in my experience the public could give a hoot as long as you don't look like a clown. Since I've been going out dressed 100% I have only positive responses.
in my experience the public could give a hoot as long as you don't look like a clown. Since I've been going out dressed 100% I have only positive responses.
In Atlanta there was a Successful CD who wore women's clothes to various degrees. He went to country clubs, work. and dates as he pleased. His girlfriend said she loved to hear his heals on the sidewalk when he came to pick her up.
I'm not sure it matters where you live. If you are a reliable friend people will accept you or avoid you depending on their ability to accept. I've always been lucky with acceptance. Rednecks and all.
All of the public cares some of the time, and some of the public cares all of the time.
Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 01-14-2017 at 02:32 PM.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
In my experience,sometimes the "this is me,so deal with it" is the right approach with "possible hard cases". In the 12 years that I have been socially transitioning,I have put myself out there to a lot of closed minded people.I stand my ground and never flinch as I am being me. People who don't know me are easy in that they don't know "what's in my panties and I am not telling". My perspective as someone that enjoys living an "out" life and the challenges that go along with it. It is not a big deal unless you make it one.Originally Posted by I Am Paula
I believe most people don't care. Yeah there may be some who think bad things if they notice you, some may laugh after you pass them, and many will tell their friends about the dude in the dress they saw today. The few times I've seen a CD in public I've thought good for you I wish I had your confidence. I haven't seen people pointing and laughing, no one harassing them. maybe a few smirks after they pass by but nothing too major.
Ahh, the old pink fog is so strong.
I was out for a couple of hours shopping today, walking around a mall, other than some polite smiles I had no nothing notable from any other shopper, went into stores tried on dresses, was a great and wonderful experience, I may even post a new thread of my adenture at some point, so back to the original question, no I don't think the public care, even walked past a couple of groups of roundy teenagers, maybe slightly older than school age and didn't get a second glanceThere you have it. The world is just fine with crossdressers. Because these six people have experienced it as such, then it must be so.
The PINK FOG is thick here, oh, so thick.
This is the pink fog effect that gets people killed. Yes, it still happens.
^this is about as close to reality as I see on this board.
Again, an unsubstantiated statistic. If, indeed there were so many women who 'don't find it a problem', there would be 'straight girl/crossdresser' dating sites, night clubs, etc.. There aren't any. Anywhere. Despite the fact that many of us would pay large sums to find a woman who will love us the way we are. There are plenty of investors out there, who recognize an opportunity. There are plenty of straight person dating sites, a new one pops up every so often. None for us. Zero. If there was a waiting supply of women who would date us, there's a fortune to be made, yet NO ONE has started a dating site for straight girls/crossdressers? Not even a GG ladies/crossdresser night where the straight women drink free advertised? Nowhere? How come?
That requires an explanation. Seems a bit fishy to me if there indeed are so many women who 'don't find it a problem'.
It's more like this:
There are (probably, judging on the 2.5% stat in surveys that really counted, such as Kinsey) MAYBE 3 million men in the U.S. alone that crossdress. So there's a whole lot of single crossdressing men out there, many who would be very grateful if they could find a mate. But it's not happening.
That requires explanation, and I have yet to see one coming.
Bottom line is, there's a huge difference between tolerating and accepting. And you won't know it until it's too late. As always, before squeezing the crossdressed toothpaste out of the tube, think about the absolute worst results. If you can accept that, then proceed. If not, you might want to reconsider what you're doing. While MOST people will happily try to ignore you and go about their day, it only takes one nutcase that feels you've offended their sensibilities, to make your life a nightmare. Sure, the odds are with you. But remember that if you lose, the consequences can be dire, and even deadly.
Be careful. You don't have to walk around shaking in your heels, but be aware of the consequences of your actions. Because, just because no one walks up to you and directly threatens you, there are plenty of people out there that will make your life difficult (at least) and you won't even know why you seem to have developed a lot of bad luck; for example, here are some things that you won't notice being done 'just because you're a crossdresser, and one person doesn't like you', but won't directly confront you either:
You're in a diner, and your food doesn't quite arrive hot, or it takes longer for YOU to get your food than those around you. You get your oil changed, and they put in regular old dino oil instead of the synthetic you ordered. You apply for a job, but don't get hired; when asked, they simply tell you they found a better candidate. You get notice of an eviction, landlord says his family member needs the apt.; said apt remains vacant 'while renovating', then the supposed relative 'changes their mind' and they rent the place to someone else. Now, when YOU search and try to rent a different apartment, again, someone else 'already rented it' or someone else was chosen; maybe the excuse will be that your references didn't write back, or your work didn't respond with confirmation that you were employed before the other applicant's did; whatever case, they will give a reason NOT related to you're being a crossdresser. Friends let their other friends baby sit their kids, but whenever you volunteer, seems someone else has already taken care of it, and when one of the kids needs a ride somewhere and both parents are very busy doing things, and you volunteer, all of a sudden the parents somehow find the time to do it themselves. Party and event invitations dry up or 'get lost in the mail', as well as how often people invite you to their house for ANY reason. You're in a hospital and they take other patients before they take you (no way to tell why, because priorities are strictly decided by the staff, and their decisions are covered by patient confidentiality). Job layoffs occur at work, and you are one of those chosen to be let go; how could they get away with that? By making your job unnecessary. They can then recreate it later on with another job title, and slightly different qualifications and responsibilities.
Those are just some of the things that can go on behind your back and you won't have any idea it's happening. I'm deep in the closet. But I've seen these things happen to other people that weren't considered 'normal' by this so called accepting population.
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 01-15-2017 at 12:06 AM.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I have to say this again. MY SO told me that when we are out, they see girl(me) and don't look twice. But in restaurants where they get a lot closer indeed one can be read and I must say the waitresses are very talkative with us and never asks about me cross-dressing. However they say how nice I look and being confidant and looking like I belong. They get a kick out of it. But on male waitresses, they call me a lady and mam. And they are very nice as well.
Part Time Girl
Wow, Lexi, u nailed it! Sadly, those r just some of the serious things non passing T's have to deal with daily in their lives.
Dana, if all I had to do when out is deal with SA's and waiters/waitresses I'd be out all the time. But, it isn't.
Let me repeat: When out alone in drab shopping, eating lunch, etc., etc. I'm used to being relaxed, left alone, and mostly ignored. I have no hassles, no drama, no center of attention. But, that is NOT what I get when dressed at vanilla venues. I'm continually being stared at, hear giggles, see fisheyes, and pretend not to hear and ignore derisive comments. I don't enjoy that, it's stressful. If u thrive on attention and drama? Then, go out dressed. But, it's NOT every dresser's cup of tea!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
also many of the same things PEOPLE deal with on a daily basis for many other reasons like how you dress, how you speak, how you look. All those things happen daily unless you are in the privileged class. The oil thing? Happens to women all the time. The food thing happens to the guy who looks homeless even if he has money. All those things can and do happen to people who aren't "T". So it isn't a "pink fog" issue, it's an issue with those who have been told they are better than in whatever form
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Could anyone disagree with your last sentence. It feels pretty sad that anyone feels inhibited from being themselves because of anxiety about how they will be treated, assuming that no harm us done to others. The trouble is that this total acceptance of the other is not completely widespread in society. That is why we may be cautious outside the safety of our own homes. Thinking about safety is important. If we are a member who can pass convincingly as a woman, well that is another matter.
I'm not so certain. I think what happens in "liberal" areas is that the ridicule and shaming switches targets from you to a new local minority- the non-accepting. Like if many of us dress in public we would see social consequences, if the critics of our dressing in these areas were in any way vocal they would be outed on social media, doxxed, lose their jobs, and be shunned by society at large.
I don't find my acceptance at the cost of another acceptable. I don't think the same social pressures that say we shouldn't dress are the solution to the acceptance problem. And I'll warn the people complaining here about "binary gender norms"- society isn't going to swing much further in your favor than it is today. If you push too hard for your worldviews, if you mandate those views on the public, if you only ridicule and dismiss your detractors as backward or crazy rather than opening a dialogue with them, there will come a backlash.
History has shown society to be fickle, and prone to radical changes within mere decades. We're not hurting anybody, so lets not hurt anybody. Meaningful, lasting change happen slowly and organically. Forced change has always been subject to rejection and reversal.
I think I would rather be surrounded with liberty minded people than liberal minded individuals.
Most people don't pay attention to much of anything, like there is this Alzheimer's epidemic. Much less do they care what anyone else is doing.
So with THAT out of the way...
They would say -
"Ahh, so the boss DOES show up to work once in a great while"
Either that or everyone would be trying to act busy cause they were all scared since the boss is around.
There is that expression of "If you are doing what you are suppose to, you should not be worried about the boss"
OK but if that IS the case, how come managers and supervisors go into a frenzy over THE boss? Is it cause they are not doing what they are suppose to.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Personally, I think Sometimes Miss nailed it with this comment: "Bottom line is, there's a huge difference between tolerating and accepting."
Yesterday I spent about 5 hours out and about dressed. I've a very large mall 2 miles from home, but I went to another large mall all the way on the other side of PDX -25 miles away. Why? Because even though I was dressed to blend in black skinnys, 3" heel booties, a tan turtleneck and a longish sweater, I just did not want to tempt fate by running into someone I know, or a coworker by going to a mall close by. Most of the time in the mall was in at White House/Black Market who have a huge sale on. Spent probably 90 minutes in the store, tried six or seven dresses, bought 2 and the SA (whom I would propose to instantly if I were single...she was stunningly beautiful) was so accepting, content and obviously and genuinely happy that I came by. The older SA was just as comfortable with me as well.
Several GGs came and went while I was in the store. One of them was 'sharing' the common space of the fitting rooms and mirror lounge surrounding them with me and she too was just as fine with me being there as the SAs were. These GGs were definitely 'accepting'
Walking to MAC, a few people clocked me but no one was outwardly contemptuous, maybe just 'interested' would be a better word. No jeers, no giggles, nothing that would have made me regret that I was there and enjoying myself. I would say these were 'tolerant', but not 'accepting'
And the dresses.....I'll try to post pics later today
I have to admit all of the punishments that are possible do happen, but the frequency and acceptability of it are lower now than ever. I admit that I am free now because I own my house and I am no longer working. Despite that, I am thinking carefully about what I do locally since I am trying to increase my role as a sort of community organizer with our city in facility design. So far, femmy tops are ok. I hope to satisfy my needs more with artistic flair and borderline clothing around here, and really don't think it will be much fun to force people to accommodate to seeing me in a short dress and heels, much as I would like to have it be a love fest! Yes - I am calculating constantly who know who and what could they do to me if offended.
That said, I can go to the big city and be out and have fun. Never a problem after 10 trips. I figure if anyone local sees me there it is just not threatening enough to justify them trying to punish me locally. Individually they might turn me down on something, and if that happens, I'm not economically harmed, and I will step out of their power system, and go find something similar to do in the big city.
I think this is a decent guideline, as someone would have to be pretty low to see you somewhere away and come back home determined to make your life miserable. You have already shown your courtesy by being elsewhere. And on the positive side, SAs get to be broad minded and expand their social skills, we get to feel normal, parents have to think of what they are going to say to their kids, and overall we increase acceptability where acceptability exists.
Communities that are dominated by the feeling that liberals and their minority rights jabber are ruining the country might be physically safe, but crossdressing so contravenes conservative norms it is likely to provoke backlash actions wherever folks feel they have the majority with them. There is a complex unspoken calculation going on all the time about how much of a threat everyone is when they move out of the norms, and a similar calculation about the success of vigilante response.
Last edited by phili; 01-15-2017 at 12:29 PM.
We are all beautiful...!
In some instances some on the forum might care more than the public.
I agree Billy, however there are enough in the general public that being out in public could be dangerous.
I understand how some here feel, I was there once. I feel that now I'm experienced enough to say the public doesn't care what you wear, the only one that cares is you, it's all in your head. You must be ashamed of who you are. Accepting who you are is key and not caring what others think. I am out and I don't let the world dictate to me how I should dress on my own time. I'm happy with myself and other people's opinions do not affect me. I go everywhere dressed and if I happen to run into someone that doesn't know I crossdress, then they will after that.
I think most people don't care, but their silence doesn't mean support. I would think many people would be thinking phew luckily thats not my husband/boyfriend/brother/son/friend etc. There will always be haters as there will always be supporters too, most people are in the middle and don't have a high care factor either way.
In Australia we have a term called NIMBYs Not In MY Back Yard. For example I am ok with a new nuclear power station as long as its nowhere near to where i live. I would think that most people's attitude to us would be similar im ok with CDing as long as it doesn't involve my life.
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
I can only speak from personal experience. Yes, yes, yes, it is time for us to get over being afraid. There will always be haters, whether it's because one is gay, TG/CD, black, Hispanic, heavy, a certain religion, etc... That's the world we live in. But if you are smart about what you do and where you go, if you are appropriate in how you present yourself and most importantly you are confident (act like you belong because you DO), no one will bother you. I have literally been in hundreds of situations/places, fooling no one and guess what? I've dined in restaurants alone and with others, sat at bars, shopped, been in the ladies room frequently, tried on women's clothing in the dressing rooms, done pretty much whatever a woman would do. Zero negative direct experiences. Have some people rolled their eyes behind my back? Probably. But I am universally accepted, am an active member of a church congregation (en femme), volunteer for a number of organizations, move freely wherever I wish. We all just need to chip away at this one day at a time.
Last edited by Kandi Robbins; 01-15-2017 at 07:37 PM.
Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.
I don't care if people that I don't know do have a problem with me dressing in public. That's their problem, not mine. It probably helps that I'm fairly big and willing & able to defend myself if needed.
It depends on where you live, I'm sure. I'm in one of the more progressives areas in the country, though right in the middle of an otherwise horrible anti-LGBT Red state. Still, people here Do Not Care. It's an incredibly eclectic mix of people, mostly educated, a lot of young people because of a concentration of universities, and a thriving LGBT community.
My guy is out in the open as a CD, for the most part. He rarely wears skirts in public, but has on occasion, always without incident. Otherwise, his style sends off what I believe most people read as a gay vibe. So, for me, I find it interesting to watch people respond to us in public, because we're very affectionate. Most people don't react. A few show a moment of "Wait, what?" when they see a pretty blonde girl holding hands with or kissing what they assumed to be a gay guy. But that's always immediately followed by indifference.
As for my friends, everyone has been accepting, even those who don't understand it. My closest friends have all utterly embraced him. One of my few female friends dated a CD a number of years ago, so this is nothing new to her. And my best friend (a guy), who I utterly adore, now hangs out with my BF, which I love more than words can express.
But it's his personality they love. He's cheerful, intelligent, and funny, and more than anything he's confident. It's a magnetic combination, and it's the thing that attracted me to him to begin with.
My family, on the other hand, not sure how that'd go over. A group of mostly fundamentalist Christians not known for being open-minded or tolerant, much less accepting, with a few notable exceptions (such as my sister, who wouldn't care at all). But I'm not close to them, so not sure when the occasion may arise that I'd mention it to any of them.
Is this not a true statement for anyone, anywhere, regardless of how one is dressed? Do you stay home because you fear terrorists? What about car accidents? Do you stay home because someone might insult you? No. We all go about our daily lives using the good sense given us to stay as safe as we can based on our own notion of risk.
Being out, cross dressed, among the "general public" is no more dangerous than being out not cross dressed.
Krisi, you nailed it! That is why I perfer to dress where others do not know me and I can remain anonymous.
Love, Sabrina
I understand why you would think that, you are a crossdresser. I don't think the general public feels that way and I'm just about certain the people I worked with wouldn't think that way. Many of them drank alcohol from time to time but I doubt many wore dresses in public.
As I posted above, everything you do in life has consequences.
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