally different. Change or not, none of this I am a women today and a man tomorrow stuff. Too hard to keep up with. People like labels, it's safe, it's easy, and doesn't make you think too hard.

[Krisi]

Judith,
How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?

The director of my division at work used to go to the retirement dances and get drunk. Very drunk. He would get down on the floor and do the "worm" (a so called dance). People did not have a lot of respect for him.

I suspect if he had shown up as a "lady", it would have been the same or worse.

[Billy]

The director of my division at work used to go to the retirement dances and get drunk. Very drunk. He would get down on the floor and do the "worm" (a so called dance). People did not have a lot of respect for him.

I suspect if he had shown up as a "lady", it would have been the same or worse.

I think a drunk squirming on the floor doing a worm dance would not probably be given as much respect as a reputable person that crossdresses. From what I have read here, a crossdresser will always be a crossdresser. From what I have learned in life a drunk will always be a drunk. I would rather be around respectable crossdressers than idiotic drunks.

[lingerieLiz]

In Atlanta there was a Successful CD who wore women's clothes to various degrees. He went to country clubs, work. and dates as he pleased. His girlfriend said she loved to hear his heals on the sidewalk when he came to pick her up.

I'm not sure it matters where you live. If you are a reliable friend people will accept you or avoid you depending on their ability to accept. I've always been lucky with acceptance. Rednecks and all.

[Nicole Erin]

Most people don't pay attention to much of anything, like there is this Alzheimer's epidemic. Much less do they care what anyone else is doing.
So with THAT out of the way...

Judith,
How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?

They would say -
"Ahh, so the boss DOES show up to work once in a great while"

Either that or everyone would be trying to act busy cause they were all scared since the boss is around.
There is that expression of "If you are doing what you are suppose to, you should not be worried about the boss"
OK but if that IS the case, how come managers and supervisors go into a frenzy over THE boss? Is it cause they are not doing what they are suppose to.

[Helen 2]

Personally, I think Sometimes Miss nailed it with this comment: "Bottom line is, there's a huge difference between tolerating and accepting."

Yesterday I spent about 5 hours out and about dressed. I've a very large mall 2 miles from home, but I went to another large mall all the way on the other side of PDX -25 miles away. Why? Because even though I was dressed to blend in black skinnys, 3" heel booties, a tan turtleneck and a longish sweater, I just did not want to tempt fate by running into someone I know, or a coworker by going to a mall close by. Most of the time in the mall was in at White House/Black Market who have a huge sale on. Spent probably 90 minutes in the store, tried six or seven dresses, bought 2 and the SA (whom I would propose to instantly if I were single...she was stunningly beautiful) was so accepting, content and obviously and genuinely happy that I came by. The older SA was just as comfortable with me as well.

Several GGs came and went while I was in the store. One of them was 'sharing' the common space of the fitting rooms and mirror lounge surrounding them with me and she too was just as fine with me being there as the SAs were. These GGs were definitely 'accepting'

Walking to MAC, a few people clocked me but no one was outwardly contemptuous, maybe just 'interested' would be a better word. No jeers, no giggles, nothing that would have made me regret that I was there and enjoying myself. I would say these were 'tolerant', but not 'accepting'

And the dresses.....I'll try to post pics later today

[sabrinaedwards]

Krisi, you nailed it! That is why I perfer to dress where others do not know me and I can remain anonymous.
Love, Sabrina

[I Am Paula]

For quite a few years I pushed the envelope HARD. I looked like a colour blind gay peacock, and freely mixed what is considered acceptable male/female attire and demeanor.
Perhaps it is because I was in Toronto, one of the world's most liberal cities. Maybe people talked about me after the fact. When you look like Liberace on drugs, you tend to ignore things like that.
Bottom line...nobody commented (to my face), nobody cared, and, contrary to what I was attempting, I really don't think anybody noticed.
Caveat- I would not try this in some of the crazier states.

[phili]

I live in a liberal area, and the public doesn't care. My hardware store guys don't even ask why- what's the point? Even where the general feel of a small town is antagonistic to LGBTQetc, many members find that people end up deciding what kind of neighbor they want to be, in favor of tolerance, and focus on what kind of person you are.

This was evident to me when I worked in rural WY in 1965, a local woman on the ranch basically looked like Elvis, and surprised the gas truck delivery guy, who said 'OMG, a morphrodite [hermaphrodite]", but to all the other men around, Doris was the most honest, reliable, hardworking person they knew, and the core of small town value here was whether you could be depended on. She had a pair of nylons, but I have no idea when she actually wore them- perhaps to church.

Yes- if you are not yet married, it is far better to be out before you get married, so your wife will come from one of the 15% of women who don't find it a problem. But there are enough reality shows now to demonstrate that for the average woman, including conservative ones, at some point the deepest cultural answer is still to support.

Listen here -gossip circle over coffee-

'Dang it, gals- my husband turned out to be one of them trans' folks, and some could shout fear and shame, but I love that man! I'm standing by him in his hour of need, just like any good wife. I offered him curlers, but he declined. He's still got some good sense! In fact, yesterday he found the place that raccoon was getting in under the house and trapped that critter in no time."

[windshear]

I live in a liberal area, and the public doesn't care.

I'm not so certain. I think what happens in "liberal" areas is that the ridicule and shaming switches targets from you to a new local minority- the non-accepting. Like if many of us dress in public we would see social consequences, if the critics of our dressing in these areas were in any way vocal they would be outed on social media, doxxed, lose their jobs, and be shunned by society at large.

I don't find my acceptance at the cost of another acceptable. I don't think the same social pressures that say we shouldn't dress are the solution to the acceptance problem. And I'll warn the people complaining here about "binary gender norms"- society isn't going to swing much further in your favor than it is today. If you push too hard for your worldviews, if you mandate those views on the public, if you only ridicule and dismiss your detractors as backward or crazy rather than opening a dialogue with them, there will come a backlash.

History has shown society to be fickle, and prone to radical changes within mere decades. We're not hurting anybody, so lets not hurt anybody. Meaningful, lasting change happen slowly and organically. Forced change has always been subject to rejection and reversal.

[Billy]

I think I would rather be surrounded with liberty minded people than liberal minded individuals.

[Jaylyn]

Sometimes I think it's what's really inside of us as to whether we feel accepted or not. It seems those on here that dress and go out, have fun and post about it usually do just fine. Very few of the post are about people not being accepting. I wake up in a different world every day it seems about if want to underdressed or not. Then I think hey all I'm doing is going out to the farm to check on things yep I'm underdressing to the tops. If I'm going to town and walking the mall wife the wife I'm more careful about the underdressing, maybe only panties with my long tailed men's shirt tuck in. Sometimes I might wear panty hose but only if my boots are worn. In my upbringing I was taught to be a tough man and provide for the family. In that time the men just wore the clothes of the trade they were in. Dad was a farmer and rancher on a very large spread. I had to sneak around to dress behind his back, mom let me play in her things way too long in my growing up. I was raised to be a tough old male by dad this is where I'm stuck in my mind, mom showed me the tender side of me. Thus I wake up every day on one side of the fence or the other. I woke up this morning thinking I would love to be out and be wearing heels and dressed over the top, but then I thought oh we have to run into town, so panties on and wranglers, boots and my hat. Our surroundings determine what we wear or at least for me.

[ClosetED]

The public, defined as people who only see a person from a distance, don't really care. From stories here, even those who would beat up a CDer, didn't cross a street or entire mall to confront a CDer. But get into the personal space of some (that distance varies by person) and they may care enough to stare, to comment to people with them, to comment to you, or to confront. And the uncanny valley theory, eg robots that look close to human, cause a more significant bad reaction to humans. So they add features to make the robots look more attractive, such as large eyes. So a man wearing girl jeans and boots may not set that off, but one dressed to the nines but a beard might in certain towns (Phili, Billy). Those lucky enough to be pretty like Valery may pass unnoticed.
We who grew up with the large anti-gay prejudice and saw all the tranvestite killer movies, know the public was not accepting. It is probably better, and we should try to push the envelope, but feel safest in the closet. I thank all who push on our behalf, as it will make it better.
Hugs, Ellen

[I Am Paula]

Judith,
How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?

Kristin Beck, with no announcement at all, showed up at her job at the pentagon fully female. I imagine that the pentagon is as 'old boys club' as anything can be, but they accepted. (Leaving out the fact that a Navy Seal can kill you with an eyelash curler.)

[Rogina B]

Kristin Beck, with no announcement at all, showed up at her job at the pentagon fully female. I imagine that the pentagon is as 'old boys club' as anything can be, but they accepted. (Leaving out the fact that a Navy Seal can kill you with an eyelash curler.)

In my experience,sometimes the "this is me,so deal with it" is the right approach with "possible hard cases". In the 12 years that I have been socially transitioning,I have put myself out there to a lot of closed minded people.I stand my ground and never flinch as I am being me. People who don't know me are easy in that they don't know "what's in my panties and I am not telling". My perspective as someone that enjoys living an "out" life and the challenges that go along with it. It is not a big deal unless you make it one.

[pamela7]

last January I went to a formal Burns Dinner hosted by the local masonic society - i was a guest of a mason - and after a brief silence when i entered, all continued as normal. The people on my table were friendly and interested, even supportive. Having said that, the absence of an invite this year might just be defeaning. So, you will win some and lose some. I don't think they care unless they are directly affected. There is a good reason to be concerned about gender bias in workplaces, because pay gaps are real, implying a strong (false) sense of unequal abilities there. There are consequences.