I'm sure we all go through this but I thought I'd post my thoughts. A lot of the time I get these thoughts in my head and say you know what I'm just gonna go for it. I think of just small random things to hey I'm getting all out dressed and gonna go for it. And then.... I chicken out. I've mentioned to my wife and shows knows, not that she's a big fan or fan at all but she knows. She knows I have a small wardrobe in our closet. I was even going to put my underwear (the guy type) in my drawer along where my bra and panties are and I just stood there and continued to talk to her. She turned and looked at me and said you're fine go ahead and put them up. I said know I'm just talking to you.
I think she also knows I wear panties and bra under my clothes. She doesn't say anything but she gives me this look as if I know. She doesn't want to see me dressed. But I also get mixed signals when I ask her if we can go get a pedicure and she say we'll go Friday or we'l go Wednesday. We never do but I'm not sure if she forgot, just got busy, just doesn't want to or what.
I'm pretty sure that if I walked into the room with my wife and I had my toes painted she would say OMG, umm, what are you doing? Would she leave me or divorce me because of it? No. We've been through enough other BS in our lives and me painting my nails or wear a girly shirt is the least of any of our issues could be. She was sitting on the couch the other day and I forgot to put my girly shorts up and my thong panties. She sat down and saw them and said what are these, oh gross. but it was more of a humor type voice rather than a holy cow anger type voice. I just went over there picked them up and said sorry and went to put them up. Everything was normal after that. One day I forgot to pick up my girly sandals and she found them tried them on and said oh these are cute and put them back down. I've noticed lately when going to the gym she's been wearing my girly gym attire. I even made a comment to her about how cute her, um my shirt was and she just smiled.
But I can also say I'm a big chicken. I get these thoughts running through my head at times and say you know what, I'm just gonna wear a girly shirt or a girly pair of shorts or I'm gonna get my toes painted or whatever. I get these thoughts in my head and just say screw it I'm gonna do it and get the nerve to do it and then when it's time I chicken out. Don't get me wrong it's not just with her but it's even when I'm alone or something and feel like doing it. When I'm home alone for quite some time I have no problem. If I have an errand to run where I know I'm not going to get out of the car I say I'm gonna do it and then don't .
So this really I don't think is about her but it's about me. I just get scared of her reaction if I were to wear a shirt or toes painted or something along those lines. She knows also too that I would never show or let any of my kids find out either. Even when I'm alone I'm afraid to go out. I'm afraid to go out of the house with some undergarments on.
What do I do or what do you suggest? What is wrong with me that I can't go over the edge and just brave it out? Advice?
Thanks,
Nikki