It's been quite a bit since I last posted to the forum. Years I believe..... Too many life transitions at once (retirement, divorce, new home, new job-almost a whole new life). I saw several therapists over the last few years but I danced around the real issues; I guess with all my other issues it was easier for me to talk about the peanuts in the floor in order to avoid talking about the elephant in the room.
I have not been completely idle. I have grown my hair to the point it is well below my shoulders 😀 And though I still present male, i wear enough female articles of clothing and jewelry that it is quite obvious I am different. I am starting to like myself for the first time in my life. I have been called ma'am a few times when I thought I was obviously male.
My latest therapist has been very good so far in helping me peel the onion back and get to the heart of the matter. After much internal anguish I finally came out to her. I think she knew from the start as her questioning over the months helped me strip my excuses and self dishonesty to get to my real issues. Together we determined I have such a deep seated desire to please other people that I lost myself. I hid myself not because I wanted to but because I feared rejection and not meeting others needs and expectations. Once I understood i was torturing and hating myself for the sole purpose of making other people happy, I decided it was time for a change.
I don't know what "transition" really means for me yet. I am still at the default position of sacrificing myself for others happiness and I have to work hard to move past that if I ever want to actually figure out who I am. For now it was a big step for me to let a professional know my intent and I hope it leads me to finally be happy.
Danielle
Originally Posted by Danni Renee
