Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 90

Thread: If you don't think you are passable

  1. #26
    Time to step out! Erin77's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Ontario Canada. Milton
    Posts
    52
    I'm with suzanne on this one. Well put!

  2. #27
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,266
    I agree wit suzanne too.
    I go out in girl mode to blend and do OK I suppose because I get compliments like cute outfit from women or I love your hair that kind of stuff.
    They can tell I am a guy under closer scrutiny and thats OK.
    I try to look the best I can and thats is all I can do.
    Its all any of us can do and thats the reality of it.
    Billy you seem to go out to get noticed and that is just fine but being noticed is not always a good thing.

  3. #28
    Aspiring Member LaurenS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Western Oklahoma
    Posts
    514
    Quote Originally Posted by Allisa View Post
    Out of sight out of mind is not in our favor.
    Im not sure every outing has to be for "us". If I pass 100%, then why not do it for me? Not everything has to be a political statement, does it?

    not bashing, just discussing!
    You are you. You are beautiful. Labels are worthless.

  4. #29
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    7,720
    I have little experience out fully dressed. My trip to the wig shop was interesting. I got one disgusted look and one WTF type look both from males! Inside the wig shop, a female customer kept looking at me but it was like a pause in time, no comment to me or others and no expression change. A male SA called me sir. On my way out I said excuse me in my best Lana Mae voice and got a generic excuse me reply. Looks without comment basically! Just my $.02! Hugs Lana Mae Ps:
    Last edited by Nigella; 01-15-2017 at 03:31 PM. Reason: Referenced topic has been removed from previous posts
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    768
    I think it is important to remember there are some GG's that are not passable according to the traditional view of what a GG looks like. I have met a few and they are otherwise completely passable - I am referring to behavior and attitude. I think passing as a GG involves more than looks. If you use a very narrow definition then anything that is not up to a Christi Brinkley standard is not passable. GG's come in all shapes and forms. There are some women who look more like men. So, I have to agree with Lorileah who introduced the term presentable in this thread. The passable goal is great if you can meet it, but not many of us have any hope of achieving it. If you use that standard you are likely to be unhappy no matter how you dress.

  6. #31
    New Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by suzanne View Post
    I absolutely don't pass, and I don't try to. When I want to go out, I put together the best looking, most tasteful and appropriate outfit I can manage then get out there and own it. Of course, people notice. I see heads turning all the time. Some can be seen whispering to whoever they're with. I hope their reaction, after the inevitable "What the heck?" is something like, "He actually makes it work". But I have no control over that. The only comments I ever get are compliments from some women. Nothing negative and nothing from men. Ever.

    The only statement I really want to make is "This is who I am and I have a right to be dressed this way." But I feel that, being so highly visible, I have a responsibility to show the public that my way is not a threat to anything, thus making it a bit easier for the next CD to safely and confidently make an appearance.

    How anyone else presents and handles themselves is their own business, as everyone has their own criteria and constraints. All I say is "The more of us out there the better for us all"
    I am with Suzanne 100% on this, as I absolutely don't pass and don't try to. I believe that everyone should be free to wear the clothes they want to, providing that is decent. I choose to wear dresses and skirts because I find them so incredibly comfortable. My favourites are my maxi dresses and skirts, also sweater/jumper dresses, but I do have a number of dresses and skirts in other styles and lengths.

    I love putting together a stylish outfit to go out in, including shoes - heels, wedges, sandals or boots. I love the fact that there is so much choice when it comes to clothes and shoes designed for women - for me, men's clothes are positively boring.

    I was a little apprehensive on the first few occasions I went out wearing a dress or skirt, but it turns out that I need not have worried!! And the best bit......... when I receive a compliment from a woman about my outfit. Like Suzanne, I have never had any negative comments and nothing from men.

  7. #32
    stone free mykell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    jer-sea shore
    Posts
    3,545
    passable
    adjective: passable

    1. just good enough to be acceptable; satisfactory.
    "he spoke passable English"
    synonyms:adequate, all right, fairly good, acceptable, satisfactory, moderately good, not (too) bad, average, tolerable, fair.

    whos passable now ??? what are you passable as, everyone here has a different reason for dressing and how they dress. even if they pass are they "out". Too many variables to the equation.....

    younger folks who do not water here "pass" they are out and having fun. not sharing theyre glory day stories here. they accept themselves and live life as themselves.

    if we did see a "trans" person who "passed" how would we know ??? nobody knows a manly looking or sounding women, nobody noticed a feminine looking fellow with a womanly voice, we come in all shapes and sizes, why does it become competitive.
    ive met and sat with some at support sessions and can tell you that until i was told by some individuals "who" or "how" they identified themselves i would have been wrong many times.

    this old geezer at best can only hope to cast doubt, but if i only accepted myself at 20.....

    so jennifer you seem like your young, you would have to find your comfort zone with what and how when you get to the point of walking out that door....think about safety....i know at first some wish to avoid contact with crowds and such, but a drive in the car or a walk through the mall can be good firsts. my first time was at my support group meeting. good luck when you take that step....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that those who deny freedom deserve it not for themselves
    NOBODY gets a pass to blow out someone else's candle in order to make theyre's shine brighter

  8. #33
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    3,549
    I was wondering and I have no real objective evidence of this to confirm how passable I am, but do you ladies think its a bad idea to go out if you don't consider yourself passable even when fully dressed and done up?
    Most CDs on this site want to blend in whether or not they pass. But there are some CDs that don't even care if they blend.

    When out and about I sometimes see someone that I'm unsure of as far as gender goes. I've seen women that appear to be crossdressing guys sometimes. I've also seen attractive 6 foot tall women that could have been men, but the hands weren't man hands.

    Masculine traits will give us away for those that really look for them. If you're worried about going out dressed and being clocked there are a few things you can do to make it easier. 1, don't go out alone. 2, go to a gay bar. 3, do your best to blend, practice walking and presenting as a woman at home.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  9. #34
    Member Juanita O's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    somewhere in utah
    Posts
    430
    I agree with the blending in, BUT how many of us have seen female that don't pass.
    I love being a girl

  10. #35
    Madam Ambassador Heidi Stevens's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Central Arkansas, U.S
    Posts
    2,103
    Since its nearly time for the Super Bowl, let's use this analogy: if you know you can't pass or think you can't pass, you can still pick up the ball and learn to run with it! It doesn't stop you from having fun.
    Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    954
    "Passing" is a holy grail, or more accurately an asymptote - much as one may come close one won't reach the "passing mark". If you want to go out just do it anyway.

    I still think it would be good to blend (for now, at least) - not by being pretty, but by being inconspicuous. It feels like camouflage to me though, what with the idea of cover and concealment. I leave it an open question as to whether a sniper would rather be mistaken for vegetation, however.

    I am with Lorileah in using the term "presentable" rather than passable. I notice how "passable" also runs hand in hand with some preconceived notion of beauty. I don't think one has to be attractive to be passable or vice versa.

  12. #37
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    2,187
    Like many of us here, before going out I put way more into my "look" preparing for a(n) outing. I don't mean over-the-top makeup or wardrobe, and I don't mean all the extra steps required to hide the obvious physical differences. I simply mean that I want to look as good as I can. I certainly don't "pass", but no one can look at me and say that I didn't try. Given what I have to work with, I will always look good.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 01-14-2017 at 03:29 PM. Reason: don't dis the ggs

  13. #38
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    11,045
    Whether it is a good or bad idea to venture forth among the world masses is totally within the concept of "risk vs reward." What do you get out of wearing women's clothing in public and being recognized as a man? I wear women's clothing on occasion as an escape from the stresses of my male world. I can achieve that by emulating a woman all dolled up at home while doing domestic chores: baking, cooking, laundry, ironing, vacuuming, etc, while my still working wife is out of the house for seven plus hours. There is a great potential for that serenity to be broken by glares or comments from disapproving persons. I would follow the advice of many on this site. If you really feel the need to express yourself in a womanly fashion at least once, do it away from where you live.

    I have gone out on Halloween with the express intent to encounter the world. It was OK. It was kind checking off something on a "CD bucket list." When my wife was out of town for seven to ten days I have gone out en femme in the evenings for walks. After awhile I felt no different than if I had on my male attire, except my feet hurt from wearing high heels on concrete too long.

  14. #39
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Orange County, California
    Posts
    2,807
    Tomorrow evening I will be dining with two forum sisters at a nice restaurant. I'll be dressing somewhat younger than my actual age, but I will be well dressed and fem in every way that I can. I want to 'present' well and blend in. That's my goal. I'm going to have a wonderful, fun dinner evening with my sisters, and just be my fem self regardless of what others may see. I can't wait!

  15. #40
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Midlands UK
    Posts
    5,160
    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer Michelle View Post
    I was wondering and I have no real objective evidence of this to confirm how passable I am, but do you ladies think its a bad idea to go out if you don't consider yourself passable even when fully dressed and done up?
    Jennifer,

    Answering your original question regarding being a bad idea to go out if you don't consider you pass I have to say no, it's not a bad idea.

    Some years ago I met up with some other CD'ers in a closed social meeting and got chatting to one in particular. I don't want to be unkind but she wouldn't come close to passing. However as we chatted it turned out she was staying overnight in the hotel where we were meeting so that she could go out shopping the next morning. At this point I'd never walked into a shop dressed so I asked if she'd ever encountered any problems or issues. People being rude or abusive etc. She replied never, she just went about her business.

    Well that was the catalyst for me to get out there. If she can, I can... It's been the same for me. I don't pass but I think I do a half decent job of blending in. Yep you'll get some who will look at you and you can tell they're not wanting to add you to their Christmas card list but as it's been said soo many times in posts before, most folks are too busy going about their daily lives to take much notice. When I do speak to a muggle I've had nothing but politeness.

    If you want to go out and by that I mean it's because it's something you feel the need to do then don't get caught up on the issue of passing. The great majority of replies here have said the same thing. "I don't pass but I dress appropriately and just seek to blend" And yes presentable is another good way to look at it.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  16. #41
    Aspiring Member Acastina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Out
    Posts
    560
    Lorileah's "presentable" gets Best in Show for this thread, which is interesting to say the least. With respect, I object to the comments about our remarkable and elegant first lady; they border on racist stereotyping and have no place here.

    Yes, it's good to be brave and not care what they think (or say), but it's also, as some have said, a measure of respect for others to present oneself as carefully and appropriately as possible under the circumstances (both personal and contextual). I've had this conversation with cis friends about the modern epidemic of don't-give-a-bleep slovenliness in public presentation; the slob syndrome, from pre-torn jeans to 3-day stubble as everyday wear. And that's one of the cruel ironies about this topic, that the more carefully and tastefully we put our presentation together, the more likely we are to be noticed. Much as I'd prefer to go out in a nice skirt with hose and a little heel to the grocery store, the vast majority of women there won't be so attentive and I'll stick out. So it's jeans and a casual top and a cardigan and flats and light makeup. Presentable and blendable.

    Maybe I'm lucky in the genetic draw in having androgynous features and virtually no facial hair to deal with, but I'm also 6'1"/175#, broad-shouldered, larger-than-medium hands, size 13 women's shoes, moderate male-pattern baldness, so the challenges are certainly there. I'm still really self-conscious about not wearing my little topper hairpiece (mainly for the rear view), but otherwise I'm ready to go.

    With regard to actually passing, that is, being taken at face value as a woman, I went to an optical retailer years ago to buy glasses with feminine frames. This was back in my days of inexpensive wigs over shorter hair. A peasant skirt with hose, sleeveless pink top, and I forget which shoes. The SA (a woman of about 30) walked me through the various frames from, you know, about two feet away, for at least half an hour before I decided. The bill was more than the cash I had brought (in hopes of minimizing ID situations), so I just pulled out my debit card and told her I didn't always look like this. She looked at the card and looked back at me, bugged her eyes out, and whispered "You're a GUY?" We ended up having coffee across the parking lot, and she followed up with phone calls and letters, but we were in different cities and I wasn't really interested in a relationship. My point is that it never occurred to her that I wasn't just a large woman.

    So it can happen, when you have to tell someone who has had ample opportunity to read you, up close, daylight, face-to-face. Tell yourself that when you're ready to leave the house.

  17. #42
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    I am lost, and I like it. Don't find me!
    Posts
    622
    Heidi: Since its nearly time for the Super Bowl, let's use this analogy: if you know you can't pass or think you can't pass, you can still pick up the ball and learn to run with it! It doesn't stop you from having fun.
    True ... but ... staying with your analogy ... if you dont pass, someone will eventually catch up and knock the wind out of you! So ... you should at least Try to Pass, even if you dont think you are very good at it ..

    - Suzie

  18. #43
    Member elliemoss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    215
    It really is very very difficult to "pass" when out no matter how fem your figure,face may look especially if you are past your early twenties. But of course that's not the point at all. If you have that concern T Girl bars/events are a great place to start. Especially if you can drive or stay within walking distance. It's great for confidence building then once you are used to being out in public and realize it really isn't as big a deal as it is in your head you can mingle with everybody then.

  19. #44
    Finally feel like me... Amanda22's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Chattanooga, TN USA
    Posts
    683
    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    I do not pass. I go out. Head up, shoulders back and meeting others eye to eye. I dress for the time, location and event and present as best I can. That is all anyone can do.
    Great response.

  20. #45
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Boston Area
    Posts
    4,094
    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer Michelle View Post
    ...do you ladies think its a bad idea to go out if you don't consider yourself passable even when fully dressed and done up?
    I think it really depends on your end game -- what's your intention? Are you actually trying to fool people into believing you're a woman? Or are you going out to experience the joy of it and just don't want to cause a scene when you do so? If the latter, you should bear in mind all the comments that point out most of us will not pass but all of us enjoy being out.

    I 100% categorically don't pass, but I live my life in a very fem presentation these days. I was just out at Home Depot and had both male and female SA's come up and address me as ma'am. I don't know if I "fooled" them or if they're being polite and I don't really care. I was behaving correctly, being friendly and clearly happy with myself. They were behaving correctly, being friendly and clearly enjoying our interactions. What else matters? Honestly, as long as people "get" that they're not supposed to kill me for existing I'm OK. And if they can open up and allow me to be a positive experience in their day we both win. How many cranky customers do they have to deal with in a day? I think getting someone who is pleasant totally trumps any gender issues they might have. And it's easy for me to be pleasant because I'm happy with myself when I'm presenting female. Small price for them to pay. So, yeah, go out even if you don't pass.
    Last edited by Pat; 01-14-2017 at 03:44 PM.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  21. #46
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    11,805
    Jennifer, I don't agree with no crossdresser passing. I have met some. Maybe the line is "crossdresser"? because I have many TS friends you would never know if they didn't tell you.
    Last edited by Nigella; 01-15-2017 at 03:34 PM. Reason: MO references removed
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  22. #47
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,337
    Absolutely limited to cross dressers. TS are NOT cross dressers. Whenever I use the words cross dresser, I mean the part timers who identify as male.

  23. #48
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    11,805
    Jennifer, I knew that Just wanted to be precise
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  24. #49
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    1,662
    You simple go out regardless if that's what you desire to do!
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  25. #50
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    191
    Out and about today I saw someone who was wearing a really good looking and blendable outfit also a pair of knee high boots that made me feel really envious. The only thing that made him not blend was the full beard he also wears.

    If you are reading this, all credit to you, you looked really good and feel lucky you still have your boots...

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State