CD/TV Sighting

[barbara gordon]

I go out a lot . its definitely not a game for me.
i have gone out for nearly 20 years but its only in the past 4 or 5 years that it actually started to be more comfortable and confident for me to do this.

I really like good interaction with people. it makes me happy to be able to talk to people in person face to face . I hid my crossdressing for far too many years and it was a terrible awful lonely feeling.

this does not mean that I desire the humiliation of being outed by a stranger , but if someone greets me and introduces themselves as someone "who is like me" i will be happy to say hello and talk a bit .

[Ashley090]

As may Lorileah sounds hostile to somebody, I actualy agree with her. Since its not long ago i accept myself and my girl side, i am not going out (two night trips,few drives not count much) but i love to do it one day! And if that day comes I definetly wont to be approached by stranger or anyone at that point even if their intesions are friendly. If they do then i will went crazy probably. Who it is? What he wants? Did he read me? Recognize me? Am I in danger, he wanna hurt me? Did I something wrong or obvious? What I should do? What I should do?!! And how its been said, if anybody approach me bcs he or she "knows" then it signal for me that i failed in blending in and that hurt my confindence o lot probably since Ashley isnt very confident girl to begin with.
But even normaly as me in guy mode then I dont like to be approached by stragers or sales people or anyone. From my point of view its kind of weird to run at somebody I dont know, never seen him and try to be friends with him for whatever reason, even if that reason is completly friendly.
So yes, please be discreet for us, new, young, who are at begining of discovering cruel outside world

[LaurenS]

Julie just "offered" a smile that either went unnoticed or unacknowledged. That's all. She didn't go all Donald Sutherland from Invasion of the Body Snatchers on the other person.

Thats all Julie posits,nothing more, nothing less. Why is so much being read into this? Could it have gone wrong? Absolutely. Could it have gone great? absolutely.

Projecting into the brief and uneventful encounter is speculation at best. Contriving a negative from the OP is simply beyond my comprehension.

but hey, I'm in fly-over land. Perhaps my ignorance is showing, and I don't get big-city things.

i try to smile at everyone. If that's wrong, I don't wanna be right.

[jjjjohanne]

The correct thing to say to a CD or TS in public is something like, "Good morning, ma'am." Then walk away. You will make her day.

[Krisi]

Julie just "offered" a smile that either went unnoticed or unacknowledged. That's all. She didn't go all Donald Sutherland from Invasion of the Body Snatchers on the other person.

Thats all Julie posits,nothing more, nothing less. Why is so much being read into this? Could it have gone wrong? Absolutely. Could it have gone great? absolutely.

Projecting into the brief and uneventful encounter is speculation at best. Contriving a negative from the OP is simply beyond my comprehension.

but hey, I'm in fly-over land. Perhaps my ignorance is showing, and I don't get big-city things.

i try to smile at everyone. If that's wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Exactly. Some people read things that were not in Julie's post and then flamed her for posting. That's rude.

[Jenny22]

Any of you ladies who are out among the normals do so because you want to be out and among 'em whether or not you pass, blend or truly present as a woman. Given that that is your choice and yours alone, you should be ready to accept any form of acknowledgement by others, including CDs in drab, that you've been clocked. As others have said, just smile. Were I to make eye contact with you, I'd smile and give you a wink!

[Krisi]

As I posted above, a smile from a stranger doesn't necessarily mean "I know there's a penis under that dress.", it's just a polite, friendly smile. People do it all the time, every day in my part of the country. I wouldn't smile at a guy standing in the next urinal, but on the street, on the sidewalk, in the mall or in a store, it's the civilized thing to do.

[Lorileah]

Krisi note the OP

Saw my first MTF CD/TV in the wild today. Not enough time to read sufficiently, but I'm pretty sure. Cambridge MA, well dressed, fairly heavy makeup for 0730. I offered a smile but the lady refused eye contact, like many women in the US. Maybe I was mistaken

You take it out of context Julie had every inkling of doing this because she suspected a cross dresser we will leave the possibility it was a GG or TS out for now). Did she smile at the man trying jeans? The old woman in the purse department? No, I would suspect she walked past those people without even knowing they were there. Think about it, do you remember the three people in the check out line you were in last? No you didn't pay attention unless there was something out of the ordinary. People have agendas. YOU are not on that agenda unless you force yourself in, then you disrupt their agenda In this world, that person comes here and starts thread "I was in Cambridge MA at a store, minding my own business when this man kept smiling at me. I don't know his intentions but I was scared so I walked away" I love the "I always smile and say hi to strangers" notes here. While you may get a nod or a half smile, you know that person is thinking "Do I know them?" "Did I do something they noticed?" "I am uncomfortable having strangers notice me, I just want to do mt thing...my agenda...and go on my way." And Krisi, Julies post here implies that she exactly was thinking "I know there is a penis under there" which for an out and about CD or TS translates into "I wanna do something freaky with you" because we have been burned in that manner before. Context is important. When you smile at a young pretty woman and you are 70 years old, it translates differently than when you were 30. That;s how life is, right or wrong.

I am from a small town in the midwest. No one is a stranger there (unless you violate their codes). People wave at each other as they drive pass. They smile and say hi at the mall....unless the other person isn't like them. So it has to be read as such. In that mall, I get smiles but they aren't friendly smiles, they are sneers and leers. I wave and I get the finger back. So what to do? Retreat into your space. Be defensive. That true mile, as Julie gave, is no longer read as such. Now I live in a great metropolitan city. No one waves, even neighbors. No one smiles (and gawd forbid you smile at a youngster as a man or a "t" because it will be misinterpreted). In the case of this thread, Julie was innocent but she didn't know the protocol. She violated that person's space. With time, we learn the signs of when you can approach or signal. I know if I am in a social situation, people will approach me. Some will out of friendship, some out of curiosity and few from aggression. I am prepared for all the above. When I am in a store, the rules are changed. While some maybe friendly, one assumes that if they approach you, you have violated their agenda in some manner. Thus you are on the defensive all the time.

If you want to take this thread into the "everyday" world where both Julie and the person she sees are dressed as men, would Julie have smiled? If she had, would the other person have smiled back? Probably not. Would you all be upset that the other person didn't smile back? No, because that's how life is. Now, if Julie had smiled at your wife and you saw it, how would you interpret that? Innocent? Salacious?

Yes we want to join together and be a community. We should join together and be a community in order to advance. But we need to make sure that we are all on the same page especially in a situation where we don't expect to see another TG. This is our world, we suspect the worst about every situation because we have been burned so many times before. In a situation where you are alone nd shopping, the LAST thing you need is to have attention drawn to you, even innocently, because that giant neon sign flashes above your head that reads "COME LOOK AT THE TWO TGS OVER HERE!"

I am going in circles here so I will quit. But know that if you see me in public nd you do something to make me noticeable, I will be quiet and maybe cordial, bu inside I will dislike you for putting me in a position I cannot control. As for members here who see me, post it and then we can PM and set up a meeting and talk and talk and laugh...just not in the middle of Target. YMMV

[AllieSF]

Lori,

You must have very different experiences from many of us who have already commented in this thread and most of the people I know and associate with. Your opinion is based on your experiences and realities. Mine and others is based on our experiences and realities. You disagree with me and I disagree with you about smiling at a stranger when out, whether dressed in the opposite gender or not. As you view our approach as something wrong and intrusive, I see it and experience it as inclusive and friendly. You can live in your world where you are recommending don't smile at anyone and no one should be smiling at you. I will live in mine and enjoy every day that I can smiling at others, and heaven forbid actually starting a pleasant conversation with a complete stranger.

Your personal internal pain is in reality yours, not ours and we are not intentionally out there to make you feel that pain. However, in the real world I live in now and have lived in all over the USA and South America for almost 70 years, strangers smile at each other and even talk to each other every single day. It is unfortunate that you feel this way, but the outside world needs to move forward and stay friendly and hospitable to all, not exclusive and cold. Occasionally someone may get unintentionally hurt and that is sad. However, do we all need to change for those few? And just to make clear, I do not go up to a suspected or obvious trans person (CD to TS) and start talking about my or their transness. I treat tham equally as any other human being out there. We want to be treated equally and being friendly for a vast majority of people is the norm.

[CD Tammy]

I have seen a couple crossdressers out in public over the years. Like the OP, I was wishing that I could come up with a way to approach the crossdresser without seeming like a creeper. It's not because I would have any desire to make the crossdresser feel uncomfortable but more out of serious respect for the bravery of being so open about dressing and maybe to make a friend of a kindered spirit who has taken steps beyond which I am.

Personally, I have been out in public dressed, in daylight, once. It was a great experience. A member of this forum invited me to a group of like minded people. While there were reasons that the group would not work for me, it was still a great experience walking around downtown Atlanta dressed in public and dining out, while dressed.

If someone had walked up to me, I'd have probably died right then but I got bravery from being with others who were experienced.

[immindy]

I still say , after reading Lorileah's last comments, that we must live in a totally different world. I agree with Allie and my experiences are similar to hers, apparently , as I have already expressed .If anyone sees me out and about please come up and say hi .

[Becky Blue]

I think its very personal. For some of us when we are out we simply want to go about our business and be left alone, others are very much wanting to be noticed and therefore recognised. Speaking for myself, when I was dressed up to the 9's standing with a friend near Divas in San Francisco and a woman approached us to join them as her "husband loved tgirls" to quote her, whilst we declined her offer it felt good to be singled out. On the other hand last year I was out at a major shopping centre here in Melbourne, the last thing I wanted was for anyone to notice me.

When I am out and about in drab and see a CD/TG person i always think I would love to connect with them, but would never do it as I respect their privacy.

If you want to spot 'TGirls' clearly Melbourne is the place to be, I have seen 4 in the past month and as posted in other threads two had beards, maybe there is a sub culture here I don't know about.

[Jessica S]

"Let us met each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love" Mother Teresa

" Your smile will give countenance that will make people feel comfortable around you" Les Brown

"Lighten up, just enjoy life, smile more, laugh more, and don't get so worked up about things." Kenneth Barangh.

"A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles." William Hazlitt

"A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside." Denis Waitley

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable." Joseph Addison

It is good to smile at people. I travel a lot and always smile at people. Not matter what race, gender or age. It shows you don't have malice towards them and you are friendly.

With that said, I agree with Joanne, Krisi, Immindy, AllieSF and Jenny 22.

If you are out in about in public you are acceptable to what the public has to offer. Some here need to get of their high horse with there expectations on how everyone should act in public. And speaking for groups(TS, CD, women, old people) as a whole like they are the "Word". We live in a society. The means being social. Just be positive in your interaction and let that vibe spread. You don't want to be hostile and let that spread(we see what that's done). As it is been said if you a CD/TS you are mostly likely going to be read. Most people don't care, its your own thing. But being in public puts you in a position to have encounters with others. I (now speaking for myself) would like them to be positive. Not like what I say on YouTube the other day where a teenage boy chased a CD through a target videoing her and snickering.

"Great men show politeness in a particular way; a smile suffices to assure you that you are welcome, and keep about their avocations as if you were a member of the family." John James Audubon

[Ressie]

Why smile? Is there something happening that's making you smile? Is it a genuine smile or a pretentious smile? Maybe you're smiling just because you feel good. That doesn't mean the whole world will smile with you. And not all smiles are nice are they? What are the thoughts behind that smile? No one reads your mind, but they do read body language. If the smile is fake or if there are wrong thoughts behind it, most people will pick that up.

I've gotta say in my town (and it's not a major city) it would be out of the ordinary to smile at everyone you pass by. There has to be a reason for interaction for smiling to be accepted as the norm. I smile at some folks at the local grocery store because I know the cashiers and some folks like to chat a little when in line. At the larger stores not many people interact that way.

If I have a reason to interact with another CD in public, I'll do it with a smile. But there's rarely a reason to interact with anyone I don't know that's just passing by. So OTOH, don't smile!

[Jessica S]

Wow nothing to smile about sorry about your luck. Well I live in a big City and I go downtown Detroit a lot. I have never had an issue and most people smile back. Your smiling in your picture you must be thinking something evil by you logic.

[Ressie]

I've got plenty to smile about Jessica. Most people around this area seem to take on a cool demeanor. They seem to think it's cool not to smile or acknowledge everyone else. Maybe they're just not concerned with people they don't know.

The thing is none of us were present to witness the OP's story. But since the "lady" refused eye contact maybe she felt uneasy about the guy walking by smiling at her.

[Gabriella111]

A smile is never a violation of someone's space.

I can't wrap my brain around going out in public when the thought of friendly interaction with the public is so terrifying.

[daphne_L]

I'm so glad that the last time {and every time} I was out dressed in public, I was treated to friendly smiles and even a few friendly short conversations from the general public. Thank goodness I wasn't given the cold shoulder by everyone who noticed me.

I have noticed that the more comfortable and confident I become, the more friendly others become. But that is a good thing too. I like friendly, it certainly beats the alternatives.

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I just re-read the thread, and realized that those against smiling have a point. Every friendly interaction I've had while out felt natural, not contrived. They were interactions that would have been just as natural and friendly if I was a GG. Contrive friendliness, or friendliness that wouldn't have felt natural if I was a GG, probably would have bothered me a fair bit.

Treat CD's you don't know the same way you would treat GG's you don't know in the same situation. And, if the way you treat GG's makes them uncomfortable, fix that first and fast.